Sometimes you can feel like everything is falling apart after you break up with someone you loved. Look – there’s no getting past it, breakups suck. They suck hard. There’s not a lot in the realm of relationships that’s crappier than a bad breakup, especially after feeling him withdrawing from you and not knowing how to stop it.
Or feel the shocking, overwhelming pain of being cheated on especially when you never saw it coming.
All your emotions will be swirling in a tempest of pain and raging raw feeling, and it will seem like it’s going to go on forever.
It won’t though. Eventually you’ll be fine – and move on stronger than you were before.
Of course, it helps to have some guidance on how to get from “I can’t get out of bed in the morning” to “Oh, that guy? so over him.”
Take The Quiz: Is He Selfish?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Selfish” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really selfish…
So here’s exactly how to get over even the worst breakup and stay strong.
1. Deal With Your Grief
Look – when you have a break up, it’s going to suck. You’re going to be in pain. You’re going to feel real grief.
And that’s totally normal. The point is, even in the best of circumstances, breaking up is a hard thing to do. It flat out hurts, and carrying around that hurt inside you is a totally normal part of the breakup process (1).
Just remember you’re not alone – everyone’s gone through this at some point, and that the pain you’re feeling is totally normal.
And here’s the thing about grief – you can’t pretend it’s not there. You can’t pretend like everything’s fine, and you’re not feeling awful. You can’t deny the grief.
Truth is, you’ve gotta just let it out. If you’ve got grief and sadness inside you, it’s going to come out one way or the other, and you want to let it out in the most natural way possible (2).
So if you feel like crying, cry! If you feel like doing nothing besides sobbing in bed all day, that’s fine. You’ve gotta just let the grief run its course.
A great way to allow your body to process your grief is to express it creatively. If you’re sick of crying, you can try writing a poem, or a song, or painting something to express how you’re feeling.
One thing to avoid is letting your grief and anger out through rage, or through breaking things. That’s not going to make you feel better, it will probably only make you feel more angry.
Remember, it’s about expressing how you feel. The sooner you put a name on your feelings and express them, the sooner you can work through them and stop letting them make you feel so horrible.
A great way to express your feelings is to put them down in writing. Remember – you can be as honest as you want when you’re writing in a notebook, because you don’t have to show it to anybody(3).
Try writing for 15 minutes every day for 3 days, and see how you feel at the end of it. You want to get your deepest thoughts and feelings out in the open (for yourself) so that you can process them.
Remember – no one has to read this, so don’t worry about making it “good”, just focus on making it honest.
Related: 20 Signals That You Should Move On And It’s Time To Let Go
Did you finish the last step? Good. Now it’s time to re-examine your writing.
Look back at what you’ve written and take some time to examine how you were feeling – try to really figure out why you were feeling that way. When you think about your emotions – like where they come from and what they stem from – you can fully understand them and process them better.
Let me give you an example – after a breakup, a very common reaction from people is that they’re never going to find anyone else, and that no one will find them attractive or even loveable again.
This is a very common fear – and one that is proven wrong again and again when people find someone else after a breakup. Working through this means understanding it’s a natural reaction, while also realizing that it’s simply not true, and lots of people in this world love you, even though that one person doesn’t.
Try looking for phrases that are absolute and permanent, like “I’m never going to find someone as good as him,” or “I won’t ever get over him, ever.” Recognize that while you might feel that way, those statements simply aren’t true.
You can take those statements and rephrase them so that they’re not so extreme and devastating. For instance, change “I’ll never get over him,” to “I miss him a lot right now, but this is just one portion of my life.”
Remember – the only constant in life is change. Things are changing, always, for better and for worse. That means that as much as this hurts right now, eventually it will get better, no matter what. All it takes is time.
One great way to get yourself feeling better and counter all the negative energy swirling inside you is to repeat positive things to yourself during the day.
Chances are, you’re telling yourself some pretty negative stuff in your brain after a breakup. Balance it out with positives too.
You can tell yourself things like “I am a worthwhile and lovable person, and people love me,” “I may feel terrible right now but eventually I’ll feel better,” and “I’m hurting because of chemicals in my brain, which I can’t control and which won’t last forever.”
A bad breakup will take away your self-worth and your self esteem. This is going to sound hokey, but to push things back in the right direction, take some time to sit down and write out positives about yourself.
If you want to counter all the negative self-judgement, write down the things that are good and worth loving about yourself.
Think of things that you can do, things that you’re good at, things that you’re proud of. Think of the reasons why you like yourself, and the reasons that you feel good inside – like if you have a great sense of humor or an infectious laugh.
Remember compliments that other people have paid you that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Those sincere compliments are as true today as they were the day you got them, so remember that they were sincere and that you’re worth loving!
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support from the people who love you. People who love you and want to support you will be there for you after you’ve gone through something tough like a breakup, they’re just waiting for you to ask them for help.
You can talk to your parents, siblings and friends about how you’re feeling – and be honest with them. They’ll be able to listen to and accept your true feelings and give you the support and advice you’re looking for.
Don’t worry if you don’t agree with your friends or family’s advice – it’s enough just to listen and know that they’re making an effort to help you. If you don’t want to follow it that’s totally fine, but remember that they’re giving you advice because they want you to feel better.
2. Keeping Yourself Strong
The next step in a breakup is all about limiting the chances of making a mistake as much as possible, and staying strong in yourself.
If that means deleting your ex’s number out of your phone, so be it. If that means blocking his number, defriending him on facebook and social media, and cutting him out of your life – that’s totally fine.
If you really want to heal and move on, it means you have to cut off contact with your ex for the foreseeable future. Even if you’re feeling desperate to hear his voice, don’t do it! All you’ll do is make yourself feel worse.
Next, you want to get rid of the things that strongly remind you of him. If you’ve got gifts, stuffed animals, or photos around your room or home, now’s the time to box them up and put them in the closet.
Remember to get rid of photos of the two of you from your social media so you don’t see his face when you’re not expecting it and feel terrible all over again.
Try not to do the things you two did together for a little while. If you had a specific lunch spot, or a ritual you used to do together, it’s best to avoid that for a while.
Absolutely avoid trying to “take revenge” on your ex. Whatever he did, it’s not worth getting in trouble or arrested for slashing his tires or spraypainting the side of his car.
Don’t spread rumors, don’t attack him in any way, and don’t indulge that negativity. All it does is tie you to something you’d rather move on from, and keep the cycle of negativity spinning.
That means no stalking, no phone calls, no gossip. The best revenge for a bad ex is simply moving on and feeling better – and then dating someone better than him.
More: Six Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Try To “Stay Friends” With Your Ex
After a breakup, it might be tempting to make a big decision or a big change – like changing your whole look, hair color, or even deciding to move.
Whatever you do – don’t do it. Post breakup, you’re not really thinking clearly. Everything you’re thinking about is related to him and the breakup, and you might not be able to see that right now.
So it’s definitely not the time to make any big decisions in your life. Instead, write down the decision and promise that you’ll look at it a month or two from now. If you still want to do it – go for it.
One great way to keep yourself from making a mistake is simply by keeping yourself busy. If you’re sitting at home alone, thinking about him, you’ve got a much greater chance of slipping up.
But if you spend time doing something, anything, just whatever it takes to keep your mind busy and not thinking about him, it makes it much less likely that you mess up and contact him.
Try watching a new tv show, reading a new book, or picking up a new hobby, or even channeling your pain into the gym. Whatever it takes, if you’re keeping your brain busy thinking about what you’re doing rather than him, it’s a victory.
Speaking of the gym, exercise is a great way to start getting over a breakup. First of all, you’re going to have a ton of negative energy swirling inside you. What better place to put it than into your workout?
Second, working out is going to accomplish another goal other than taking your mind off things – and that’s getting you into better shape.
Think about it – what better way to rub it in your ex’s face that he made a mistake than getting yourself into the best shape of your life?
3. Finding Your Stride
If you’re working on hobbies and other things to keep your mind off him, and you’re dealing with your emotions, the next step is to start moving on.
And the best way to move on is simple – have fun! I know it might seem impossible in the position you’re in right now, but if you wait for a while and take the advice above, you’ll start feeling like fun might not be an impossible notion.
Try doing the things you love doing – like seeing your friends, going dancing, hiking, or whatever makes you happy. Whatever you do – remember, laughter will help more than anything else!
A great tactic for feeling better is to give yourself rewards for good behavior. Didn’t think about contacting your ex in a day? That’s a great opportunity to give yourself a treat, like your favorite desert.
Another great way to start feeling better is to go shopping after a breakup – which can help you boost your confidence and buy some clothes that don’t remind you of your ex.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to get out and be with people after a breakup. When you stay home alone, you can get caught going in circles in your brain thinking about him and feeling worse and worse.
Instead, find any reason to get out of the house and mingle with other people. Try volunteering somewhere close to you, picking up a hobby that you do with a group of people.
Volunteering especially is a great idea – because it will help others around you while also making yourself feel better – because you’re helping people.
This phase of a breakup is all about positivity, positivity, positivity. We talked a lot about remembering positive things about yourself earlier, and now it’s time to put that into action.
If you’re feeling negative, recognize it and counter it with something positive. Your goal when you wake up in the morning is to feel good, and to try to feel good for the rest of the day.
One great way to keep yourself positive is to surround yourself with positive people. Emotions bleed between people a lot, more than you’d think, and if you hang out with negative people, you’re going to find yourself feeling negative. The same is true if you hang out with positive people, so do that and you’ll start feeling better quickly.
4. Putting Him Behind You And Moving On
The first step in putting the breakup behind you is simple – you’ve got to forgive him.
That might seem impossible now, but after you follow the other advice in this list, you’ll move closer and closer to being able to do it.
As soon as you’re able to forgive your ex for how the relationship ended and why, you’ll be farther down the path of moving on from your breakup.
Remember – forgiving him isn’t about letting him off the hook or saying that what he did was “ ok “. It’s about saying that you’re not going to let it make you angry anymore – that it has no power over you anymore, and that you’ve moved past it and forgiven him.
Once you forgive him, you’ll be able to start moving on and forgetting the intensity of the relationship. This is normal – it happens to every single person, and it’s a consequence of the passage of time. Think about what you can learn from the relationship, allow yourself to forgive him, and then allow yourself to start forgetting about him.
You can take some time to think about the relationship, but eventually you’ll have to start thinking about the present and the future, rather than the past. If you spend all your time in the past, you’ll never move on from it.
That’s why this is a good time to think about what went on in the relationship and if there’s any way you can learn from it before you move on. Are there lessons you can take from this? Is there anything you would have done differently?
Try to see if you can find patterns in your relationships, and similarities between this past relationship and others you’ve had. Did the same mistakes crop up again? Is he similar to your other exes? This is all good information to be cognizant of and remember for the future.
Remember – everything that happens to you is something you can learn from. Even though breakups are terrible and feel awful, it doesn’t mean you can’t use them as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your life.
Take the time to explore your individuality and allow yourself to be your own person. In every relationship, two people come together closely and give up part of their individuality to be with each other.
Now that you’re on your own again, you can rediscover your individuality, one step at a time.
Remember what makes you you, what you like about yourself, and all the quirks and amazing things that make you unique.
All relationships take compromise, and yours was no exception. What did you compromise with him about? Think about that – and decide not to make any compromises in your life right now. After all, you’ve got no one you need to compromise for – it’s time to get what you want, how you want it.
As time passes, you might fall into a “comfortable” rut where you still feel bad, but not bad enough anymore to do anything about it. It’s easy to get complacent and stop working towards getting better and moving forward.
That’s why it’s so important to push yourself and get out of your comfort zone after a breakup. You’re probably not feeling amazing about yourself, so give yourself some reasons to feel good and confident by getting out there and doing things you’re afraid to do.
Start with something small that challenges you and grow it from there. Don’t take any huge leaps – but definitely push yourself to get outside your comfort zone and try new things. That’s the only way to grow.
The last and most important piece of advice is this – you’ve got to give yourself time.
The only thing that will truly and completely heal a broken heart is the passage of time. Every piece of advice above is a way to speed this process up – but no matter what, it’s going to take time.
And that’s totally natural. As time passes, you’ll gain more experience, feel a little bit better each day, and gain perspective on the breakup.
And when you’re finally over the breakup, you won’t even realize it. You’ll just wake up one morning and your first thought won’t be of him. Or you’ll go all day without thinking of him and not even realize you did it. That’s when you know you’re truly past it and over him, and you’ve moved on with your life.
Want to find out if he’s really selfish? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Selfish” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really selfish…
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How To Be Strong After A Breakup
- Deal with your grief by not pushing it away and instead accepting it and processing it.
- Keep yourself strong by removing chances to contact him and getting rid of things that remind you of him.
- Focus on your hobbies and things you like to do to make yourself feel better.
- Start to focus on the present and the future rather than the past, and open your heart to other people.
it’s only been 2 days since I broke up with my boyfriend whom promised he wouldn’t leave me but he did it l promised he wouldn’t leave me but he did …I feel so messed up and I can’t hold the tears ….I just cry …I feel very bad ….and I feel like it’s too pain in my heart …I sent him a text telling him thank you for the lesson and I’m now ready to stay strong if I canI miss him very much, and I take 1week leave to calming down, I hope I can be strong to live without him, its 4year relationship
The pain is so hard I feel like my heart is about to pop out of my chest. I miss her so much! Who were together for a year and a half in a long distance relationship. Everything was fine until the day that I got sick from depression anxiety after taking a trip together to London. I got so sick that I ended up in the ER twice with depression and anxiety because I was missing her so much. I tried for two months went to different therapists I talked to my girl but nobody seems to understand what I was going through. It was really the worst feeling have ever felt in my life I felt like the world was just sitting on top of me. At the end I started to become possessive during those two months I was checking on her social media 24/7 and if she didn’t text me in the morning or certain times I will go crazy with my phone desperate for to hear her. I wanted to close the distance so I asked her if maybe we could be in the same city in one year and she told me no. So I felt like it was time for me to move on what will I be in a relationship that has no future. Has anybody been through something similar to this please help.
Im feeling the same way litterly
Going thru a break up right now. The mornings are the worst for me. I was the one that initiated The Break-Up and it’s killing me . I miss her so much. The reason I broke up with her was because after the last time we saw each other I went into a bad depression and anxiety. I ended up in the ER twice and I was trying so hard to work with my depression I went to different Therapies but nothing seems to work . The long-distance relationship was just killing me. After reading all these comments I actually feel a little better for now.
Crying right now
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 yrs we have been good tho it was a long distance relationship we have been planning on getting married at the end of this year . He belongs to my Mum’s clan I told him that when we had just met en he replied that it’s ok it’s not a big issue so when he told his father about it , he was ok tho his clan leaders told him it’s not right that we can’t go on with the wedding arrangements and according to his texts it’s like he is now backing up his elders’s idea yet he told me to tell my people about the wedding plans . I can’t even face my people and tell them that there is no wedding, am so hurt , I can’t eat , can’t sleep even tho he hasn’t told me it’s over but according to his texts and replies it’s like we can’t be together. It’s now 5days am really trying so hard to let it go and move on but have totally failed. He’s in UK and am in Uganda we wah actually planning working on my papers so that I can join him after the wedding it’s all in vein now. I brk down and cry every single day I honestly don’t know how to go through it
This break up sucks feeling so low and not able to do any thing… getting hurt so much. I don’t know when I’ll get through this and be happy… Worst experience in life…
I was so shocked and kind of scared at same time after a man I met online helped me get back my ex after we recently broke up. it worked so quickly, first started with phone calls then she came home like nothing happen. I can suggest anyone to this person who helped me. got result in 2weeks
A few days ago I found out my Kong distannce boyfriend, someone I kept everything on hold for for the past 2 years has been living with his girlfriend whom I dint know about for the past 10years.. and they are planning on a wedding this heat december.
I’ve tried crying cause I’m a crying person to let it out but no tear comes out….
I broke up with my gf because she don’t show me the love that she said she has for me and I do believe that she loves me but she don’t show it to me and its not just that but also I don’t see her a lot like once a month or every two weeks, I was with her for 7 months and I broke up about two weeks ago and it’s been so hard on me I just don’t know what to do.
I tried to talk to her and get her back and I wanted her to work with me but she said that nothing will change and she started crying because she can’t give me what I want which is the love I want to see and to get to hang out with her as well, I think about her every single day and I want her back but in the same time I feel like I deserve better cuz everything I showed her was love and care and everything a girl wish’s for.
What should I do, can someone help me?
Our breakup situations are the same. My partner broke up with me and there is no going back. She said her feelings have “faded” and that was the hardest thing to hear her say. I was in total shock and I feel like I still am since this just happened a few days ago. We were together for almost 3 years. It was devastating..the one thing I’ve done that was so hard for me and I’ve never done this before, was tell her I couldn’t be friends with her. I needed her to not contact me. By far, it was so hard. I deleted her off my accounts and social media. I just couldn’t bare it and torture myself by being her friend and stalking her on social media it wasn’t going to be healthy for me. She wanted to stay friends but I just see myself eventually try to win her back. I’m pretty stuck. What are some things you do to get your mind off of her? It is taking so much of my energy thinking I want to contact her so bad but I’d just be torturing myself.
Hey Im going thu this same situation right now. Broke uo with GF 2 weeks ago. Right now is killing me. She ontacted me 2 times during this 2 weeks and both told each other that we miss one another and that we love each other, but Im.really not ready mentaly right now specially the she is another continen. How did your situation ended up. Thanks
Hey everyone, I feel this ridiculous tension between me and my girlfriend, and I think it’s time to move on. She’s the most amazing girl I’ve ever met but she’s not interested in me anymore. It took me a bit to accept that. I felt so hurt and insecure inside the relationship. I’m now realizing that life is too short to let anyone hold you back. Life is too short to wake up in the morning and sit in bed and sulk. Life is too short to be with someone that doesn’t make you happy. Spend every second of your life like it’s the last and don’t be afraid to let go. You deserve better. Live life to the fullest and let go of the things that hold you back from happiness. You don’t need validation to know your worth. Your amazing and one of a kind. Be yourself, it’s beautiful.
Thank you for this. Sounds like a very similar thing to what I have experienced. It’s all so fresh so seeking ways to feel better but this has helped.
She called me the other nite and left me a voicemail asking me to please forgive her. I can’t forgive her for what she did it’s not that I don’t want to but I just can’t. She has never been a woman and come to me and apologize to me. I apologized to her one time for calling her a homewrecker. That was before I new the truth plus when I went and apologized to her I never in my dreams thought she could have ever done something like this to me cause she had promised me that she could never cause me that kinda pain and I believed her cause she was married. I don’t know if i will ever be able to ever forgive her let alone ever see her. I truly hate her.
My boyfriend just left me on November 17th after a 11 years together. He cheated on me with a good friend of mine I thought she was she was married so I never so it coming plus I found out that they were sleeping together in our house and the bed we shared while I was at work. They are not together anymore cause she chose her husband plus he started sleeping with someone else but now he is with that other person and they only live two streets down from me and plus she just got a job next door to where I work so o have to look at her everyday and then when I get home i still have to look at both of them or just him everyday. I am still in love with him cause he was the first person to ever have my whole heart. I still feel so dead inside and empty. I don’t go outside cause I dont want to see them. I really haven’t had a chance to break down I still cry and I put on this fake smile and try and act like it doesn’t hurt or bother me when really it’s killing me on the inside. A part of me wants him to come back home but then again I can’t go through this pain again. I just wish he would just talk to me and say I am sorry and I won’t him to listen to me about the pain he caused me and still causing me. There is this saying that says you really never know how much u love someone until you see them love someone else. That is so true.
Hi everyone. My boyfriend broke up with me again last week. We have been on and off for a year, but this break up seems final. He has kept blocking and unblocking my number since he broke up with me, but hasn’t been answering his phone and hasn’t contacted me himself. On the same week he broke up with me, his ex girlfriend got in touch to say that she wanted to send him a message to his inbox but it wasn’t working, so she asked him to text her. He said he had lost her number and she said she couldn’t write what she was going to say in a comment as everyone would see it ( I felt suspicious about that). He asked if she still had his number. She said she didn’t, but she left her phone number on there. He didn’t reply to her comment where she left her number, so I am not sure if he has contacted her or not. I am so hurt and confused. He told me that we couldn’t be together because we keep arguing and he said he has depression and a lot of stress with his job at the moment and his mother has been ill with cancer for a long time and his friends have been putting a lot of pressure on him to do things for them lately. It seems like he has been drinking a lot too as I have seen him in that kind of state recently. The last time I saw him was three days ago. He was drunk then. I saw him by chance in town. He told me then that he was going to see the doctor. He kept shouting and swearing at me and telling me to leave him alone, and he ran away from me. Just a couple.of days before that though, he told me that he still loved me and wanted to be friends and see how it goes. What should I do?. If my number is still unblocked, should I contact him or wait for him to contact me?. What do you think about his ex girlfriend being in touch?. He always said that we shouldn’t be bothered about exes (one thing I was uncomfortable about was him keeping in touch with another ex girlfriend before this one for back in touch) , but now he has replied to her. I am so confused. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or not that she got in touch with him at the same time that he said he wanted to break up.
i have also been through a hard breakup that blow me off. being totally off from life and happiness, i didn’t have much friendly or family support as i was dealing with this on my own. it all came by surprise on new year’s eve when he said it’s a new year and our relationship was not working and we should all go our separate ways. i feel hurt and frustrated, depression, i lost so much it’s 17 days now am trying hard to move on. i tried begging him to accept me back but he want me to move on. i was so attached to him i couldn’t bear living without him. my work is affected, my social life. i just graduated from university he did not even congratulate me. now he said he will block me cuz he can’t be seen making my life miserable, i ask him to block me everywhere so that i won’t be a stalker to him. am trying hard not to contact him but it is been very very hard. it’s not my first break up but the hardest break up as i love him and i still do. but i want to move on and forget about him. i need advice
I just broke up with my boyfriend after 5 months dating everything seems so perfect and I thought he was happy with me untill I was admitted to hospital with allergy reaction he never came to see or text me ….my last day with him was on the 16th of Decemeber after he has intorduced me to his family.I can’t deal with the loss and the pain is too much to handle.When we met he was unemployed and i was the one footing the bills.He just dissapered after getting the job and had we planned to get married this year.I am just so shattered and the pain of losing him is killing me every day
Hey – I feel so bad. I would say that it’s better you came to know about him before the marriage. After the wedding it would have been more painful. I believe, you can judge people better now.
take it easy, its nt the end of life
im a girl myself
me and my partner of 3 and 1/2 years split up just yesterday i haven’t slept a wink i haven’t eaten since yesterday morning i went to work come home and she had packed all her stuff and left i didnt see it coming im so broken how do i move on i dont know what happend we were going to get married and now shes gone i feel like i cant breathe she sent me a text and said its over and shes leaving town i love her so much it hurts someone help me get through this
How is everything now? Better?
I just broke up again with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. The relationship was complicated habit ultimately it boiled down to me putting in more than he did. I’ve sacrificed so much and was completely in love with him unconditionally despite everything. I just couldn’t take feeling like an option anymore when I made him a priority. It’s only been 2 days this time, I know he thinks I’m so predictable and will come back but this time I am fighting to remain strong and stay away. I hope I can start to heal from this whole experience very soon and that I don’t have a relapse.
Hello Christina, sorry for the break up. My girlfriend broke up with me and went for the ex boyfriend. We have been together 3 yrs now, sacrificed for her,made her feel loved, appreciated her, supported her but guess what happened, she traveled and met her ex and they got together again. she called me to tell me we cant be together again and even if we can be, she cant love me as she love the ex.
Hey. Reading these comments, it’s good to know we are all not alone. It’s been 23 days since my breakup (yes I’ve been counting) from a relationship that lasted over 2 1/2 years. The first few days it felt like someone quite literally ripped my heart out of my chest. I’m no where near even 10% healed. But I don’t wake up crying anymore. For anyone that’s going through heartbreak, just remember you are worth it. Take it one minute at a time if you have to. Spending time with friends who make me laugh and taking the time to write my feelings has helped a bit. But feel everything. It’s how we’ll heal. For me one of the worst parts is not knowing what my ex is feeling. Are they missing me too? Our reason for breaking up was a fixable reason in my eyes. But those are the breaks. I wish everyone on this page lots of love, laughter, and happiness moving forward.
Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. I do feel a bit better than before, but the sadness is still there. I still cry, I still wonder and sometimes blame myself. Im still hoping he will contact me, I wonder how he is doing. It’s really hard for me to really see a way out of this at the time. How long did it take you to heal completely?
I feel so bad right now because is hard and difficult to forget someone u love so much, someone u called ur everything, u sacrifice a lot for but paid u back with evil and heartbreak, is just 5 days we broke up but is well everything will be fine, just need some advice that will help me to be strong
It has been a month since I was dumped by my ex who was also the man that I knew I was going tobapend the rest of my life with. It has really hit me hard. I just take one day at a time. I’m still in shock and disbelief. We haven’t even discussed anything. He just expressed that he was done and that was it.
Hello Mariaa: What if your man wasn’t expressive as you expected him to be? If you had choose to ignore him thinking it’s bliss then it may be a mistake. You can find yourself being passionate about everything and offcourse everybody wants such a person next to them. But your real happiness sustains with the person who is passionate about you. Just think what are the odds that your man came across your post on this site. Doesn’t this one thing prove enough that what you both had for each other was true and meant to be together.
Getting lost is a great way of finding yourself. This is where you find yourself. You are capable of loving infinitely, you know that – don’t you? , so now’s the time to shower a bit of it on yourself, give yourself a treat which can be gifts, delicacies or pack your bags and go get into some adventure, relive your old and powerful hobbies, write down your sorrows in a piece of paper and forget it for once and for all. Be a passionate person in everything you do and people crave for such kind of person. Everything gets better once you start believing in yourself and who says no one does because I do, I believe in you. :) Now get going and get over it, a lot of adventures await your presence. Go!
it’s only been 2 days since I broke up with my boyfriend whom promised he wouldn’t cheat but did who l promised he wouldn’t leave me but he did …I feel so messed up and I can’t hold the tears ….whenever I’m a love I just cry …I feel very bad ….and I feel like no one get the pain …I sent him a text telling him thank you for the lesson and I’m now ready to start the healing process
Hey Ayanda, we should be breakup buddies. Last friday the 3rd I broke up with the girl I was dating for precisely the same reasons. Its so messed up for someone that says that cares for you to go and cheat. Im very depressed as well, would like to talk to someone who gets me, I know that would help me heal. Hope you feel better and if you do want to get in touch, write me a line
Two days ago I just left my boyfriend of three years for cheating on me (again). The pain is unreal and hard to deal with and go about my normal life especially because we lived together so my whole life has been uprooted. If you need someone to talk let me know maybe we can help each other!
I spent almost 7 years with my bf since we were 17 years old. He’s recently broken up with me for reasons I may never fully know or understand. He says he loves me and misses me but just thinks I deserve better. How could someone who loves you choose to be without you? I’ve been searching for a month now on how to cope with myself. I can’t eat or sleep or focus. I break down all day long with constant heart ache. He just doesn’t want me anymore and I don’t know how to accept that. Rebecca, Id love to talk with you and see how you’re coping as none of my friends have really been through such an extreme heartbreak before.
Hey I’m here for you
I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago, because of reasons beyond both of out control, there was alot of pressure but no one stopped loving one and other. After a few months he tried initiating getting back together and I listened spent a few days with him then he had a family issue and I just felt the pressure again. Now time has passed and Its finally sinking in that he is my forever and each day without him is long. He has now blocked me and refuses to hear me out even though I heard him out when he wanted to. Have I lost him forever? Should I write him a letter?
Don’t brkup try whole year and make the prsn so loved and make it up to him/her I m sorry I don’t u are girl or boy
But never brkup cuz of family
I can’t cope with the pain of my break up. Can’t eat or sleep, i feel depressed. Can’t sleep without the sleeping pills. And to make things worse i think i’m getting addicted to them. How can i make myself feel better and sleep better?
Amanda, I too have been dumped by my ex, then kicked out of our flat so he could move in our friend and start sleeping with her (within a few days of our breakup) and have a brand new relationship with her. I was so shocked and completely destroyed. I haven’t eaten properly in two weeks, have lost weight and find it hard to sleep without him by my side.
You may find it really difficult to cope, so just take each minute as it comes. Try to get through, and to fill your days with things to distract you. See friends and family, talk about your problems to people that care, and start doing things that you want to do. I have been a part of a couple for so many years, I’ve lost the individuality in myself, and since my boyfriend dumped me two weeks ago, I’m still trying to find out who I am. I have found solace in my family, they have been a massive help to me – maybe yours can help you too? I also signed up for pilates, even though I have social anxiety, because I need to learn how to be by myself, even if I hate every second of it! You have to start taking positive steps in your life, and try not to make excuses to stay miserable, even if the steps are small. A step forward – no matter how small – is still progression, after all. Watch a film with a friend, make/buy yourself something nice to eat and then try to eat it all, perhaps write down how you’re feeling day by day and see if you can track the curve of your feelings over the course of a week to see if you’ve made progress? Perhaps take up a hobby like knitting, cross stitch, reading, walking, swimming/sports?
As for sleeping, try cuddling up to a pillow or two, make sure your room is dark and quiet, and just relax into the pillow and concentrate on slow, deep breaths. Maybe use some Valerian root to help your body relax instead of sleeping pills. Get into a regular routine of sleeping, so your body clock – which has almost definitely been smashed out of whack by your heartbreak – gets reset into a healthy sleep routine.
I hope that helps you x
I’m feeling the same exact way! Have you found anything that has helped you?? I just feel like I have no desire for anything now.
I’m struggling too feel like I have no desire to do anything. Aswell as barely being able to bring myself to eat and sleep. Have you found anything that’s helped you?
Sorry to hear that. I don’t know how Long into the break up you are, but have you tried channeling the depression and frustration into exercise? That will sort of keep your mind off things, and may also help with the sleep issue.
Amanda if he has cheated than u should be proud that if u can love someone so much than love is there in life so someone will love you make Urself better with wat u feel like good do that thing but in positive way
It’s been 8 months since we broke up and we’ve been together for 17 years. I’ve been a mess. Knowing I wasn’t enough for him. He found someone so fast and I was replaced so easily. I tried everyday to stand on my own but I know it’s not working. I’ve been so depressed. How do you forget someone you’ve been for that long and get used to sleeping and waking up without him.
Stella this must be Super hard for you because of the amount of years you had spent with this person. You need a lot of time to heal and get over it. Try the crying technique. Not a little crying every day,but rather lock yourself in your room and really invoke all the sadness, memories etc out and cry like a baby… cry out loud if you have to. Cry the whole day if it takes that Long. Cry until you reach a moment where you feel sorry for yourself. Thereafter Listen to what your heart then tells you. You will get a message from your inner self. This guy has left you so quickly, look at the years that you have spent. Do you want to spend more of your time on earth yearning for him, or moving on to the next phase in your life? Remember everything happens for a reason. You have the clock ticking so heal yourself, strengthen yourself, protect yourself and go out there and meet someone new. Just remember, you came into this world to give love and receive love, not to hurt and be sad. Sending love your way.
I’m so broken, I hate my life I’m blaming myself every second and he blamed me also and blocked me from his phone and life, but I was so honest, I still love him and want him back I miss him every second, there is no happiness in my life.
Diana, everything will be ok I promise you just have to give it some time let your grief take its course.. also do not contact him how can he miss you if your not gone trust me he is only growing stronger by your weakness.
Never settle for average love.
I am going through a very tough time after a breakup after 8 years together and before that 17 years married and loosing my partner to cancer. I feel that I am mourning twice. I was good to this guy. I was faithful and loyal. We had a good thing going. But when he is family started to but in when they found out I am older than him. Specially one of his relatives has put stuff in his head. I was good to him and what hurts a lot is his now indifference one day and telling me he still loves me another. Then he is now with some divorce woman with small child, when he always made it clear, he didn’t want to have children. We had a good relationship until people started to meddle in our life and he let them which upsets me even more. I love him with all my heart. But I feel we are not getting back together and loosing him forever really kills me.
I tried the writing thing. It helped for a while, but then it just felt like a chore. What should I do at that point?
I was told one time that I should write down all of my thoughts, even if they are mostly bad and put them away. Come back a day or so later and read them again and see how I feel about them.
I tend to not get to overwhelmed with my emotions after something like this. Many times you end up doing something you regret.
me either. it seems to be better for me if I just move along like nothing happened.
Breaking up is not easy for some people. When I see a couple or one of the people in a situation like a break up, I know they have a good support group.
Well, it also depends on the situation surrounding the breakup, don’t you think? There could have been nothing worth holding onto, or it could have been something that was deep and long term that just ended.
I have a friend that is going through a hard time. I tried to make things better for her, but I am not sure that I am doing the right thing. Can you help?
Do you have any friends that are not mutual that you could ask for help?
Reward yourself for good behavior is a great idea. When I got through a break up, I tend to shop and get new clothes and things like that. It is a new beginning right?
Being strong after a breakup is not easy!
It is a little easier when you have good friends!
Dealing with the grief is one thing. Once you get passed that, what are your plans going to be?
Not being able to take revenge on my ex was the hardest thing for me to do. I wanted to ruin his life just like he had ruined mine.
Breakups are hard. I have friends that have helped me through the years, but I think without them, it would be even harder.
I have a good friend that broke up with a b/f of 11 years and that was not something that she was prepared for. I helped her through it however.
Dealing with your grief is MUST. I have seen people beat themselves up for months instead of just going with the direct approach and dealing with it head on. Good tips!
Thank you for posting these tips. I am going through such a tough time right now, I will be referring to this post a bit.
These types of tips work great. Good luck with your situation!
If you are not going through a tough time after a breakup, then the relationship did not mean much to you to begin with.
Exactly. You should be hit hard when a break up comes your way.
Nobody is going to tell you it is easy. These tips are just the beginning and will easily get you going the right direction. It comes down to friends and whether or not the guy is completely out of your life or not.
I hate this part of being a human and in love. It can happen at anytime and if you are not prepared or have a good support group, it is tough!
Me too. So many bad things can come, but they almost always go. Just a short grief period and you are all set!
Being strong after a breakup is easier said than done. You have some good tips here, even some that I have done myself. The best thing is to have a support group all lined up that can help you through it.
I used to keep my feelings to myself. I would just go into “hiding” for a few weeks and just sort of reflect on things. I have changed my ways since then and I think I am in a better place because of it!
You have written a few posts about breaking up and that sort of thing. I feel they are a great help and have done me some good! Thanks!
I agree. I have found many different, helpful things to read about here!
In some cases, it might seem like it would be the end of your world. This post is a perfect example that it is NOT the end of your world and just the beginning of a new chapter.