So you want to know what to do if your boyfriend wants space.
Maybe he hasn’t been responding to texts lately. Or hanging up the phone a little bit quicker than usual.
Maybe it feels like something has inexplicably shifted in the relationship, and that he’s not as present. Or emotionally open.
Maybe he’s straight-up ghosting you and it’s freaking you out. Or maybe he’s been up front with you and has outright said that he needs space from your relationship.
This is a terrifying moment in any kind of romance, one that could have you feeling panicky – like you don’t know what to do or that you could lose him at any second.
And if you’re reading this, chances are you don’t want to lose him. So what should you do?
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
What To Do When A Man Is Pulling Away And ‘Needs Space’
At the root of it, your fear is that he’s pulling away from you and that he’s going to leave you.
Maybe he just needs space and he’s going to come back to you… or maybe he really is thinking of ending the relationship. Either way, you don’t know for sure, and it’s freaking you out.
That’s why right now I’m going to tell you exactly what not to do, so that you can learn how to give him space but not lose him, push him away even further, or turn a short break into a relationship ending nightmare.
Whatever you do, don’t go chasing after him.
Don’t text him a lot, don’t call him, don’t message him on social media, don’t look to him for validation or reassurance. Let him take the time he needs without you reaching out to him and re-inserting yourself into his life. Give him space to miss you.
I know it hurts to not know what he’s doing or what he’s feeling. It hurts to think about the possibility of him leaving you. I know it sucks to sit with those negative emotions and feel like you’re not doing anything about it.
That hurt, that pain, and that anxiety is what drives you to cling onto him even more. It’s an insecurity, what drives you to text him all the time, look for emotional reassurance from him that he’s not leaving, and try to force him closer and closer to you.
To be clear: any and all of those reactions will drive him even further away, maybe for good.
more: Why Men Fall In Love And Why Men Leave “Perfect” Women
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Don’t Let Fear Of Loss Determine Your Actions
What does fear of loss mean for your relationship, and why does it send him running away from you?
To put it as simply as possible, fear of loss is when your negative feelings control your actions instead of your positive ones.
When you started seeing this guy, chances are you weren’t worried that he was going to leave you. You weren’t worried that you were going to lose something you had.
Instead, you acted like you had nothing to lose (because you didn’t). There was no existing relationship to be lost, so you acted exactly how you wanted to.
That’s what was attractive to him. Acting from a place of calm, happiness, and confidence is what’s attractive to the man you’re with. Men want to be with someone who’s relaxed, secure and happy – the same way that women want to be with someone who acts the same way.
So for however long you’ve been together, you’ve acted out of positivity with him.
But when you start to sense that he’s pulling away from you, all of a sudden you feel like you’re losing him. Like you’re losing something from your life.
more: The Exact Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away
Instead of having nothing to lose, you feel like a piece of your life that’s important to you is disappearing – like the ground is slipping out from under your feet. You feel scared, panicky, freaked out.
And then you act not out of happiness, or contentment, but rather out of panic, and fear of loss.
Your actions become about getting reassurance from him that he’s not leaving. They become about trying to make him stay with you. They become about trying to control his actions, rather than enjoying spending time with him.
As soon as that happens, the man you’re with will feel a strong urge to get as far away from you as possible. No one likes to have another person try to control their actions.
When he feels like you’re trying to control him, it makes him want to be out of your control, which drives him further and further away. If it’s not stopped, this leads to a death spiral that destroys your relationship.
So if you know you should avoid fear of loss…
more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws
What Should You Actually Do To Keep Him By Your Side?
First, it’s important to say that it’s completely normal for a guy to want some space, and it’s completely normal to give him space.
Like I said before, if you try to control him or make him stay with you, it’s only going to drive him even further away. Lots of guys want space because they don’t feel in control.
The truth is that many guys need space in order to get their thoughts in order about a relationship. Many guys need time by themselves (or at least time away from a woman) in order to figure out how they really feel.
A guy can have an awesome time with you on a date, can feel an amazing connection, can be head over heels for you almost instantly – and still need time and space away from you. Why?
more: How To Get Your Ex Back In 5 Steps Guaranteed
It’s because for lots of men, the space between when he sees you is the time that really cements in his mind and heart how he feels about you. For lots of men, that time is crucial to sorting out his emotions.. Try giving him space to figure out what he wants — in most cases, it can be extremely rewarding.
That time apart is also crucial for him to build a desire to see you again. When you haven’t been in contact for a while, he’ll start thinking about you more and more, wondering what you’re up to, and ratcheting up his desire to see you again. But only if you give him space to love you
What’s important to remember here is that most guys need time and space in order to start to feel closer and more connected with a woman. That’s why clinging to him and trying to pull him closer will backfire every time.
But giving him space will make him miss you, and make him more likely to come back.
more: The Exact Reasons Men Lose Interest And How To Fix It
Watch The Video: How To Give Him Space
How To Give Him Space And Make Him Miss You And Come Back
If your man is acting distant and you want him to come back to you, I will be frank: chasing after him won’t work. The best thing to do is to give him the space he’s looking for so that he can solve whatever’s bothering him and get back to normal. Chasing him will only push him away further. Try giving a man space to figure things out — he’ll feel your absence as soon as he solves his problem and will want to come running back to you.
If He’s Looking For Some Space, Let Him Have It
I’m not saying let him go completely and I’m definitely not telling you to give up on having anything to do with him.
What I am saying is that many guys need perspective in a relationship,especially when they’re having strong feelings. It might sound counterintuitive, but the best way to help a man get some perspective is by giving a man space in a relationship. Giving your man space to come to his own conclusions without the pressure of disappointing his partner not only solidifies the respect you have for him, but also makes you less available (and more desirable).
Depending on the nature of your relationship with him, you can ask him about how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. If you’re already really close, you can ask him how much time he needs if you’re asking yourself how long should you give your boyfriend space.
If you do ask him, it’s vitally important that you allow him to be honest with you.
That means that no matter what his answer is, you have to accept it without getting angry at him. No judgement, no anger if he says something you don’t want to hear.
more: What To Do When He Says He Needs Space
This is so important because people need to feel safe in order to be honest. Let’s say you were trying on clothes with a friend who asked you how an outfit looked, and you told them the truth. If they got mad at you and were mean, how likely would you be to tell them the truth again in the future?
You’d be far more likely just to lie and say what they want to hear in order to avoid them blowing up at you.
And it’s the exact same thing with men and relationships. Give men space to be honest with you, and they will be. If you can show him that you’re someone who he feels safe being honest with – even if he’s telling you something you don’t want to hear – he will be honest with you.
more: Why Men Pull Away – The Top 3 Reasons
What Should You Do When Giving Him Space?
Let’s say that you two used to spend a lot of time together and now you’re spending way less. What should you be doing?
Now is the perfect opportunity to spend time on yourself. See friends that you might not have seen for a little while, pursue the hobbies that you enjoy, and do things that genuinely make you happy.
Your main goal is to be occupying your time doing things that you enjoy, so that you’re not spending all day missing him. Instead, you’re living your life in a way that makes you happy.
Like I’ve said before, good relationships should be the icing on top of the cake, not the cake itself. A great relationship only happens when two people who are already happy come together to be happy together, not when two unhappy people look to each other for happiness.
So take some time to enjoy yourself, and do the things you love to do.
more: The Biggest Reason Men Lose Interest
Whatever you do, don’t make…
The #1 Mistake Women Make When A Guy Needs Space
When a guy is looking for space, lots of women make this one mistake, which all but guarantees that he moves even further away. They make it into a game.
It’s totally natural to feel hurt if he needs some space. However, what will kill a relationship every time is if you decide to punish him for making you feel hurt.
A huge mistake I see women make time and time again is acting as if emotional balance in a relationship should be ‘tit for tat’ – and instinctively feeling that if he hurt her (even if he didn’t mean to hurt her), she has the right to hurt him back.
Lots of women will emotionally withdraw from a guy if he starts to pull away from them, in order to try to hurt him the way that he hurt her.
more: If You Really Like Someone Should You Give Him Space?
That’s the most toxic reaction you can have to this situation. If a guy sees that you have that reaction to him feeling like he needs some space, it will send him running to the hills.
Plus, like I said earlier, it will make him feel like he can’t be honest with you. If the way you react to something you don’t like is by punishing the other person, he’s never going to feel comfortable telling you something you don’t like – which will undermine and destroy your relationship in the long run.
Just Give Him The Space To Come Back To You Naturally
If you give him the space he’s looking for (by not texting him, calling him, or letting him be apart from you), he will start to miss you. Especially if you were spending tons of time together.
more: Giving Him Space When He’s Down
By not freaking out at him, or getting upset with him, or trying to punish him, you’re putting yourself far above other women in his mind. Rather than getting upset with him for being honest, giving a man space that he needs will leave him feeling impressed and understood on a deep level.
If you’re looking to learn how to give a guy space, you can certainly go down this route of texting, calling and not letting him breathe. That will surely make him run away. But if you’re how to give a guy space without losing him, this is the move.
If at the end of the day he doesn’t come back to you and ends the relationship, it sucks, but there was nothing you could have done. This is the best course of action every time a man starts to pull away or needs space – so if he doesn’t come back then the relationship was never going to work in the first place.
more: How To Give Your Boyfriend Space In Your Relationship
If he doesn’t come back after you give him space, then nothing you could have done would have made him stop pulling away. And that hurts, but at least you avoided all the drama, heartbreak, and awful feelings of trying to chase after him to get him to stay.
Chances are, if you give him the space he’s looking for, he’ll start to miss you and want to come back. He’ll feel refreshed and happy to be with you – because you respected what he needed and gave it to him without trying to punish him, even if it wasn’t what you wanted.
Either way, now you know that if he’s looking for space, let him have it. If you can learn how to give a man space to miss you, your relationship will be much more balanced.
16 Tips On How To Give Your Man Space
- What do you do when you give him space? Focus on your own life and self-improvement.
- How do you give someone space? Don’t “question” and “interrogate” him (gives personal space).
- Don’t cancel plans because he contacts you.
- How can you make a guy miss you? By giving a man space!
- Is space good for a relationship? Realize that you need your own space to show up for the relationship in a constructive and healthy way. Keep your options open (If you are not committed to this guy, keep your options open! Date other guys if you want until he officially locks you down.)
- Keep your social life active.
- Don’t focus on trying to control the situation; focus on being your best self!
- Be willing to walk away if the relationship isn’t what you want.
- Realize space is good for relationships!
- Start a new hobby.
- Be a fun person to be around (mood matters!)
- Don’t call or text him a lot.
- Have a good time when you actually are together to make him want more.
- Don’t complain and/or accuse him of things.
- Let him spend time with his friends and realize it’s good for him.
- Trust him — one of the best ways of giving men space is by providing emotional space.
- Make him smile and laugh together.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to give him space but not lose him?
Don’t badger him, let him breathe. This includes texting, calling, and passive aggression
How to give him space and make him miss you?
Don’t get angry at him for needing space in the first place.
How to give him space in a long distance relationship?
Maybe take a night or two off from Facetime, phone conversations, or texting. Reach some sort of agreement on cooling off contact for a few days, and picking a date where you both will reconvene.
How to give him space when you live together?
Go to a coffee shop, go for a walk, or stay with friends.
How long should I give him space? How much space should I give him?
It’s best you have a discussion with him because it will show that you are listening and are supportive of him needing space.
Give him space and he’ll come back?
This is where things get tricky. Sure, you can give a man all the space he needs and wants. Sometimes, even when you do everything right and exactly as he wants, giving a man space just isn’t enough to win him back.
How do I give him space to figure out what he wants?
Pick up a new hobby, make plans with that friend you keep bailing on, keep yourself busy. Let him have some time to himself free of texts calls or check-ins to sort through his feelings.
How do I I give him space to fall in love?
By trusting him to be himself and express his emotions with you honestly (whether or not you like what you hear).
Of course, giving him space is really just the first step… but when it comes down to it there are 2 big problems every woman experiences in her relationships with men – so pay attention because what you do next is vitally important. The first problem you’re probably going through: if you’re already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold, or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
The second problem is this: do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Dating hm for 3 month was hell but coz of my love for him, anything i do he complain it got to the extended coming online he won’t text me or bother to call him ….i have been giving him space still he didn’t bother, as it is now i giving up already or is there any other things i need to do?
So I gave a guy space to miss me for ONE DAY (he texted me but I was super busy and didn’t respond till the following night) and he flipped out on me! Every other guy I’ve given space to either didn’t notice or disappeared. In other words it did not bring him closer to me…. like ever.
My high school sweetheart and I had been together for 4.5 years and 3 weeks ago we broke up. I initiated it and then immediately regretted it but he decided he did not want to get back together as he felt we were incompatible. We had literally been fine until around August when I started having a lot of issues with my job and went into a huge depressive episode that lasted over a month. Looking back and reflecting (as I now only work part time at my new job and have had a lot of time to think and work on myself) I realize the stress bled over into my personal life, I took things in the relationship as way bigger of a deal than they were, and in the process my actions matched my beliefs and I sabotaged the relationship. It’s called catastrophizing according to the anxiety self-help book I’m reading. The breakup was in a moment of impulsive impatience. Anyway, he asked for space and for the first week and a half I texted every few days, one time just over a confusion and once checking in. It has now been a week and a half since any contact. Did I ruin it by not giving him absolute space in the first week-ish? He said I didn’t but in terms of getting him back do you think I ruined it?
Five months ago I met a guy who lives in the UK (I am in the States) on a dating site (please, no judgement) With common interests and a shared sense of humor we hit it off immediately. We talked every single day whether it be text, phone or video chat. We exchanged Xmas gifts. We told our friends and families about each other – including his teenage daughters. As things progressed it was clear there was a stronger connection and we decided to meet in person. I already had a trip to Europe planned for the end of this month before we met so he bought a plane ticket (and yes it’s real, I’ve got a copy of it) to meet me in a city on my trip. We’ve talked about this alot and had been deciding on plans. A while ago he had mentioned the possibility of a new job coming up with a friend’s company. Things went on the back burner for that until 3 weeks ago when out of the blue he got a call things were moving forward with the job. He warned me it would be alot of long hours and not to expect him to be around much. I understood and supported him. The first week he managed to keep in touch every day. The second week it really teetered off and last week I did not hear from him at all. On the day that was one month until our face to face meeting I sent him a text letting him know how excited I was for the trip and meeting him (that’s basically what I said – kept it simple) and that I was still supporting him with the job and hoped he felt I was giving him the space he needed (maybe that was a mistake to say?) He didn’t respond to that and it hurt considering how excited we’ve both been about this trip. I’ve gotten one text from him in the past 2 weeks telling me he’s tired and working long hours and that’s all I’ve heard from him. We went from talking endlessly and sharing our lives every day for months to nothing – like the flip of a switch. On the one hand I understand he’s got alot he’s trying to juggle, but on the other hand he’s made it clear I am an important part of his life. In my female brain I am suddenly feeling alot less important. I’d be less “freaked out” if we didn’t have the trip coming up – we’re going to need to be in communication, but I don’t want to nag him either. Do I dare try and reach out again or hope he comes back around?
This article brought me more solace then anything else I’ve read on the internet about giving someone space, and why someone is asking for space.
My story, if it helps anyone is that I’d redeveloped a relationship with an ex from 18 years ago, over the past two years (from “friendship – with the occasional benefit” – we’ve come and go from each other’s lives several times over the years) to clearly more feelings, and more what felt like dating….however, i was still in another relationship….but wasn’t intimate with my other partner. The “new” boy, we’ll call him N, was aware of this and was helping me work through the end of it….but it was dragging out, mostly because mr. A had health issues i was helping with, and we lived together so i found it hard…I care about him too, but the relationship wasn’t what it used to be….
anyhow….fast forward, i spent new years with him, which effectively concreted the end of my other relationship….and we were talking about moving in together (we joked about dreams of this before hand….so i know he was thinking of the future) but now it was like lets do this (we lived together during our first relationship as well) …..He was doing financially ok for a while, but over the past few months his finances started to slip, and mine haven’t been strong enough for a while, we’ve been super supportive of each other, but in the last few months a a few arguments would pop up, especially after he got a dog we were training together. First I was too “controlling and dominant” in the situation, and then i backed off to let him step up…i thought things were getting better but i still worried about making him happy by this point….we had a few more arguments about me being snappy and giving him attitude, which in my mind was coming from my emotions of wanting to please him and for this to work and to have some pressure off of me. I felt pressure to succeed. I also had immense pressure still coming from home, and my own career and all sorts of things, but he made me so happy I pressed on….WE’ve spent a boatload of time together in the past few months, and I think because of his current struggle with finances he reached a place he needed to back off, after a few more arguments, or bouts of attitude, he decided to tell me he needs some space, and that he’ll call me when he’s ready…I know from his past that pressure from women and financial troubles on him always sends him running….he told me the attitude and the pressure had mounted to him being turned off and not wanting to see me right now, (this after we had sex 3 days ago and he finished twice!!! LOL ) or move in…I was heartbroken, and laid my heart out for him to let him know how much I cared. I couldn’t help it. I have let him go SO many times over the 18 years that I just couldn’t stand to do it again…..but I realized…if I care….I do have to step back….my life is a mess, and i feel he feels his life is a mess….I feel like I’m losing a best friend for now, but….I’m trying to have faith that I’m not. I called him this morning after one agonizing day apart….and was just so happy to hear his voice….I was like uh…well now that i have you here i don’t know what to say lol….he was laughing with me thankfully…he knows me well i think and knew i wanted to make things better. we talked about what happened and i apologized for continuing to be pushy when he asked me for space,( wouldn’t leave right away, wanting to FIX it before going) including with the call, but i told him I needed to have us not leave it the way it was, that it hurt me just way too bad….and that I don’t think he wanted that for me and our friendship/relationship. I told him I don’t care what the future holds for us, but I never want to lose our friendship. He echoed the same, but again that he needed some space for now to figure things out for himself and said he needs to figure out how he’s going to make money, he said he didn’t want to date anyone else, and he had to ask for space before it got worse, if he was gonna act like everything was ok, because then he would have ended up just letting it get worse and sleeping with someone behind my back to feel better. ( I know this would happen, because I’ve been his other woman too…yeah our history could be a novel lol …and before you bash him….you can see i am no better…but we have that honesty) ….so i said, i need a little space too to get my life together too, to be stronger, so that we CAN grow together, and hopefully i can get past my attitude….; ) so i’ll deal with it, but i told him I miss him, and the dog. He said of course…..I told him it hurt that things were 90 percent good and going the right way, and so it hurt to have the rug pulled out from underneath me, and he said he understands, and he didn’t want to feel this way either but the attitude and arguments just made things get worse and worse for him (feels like pressure) and that he wanted all the things we were going towards too…so I guess I’m hoping that after some time and space, and growth…we can try again….for the millionth time.
anyways… Was glad I followed my gut to just call him once….it was eating me up. He said before hanging up ” I’ll talk to you soon” ….in a way that was comforting….I don’t know what the future holds yet…but reading this article was just as comforting….
Yes, baby the baby jk, kick him to the curb. Asking for space in a committed relationship is either a cowardly and protracted break up or a way of putting you on ice for his own security just in case he needs you later for something. No, no, and hell no! If you’re just dating, same thing. Do not give security in exchange for insecurity. But by all means, let him have his space, you have no choice.
Thank you so much for our meaningful words.
It changed my mind and made me feel better.
I like the most something like :
“You should think u have nothing from the beginning”.
I realized when we have something and its gone or changed we always want to keep it and control it and think its belong to us.
But actually its greedy. This greedy killed us and hurt ourself.
I met a guy who had come to my country for some work,and our office was in charge of his hostage,due to his coming daily to the office,we suddenly gained interest in each other,we later met several times,all i can say we had our great moments together,then it reached a time that he had to return to his country,after two to three days of his return,he emailed me a five page script,he says he is not ready for a relationship yet,i was damn shocked and hurt and at the same time happy because he was so honest,i didn’t know what to do because he was all that i ever wanted but since he said his life is still so messed up,i decided to give him space,we no longer chat as often as we used to,and am no longer the first to start the conversation,in spite the space i have given him,he still checks on me once in a while and i do reply him too.But i don’t know for how long this is going to continue!!!!!!
Thank you for writing this article,it has helped me to act in a mature way.
Maybe he found out you are not interested anymore ! You show your feeling to him very fast.. this is a big mistakes everyone did when they fall in love. I know , is very hard times for you… Try to give him space for a weeks, focus on yourself, hangout with friends, do the things you love and don’t stalk at him in every social media. After a weeks, you can send a text to him, if he reply you are on the right track. Try do not reply immediately…, take time to reply. If he don’t reply after 1 days….. you need to know yourself where you are stand for! Move on.
I was going through a really rough patch with my job. It turned me into a completely different person that I didnt like. My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I tried to give him space and he now broke up with me. I chased after him begging. Now that we’ve got everything in the open. He asked me to move out and give him more space and he’ll talk to me when he’s ready. And we’ll figure things out. Am I doing the right thing? Will he come back to me?
I felt like the guy I was seeing was pulling away from me because we worked different shifts, but in the beginning we would find time to chill or I would find a way to see him, even though some times I wasn’t lucky because he has kids too or needed sleep from his hectic schedule. I recently texted him that I was stepping back to give him some space, but I haven’t heard from him. We went out on one date and even Netflix and chilled on several occasions, but when I brought that we haven’t done much he claimed he had to get adjusted to his new schedule and sleep pattern, but sometimes slip up and tell me he had gone out, went to hang out at a party, etc… I feel like I should hit him up and explain why I texted him that but part of me feels like I should leave it alone and see if he comes back naturally…..how do I get over this feeling
I give space..so much space..what do you do when you work on yourself so much it may as well be a construction site in need of a foreman? Keeping busy as hell doesn’t change the fact your ego is crushed and you take this personally. How do you deal with not taking it as a personal rejection?
I love this guy and I think he is the best for me.. I just like his character.. Though when I told him that love should be mutual he told me it’s his weakness.. Too bad he told me to give each other space to know what is better for us.. So my question is… Is he going to come back or am I going to lose him?
My boyfriend of 7 years wanted to take a break so that we can focus on ourselves for a while. He said he was doing it for me and that it wasn’t a break up just a break. I didn’t hear from him for a week and I couldn’t take it anymore so I texted him a week later asking if he’s done with me to let me know and he told me he was happy where he was and thought it was best to not get back together. And this was all over text so I told him if we end it to end it in person so we met up the next day and we talked and ended it maturely but I just didn’t understand because we were so good together. He told me he was happy throughout our relationship but felt “trapped” which I didn’t understand but anyways just last week I logged into his Instagram account and saw a message from a girl calling him babe. So I texted him and told him “I hope _____ makes you happy, don’t ever speak to me again.” And of course he didn’t reply back. I’m so hurt, and felt so insecure because this whole time I thought I was the problem but it turns out he didn’t want to be with me because he was catching feelings for someone else..
And the crazy part is that no one saw this coming because we were so in love we were best friends. He deleted all of our pictures from his Instagram account and then after followed the girl who I’m guessing is who he left me for. I know I need to forget him, but it’s so hard he was my first love, my high school sweerheart. I’m devestated
What a d*ck. You look gorgeous, BTW, I don’t think it’s you, I think it’s him. Having said that – big mistake you made was when he said he needed space – you should NOT have texted him! I know it’s easy to make that mistake, I’ve done it myself. When a guy says he needs space – give it to him in busloads. Don’t text, don’t call, etc. Just leave him alone. Give your phone to your best friend if you need to to keep yourself from calling him in a moment of weakness. Schedule activities every night if you need to – put in more time at work, spend time with friends, work out, get a massage… get a second job. ANYTHING! Just do NOT contact him.
In fact, what’s even better – take pre-emptive action. Every once in a while, YOU take some space before he does. In a relationship, you can usually figure out the pattern – let’s say every 2 weeks he will get distant and seem to need space. So instead of waiting for him to ask for it – you wait 10 days and then you pull back and schedule a weekend with some girlfriends or some volunteer activities or a weekend seminar. YOU be unavailable.
It sounds like a game, but actually when you do this you give him a chance to miss you.
Right now I am dealing with this myself. My boyfriend has, admittedly, got a lot going on right now. He said he’s not going to be able to get together for several days. I was irritated and unfortunately I let myself get angry with him. But now I’ve cooled down and I am sticking to my guns and NOT contacting him. I did send him a good morning text because I always do that, and he responded, but that’s it. I plan to be unavailable tonight if he calls me. I made plans to get together with a friend tomorrow night. I am going to give him MORE space than he wants…
Will this work? Maybe it will, maybe not. But here is the thing – if I do this and he DOESN’T miss me and doesn’t want to spend more time with me – then he was not the right man for me. I want a guy who WANTS me. Who will MISS me. And if this guy isn’t the one, better I find out now than waste years of my life with him…
Hi I was engaged to my fiance for 11 years and things were going great until last July when he left me. In September I heard that he was seeing another woman that devastated me they split up in November, in December just before Xmas he contact me saying that he missed me and wanted to work things out, 2 weeks later he went cold on me yet again I was left heartbroken. Towards the end of January he turned up on my doorstep and asked if he could talk about getting back together; this time he took me out on dates and said that we would take things slowly I agreed. It is now the middle of February and he said to me that he needs space a week later I messaged him to see if he was ok and he did not reply back for hours saying that he ok. I am stuck in limbo as he has gone cold again I don’t know what to do anymore?
That is exactly what is happening to me right now my boyfriends told me we need to have a little bre. He don’t text me I send him card but no reply or whatever, the best advise I can give you is let him be give him space and let him miss you. Don’t text or call him if he still love you he will come back bit if not then move on.
This whole post really does make me think. Perhaps we have been conditioned to think that giving our partner space is the appropriate way to act? And, in a lot of cases it does cause the relationship to become somewhat stable again. But, I honestly think that if someone asks for space, or “changes”by contacting you less, it is a sign that they are an emotionally unstable person, who will only break you by making you feel paranoid.
Whether or not you and your partner get together again after you’ve given them space or not, it is a sign that your partner could do it again to you at any point and becomes so overwhelmed in their emotions that they can’t handle expressing it to you. There are cases where perhaps you’ve been spending too much time together and/or you’ve become a bit too dependent on the person, but this shouldn’t be a good enough reason to not contact someone for a few days. Nor is when something happens in their life. Unless that situation is explained, and the person can understand then that’s fine.
The point being that no woman should ever feel that she is putting in most of the effort and should have to “wait” for her partner. If this is the case, it’s better to leave. Your partner is emotionally unstable and you don’t deserve to have to deal with their emotions, especially if it is early in the relationship.
very well said!you are an amazing person for stating this
We almost know each other for 4 month and I was feeling he is opening up to me and he was not ready to fall in love and he was honest with me bout when he was talking to me sometime I was feeling he is into me .he was giving his time his is a doctor and when ever I text to him even 8f he is busy he was replaying me quickly and I day at earlier I told him if he want me to stop talking to him he said no stay with me and for 1 month and half he pull away …we working at same hospital and I want to vacation and when I go back to work he came to me and say Hi …i was so serpraice!!! And I act normal with him and from that day he came to play I work and see me acting like he is not here for me and sometime I can see him looking for me from his eyes and say Hi sometime …im really confuse why he came alot to the arya that I work and look at me hiding his eyes and watching my Snapchat.
Please explain this to me
I have been dating a very successful professional, who also does a lot of additional work in non-profit and education. We went on 7 dates over 8 weeks, and he was always romantic and generous on these dates ie. expensive restaurants, shows, serenading me on his guitar, flowers, telling me he was in love with me and addicted to me, flirty texts… After the 5th date, I noticed that he messaged me less frequently and sometimes took days to respond. He mentioned that he was going through some stressful family stuff, and I assumed that it was related to a family illness. On our 7th date, he told me that his parent had collapsed a few days before and was in hospital from an illness that was related to addiction. He told me that he was extremely stressed because it was bringing up old issues for him, and he warned me that when he is stressed, he pulls away from everyone and needs time and space alone. A week before Christmas, he told me that his father had been admitted into a clinic and that he was concerned that his father would not commit to the program. He was sick with the flu and would sometimes message me just before midnight to say hello and that he had just gotten off work. He did not ask to see me, but he was taking time to see his friends. I messaged him now-and-then with appreciative texts, to which he responded positively, but then would not continue the conversation. By the fourth week of not seeing him, I was at the end of my rope, and I messaged him that I understood that he was going through a lot and that he was also busy with work, but that I would like to meet him to catch up because our communication was not what it used to be, and it had been 4 weeks since we had seen each other. He replied that he was aware that he was pulling away, and that he needed some more time to himself as he was struggling to find grounding. He told me that the family issues were still ongoing and causing a lot of stress. I said he would love to see me in the future but that right now he needed time alone. He told me that he understood if that was unacceptable to me, but that he hoped that I would wait for him and give him a little more time. I replied that I had been hurt and confused over the holidays because we did not see each other, but that I understood he needed space and time. I appreciated that he gave me some clarity and I would like for us to communicate better. I told him that I respected, cared for him and wished him happiness. Since our last text conversation 2 weeks ago, neither of us have reached out to one another. I’m finding it really hard to not see or talk to him, but from what I have read in relationship articles including this one about giving a man space when he is pulling away from stress, it is the best course of action. Some days I am so busy myself that I don’t really have time to think about him, but when I do, I become quite depressed. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated…
*He said he would love to see me in the future…
Update: I had a legal question so I texted him after about 6 weeks from when he asked for space, and he responded quite eagerly, and told me he would normally not give legal advice to someone he found so sexy and with whom he has intimate relations… he told me I owed him dinner but I just laughed and thanked him for the legal advice. Now it’s his time to wait!! I texted him again a few days ago with another legal question, and he called me today on the phone because he said that he could only answer the question off record and not in writing. He told him that normally he would not give out free legal advice, but he liked me and wanted to help. I thanked him and he said he wanted us to talk again soon… Slow moving but promising! :)
I know how you feel. I am going through it down. It was 5 months dating.
There are issues. I get morning and night texts. Last night was at 1230. He is typically in bed by 10 or 11
I wish you luck. I am broken and upset too.
My boyfriend moved out 2 days ago and told me he was gioinh to break up with me, er takker a lot and devisen not to break up but he needed space. So noe he is at his mother’s house. I did the wrong thing by getting panicky, calling him and texting him.. he told me that i had to stop in order for him to relax and Get HIS space. I found this so hard and i’ve been crying non-stop for 2 and a half day. I got drunk the other night and cried in the phone to him. I don’t know how to get thru this and i feel like dying.. today i tried to give him a bit more space. He sounds so cold in the txt like we don’t know eachother. And my heart is literally breaking and my eyes are so swollen that it hurts. Anyone else expirenced something like this but still got together? He won’t even sau how long he needs space. And it frels more like he’s trying to forget the relationship.
i think all of us haven been through something like this:((( it really feels like dying:((( hope you get through this and come out stronger than ever dear!
Sorry to hear about your situation… How long had you been together/living together? What were the main issues behind the breakup?
You seem to be very young aren’t you? I notice from the lively way you write!My advise: Forget the guy!He’s making you sick!
i agree!!!! just met such a lousy liar
i recently found out that the pervert liar i had met had lied about everything including his job, his family history and all.i advise all the women out there to really be careful with online dating especially with cheap dating apps like tinder!!many criminals on there
Meeting him on a booty call site expecting substance was yoyr first mistake.
yes exactly and i learned my lesson! you see i’m from europe and the tinder guys in europe are even creepier than in the US.
yes exactly these dating game instructions are crazy, if somebody needs a normal amount of space and he still likes/loves the woman he will tell her and talk it out with her, if he pulls away without an explanation there’s much more behind that and it’s time to say goodbye
i don’t really agree that a woman’s gotta give a guy space under every circumstance because sometimes when people are in steady relationships there might be scenarios where real problems arise which might require a ‘down-time’ but either way the only solution is to talk about it, if a guy doesn’t wanna talk and he just dissapears he doesn’t have respect for the woman and is not interested at all,so for him it’s just a game and for the ladies it’s really painful.so keep away from these type of men,especially if they start to act like this in the early phases of dating and peculiarly if you met them online.these online dating guys are not trustworthy and have parallel contacts
Exactly. Thank you.
if all the women would think like we do everything would be better
my guy also told me we shall be good friends and after that he started to ‘bench’me..i caught him online 24/7 on all the social media channels,you see: somebody who changes a relationship into a friendship is suspicious enough and under the pretense of a ‘friendship’ he wants to end the whole thing, at least your guy is not responding to your messages at all, because my guy did respond every once in a while and every time we wanted to meet up he was ‘sick’ until i ended the whole thing
Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now he used to be like the best thing ever made be feel loved like never before. But of recent he got in to medical school and it started stressing him out and he started giving me less attention and I was actually going through a lot during this period and he was so busy that he wasn’t giving me attention so I started complaining and fighting with him a lot and asking for more attention but eventually he started avoiding me and every time I am with him and his not doing what I want I would start crying and I could feel him drifting away more and more then I spoke to him one night and he said he was indifferent about the relationship and wants us to be friends I cried so much and begged him for a second chance he actually really cares for me this Part I know out of pity he gave me a second chance then a few days ago he sent a random text saying his sorry he ever hurt me and he loves me so much but he still doesn’t call or text me much it hurts cause I really love him and I don’t want to loose i just need advice on what to do because all I want to do is talk to him every time but I don’t want to chock him and if his online and doesn’t text me I start to feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me the thing is how do i give him space and still make him love me as much as he used to
Thank you, this is very helpful.
Ok so I don’t know how to start. My boyfriend and I had a 5 year age gap. And I recently just had him end a relationship of 1 year and like 9 months. We met on Facebook through a mutual friend and talked for a couple weeks in the beginning of Dec. 2016 until his birthday in January of 2017. Three days after his birthday party he invited me back over to hangout with him and the female mutual friend (who I met through work, she was like his older sister, she told me. And his neighbor) Anyway it was just me and him hanging out for a few hours and by the end of the night he romantically asked me to be his girlfriend, because we talked for weeks before meeting and he wanted to exclusively see me and date. I said yes. Fast forward maybe a month or a couple months and things were going great. We hungout on weekends, he came into my work to see me right after he got out from work almost every other day. It was very sweet. We went to movies, we went to his friends & his parents and were doing all kinds of stuff. People I knew from work would come to his house and hangout, watch movies, play games etc. Then I finally confessed to my parents that I was staying at his house (basically living there, I stayed 3 or more nights with him.) Everythjng was exciting and fun & sweet. Fast forward a week maybe and he asked me to move in. I said yes and told my parents my decision. I’m a cluttery/messy person.. and he’s OCD. Anyway after we were together over a year he said that maybe we should break up. He said he loved me very much but the house was always a mess (and I was working a ton of late nights as a pharmacy tech & always studying so I was tired. ) He told me the house being dirty was depressing and things with our relationship weren’t as exciting as the beginning. I managed to ask him to give me another try, I promised to keep the house clean & to do more activities with him. For a few months things were great, we went to his friends almost every weekend. We enjoyed activities with his & my parents. And we still hungout with our mutual friend (his neighbor).i ended up quitting my job and we went to Florida for 2weeks. We stayed with his family along the way and I met everyone. That was this past april. Things were great. We even recently went to Wisconsin together for a family wedding. Then tragedy hit over 10 days ago. His parents had moved down south before April, and I knew he missed them a lot. He rarely spoke compared to his every day phone calls with them. They were always busy now. So he invited one of his best friends to stay for a week with us to kinda pick himself back up I guess. It created tensions between us. We went to get him downstate for the weekend and I don’t like doing things outdoors/active.. idk why. Anyway ever since then he stopped holding my hand & kissing me goodbye before work. He even stopped kissing me when he got home from work, he withdrew from me almost completely, and I’ve always been clingy. But I was coming up on 7 months with no work and money was tight so I blamed it on that. Long story short he broke up with me 10 days ago. He said we are two different people and he needs an active and clean/neat partner. And I need someone to motivate and wake me up when repetition happens because I can deal with the same thing everyday. But not him. So for the past 7 months I’ve been trying to sell soaps. And he hasn’t been exactly supportive. He doesn’t talk about it. We would fight because he wouldn’t say anything positive he just would say oh cool. But he wasn’t negative or thought it was stupid either, I got his mom into the hobby. I miss him now. I don’t know if he will ever comeback. I’m desparate.. I was with him for almost 2 years, so many memories, i moved in with him and left my family & friends behind. They lived 30 minutes from where we lived. Nobody ever visited because of distance. I was ready to marry him, and at one point he did too. But the day we broke up he said something was missing in his life and he needed time alone. I have so much I could say, but this is already too long. And I recently made an okcupid account and found he had reactivsted his old one. I am so depressed that he’s moving on already. He didn’t want to give me anymore chances to change and he didn’t want to fix things.. But he swore up and down he’s always supported and loved me. He said he still loves me but we don’t work. Somebody please reply, I’m losing my best friend and the man I love. I know couples can change & grow together in relationships, I just feel because he’s depressed and isolated from everybody hat he’s pushing me away too.. I can do but leave him alone because he doesn’t like to message me anymore. I had a new phone he persuaded me to get with him when he wanted one too, everything was contract & in his name. It was a hassle to get it switched back to me & make payments w/o a job. Same with my car insurance. We were looking at houses and everything. It was like overnight he changed..
Just I have some similarities to this but not all. What kind of coaching do you offer/are you referring to?
I have been seeing a guy for just about a year. His job is giving him a lot of stress and he became much more distant. For a whole year, he never missed a good morning or night text. We never texted all day long as we are both busy but that one morning text we sent each other was just enough to let us both know we were thinking of one another. His stopped pretty abruptly. My initial reaction was to panic and I did in a way but didn’t let him see that. Last weekend he apologized for not texting me so much but to trust that he still loves me. I was a bit stumped because I never once verbalized anything about the non texting issue, so I wondered why he would say that. I asked him if he would prefer me not text him at all during the week ( which I never did anyway, only one morning text and maybe a “have a good afternoon”) and he said yes, unless it was important.
I thought that was pretty lame and of course I wanted to unleash on his ass but just said, sure! No problem. And, that is exactly what I did. I simply backed off.
By Wednesday he was midnight texting me repeated I miss you…I love you so much…I miss you….
Go figure! So, my suggestion is to not freak out, back off in a mature way and let him know that you don’t *need* him as much as he thinks you do.
since 3 months we know each other..after a big conflict and feeling suffocated by me ..he has his own work related and family issues which I dint know earlier and I always kept him accusing n blaming for why is he ignoring me..but he has always been very polite inspite of my anger n anxiety..he needs space and told me he loves me and will call me back..just a second day
I’m going through almost the same thing with an almost 2 year relationship.. We lived together for over a year and he is OCD and I’m a clutter/messy person.. I always would say our apartment was too small & couldn’t fit all of our stuff. He just would say that I had too much junk & didn’t clean good enough. :( Anyway we broke up over 10 days ago because he said I couldn’t change. So much stuff was happening with his family (parents moved to another state) and he could see/talk to them anymore. He became depressed, and withdrew emotionally from me. He barely even talked to me. I withdrew from him for a week before the breakup when his friend came over because he was also distant and it created tension between us. I went to my moms the weekend he took his friend home because they wanted boy time. I became clingy the day before he made me leave. I hope your situation worked itself out and you two are together or are working on things! Mine said that we were done for good, I’m not right for him even though he still loves me. I’m just waiting in limbo & silence for him to come back.
Is this same for Marriage couple?
I experienced this just recently with my man as he was really stressed out with work and started being distant. I backed off and did not call or text him. I started letting him do all the work and it only took about a week for him to miss me like crazy. He even said he didn’t know what had come over him but he couldn’t stop thinking about me all day. In that time, I started a new workout and got busy. He loved that and now he’s giving me all this attention again. Don’t be scared to give your man space ladies and do you. It’s healthy and helps you to take better care of you too.
Hey Kelly, pretty much the same here.. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years, I moved in with him after a few months because everything was going great and he wanted to spend more time together. I was aware he was OCD, and he was aware that I was not a neat person. I live in clutter. My parents live in the country so we didn’t have anyplace to dispose of unwanted items/clothes or garbage. (We burn our garbage) anyway that’s how my life was, and it became a habit to be cluttery. I had More things than I needed, I never got rid of anything old. And I have issues with my own family where nobody talks to anybody. I was extremely close to my parents because we never had anybody else. Anyway, I told my boyfriend before I moved in that I was messy and made him promise not to ever give up on me, to be patient and to motivate me because I’m not self motivated unless it comes to work. At home I’m lazy and relax, I am not active. Lately he’s been dealing with a lot of stress, massive amounts of overtime for the past couple months and his parents left to live in a state 5 states away from us down south. Communication with them has become harder because of Hurricanes & their busy schedules. So as a result he became depressed. Our only friend and neighbor we hungout with slowly became depressed too, and she stopped hanging out with us. Our world got smaller, just me & him. And he stopped doing ANYTHING pretty much. He was sleeping a lot and I can’t recall before our breakup any time we spent together (aside from going to a wedding & to get a friend of his who stayed for a week.) AND WE LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE. I feel his depression was a result of his own actions, he stopped doing things he use to. And me not having a job made me cling to every second we spent together. Just everything came crashing down on us. I feel we didn’t fail each other like he thinks, because we are both different. But rather I feel we just were going through a rough patch that happens with couples. The honeymoon wore off. We had to put effort in now because things were depressing and not easy. And he thought it was underlining issues so he no longer wanted to work things out. I hope you two fixed things. How are you?
He suddenly wanted a break, said i would get too jealous and needed space, I fought him so he said nvm I’m too aggressive. Then I kept messaging him and he said he was seriously going to give me a chance but that now that I freaked him out. I had never reacted this way w him but I really did not want to lose him. He used to love me so much and showed so much affection but it was so much that it kind of got to me and I loved him a lot for it, he eventually needed space because he went through alcohol problems in the past and needed to stay active in helping and running since he is sponsored. Eventually he told me no, he will not promise me he was taking a break anymore.
We spend so much time together. I now see that was not good. Will he still come back after no contact period?
I have started hanging w friends, never post anything negative on fb and he still follows me on social media but makes no attempt to contact me. I try to look like it doesn’t bother me and my life has moved on.
Earlier this year. I had gone to Europe to visit my friend. On my way back I stopped in Dubai while in transit to catch flight back home. I went into my Tinder app. Matched with a guy who later began chatting with me. Long story short. He and chatted in for a month. It was cool but hadnt expected to go anywhere as I’m live in South Africa and he an American lived amd worked in the middle east. In that month of our chats I lost my job which was such a big blow to me. He had taken a liking to me so much that he wanted me to visit him in the US all expenses paid. Very hesitant initially but decided to take the plunge. Didn’t get the US visa in time so we decided to meet in Dubai for a few days as thier visa process was faster. Flights booked and paid for. Visa ready. Just has to travel. By this stage he was so into me. He even said hesees me innocent his future and wants a life with me. Promised to look after me financially in my time of unemployment. I had no expectations of this statement. So is great. He sent me money regularly to for support which was very kind. So I went to Dubai he had booked us into a great hotel. Day 1 was lovely. Day 2 was ok started becoming very distant. Day 3. Left me entire day in hotel alone came back 2am. Day 4 ignored me all day until I had to catch flight home late that day. When asked. Just says im dealing with unexpected stuff. That’s it. So im like what must i do or can I help you through it. Just said he needs time. Distant and dismissive. Felt like an irritation to me for those days. I’m heartbroken. I was so accommodating. I got back home amd he didn’t bother to ask If I got home ok. So my question is whether or not what must i do
This sounds bad and like he wasn’t interested. Move on. Any man who leaves you in a hotel together when you live far away and have limited time together is not interested in you.
now i realize why does he act so cold to me lately.
Im in the current situation right now… He wants space for me being paranoid for past few weeks.. I really dont know wat to do, he is so busy and stressed from work.. He asked for space, i ask him if he is breaking up with me he said no he just need time and space for the meantime… Need your advice please… I dont want us to be apart i really love him..
My guy said he needed a little space to figure his sh*t out. That he didn’t know what he meant or needed, but he knew he loves me.
I’m so confused. That was a month ago. I’ve been leaving him alone since but it’s killing me.
Any word on your situation?
I’m in the middle of this situation right now and it’s brutal. Going on 2 1/2 weeks of space with little contact after he was completely overwhelmed and stressed about work and life for weeks and just broke. Basically asked me for some time and understanding but there’s no end currently in sight.
I’m almost at a month for my guy. What happened with your situation?
try to look at things from his perspective and you’ll find it a bit easier to give him the space he needs for the moment
every woman needs this information. this is something we should all be aware of so that when this happens to us, we know what to do.
this is very effective, just make sure you give him just enough space to think things through or to take care of his personal/career related issues.
this made me realize how important it is to listen to your partner and understand his needs as much as your own.
a little space is vital sometimes. even women need it too, so respect his need for it and he’ll appreciate you more than ever.
don’t go chasing after him once you decide to give him the space he needs. make him miss you and let him come back to you by himself, not by force.
i’ll brave it and try this tips you mentioned. hope he still comes back to me in the end.
thanks for the tips, i would be panicky w/out having read this.
never go chasing after him. this will only worsen the situation. if you were in his shoes and you needed some space, you would feel the same.
im gonna try this and keep my fingers crossed he’d still choose to come back to me after. i have also made a lot of mistakes in the past, i hope we can start fresh.
can you please twll me what happened? did you give him space he needed? did it work out well? how long did it take? thank you
ok, i somehow get it now. it’s just too hard for me tolet go even for a little while. i’m too scated he won’t come back anymore. :'(
this is actually a good read and something to learn from
thank you for enlightening me. i feel like my man is going to leave me soon bec he’s been really distant. if he wants space, im gonna try to follow your advice.
ok, now i seem to get it somehow. i just hope he really comes back after this
good if he comes running back to you. but what if he doesn’t and he meet someone else along the way?? :(
this makes sense to me now. thanks!
thank you for these tips. i sure do feel a lot lighter now
I’m feeling better now
these are really great ideas. hard to do but will surely benefit in the end
yeah sure..so easy to say let him be and allow him to miss you. but when in that situation, i don’t know if could handle it!
This is very helpful to women who do not realize it is most of the times healthy for the relationship
this is an eye-opener for a lot of women out there. i hope it reaches those who really need to learn from this post
just make him feel you are there for him whatever his circumstances are.
Ok, ill try this and see if i could
this is very helpful! will definitely follow your advise! :)
if only you are guaranteed that he’ll come running back to you
having him to miss you after a while is the best feeling! he’d pamper you and it does feel great!
i sure learned a lot from this. thank you for your efforts in helping women
this is a great reminder for women..i believe a lot can get help from this