Quick! Name your top 5 role models for relationships!
What’s that? You couldn’t name any?
Or they weren’t role models at all – they were people that screwed up their love lives all the time, like Liz Lemon?
Or you just yelled out random names and hoped I wouldn’t notice?
Well, I didn’t notice. Because you’re yelling in whatever room you’re reading this article in, and I can’t hear you through my computer. Because that’s not how the internet works.
My point still stands. There are no really good role models today to follow for advice on relationships. Most of the time, people are flying blind, with disastrous results.
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I’ve seen these 5 mistakes made in relationships more than any others. I’ve seen them bring strong relationships crumbling to the ground.
And I don’t want that for you.
So here are my top 5 super-common mistakes that destroy relationships:
1. Giving Up on Trying to Repair Broken Trust
This is a big one. There are a ton of people out there who believe that once someone’s trust has been betrayed, that’s it, the relationship is over.
And I don’t blame people for that belief. A lot of the time, someone who lied is going to lie again, and reinforce the idea that trust can’t be repaired.
However, I can guarantee that you personally know a couple that lost the trust between them and rebuilt it – even if you never found out about it. Want to know why?
Because they realized that as long as both people put in the hard work (and yes, it is hard work) of rebuilding trust in a relationship, they can make the relationship stronger than it ever was.
They can make the relationship so strong that no one would ever know someone’s trust was betrayed.
So if you think there’s any chance at salvaging a relationship and repairing trust – it’s worth a shot. No relationship is doomed just because of one breach.
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2. Keeping A Secret
On the other side of the trust coin comes willfully concealing from your partner.
Trust me (ha) when I say this: repairing the trust in a relationship is hard work. It’s so hard that you should go to great lengths to avoid having to do it.
What does that mean? Well, for starters, and obviously, it means not lying to each other.
But it also means not keeping secrets from each other.
Too often, I’ve heard the justification that “Well, I didn’t tell him, but I didn’t lie either…”
Keeping a secret from the person you’re in a relationship with is tantamount to lying. Sooner or later, the truth will out, and they’ll feel just as betrayed as they would if you had lied about it.
So don’t keep secrets, and your relationship will stay strong.
3. Putting The Burden of Your Happiness onto Your Partner
I found the perfect man for me! I found the one! I’ll be happy forever now!
All I have to do is bask in the glory of being with him and leave my happiness for the rest of my life up to him!
Bad. Wrong. Wrongbad. I’m inventing a word, it’s called wrongbad, and you’re the first to read it. Congratulations.
Anyway, I see this mistake often, and it kills relationships.
Believe me when I say this: the only person responsible for your happiness is you. You, and no one else.
Not even if he’s the one, the most perfect man in existence, the only man you could ever love. Even then, you’re the only one who’s in charge of your happiness.
When you put someone else in charge of your happiness, it destroys your ability to feel happy without them, and it also destroys your relationship, as he crumbles under the weight of trying to keep you happy.
Don’t make this mistake. Take charge of your own happiness in your relationship and just enjoy spending time with each other. That’s how you keep a relationship strong.
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4. Not Setting Aside Time For The Relationship
“Well, we tried to hang out Tuesday night, but he got caught up at work and then I had to get on the phone with my best friend for an hour and then we could not get in touch with each other. Same thing happened last Friday. We’re going to try to hang out next week.”
The saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is a true one, but only in moderation, and only if you’ve been spending too much time with each other.
If you’re struggling to find time to spend with each other, it’s going to take its toll on your relationship. What was once a close, intimate relationship can turn distant and chilly very quickly if you don’t have enough quality time together.
And yes, I know, the demands of a modern life are very stressful. Kids, work, stress, everything can leak into your schedule until it feels like there’s no time left.
Make time. Carve out whatever you need at least once a week with your partner, or your relationship will wither on the vine.
See also: 10 Unexpected Habits Of Happy Couples
5. Thinking That Everything Should Be Easy
I know, I know. It’s not fair. When you find the right person, the one, the person you love more than anything and are meant to be with always, you should be able to just relax! Let go! Enjoy the time you have with them and not have to worry about anything!
But life doesn’t work like that.
Relationships take work. It’s not a popular sentiment, but it’s a true one. If you’re not putting in the work to keeping your relationship fresh and vital, then it’s going to start to crumble all around you.
And there’s no more insidious obstacle in the way than believing that relationships should just be easy.
So don’t be tricked and fooled into thinking that everything should be easy just because you found the man you love.
Understand and accept that your relationship is still going to take work and act accordingly. And then watch as your relationship gets stronger and stronger everyday.
What do you think about these mistakes? Let me know in the comments below!
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The Biggest Mistakes That Destroy Relationships
- Giving up on trying to repair broken trust
- Keeping a secret
- Putting the burden of your happiness onto your partner
- Not setting aside time for the relationship
- Thinking that everything should be easy