How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back

How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back

So you want to know what to do if your boyfriend wants space.

Maybe he hasn’t been responding to texts lately. Or hanging up off the phone a little bit quicker.

Maybe it feels like something has shifted in the relationship, and he’s not as present. Or emotionally open.

Maybe he’s straight up ghosting you, and it’s freaking you out. Or maybe he’s been up front with you and outright told you that he needs space from what you have.

This is a terrifying moment in any sort of relationship, one that could have you feeling panicky – like you don’t know what to do and you could lose him at any second.

You don’t want to lose him. So what should you do?

more: Why Do Men Pull Away?

What To Do When A Man Is Pulling Away And ‘Needs Space’

At the root of it, your fear is that he’s pulling away from you and that he’s going to leave you.

Maybe he just needs space and he’s going to come back to you… or maybe he really is thinking of ending the relationship. Either way, you don’t know for sure, and it’s freaking you out.

That’s why right now I’m going to tell you exactly what not to do, so that you don’t push him away even further and turn a short break into a relationship ending nightmare.

Whatever you do, don’t go chasing after him.

Don’t text him a lot, don’t call him, don’t message him on social media, don’t look to him for validation or reassurance. Let him take the space he needs without you reaching out to him and re-inserting yourself into his life.

I know it hurts to not know what he’s doing or what he’s feeling. I know it hurts to think that he might leave you. I know it sucks to sit with those negative emotions and feel like you’re not doing anything about it.

That hurt, that pain, that anxiety is trying to drive you to cling to him even more. It’s trying to make you text him all the time, look for emotional reassurance from him that he’s not leaving, and try to force him closer and closer to you.

Any of those reactions are going to drive him even further away, maybe for good.

Why?

more: Why Men Fall In Love And Why Men Leave “Perfect” Women

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

Don’t Let Fear Of Loss Determine Your Actions

What does fear of loss mean for your relationship, and why does it send him running away from you?

To put it as simply as possible, fear of loss is when your negative feelings control your actions, instead of your positive ones.

When you started seeing this guy, you weren’t worried he was going to leave you. You weren’t worried that you were going to lose something you had.

Instead, you acted like you had nothing to lose (because you didn’t). There was no existing relationship to be lost, so you acted exactly how you wanted to.

That’s what was attractive to him. When you act from a place of calm, relaxed happiness, it’s very attractive to the man you’re with. Men want to be with someone who’s calm, relaxed, and happy – the same way that women want to be with someone who acts the same way.

So for however long you’ve been together, you’ve acted out of positivity with him.

But when you start to sense that he’s pulling away from you, all of a sudden you feel like you’re losing him. Like you’re losing something from your life.

more: The Exact Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away

Instead of having nothing to lose, you feel like a piece of your life that’s important to you is disappearing – like the ground is slipping out from under your feet. You feel scared, panicky, freaked out.

And then you act not out of happiness, or contentment, but rather out of panic, and fear of loss.

Your actions become about getting reassurance from him that he’s not leaving. They become about trying to make him stay with you. They become about trying to control his actions, rather than enjoying spending time with him.

As soon as that happens, the man you’re with will feel a strong urge to get as far away from you as possible. No one likes to have another person try to control their actions.

When he feels like you’re trying to control him, it makes him want to be out of your control, which drives him further and further away. If it’s not stopped, this leads to a death spiral that destroys your relationship.

So if you know you should avoid fear of loss…

more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws

What Should You Actually Do To Keep Him By Your Side?

First, it’s important to say that it’s completely normal for a guy to want some space, and it’s completely normal to give him space.

Like I said before, if you try to control him or make him stay with you, it’s only going to drive him even further away. Lots of guys want space because they don’t feel in control.

The truth is that many guys need space in order to get their thoughts in order about a relationship. Many guys need time by themselves (or at least time away from a woman) in order to figure out how they really feel.

A guy can have an awesome time with you on a date, can feel an amazing connection, can be head over heels for you almost instantly – and still need time and space away from you. Why?

more: How To Get Your Ex Back In 5 Steps Guaranteed

It’s because for lots of men, the space between when he sees you is the time that really cements in his mind and heart how he feels about you. For lots of men, that time is vital to reflecting on how he feels and getting his emotions straight in his head.

That time apart is also crucial for him to building his desire to see you again. When you haven’t been in contact in a while, he’ll start thinking about you more and more, wondering what you’re up to, and ratcheting up his desire to see you again.

What’s important to remember here is that most guys need time and space in order to start to feel closer and more connected with a woman. That’s why clinging to him and trying to pull him closer is going to backfire every time.

And that’s why giving him space will make him miss you, and make him more likely to come back.

more: The Exact Reasons Men Lose Interest And How To Fix It

Watch The Video: How To Give Him Space

How To Give Him Space And Make Him Miss You And Come Back

If your man is acting distant and you want him to come back to you, chasing after him plain won’t work. The best thing to do is to give him the space he’s looking for so that he can solve whatever’s bothering him and get back to normal. If you chase him it only pushes him further away, instead give him the space he needs and he’ll feel your absence as soon as he solves his problem and will want to come running back to you.

how to give him space make him miss you and come back

If He’s Looking For Some Space, Let Him Have It

I’m not saying let him go completely, and I’m not saying just give up on having anything with him.

I’m saying that it’s crucial to many guys to get perspective on a relationship, especially when they’re having strong feelings.

Depending on the nature of your relationship with him, you can ask him about how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. If you’ve been really close, you can ask him how long he’s looking for space.

If you do ask him, it’s vitally important that you allow him to be honest with you.

That means that no matter what his answer is, you have to accept it without getting angry at him. No judgement, no anger if he says something you don’t want to hear.

more: What To Do When He Says He Needs Space

This is so important because people need to feel safe in order to be honest. If you were trying on clothes with a friend and they asked you how an outfit looked, and you told them the truth and they got mad at you and were mean – how likely would you be to tell them the truth in the future?

You’d be far more likely just to lie and say what they want to hear, in order to avoid them blowing up at you.

This situation is the exact same thing. Give him the space to be honest with you, and he will be. If you can show him that you’re someone who it’s safe to be honest with – even if he’s telling you something you don’t want to hear – he will be honest with you.

more: Why Men Pull Away – The Top 3 Reasons

What Should You Do When Giving Him Space?

Let’s say that you two were spending a lot of time together, and now you’re spending way less. What should you be doing?

Now is the perfect opportunity to spend time on yourself. See friends that you might not have seen for a little while, pursue the hobbies that you enjoy, and do things that genuinely make you happy.

Your main goal is to be occupying your time doing things that you enjoy, so that you’re not spending all day missing him. Instead, you’re living your life in a way that makes you happy.

Like I’ve said before, good relationships should be the icing on top of the cake, not the cake itself. A great relationship only happens when two people who are already happy come together to be happy together, not when two unhappy people look to each other for happiness.

So take some time to enjoy yourself, and do the things you love to do.

Whatever you do, don’t make….

more: The Biggest Reason Men Lose Interest

The #1 Mistake Women Make When A Guy Needs Space

When a guy is looking for space, lots of women make this one mistake, which all but guarantees that he moves even further away. They make it into a game.

It’s totally natural to feel hurt if he needs some space. However, what will kill a relationship every time is if you decide to punish him for making you feel hurt.

A huge mistake I see women make time and time again is acting as if emotional balance in a relationship should be ‘tit for tat’ – and instinctively feeling that if he hurt her (even if he didn’t mean to hurt her), she has the right to hurt him back.

Lots of women will emotionally withdraw from a guy if he starts to pull away from them, in order to try to hurt him the way that he hurt her.

more: If You Really Like Someone Should You Give Him Space?

That’s the most toxic reaction you can have to this situation. If a guy sees that you have that reaction to him feeling like he needs some space, it will send him running to the hills.

Plus, like I talked about before, it will make him feel like he can’t be honest with you. If the way you react to something you don’t like is punishing the other person, he’s never going to feel comfortable telling you something you don’t like – which will undermine and destroy your relationship in the long run.

Just Give Him The Space To Come Back To You Naturally

If you give him the space he’s looking for (by not texting him, or calling him, and letting him be apart from you), he will start to miss you. Especially if you were spending tons of time together.

more: Giving Him Space When He’s Down

By not freaking out at him, or getting upset with him, or trying to punish him, you’re putting yourself far above other women in his mind. He’ll feel impressed and understood on a deep level that you gave him the space he needed rather than getting upset at him for being honest.

That’s how you give him space without a breakup.

If at the end of the day he doesn’t come back to you and ends the relationship, it sucks, but there was nothing you could have done. This is the best course of action every time a man starts to pull away or needs space – so if he doesn’t come back then the relationship was never going to work in the first place.

more: How To Give Your Boyfriend Space In Your Relationship

If he doesn’t come back after you give him space, then nothing you could have done would have made him stop pulling away. And that hurts, but at least you avoided all the drama, heartbreak, and awful feelings of trying to chase after him to get him to stay.

Chances are, if you give him the space he’s looking for, he’ll start to miss you and want to come back. He’ll feel refreshed and happy to be with you – because you respected what he needed and gave it to him without trying to punish him, even if it wasn’t what you wanted.

Either way, now you know that if he’s looking for space, let him have it. You’ll give him the space to miss you.

Of course, giving him space is really just the first step… but when it comes down to it there are 2 big problems every woman experiences in her relationships with men – so pay attention because what you do next is vitally important. The first problem you’re probably going through: if you’re already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold, or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

The second problem is this: do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman

Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

94 comments… add one
  • Kat November 13, 2018, 5:25 am

    I was going through a really rough patch with my job. It turned me into a completely different person that I didnt like. My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I tried to give him space and he now broke up with me. I chased after him begging. Now that we’ve got everything in the open. He asked me to move out and give him more space and he’ll talk to me when he’s ready. And we’ll figure things out. Am I doing the right thing? Will he come back to me?

  • Lanae November 10, 2018, 9:04 am

    I felt like the guy I was seeing was pulling away from me because we worked different shifts, but in the beginning we would find time to chill or I would find a way to see him, even though some times I wasn’t lucky because he has kids too or needed sleep from his hectic schedule. I recently texted him that I was stepping back to give him some space, but I haven’t heard from him. We went out on one date and even Netflix and chilled on several occasions, but when I brought that we haven’t done much he claimed he had to get adjusted to his new schedule and sleep pattern, but sometimes slip up and tell me he had gone out, went to hang out at a party, etc… I feel like I should hit him up and explain why I texted him that but part of me feels like I should leave it alone and see if he comes back naturally…..how do I get over this feeling

  • Mary Jane rojas September 15, 2018, 4:26 am

    I give space..so much space..what do you do when you work on yourself so much it may as well be a construction site in need of a foreman? Keeping busy as hell doesn’t change the fact your ego is crushed and you take this personally. How do you deal with not taking it as a personal rejection?

  • christy September 10, 2018, 11:04 am

    thanks

  • Sophia July 4, 2018, 4:38 pm

    I love this guy and I think he is the best for me.. I just like his character.. Though when I told him that love should be mutual he told me it’s his weakness.. Too bad he told me to give each other space to know what is better for us.. So my question is… Is he going to come back or am I going to lose him?

  • anne March 3, 2018, 10:53 am

    well after 8 yrsxon and off many living with him he came back from a trip and changed i suspect he had a new friend.. i hung in there even no sex and he keptclooking at my body weird like… never seen this .. i had mostly to initiate affection but hed return it hold me at night then long weekend he drastically changed for the worse.. no more us just ai I I i had to chase him for help he already said hed do heckeot stsying in other rooms when he said good morning downstairs i had a bad face he screamed at me i have an attitude lroblem then it escalated down more still held at nite something off clutching his phone then i saw a skype overseas girl offline x time ago om his contact which take it back to exactly when he shifter … anyway weekend got worse my mistake LEAVe him alone cause i know hed not answer if i asked u met someone it felt like i was child and he didnt want to be there .. he snapped at me couple xs and i try push him away when he came to bed try hold me crazy!!! i should of just wuietly left made any excuse would been fine if he stsrting with someone else id see it unfold instead got worse i try say i going b4 roads get bad weird!! he said no u can go then he said WAIt he go get beer then he came back Entirely changed haply dislosition said ok u can stay… did he make a call got it out of the way so now i wasnt in the way timing for europe for bedtime there was right… i saidsaid i told job he asked where? which location??? i got suspeciuos why he NEVer asks my job and hes been like im dead and gone all weekend why ask maybe he didnt want me to poo in with my key if he wants to call her again timing right so i asked why honey ? he EXOlodED !!!! said cant i answer simole wuestion??? stormed out of house… said now u probably thing i go bar look younger girls! i never mentioned that… later i i went to bar calm took him back and he disappeared into gsrabe smoke i passed out i awoke 4 am hit him yelling Im leaving i m lesving i cant take it! he woke furious Good go dont ever come back and take ur stuff leave key I upset he got up i chased aroudn 3 stories house he didnt want to tak ran away was most disgusting humiliating thing my g’friend said he was oushjng u away mayne not have her yet conflicted never tell u make u fell its u now he has excuse u said U R Leavkng! exactly what he repeated u want to go ok i finally gave up last words “ u act like u seeing someone “ response “ sure i got 2 or 3” then i walked out into the nite got sick He sent text 2 days let me know when u get ur stuff Hell arrange it! DOORs are locked” i went home i sent 5 days i havnt been able clem he said text ok then iasked him drop me things He made it look like i broke it off it was cry for answers!!!! i ve never heard from him since i sent its raining to start conversation about my patio rain No answer week now HE is perfect about texting no matter in world he is always answers me… he is very sicseessful had power money younger travels skis and this women live where his office is in erope and younger femenist HaHa thatsweird! I thonk he flew away with her maybe had it planned???

  • Geraldine Goicochea February 27, 2018, 3:39 pm

    My boyfriend of 7 years wanted to take a break so that we can focus on ourselves for a while. He said he was doing it for me and that it wasn’t a break up just a break. I didn’t hear from him for a week and I couldn’t take it anymore so I texted him a week later asking if he’s done with me to let me know and he told me he was happy where he was and thought it was best to not get back together. And this was all over text so I told him if we end it to end it in person so we met up the next day and we talked and ended it maturely but I just didn’t understand because we were so good together. He told me he was happy throughout our relationship but felt “trapped” which I didn’t understand but anyways just last week I logged into his Instagram account and saw a message from a girl calling him babe. So I texted him and told him “I hope _____ makes you happy, don’t ever speak to me again.” And of course he didn’t reply back. I’m so hurt, and felt so insecure because this whole time I thought I was the problem but it turns out he didn’t want to be with me because he was catching feelings for someone else..

    • Geraldine February 27, 2018, 3:43 pm

      And the crazy part is that no one saw this coming because we were so in love we were best friends. He deleted all of our pictures from his Instagram account and then after followed the girl who I’m guessing is who he left me for. I know I need to forget him, but it’s so hard he was my first love, my high school sweerheart. I’m devestated

      • Shefali October 13, 2018, 5:04 pm

        What a d*ck. You look gorgeous, BTW, I don’t think it’s you, I think it’s him. Having said that – big mistake you made was when he said he needed space – you should NOT have texted him! I know it’s easy to make that mistake, I’ve done it myself. When a guy says he needs space – give it to him in busloads. Don’t text, don’t call, etc. Just leave him alone. Give your phone to your best friend if you need to to keep yourself from calling him in a moment of weakness. Schedule activities every night if you need to – put in more time at work, spend time with friends, work out, get a massage… get a second job. ANYTHING! Just do NOT contact him.

        In fact, what’s even better – take pre-emptive action. Every once in a while, YOU take some space before he does. In a relationship, you can usually figure out the pattern – let’s say every 2 weeks he will get distant and seem to need space. So instead of waiting for him to ask for it – you wait 10 days and then you pull back and schedule a weekend with some girlfriends or some volunteer activities or a weekend seminar. YOU be unavailable.

        It sounds like a game, but actually when you do this you give him a chance to miss you.

        Right now I am dealing with this myself. My boyfriend has, admittedly, got a lot going on right now. He said he’s not going to be able to get together for several days. I was irritated and unfortunately I let myself get angry with him. But now I’ve cooled down and I am sticking to my guns and NOT contacting him. I did send him a good morning text because I always do that, and he responded, but that’s it. I plan to be unavailable tonight if he calls me. I made plans to get together with a friend tomorrow night. I am going to give him MORE space than he wants…

        Will this work? Maybe it will, maybe not. But here is the thing – if I do this and he DOESN’T miss me and doesn’t want to spend more time with me – then he was not the right man for me. I want a guy who WANTS me. Who will MISS me. And if this guy isn’t the one, better I find out now than waste years of my life with him…

  • Donna February 24, 2018, 6:48 am

    Hi I was engaged to my fiance for 11 years and things were going great until last July when he left me. In September I heard that he was seeing another woman that devastated me they split up in November, in December just before Xmas he contact me saying that he missed me and wanted to work things out, 2 weeks later he went cold on me yet again I was left heartbroken. Towards the end of January he turned up on my doorstep and asked if he could talk about getting back together; this time he took me out on dates and said that we would take things slowly I agreed. It is now the middle of February and he said to me that he needs space a week later I messaged him to see if he was ok and he did not reply back for hours saying that he ok. I am stuck in limbo as he has gone cold again I don’t know what to do anymore?

  • Lia February 21, 2018, 4:53 pm

    That is exactly what is happening to me right now my boyfriends told me we need to have a little bre. He don’t text me I send him card but no reply or whatever, the best advise I can give you is let him be give him space and let him miss you. Don’t text or call him if he still love you he will come back bit if not then move on.

  • Sandra February 21, 2018, 1:25 pm

    This whole post really does make me think. Perhaps we have been conditioned to think that giving our partner space is the appropriate way to act? And, in a lot of cases it does cause the relationship to become somewhat stable again. But, I honestly think that if someone asks for space, or “changes”by contacting you less, it is a sign that they are an emotionally unstable person, who will only break you by making you feel paranoid.

    Whether or not you and your partner get together again after you’ve given them space or not, it is a sign that your partner could do it again to you at any point and becomes so overwhelmed in their emotions that they can’t handle expressing it to you. There are cases where perhaps you’ve been spending too much time together and/or you’ve become a bit too dependent on the person, but this shouldn’t be a good enough reason to not contact someone for a few days. Nor is when something happens in their life. Unless that situation is explained, and the person can understand then that’s fine.

    The point being that no woman should ever feel that she is putting in most of the effort and should have to “wait” for her partner. If this is the case, it’s better to leave. Your partner is emotionally unstable and you don’t deserve to have to deal with their emotions, especially if it is early in the relationship.

    • ariannah February 27, 2018, 2:00 pm

      very well said!you are an amazing person for stating this

  • Hana February 10, 2018, 7:25 am

    We almost know each other for 4 month and I was feeling he is opening up to me and he was not ready to fall in love and he was honest with me bout when he was talking to me sometime I was feeling he is into me .he was giving his time his is a doctor and when ever I text to him even 8f he is busy he was replaying me quickly and I day at earlier I told him if he want me to stop talking to him he said no stay with me and for 1 month and half he pull away …we working at same hospital and I want to vacation and when I go back to work he came to me and say Hi …i was so serpraice!!! And I act normal with him and from that day he came to play I work and see me acting like he is not here for me and sometime I can see him looking for me from his eyes and say Hi sometime …im really confuse why he came alot to the arya that I work and look at me hiding his eyes and watching my Snapchat.
    Please explain this to me

    Thanks alot

  • Sofia February 8, 2018, 11:55 pm

    I have been with this boy for almost two years now. I may be judged for putting this out as right now I am 13 going on 14 but I can tell you we have an accual relationship as all adults do. Some things are different of course but the fact that we have been almost two years strong should tell you something. I have been upset lately because I’ve been dealing and doing these things to my boyfriend and this has crossed my mind and I came here for help so I am going to try this out. I hope I can recive some positive comments back of support and advise. Please no judgement for my age. I can honestly tell you, my parents fight and have a less mature relationship at times then we do. I only seek support and advise. Thank you.

  • Luna January 28, 2018, 7:36 pm

    I have been dating a very successful professional, who also does a lot of additional work in non-profit and education. We went on 7 dates over 8 weeks, and he was always romantic and generous on these dates ie. expensive restaurants, shows, serenading me on his guitar, flowers, telling me he was in love with me and addicted to me, flirty texts… After the 5th date, I noticed that he messaged me less frequently and sometimes took days to respond. He mentioned that he was going through some stressful family stuff, and I assumed that it was related to a family illness. On our 7th date, he told me that his parent had collapsed a few days before and was in hospital from an illness that was related to addiction. He told me that he was extremely stressed because it was bringing up old issues for him, and he warned me that when he is stressed, he pulls away from everyone and needs time and space alone. A week before Christmas, he told me that his father had been admitted into a clinic and that he was concerned that his father would not commit to the program. He was sick with the flu and would sometimes message me just before midnight to say hello and that he had just gotten off work. He did not ask to see me, but he was taking time to see his friends. I messaged him now-and-then with appreciative texts, to which he responded positively, but then would not continue the conversation. By the fourth week of not seeing him, I was at the end of my rope, and I messaged him that I understood that he was going through a lot and that he was also busy with work, but that I would like to meet him to catch up because our communication was not what it used to be, and it had been 4 weeks since we had seen each other. He replied that he was aware that he was pulling away, and that he needed some more time to himself as he was struggling to find grounding. He told me that the family issues were still ongoing and causing a lot of stress. I said he would love to see me in the future but that right now he needed time alone. He told me that he understood if that was unacceptable to me, but that he hoped that I would wait for him and give him a little more time. I replied that I had been hurt and confused over the holidays because we did not see each other, but that I understood he needed space and time. I appreciated that he gave me some clarity and I would like for us to communicate better. I told him that I respected, cared for him and wished him happiness. Since our last text conversation 2 weeks ago, neither of us have reached out to one another. I’m finding it really hard to not see or talk to him, but from what I have read in relationship articles including this one about giving a man space when he is pulling away from stress, it is the best course of action. Some days I am so busy myself that I don’t really have time to think about him, but when I do, I become quite depressed. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated…

    • Luna January 28, 2018, 7:39 pm

      *He said he would love to see me in the future…

      • Luna March 11, 2018, 1:30 am

        Update: I had a legal question so I texted him after about 6 weeks from when he asked for space, and he responded quite eagerly, and told me he would normally not give legal advice to someone he found so sexy and with whom he has intimate relations… he told me I owed him dinner but I just laughed and thanked him for the legal advice. Now it’s his time to wait!! I texted him again a few days ago with another legal question, and he called me today on the phone because he said that he could only answer the question off record and not in writing. He told him that normally he would not give out free legal advice, but he liked me and wanted to help. I thanked him and he said he wanted us to talk again soon… Slow moving but promising! :)

    • Y February 10, 2018, 9:46 am

      I know how you feel. I am going through it down. It was 5 months dating.
      There are issues. I get morning and night texts. Last night was at 1230. He is typically in bed by 10 or 11
      I wish you luck. I am broken and upset too.

      • ariannah February 27, 2018, 1:57 pm

        same f.. with all of them, at first they come around interested, then the shit hits the fan: don’t call me, don’t text me, you are annoying me blablabla all lies, and there ‘s no remedy for this… either they are commitment-phobic or they have parallel contacts, ladies be careful: such a thing can cause severe depressions,, i know what i’m talking about,, give them an ultimatum that you want clarity or dump them.. don’t be played by them

  • Christine January 21, 2018, 3:32 pm

    My boyfriend moved out 2 days ago and told me he was gioinh to break up with me, er takker a lot and devisen not to break up but he needed space. So noe he is at his mother’s house. I did the wrong thing by getting panicky, calling him and texting him.. he told me that i had to stop in order for him to relax and Get HIS space. I found this so hard and i’ve been crying non-stop for 2 and a half day. I got drunk the other night and cried in the phone to him. I don’t know how to get thru this and i feel like dying.. today i tried to give him a bit more space. He sounds so cold in the txt like we don’t know eachother. And my heart is literally breaking and my eyes are so swollen that it hurts. Anyone else expirenced something like this but still got together? He won’t even sau how long he needs space. And it frels more like he’s trying to forget the relationship.

    • Christine January 21, 2018, 3:35 pm

      Shit.. all the typos because of my autocorrect and tears.. what i meant to say is that we’re not broken up but he was suppossed to that day.

    • ariannah January 21, 2018, 5:37 pm

      i think all of us haven been through something like this:((( it really feels like dying:((( hope you get through this and come out stronger than ever dear!

    • Luna January 28, 2018, 7:41 pm

      Sorry to hear about your situation… How long had you been together/living together? What were the main issues behind the breakup?

  • Sylvia January 20, 2018, 3:13 am

    So me and this guy used to talk a lot face to face and then he asked for number one day and we texted all the time and spoke face to face but then after a year we no longer spoke face to face just cuz when we would act lovey dovey on text I started to freak out thinking it would be awkward face to face so yh that stopped but we still texted then I started liking him then ended up telllingg him n he said he liked me back but then his friend told me he was lying so I find out he was pretending cuz he felt bad even tho I said if. U don’t like me it’s okay.But yh we had a massively argument and didn’t speak for six weeks but I still liked him so being stupid I went running back and we have been talking ever since but now we have tiny arguments over silly stuff n he lied to me for the first time don’t get me wrong we still have a good time but I don’t know sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my time cuz I put effort it like I always text first n when I told him that he said it’s because he doesn’t kno when to and I’m like does it look like I know when ur available? No but I still text u. He also has this bff of his a girl who I get his close with but the pics they post together are couple-y. And Ik me and him ain’t together but I need advice, do I stop talking to him or what?

    • ariannah January 21, 2018, 12:18 pm

      You seem to be very young aren’t you? I notice from the lively way you write!My advise: Forget the guy!He’s making you sick!

  • Mik January 18, 2018, 8:45 pm

    “Give him the space to be honest with you, and he will be.”

    Wow. So all these lies men tell….who knew all we had to do was give them space to be honest! Simple! I wish I’d known we women were causing all this rampant dishonesty in men. We’d have given them space long ago!

    Who else thinks this is ridiculous?

    Stop this bull.

    • ariannah January 21, 2018, 12:11 pm

      i agree!!!! just met such a lousy liar

      • ariannah January 21, 2018, 12:17 pm

        i recently found out that the pervert liar i had met had lied about everything including his job, his family history and all.i advise all the women out there to really be careful with online dating especially with cheap dating apps like tinder!!many criminals on there

  • Arianna January 16, 2018, 3:38 pm

    my story: met a lousy guy on tinder who promised to pick the stars from the sky for me, we had a few dates and i have to advise all the women out there to be careful especially with guys who get affectionate,caring, and future-planning too soon because it’s a cheap hoax to get the woman into having sex and then dumping her cold-turkey.if they realise the woman won’t have sex with them(like me)they run off and find other ‘candidates’ to lie to.my guy ‘friend-zoned’me to keep me hanging on because he thought that maybe he could one day drag me into the sheets but i ended the whole thing on that creepy liar.additionally i caught him with a few other girls so please ladies:pay attention

    • Mik January 18, 2018, 8:47 pm

      Meeting him on a booty call site expecting substance was yoyr first mistake.

      • ariannah January 21, 2018, 12:15 pm

        yes exactly and i learned my lesson! you see i’m from europe and the tinder guys in europe are even creepier than in the US.

  • Arianna January 16, 2018, 3:22 pm

    i don’t really agree that a woman’s gotta give a guy space under every circumstance because sometimes when people are in steady relationships there might be scenarios where real problems arise which might require a ‘down-time’ but either way the only solution is to talk about it, if a guy doesn’t wanna talk and he just dissapears he doesn’t have respect for the woman and is not interested at all,so for him it’s just a game and for the ladies it’s really painful.so keep away from these type of men,especially if they start to act like this in the early phases of dating and peculiarly if you met them online.these online dating guys are not trustworthy and have parallel contacts

    • Mik January 18, 2018, 8:48 pm

      Exactly. Thank you.

      • ariannah January 21, 2018, 12:12 pm

        if all the women would think like we do everything would be better

  • Potato mama January 15, 2018, 7:39 pm

    STUPID

  • ian January 8, 2018, 8:29 am

    well, i am a guy and i can say that if you gave me a little space when i seem to need it – ok…but give me too much and i’ll be going elsewhere! i wonder if the writer knows much about guys!

    • Arianna January 16, 2018, 3:27 pm

      yes exactly these dating game instructions are crazy, if somebody needs a normal amount of space and he still likes/loves the woman he will tell her and talk it out with her, if he pulls away without an explanation there’s much more behind that and it’s time to say goodbye

    • Mik January 18, 2018, 8:51 pm

      Lol

  • Opeyemi December 22, 2017, 4:44 am

    Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now he used to be like the best thing ever made be feel loved like never before. But of recent he got in to medical school and it started stressing him out and he started giving me less attention and I was actually going through a lot during this period and he was so busy that he wasn’t giving me attention so I started complaining and fighting with him a lot and asking for more attention but eventually he started avoiding me and every time I am with him and his not doing what I want I would start crying and I could feel him drifting away more and more then I spoke to him one night and he said he was indifferent about the relationship and wants us to be friends I cried so much and begged him for a second chance he actually really cares for me this Part I know out of pity he gave me a second chance then a few days ago he sent a random text saying his sorry he ever hurt me and he loves me so much but he still doesn’t call or text me much it hurts cause I really love him and I don’t want to loose i just need advice on what to do because all I want to do is talk to him every time but I don’t want to chock him and if his online and doesn’t text me I start to feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me the thing is how do i give him space and still make him love me as much as he used to

  • Hk December 10, 2017, 2:23 am

    37
    My relationship was going very fine. It’s been 3 years now and everything was smooth. Ours is a long distance relationship but the trust issues and other such issues which a long distance relationship generally faces, never came up. Three days back, out of the blue, he said he wants to be single for a few months, no relationship and all, he wants to concentrate on his career and get some stability in his life. Till then I am his good friend and back support and it’s just a matter of few months. He won’t be able to talk to me because he said he wants to punish himself for being so rude. After this message he is not even replying to my message till now. I am worried what is going on and why is he doing this. As everything was perfectly well two days back then why all these decisions. I am scared and I don’t want to let him go anywhere.
    What should I do? Please advise I would be really grateful.

    • Arianna January 16, 2018, 3:14 pm

      almost the same thing happened to me..unfortunately there might be another woman on the scene..if he backs off like that it’s suspicious..men tend to lie all the time

      • Arianna January 16, 2018, 3:18 pm

        my guy also told me we shall be good friends and after that he started to ‘bench’me..i caught him online 24/7 on all the social media channels,you see: somebody who changes a relationship into a friendship is suspicious enough and under the pretense of a ‘friendship’ he wants to end the whole thing, at least your guy is not responding to your messages at all, because my guy did respond every once in a while and every time we wanted to meet up he was ‘sick’ until i ended the whole thing

  • Tracy October 8, 2017, 8:25 pm

    Thank you, this is very helpful.

  • Shelby September 23, 2017, 7:41 pm

    Ok so I don’t know how to start. My boyfriend and I had a 5 year age gap. And I recently just had him end a relationship of 1 year and like 9 months. We met on Facebook through a mutual friend and talked for a couple weeks in the beginning of Dec. 2016 until his birthday in January of 2017. Three days after his birthday party he invited me back over to hangout with him and the female mutual friend (who I met through work, she was like his older sister, she told me. And his neighbor) Anyway it was just me and him hanging out for a few hours and by the end of the night he romantically asked me to be his girlfriend, because we talked for weeks before meeting and he wanted to exclusively see me and date. I said yes. Fast forward maybe a month or a couple months and things were going great. We hungout on weekends, he came into my work to see me right after he got out from work almost every other day. It was very sweet. We went to movies, we went to his friends & his parents and were doing all kinds of stuff. People I knew from work would come to his house and hangout, watch movies, play games etc. Then I finally confessed to my parents that I was staying at his house (basically living there, I stayed 3 or more nights with him.) Everythjng was exciting and fun & sweet. Fast forward a week maybe and he asked me to move in. I said yes and told my parents my decision. I’m a cluttery/messy person.. and he’s OCD. Anyway after we were together over a year he said that maybe we should break up. He said he loved me very much but the house was always a mess (and I was working a ton of late nights as a pharmacy tech & always studying so I was tired. ) He told me the house being dirty was depressing and things with our relationship weren’t as exciting as the beginning. I managed to ask him to give me another try, I promised to keep the house clean & to do more activities with him. For a few months things were great, we went to his friends almost every weekend. We enjoyed activities with his & my parents. And we still hungout with our mutual friend (his neighbor).i ended up quitting my job and we went to Florida for 2weeks. We stayed with his family along the way and I met everyone. That was this past april. Things were great. We even recently went to Wisconsin together for a family wedding. Then tragedy hit over 10 days ago. His parents had moved down south before April, and I knew he missed them a lot. He rarely spoke compared to his every day phone calls with them. They were always busy now. So he invited one of his best friends to stay for a week with us to kinda pick himself back up I guess. It created tensions between us. We went to get him downstate for the weekend and I don’t like doing things outdoors/active.. idk why. Anyway ever since then he stopped holding my hand & kissing me goodbye before work. He even stopped kissing me when he got home from work, he withdrew from me almost completely, and I’ve always been clingy. But I was coming up on 7 months with no work and money was tight so I blamed it on that. Long story short he broke up with me 10 days ago. He said we are two different people and he needs an active and clean/neat partner. And I need someone to motivate and wake me up when repetition happens because I can deal with the same thing everyday. But not him. So for the past 7 months I’ve been trying to sell soaps. And he hasn’t been exactly supportive. He doesn’t talk about it. We would fight because he wouldn’t say anything positive he just would say oh cool. But he wasn’t negative or thought it was stupid either, I got his mom into the hobby. I miss him now. I don’t know if he will ever comeback. I’m desparate.. I was with him for almost 2 years, so many memories, i moved in with him and left my family & friends behind. They lived 30 minutes from where we lived. Nobody ever visited because of distance. I was ready to marry him, and at one point he did too. But the day we broke up he said something was missing in his life and he needed time alone. I have so much I could say, but this is already too long. And I recently made an okcupid account and found he had reactivsted his old one. I am so depressed that he’s moving on already. He didn’t want to give me anymore chances to change and he didn’t want to fix things.. But he swore up and down he’s always supported and loved me. He said he still loves me but we don’t work. Somebody please reply, I’m losing my best friend and the man I love. I know couples can change & grow together in relationships, I just feel because he’s depressed and isolated from everybody hat he’s pushing me away too.. I can do but leave him alone because he doesn’t like to message me anymore. I had a new phone he persuaded me to get with him when he wanted one too, everything was contract & in his name. It was a hassle to get it switched back to me & make payments w/o a job. Same with my car insurance. We were looking at houses and everything. It was like overnight he changed..

    • Judy October 29, 2017, 12:18 pm

      I believe all your problems started when you lost your identity. Who are you?
      We are all attractive when we proudly exhibit and live who we are. Your confidence is better and you generally glow from the inside out.
      Consider these things and also go back to work, earning some worthwhile money. Love yourself enough to change if you think you are a messy/ cluttery person(it’s always a put off).
      Finally, desperation never gave a solution to any problem… Enjoy the time out and develop yourself to the point of envy when he sees you.
      Contact me for coaching if necessary.
      Love, Judy

      • Jessica February 5, 2018, 8:24 pm

        Just I have some similarities to this but not all. What kind of coaching do you offer/are you referring to?

  • frankie September 22, 2017, 9:55 pm

    I have been seeing a guy for just about a year. His job is giving him a lot of stress and he became much more distant. For a whole year, he never missed a good morning or night text. We never texted all day long as we are both busy but that one morning text we sent each other was just enough to let us both know we were thinking of one another. His stopped pretty abruptly. My initial reaction was to panic and I did in a way but didn’t let him see that. Last weekend he apologized for not texting me so much but to trust that he still loves me. I was a bit stumped because I never once verbalized anything about the non texting issue, so I wondered why he would say that. I asked him if he would prefer me not text him at all during the week ( which I never did anyway, only one morning text and maybe a “have a good afternoon”) and he said yes, unless it was important.
    I thought that was pretty lame and of course I wanted to unleash on his ass but just said, sure! No problem. And, that is exactly what I did. I simply backed off.
    By Wednesday he was midnight texting me repeated I miss you…I love you so much…I miss you….
    Go figure! So, my suggestion is to not freak out, back off in a mature way and let him know that you don’t *need* him as much as he thinks you do.

  • p September 4, 2017, 7:35 am

    since 3 months we know each other..after a big conflict and feeling suffocated by me ..he has his own work related and family issues which I dint know earlier and I always kept him accusing n blaming for why is he ignoring me..but he has always been very polite inspite of my anger n anxiety..he needs space and told me he loves me and will call me back..just a second day

    • Shelby September 23, 2017, 7:58 pm

      I’m going through almost the same thing with an almost 2 year relationship.. We lived together for over a year and he is OCD and I’m a clutter/messy person.. I always would say our apartment was too small & couldn’t fit all of our stuff. He just would say that I had too much junk & didn’t clean good enough. :( Anyway we broke up over 10 days ago because he said I couldn’t change. So much stuff was happening with his family (parents moved to another state) and he could see/talk to them anymore. He became depressed, and withdrew emotionally from me. He barely even talked to me. I withdrew from him for a week before the breakup when his friend came over because he was also distant and it created tension between us. I went to my moms the weekend he took his friend home because they wanted boy time. I became clingy the day before he made me leave. I hope your situation worked itself out and you two are together or are working on things! Mine said that we were done for good, I’m not right for him even though he still loves me. I’m just waiting in limbo & silence for him to come back.

  • Kit August 30, 2017, 12:34 am

    Is this same for Marriage couple?

  • Kelly August 13, 2017, 11:19 am

    I experienced this just recently with my man as he was really stressed out with work and started being distant. I backed off and did not call or text him. I started letting him do all the work and it only took about a week for him to miss me like crazy. He even said he didn’t know what had come over him but he couldn’t stop thinking about me all day. In that time, I started a new workout and got busy. He loved that and now he’s giving me all this attention again. Don’t be scared to give your man space ladies and do you. It’s healthy and helps you to take better care of you too.

    • Shelby September 23, 2017, 8:29 pm

      Hey Kelly, pretty much the same here.. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years, I moved in with him after a few months because everything was going great and he wanted to spend more time together. I was aware he was OCD, and he was aware that I was not a neat person. I live in clutter. My parents live in the country so we didn’t have anyplace to dispose of unwanted items/clothes or garbage. (We burn our garbage) anyway that’s how my life was, and it became a habit to be cluttery. I had More things than I needed, I never got rid of anything old. And I have issues with my own family where nobody talks to anybody. I was extremely close to my parents because we never had anybody else. Anyway, I told my boyfriend before I moved in that I was messy and made him promise not to ever give up on me, to be patient and to motivate me because I’m not self motivated unless it comes to work. At home I’m lazy and relax, I am not active. Lately he’s been dealing with a lot of stress, massive amounts of overtime for the past couple months and his parents left to live in a state 5 states away from us down south. Communication with them has become harder because of Hurricanes & their busy schedules. So as a result he became depressed. Our only friend and neighbor we hungout with slowly became depressed too, and she stopped hanging out with us. Our world got smaller, just me & him. And he stopped doing ANYTHING pretty much. He was sleeping a lot and I can’t recall before our breakup any time we spent together (aside from going to a wedding & to get a friend of his who stayed for a week.) AND WE LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE. I feel his depression was a result of his own actions, he stopped doing things he use to. And me not having a job made me cling to every second we spent together. Just everything came crashing down on us. I feel we didn’t fail each other like he thinks, because we are both different. But rather I feel we just were going through a rough patch that happens with couples. The honeymoon wore off. We had to put effort in now because things were depressing and not easy. And he thought it was underlining issues so he no longer wanted to work things out. I hope you two fixed things. How are you?

  • Karla July 23, 2017, 5:57 am

    He suddenly wanted a break, said i would get too jealous and needed space, I fought him so he said nvm I’m too aggressive. Then I kept messaging him and he said he was seriously going to give me a chance but that now that I freaked him out. I had never reacted this way w him but I really did not want to lose him. He used to love me so much and showed so much affection but it was so much that it kind of got to me and I loved him a lot for it, he eventually needed space because he went through alcohol problems in the past and needed to stay active in helping and running since he is sponsored. Eventually he told me no, he will not promise me he was taking a break anymore.
    We spend so much time together. I now see that was not good. Will he still come back after no contact period?
    I have started hanging w friends, never post anything negative on fb and he still follows me on social media but makes no attempt to contact me. I try to look like it doesn’t bother me and my life has moved on.

  • Kandius July 12, 2017, 4:00 am

    Earlier this year. I had gone to Europe to visit my friend. On my way back I stopped in Dubai while in transit to catch flight back home. I went into my Tinder app. Matched with a guy who later began chatting with me. Long story short. He and chatted in for a month. It was cool but hadnt expected to go anywhere as I’m live in South Africa and he an American lived amd worked in the middle east. In that month of our chats I lost my job which was such a big blow to me. He had taken a liking to me so much that he wanted me to visit him in the US all expenses paid. Very hesitant initially but decided to take the plunge. Didn’t get the US visa in time so we decided to meet in Dubai for a few days as thier visa process was faster. Flights booked and paid for. Visa ready. Just has to travel. By this stage he was so into me. He even said hesees me innocent his future and wants a life with me. Promised to look after me financially in my time of unemployment. I had no expectations of this statement. So is great. He sent me money regularly to for support which was very kind. So I went to Dubai he had booked us into a great hotel. Day 1 was lovely. Day 2 was ok started becoming very distant. Day 3. Left me entire day in hotel alone came back 2am. Day 4 ignored me all day until I had to catch flight home late that day. When asked. Just says im dealing with unexpected stuff. That’s it. So im like what must i do or can I help you through it. Just said he needs time. Distant and dismissive. Felt like an irritation to me for those days. I’m heartbroken. I was so accommodating. I got back home amd he didn’t bother to ask If I got home ok. So my question is whether or not what must i do

    • Darby September 2, 2017, 6:32 am

      This sounds bad and like he wasn’t interested. Move on. Any man who leaves you in a hotel together when you live far away and have limited time together is not interested in you.

  • bintang July 5, 2017, 7:59 am

    now i realize why does he act so cold to me lately.

  • vanessa June 21, 2017, 7:17 pm

    Im in the current situation right now… He wants space for me being paranoid for past few weeks.. I really dont know wat to do, he is so busy and stressed from work.. He asked for space, i ask him if he is breaking up with me he said no he just need time and space for the meantime… Need your advice please… I dont want us to be apart i really love him..

    • Sue July 1, 2017, 2:20 pm

      My guy said he needed a little space to figure his sh*t out. That he didn’t know what he meant or needed, but he knew he loves me.

      I’m so confused. That was a month ago. I’ve been leaving him alone since but it’s killing me.

      Any word on your situation?

  • Cldboston June 7, 2017, 2:59 pm

    I’m in the middle of this situation right now and it’s brutal. Going on 2 1/2 weeks of space with little contact after he was completely overwhelmed and stressed about work and life for weeks and just broke. Basically asked me for some time and understanding but there’s no end currently in sight.

    • Sue July 1, 2017, 2:18 pm

      I’m almost at a month for my guy. What happened with your situation?

  • Zuzeth May 31, 2017, 6:54 am

    It’s really hard to experience this moment but the most important thing we can do to our partner is to pray for him for God give him peace.. let’s keep praying for our relationship, have faith because God is good.. and sadness turn to joy as God says…

  • lucy May 23, 2017, 6:32 pm

    try to look at things from his perspective and you’ll find it a bit easier to give him the space he needs for the moment

  • cameron May 22, 2017, 2:58 pm

    every woman needs this information. this is something we should all be aware of so that when this happens to us, we know what to do.

  • imee May 18, 2017, 9:03 pm

    this is very effective, just make sure you give him just enough space to think things through or to take care of his personal/career related issues.

  • krissy May 16, 2017, 2:55 pm

    this made me realize how important it is to listen to your partner and understand his needs as much as your own.

  • joyce May 15, 2017, 3:48 pm

    a little space is vital sometimes. even women need it too, so respect his need for it and he’ll appreciate you more than ever.

  • iya May 10, 2017, 3:33 pm

    don’t go chasing after him once you decide to give him the space he needs. make him miss you and let him come back to you by himself, not by force.

  • claire May 9, 2017, 5:53 pm

    i’ll brave it and try this tips you mentioned. hope he still comes back to me in the end.

  • sharlyn May 8, 2017, 11:59 pm

    thanks for the tips, i would be panicky w/out having read this.

  • luisa May 3, 2017, 1:56 pm

    never go chasing after him. this will only worsen the situation. if you were in his shoes and you needed some space, you would feel the same.

  • jennylyn May 2, 2017, 5:30 pm

    im gonna try this and keep my fingers crossed he’d still choose to come back to me after. i have also made a lot of mistakes in the past, i hope we can start fresh.

    • cez January 23, 2018, 8:21 pm

      can you please twll me what happened? did you give him space he needed? did it work out well? how long did it take? thank you

  • belle May 1, 2017, 12:25 pm

    ok, i somehow get it now. it’s just too hard for me tolet go even for a little while. i’m too scated he won’t come back anymore. :'(

  • janina April 26, 2017, 2:22 pm

    this is actually a good read and something to learn from

  • ciara April 24, 2017, 3:23 pm

    thank you for enlightening me. i feel like my man is going to leave me soon bec he’s been really distant. if he wants space, im gonna try to follow your advice.

  • jen April 23, 2017, 11:59 pm

    ok, now i seem to get it somehow. i just hope he really comes back after this

  • tracey April 20, 2017, 11:49 pm

    good if he comes running back to you. but what if he doesn’t and he meet someone else along the way?? :(

  • flerida April 18, 2017, 12:06 am

    this makes sense to me now. thanks!

  • donna April 11, 2017, 2:00 pm

    thank you for these tips. i sure do feel a lot lighter now

  • Pumeza April 10, 2017, 1:44 pm

    I’m feeling better now

  • pearl April 10, 2017, 8:40 am

    these are really great ideas. hard to do but will surely benefit in the end

  • lauryn April 6, 2017, 7:04 pm

    yeah sure..so easy to say let him be and allow him to miss you. but when in that situation, i don’t know if could handle it!

  • Becky April 5, 2017, 11:55 pm

    This is very helpful to women who do not realize it is most of the times healthy for the relationship

  • darlene April 4, 2017, 9:14 pm

    this is an eye-opener for a lot of women out there. i hope it reaches those who really need to learn from this post

  • doreen April 3, 2017, 10:03 am

    just make him feel you are there for him whatever his circumstances are.

  • marinelle April 1, 2017, 8:42 pm

    Ok, ill try this and see if i could

  • mandy March 31, 2017, 3:38 am

    this is very helpful! will definitely follow your advise! :)

  • "Leah Evers" March 27, 2017, 4:26 pm

    Great advice

  • raelyn March 26, 2017, 11:56 pm

    if only you are guaranteed that he’ll come running back to you

  • marcie March 23, 2017, 2:38 pm

    having him to miss you after a while is the best feeling! he’d pamper you and it does feel great!

  • Keira March 22, 2017, 1:10 pm

    i sure learned a lot from this. thank you for your efforts in helping women

  • winnie March 21, 2017, 8:30 pm

    this is a great reminder for women..i believe a lot can get help from this

    • christy September 10, 2018, 11:03 am

      thanks

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