… (Previous page – All Couples Need To Stop Doing These 8 Things) build a lasting relationship, and competition has no part of it.
7. Not Letting Go Of The Past
When you’re in a relationship, that becomes your love life, blocking out anything from the past and anything you can think of in the future.
I’ve seen too many relationships crumble because one person couldn’t stop thinking about their past (and the people in it), and it took too much of a toll on the relationship and on their partner.
We’ve all gone through bad times in past relationships, and everyone carries scars inside them. The important thing to remember is that those times are gone – you’re done with them and with someone who won’t hurt you – and that you need to concentrate on making that relationship the best it can be.
That means appreciating and loving your partner without taking out the troubles of your past on them. If you can let go of the past, your relationship is headed towards a much stronger future.
Here are 10 unexpected habits of happy couples.
8. Instead Of Forgiving Them, Trying To Get Even
Everyone makes mistakes in relationships – bar none. No matter who you are, at some point you’re going to slip up and hurt your partner’s feelings.
When you do, do you want them to hold it over your head? Make you beg for forgiveness? Try to get even with you over it?
No, you want them to forgive you.
Every relationship is going to have its fair share of turbulent and troubled times, and if both partners aren’t mature enough to forgive and forget mistakes that get made, even the smallest mistake has the potential of undermining and destroying a relationship from within.
The best way to forgive your partner is to assume their intentions were good – and forgive them based on that. When you do that, they’ll start doing the same for you, and your relationship will last and last and last.
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By the looks of this list, you could have a bad relationship if you experience ANY of these. There are some couples in a toxic relationship that experience more than one of these on a daily basis and that is not good for anyone.
As a counselor I would have to agree that couples that want to make it work, will make it work without these items listed. They are ALL very real scenarios and ones that can cause problems with couples.
I used to always argue that I thought I was right 99 percent of the time. Now that I have grown up and matured, that is not the case. It is embarrassing to think about it when I look back as well.
Agreed. Couples that fall anywhere onto this list are the ones that are always fighting as well. You can spot them a mile away as they seem to not even really want to be in the same room together.
I had a b/f that cannot get away from the past. The worst part is that it is what he knows about my past that he cannot get around. How do I show him that I am not the same person he knew 10 years ago?
This is a tough one and even though you might really like the guy, it might be time to move on. If he is not going to get over your past, what is the point of making a future with him?
Talk about changing the dating culture. If all couples refrained from doing these things, I bet the culture would change. Too bad for society, most people are selfish and will NOT just stop these things to stop them.
I have dealt with couples that are “always right” and when you have that scenario, there is no possible winner here. Once couples understand this, it is important that they can take the next step and admin fault.
I would say that the most important thing in a relationship is love and respect. Honestly how can you competing or refusing to compromising with a person you love and respect.
I personally love to compliment my wife. We have been together for almost 15 years now and I am not about to stop just because of that. When she looks good or makes me happy, she MUST know!
Revenge and lack of compromise will end any relationship quickly. This is a good list for beginners to learn from!
I dated a man that was so competitive I could barely talk to him on the phone. Everything that he did made him so weird that way. Was exhausting and not worth my time.
Having to always be right can certainly be a problem between couples. I think that if you can find a partner that is willing to be wrong once in a while, that is a person with a good personality.
ANY relationship needs compromise. Not just b/f and g/f, even mother son, father daughter and the like. It just part of how to make things work for you.
For me, not letting the past go has been a reason to end a relationship. You have to be ready to move forward and no matter what ANYONE says, you cannot do that efficiently by looking back.
I agree. ALL of these things can end a relationship quickly and if you feel they are OK, then you have other issues.
Hiding your problems and other issues is never a good thing.
In some studies, it can be worse for you than being a heavy drinker. It is a good thing to let it all out, regardless of who you talk to. Talk to the dog if that is all you have.
I have heard the same thing that you said here. Good point and just another way of looking at it.
You talked about changing the dating culture and I think this post goes along with that one. If couples would stop doing things that you have listed here, the dating culture might change on its own, don’t you think?
I would say that if you are going to be competitive with each other, you are not in the relationship for the right reason. You should be able to “lose” without issue with your man. That goes for arguing as well.
I have seen couples that are VERY competitive and it can be a little overwhelming to be around them. They are constantly trying to out-do each other and that can be very unattractive in my opinion.
I would say that at least 50% of fights between us would be solved if we weren’t trying to both be right at the same time.