You’re here because you want to know why guys will pull away and then come back to you.
Maybe you’ve been with this guy for a while, and he’s gone cold on you but then warmed back up a few times.
Maybe you just started seeing someone new and he’s getting distant and pulling away when things are starting to get serious.
Maybe you’ve just seen this pattern over and over again in your love life and you’re sick of it.
Why do guys pull away and then come back later? What’s going on in their heads? Don’t they know how horrible it feels on the other end?
I understand that when a guy is pulling away from you it can feel like the world is ending.
That’s why I’m going to give you the real reasons that guys pull away, and exactly what to do so that it doesn’t mess up your love life anymore.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
The Reason Why Men Pull Away And Then Come Back
The most important thing to remember when a guy is pulling away from you is that a ton of the time it isn’t about you. Maybe he’s going through something at work, or with his family, or in his personal life that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing at the moment. He’s going to put his energy and attention towards dealing with it, and to you it will feel like he’s pulling away even when he really isn’t. The best thing to do is play it cool and let him come back on his own terms.
Let’s get it out of the way now – it’s an awful feeling when a guy is pulling away from you.
It feels like everything you had with him is coming crashing down. All the connection, all the intimacy, all the potential for the future of the relationship – it can all feel like it’s vanishing.
That’s why I empathize so much when women come to me and break down about their man pulling away.
Will he come back? Why is he doing this? Where did I go wrong?
The first point I want to make is the most important:
A lot of the time when a guy is pulling away, you didn’t do anything wrong.
When you understand why guys pull away in a relationship, you’ll understand what I mean.
Why Do Guys Pull Away In The First Place
To a woman, when a guy is pulling away it can feel like he’s rejecting her, rejecting the relationship, and all but ending things between them.
But many women are surprised to hear that from his perspective he’s doing no such thing.
The truth is, guys “pull away” from a relationship in order to get perspective, get their heads right, and figure out what they want to do next.
Maybe he has something going on in his life that’s monopolizing his time and attention – so he has to take a step back from the relationship in order to deal with it.
Maybe something about the relationship has been bothering him, so he’s taking a step back to get some perspective on it and come in fresh.
The truth is there are a million reasons why he could be looking for space and perspective on the relationship – and none of them automatically mean that he’s going to break up with you or that he wants to end the relationship.
In fact, to a guy, he’s not really even “pulling away”.
He’s looking for space.
It makes total sense that it feels like he’s pulling away from you, because in essence when a guy creates space in a relationship in order to get perspective, it feels like he’s moving away from you.
But to him, he’s not pulling away or moving away from you. He’s creating space for himself in order to think clearly.
When you change your mindset about what it means when he pulls away, all of a sudden a lot of the things that are happening become less terrifying and more manageable.
He’s not pulling away from you – he’s looking for space.
more: When A Guy Withdraws…
Why Is He Looking For Space?
Obviously, this is going to be different for every guy and every situation.
Some guys need space in order to figure out and solve a problem in their personal life. Whether that problem is work, or family, or money, or anything else – he feels like he needs some space in order to concentrate and fix it.
This comes down to the way that most guys prefer to deal with problems. Guys like to concentrate on one thing at a time – and focus on it until it’s solved.
So him “pulling away” from you could really just be him cutting down on distractions and focusing on his problem until he solves it.
Another common reason guys look for space in a relationship is if they feel that things are moving along too quickly, or if it’s getting too intense for him.
If that’s the case, he’s looking for space so that he can take a step back and figure out what he wants to do next.
At his core, in this situation he’s taking space because he’s feeling anxious. He’s anxious that he’s losing his freedom, or he’s anxious about committing fully to this relationship, or he’s anxious about one of a million other things.
His anxiety is just like the anxiety you feel when it feels like he’s going cold on you – and so he deals with it by creating some space so that he can reflect and figure out what he wants to do next.
This is why guys pull away and then come back in relationships. Because 99% of the time, when the woman responds the right way to him pulling away, he comes back refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to be in the relationship.
What’s The Right Thing To Do When He’s Pulling Away?
The right thing to do when he’s pulling away is to let him have his space, and let him naturally want to come back to you.
It’s also one of the hardest things to do, especially if you’re freaked out that he’s going to leave and disappear from your life.
However, if you don’t let him have his space, you’ll actually wind up pushing him away even further, and put your relationship in jeopardy.
The whole reason that a guy will come back after pulling away is that he misses you.
He creates space so that he can gain perspective, and then he deals with his anxiety and starts to miss being with you again, so he comes back to you and closes the gap.
But if you chase after him when he’s pulling away – either by calling him a lot, or texting him asking why he’s not responding, or otherwise making him feel like you won’t be “ok” until he reassures you that he’s coming back, it actually pushes him further away.
Why? Because when a woman does that from his perspective it doesn’t feel like he has any space or perspective on the relationship. In fact, a lot of the time that kind of behavior reinforces and strengthens any anxiety he’s feeling about the relationship – which makes him less likely to come back, not more.
The best thing you can possibly do is play it cool and let him come back on his own. That way, when he deals with whatever he’s dealing with, he’ll realize that he’s missing you in his life, and close the space between you all on his own.
When he does it on his own (rather than being prompted to do it by you or someone else), it makes his desire to be with you much stronger. It’s the difference between choosing something voluntarily and being manipulated or guilted into it.
So let him have the space he’s looking for when he seeks it. Now that you know why guys pull away and come back, you don’t have to feel so anxious about him pulling away – and you can be more confident that he’ll come back to you relaxed, recharged, and ready to be with you.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…