The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love

The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love

So you’re here because your man is pulling away, right when things were starting to get serious.

Things were going great with this guy – like really, really great. You feel a real connection with him, it feels like he might even be the one.

You’ve let your guard down with him because you feel like you can trust him, and what’s more important – it feels like he could feel the same way about you.

Then, when you’re at your most vulnerable, he started to grow distant from you.

It feels like he’s pulling away, like he might even be losing interest in you. Like he’s afraid things are getting serious and he doesn’t know what to do next.

You’re here because on some level you want to know why a guy would pull away when things are starting to get serious, and is there anything you can do to stop him from pulling away?

more: Why Do Men Pull Away?

Why Do Guys Pull Away When Things Start To Get Serious?

I want to take a look at some reasons he might be pulling away from you.

Before you get worried about them, first let’s make sure there’s something to actually worry about. If it’s only been one or two days that he’s seemed distant, then you probably don’t have to worry about him pulling away from you.

In truth, it could have absolutely nothing to do with you. He could be stressed about something else in his life that is completely separate from you and your relationship.

Stressing out about the state of your relationship or worrying that he’s losing interest in you because he’s been weird for a couple of days is only going to put you in a worse position emotionally and harm your relationship.

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

So take the time, right now, to think about whether you really think he’s pulling away, or whether he’s just dealing with something else for a couple of days and he’ll be back to normal soon.

more: Why Men Fall In Love And Why Men Leave “Perfect” Women

If you really think he’s growing distant from you, and things are definitely not the way they used to be, it might be for one of these reasons:

Why Men Pull Away When They’re Falling In Love

  • He could be afraid of losing his freedom
  • He could be afraid of getting married, or he could think that he’s not the type of guy to get married
  • He could need a break from the intensity of his emotions about the relationship
  • He could be worried inside that you might not be the one
  • He could be feeling rushed in the relationship and need a second to slow down
  • He could be afraid of what this relationship means in your lives and in the future for both of you

why men pull away when they're falling in love

That’s a list of common reasons that a guy might start pulling away – especially right when things start to get really serious.

It’s totally normal for a guy to pull back and take stock of a relationship when things are starting to get serious, so if he’s growing distant for a little bit, chances are there’s nothing to worry about… if you do the right thing.

more: The Exact Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away

What’s the right thing to do in this situation?

Well, all these reasons might seem different from each other, but the truth is there’s a common thread that runs through all of them. The right thing to do in all of these situations is actually the same.

What Should You Do If He’s Growing Distant From You?

The common thread that runs through all those reasons a guy might be starting to grow distant is this: they’re all about him, not you.

All of those reasons are about his emotions, his fears, and his hangups about relationships. They’re things he needs to work through on his own.

more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws

If he’s acting distant, the worst thing you can do is chase after him trying to chase his affection, attention, and love.

I know this situation feels awful. I know it’s unbelievably scary that the man you’ve let your guard down to is acting distant towards you.

But if you come chasing after him with that insecurity, fear, and panic flooding your mood, it’s only going to make things worse.

more: Why Did He Withdraw After Sex?

It will make him want to get away from you even further, because he’ll sense that negativity and want to get away from it.

It will also make him feel like you’re trying to control him and drag him back to your side (which will freak him out even more if he feels like he’s missing his freedom).

It puts you in a terrible position where you’re chasing after his love, rather than accepting the love that grows organically between you. Chasing after love never, ever works.

So what should you do?

more: The Exact Reasons Men Disappear

Give Him The Space He Needs To Work Through It On His Own

The common answer to every reason why he might be acting distant towards you is the same: give him the space he’s looking for.

Sometimes guys just need space to work out how they’re feeling about a relationship. He might need some time in order to work through his emotions about getting more and more serious with you.

Guys often have conflicting emotions about a relationship getting serious. Both of you are giving up a degree of freedom (being able to see other people and being able to imagine seeing other people in the future), and that’s something that can weigh heavily on a guy for a little while.

more: The Top 3 Reasons Men Pull Away

Watch The Video: Why Do Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love (The Real Reason)

He needs to weigh what he’s giving up against what he’s getting (a loving, committed relationship with someone he’s compatible with). The only way for him to figure that out for himself is on his own, when he can get perspective on it.

The point is, any common reason that he’s growing distant requires that he take some time on his own to work through it himself.

When you give him the time and space he needs to work through how he’s feeling without chasing after him and chasing his love, it’s huge to him.

more: When A Guy Withdraws…

It shows him that you understand what he needs and are able to give it to him – even if it’s uncomfortable and scary in the short term.

That’s huge. It means he sees that you have the emotional intelligence to empathize with how he’s feeling, and you have the patience to do the best thing for him to feel normal about the relationship again.

There’s another reason giving him space is the right thing to do, and it’s actually the most important reason: giving him space gives him the space to miss you again.

more: When A Guy Loves You…

When he’s feeling distant from you, he’s weighing how it would feel to be single in the future against how good it feels in the relationship to be with you.

If you’re constantly chasing after him, calling him, texting him, and trying to pull him back to you, he won’t have the space to miss how amazing it feels when the relationship was going well.

more: Why Men Pull Away When They’re In Love

What’s more, constantly chasing his attention will actually make him feel bad about the relationship, because it will feel awful to him if you’re chasing after him trying to get validation and emotional reassurance from him (just like it feels awful for you to do the chasing).

But when you give him space, it gives him the opportunity to miss all the things he loves about the relationship. It lets him reflect and miss all the good parts, while the not so good parts fade from his mind. (As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder).

more: Why Men Pull Away When You Want Them Most

So give him space, and let him have the time to miss you again.

If he doesn’t come back, it feels awful, but it means that you just weren’t meant to be. If that’s the case, nothing you could have said or done would have brought him back to you.

more: What Makes Men Fall In Love

But if he does come back, it will be because he’s already worked through his doubts and emotions on his own, and he’s ready to commit himself fully to the relationship.

Now that you know why men sometimes get distant when they’re falling in love, it’s important to understand that if you want to keep him once he’s started pulling away, you need to know exactly what to do so pay attention because the next step is vitally important. If you are already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

Another problem that ruins relationships and leaves women alone forever is this: Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…

Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

50 comments… add one
  • Loren November 2, 2020, 8:32 pm

    I have a boyfriend and it has almost been 2 months but I feel like he isn’t telling me the truth about his past relationships and sometimes I wonder if he really does love and miss me as much as he says he does. I fear that the one that gave me happiness in life is going to lose interest in loving me and I am scared that if i keep thinking this way I might break the best and first relationship apart. Do any of you guys have any advice for me in this situation? I could really use some advice from you guys.

  • Ashley January 6, 2020, 10:12 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me and we were together for 8 months we got into an argument I said something that was really hurtful and then he blocked me from social media but wouldn’t block me from his phone he told me how much you cared about me we talked about our future he was good with my kids I was there through thick and thin for him helped him with everything and now I want closure and he won’t he tells me he has so much work to do now that he will not have time for me but I don’t believe that then he said to me I wasn’t being honest with him and he’s not into the drama and he would rather not be involved anymore I was begging for him to please come back but he won’t message me back I messaged him and told him that a package would be delivered and he said okay but he won’t message me back when I tell him how much I miss him does the no contact actually really work to make him come back

  • Pearl October 27, 2019, 2:20 am

    We were having an awesome time. He treated me wonderfully except would not see me over the holidays because of grief he said he felt from the loss of his wife a year and a half prior But we had already gone to sone of those vacation spots just not on Holliday’s and I was open to making new traditions. So he started asking for space at 4 months stating he wasn’t ready for a commitment BUT if he was ready he would commit to me but wanted his freedom to come and go. I finally had enough and got all emotional begging pleading and was angry called him a narcissist telling him he prob cheated on his wife. I was so hurt right on the heals of being abused by a real pathological Narc.
    I wasn’t ready or looking for another man but this fella was special to me. I told him I loved him first. I felt so used. I have already moved on and in a relationship with another but just about every man that has hurt me has returned with regret. I feel strongly for the man I’m with now but he has pulled back the last few days but he has been stressed. Having flashbacks. So do you think I did us completely in by being so angry in the end of the previous relationship ? It’s been 3 months. I’m not sure how I’d feel if he did come back. He broke my heart. I can’t do this again. Why can’t men just give back as good as I give and consistently?
    Thank you !

    • Lilly September 10, 2020, 12:44 pm

      Oh no sweetie you totally overreacted. This man had taken you out on trips but you flipped on him because holidays made him miss his dead wife? This man lost his wife and was still willing to try things with you, you were way too hard on him and there is nothing narcissistic about his behavior this man is grieving and it is hard to move on from something like that. If you had told me that I would think you are absolutely psycho and never want to deal with you again. I know it’s hard but we can’t only consider our own feelings and validation, men have them too. You need to get some friends and stop worrying so much about men and their reactions. It hurts but you can’t show it to them and you can’t let it feel like the end of the world, move on gracefully especially if you want there to be a possibility in the future. If this guy you are with is starting to withdraw as well then the issue is probably how you handle that withdrawal because men can feel the neediness.

  • kbm October 1, 2019, 12:38 pm

    I think this happens A LOT with men. They are good with the relationship until they start having real feelings for a woman, then they get scared. And of course i understand that, women get scared too. However we are more willing to move forward in a relationship and see where it goes without trying to worry about if or how it’s going to end. You have to learn to live in the moment a little. I’m a classic over thinker and anytime this has happened to me I always assume I did something wrong. A woman’s urge to want to know why they pull away is overwhelming but you have to be patient if you think he’s worth waiting for. It’s taken me a long time to realize that it’s not always me that’s the problem. Now, if the relationship doesn’t last, I move on and realize it’s their loss.

  • Arya September 26, 2019, 4:02 pm

    With my first long relationship I thought of such article as “meh…”. But now with my next serious relationship I reading this line to line. Girls, a lot of guys do this, no matter how sure they are in the honeymoon period of the relationship. They all pull, some do subtly and some are bam on the face like they never met you.

  • Katrina September 20, 2019, 3:41 pm

    I would block him and look for someone without doubts. Anything else is waste of time.

  • Kathryn March 12, 2019, 12:10 am

    Why even get involved knowing that they are scared of commitment. Why do we hv to wait around until they decide what they want?

  • Lee August 13, 2018, 6:55 pm

    I did the one big no no… I fell in love with my best friend.. We even started a relationship!!! I was never happier, obviously we had a connection and already knew everything about each other… What could go wrong. one magical day he claims his love for me, that I’m everything he’s ever been looking for. I thought I was dreaming… Next day…. He tells me he needs space, he wants to protect me so I’m not his crash test dummy… Wtf!! He’s still in love with his ex who he’d been broken up with for 6 months. In love with two woman at once… Over the course of the next few weeks “space” looked like this… Him and her together everyday, everywhere! But he’d still text me daily telling me how much he loved me… I’m not sure this is article is completely accurate or has all possible options for outcomes… Eventually I said goodbye… I know my worth, and was tired of being strung along… While he had fun with his “space”..

  • Jessica Hammond June 8, 2018, 4:05 am

    I didn’t receive results from quiz I took for signing up

  • ariannah February 11, 2018, 1:36 pm

    that’s ridiculous, i mean the headline of the article.nobody pulls away when he’s falling in love.

    • Ayisha February 17, 2018, 6:22 pm

      Well it happened to me recently, so he’s a single dad to a 4 YEAR old boy. everything was going well between us until He stopped calling, texting and coming to see me so I GOT worried. 3 week later I called and texted still No reply I felt terrible and I began to think He was back with the baby Mama or He has met someone new. I sent him a text saying he should bring the stuff that I left at his place and I told him that I’m done waiting for him and from now on we can be friends nothing more. He replied Immidiately and told me he’s sorry and He loves, things were getting too serious between us and He needed time to think about it, because he’s afraid to loose someone again and said that He appreciates my patience. Now things are better And I GOT to meet the son, whenever we talk He includes me in his future and he’s more open about his life.

  • candy November 29, 2017, 6:12 am

    I melt this guy for two weeks and our relationship has been so cute but suddenly he ask me to stop showing concern to him pls I really love this guy I need help

  • sea August 15, 2017, 5:43 am

    I am getting silent /no reply treatment. How long should i wait for him to come around?

  • celiwe August 10, 2017, 5:15 am

    OMG im in the situation ryt now.first month i was bbe; luv;sweety gud woman can name it.2nd month was good friend hopping thing will change 3rd month was like i have never exisist. Yes i tried to get clarity .but now after reading this im stopping it as from today. Its sad cos i was out of relationship for 8yrs n i felt the connection n i loved him so bad I’m dealing with letting go of all this. Thxx for this page.

    • Janu November 2, 2017, 9:28 am

      Im Going through exactly the same thing and i do not know how to deal with it. I am going through a lot of anxiety. I hope its just a phase :)

  • Massive June 23, 2017, 12:45 pm

    We dated for a month then he started to pull and push then I gave him space but ignored his text once he came back so interested we met once then he text me he want us to be friends first I distant my self again although he was doing effort and texting everyday but the effort was mixed with shyness any how I completely distant my self cause I didn’t want to be a toy in his hand and don’t want the hot and cold act I hate it ., any advice I like him so much

  • Debby June 3, 2017, 1:21 am

    Thanks for your valuable advice. I’m sure many women do gain valuable things from this article. Keep up the writing!

  • mw June 1, 2017, 11:04 am

    Hi. I been dating this guy for 3months we been doing really great. And we have over 10k in text. He had his 2 teeth removed and now he’s really not texting. He’s acting distant a Lil. He was never like this. Our relationship is awesome he even says it. I’m not used to this. Please help . I really dont wanna lose him. Ty and we been saying I love you

  • destiny May 25, 2017, 5:27 pm

    i never thought some men are just like this. thanks for this information that could surely help women experiencing such.

  • paige May 24, 2017, 11:46 pm

    i really need this right now. im thankful i came across this article.

  • stella May 23, 2017, 6:29 pm

    you’re right. it could be a million reasons why, don’t look for faults and flaws in yourself.

  • gigi May 22, 2017, 2:56 pm

    this happened to me, i totally panicked but then my boyfriend explained to me everything when i asked him and we talked about the whole process. in the end, we learned from each other and we appreciate each other more. in every relationship, communication is vital.

  • evangeline May 18, 2017, 9:00 pm

    this is something everyone should consider. we all should be ready and informed before this happens, or better yet to even prevent it from happening.

  • amanda May 16, 2017, 3:06 pm

    good read! thanks for making me realize things that actually happen in real life.

  • andrea May 15, 2017, 3:31 pm

    thanks for sharing this..i think now i understand more clearly

  • pia May 10, 2017, 2:29 pm

    they really tend to panic upon realizing they won’t have their freedom. but they’ll get over it as long as you make him feel that you’re not trying to put him in a cage like a poor animal.

  • callie May 9, 2017, 5:50 pm

    men’s initial reaction would be fear of losing their freedom. haha

  • fiona May 8, 2017, 11:57 pm

    thanks for this post, now i understand my boyfriend

  • felicity May 3, 2017, 2:06 pm

    i really believe this very normal for a man because they would realize that the rest of their lives is gonna end soon! haha

  • zenia May 2, 2017, 5:27 pm

    men are too afraid of so many things, they complicate things even more.

  • wilma May 1, 2017, 12:27 pm

    some men are really afraid of commitment, so don’t be in a rush because they won’t like it and you won’t love the result either

  • hope April 26, 2017, 2:24 pm

    thanks for your piece of advice. im sure a lot of women do learn from your writings. keep up the good work!

  • elizabeth April 25, 2017, 8:21 pm

    thanks for your wonderful work. women are guided about relationship matters via your page

  • guilla April 24, 2017, 4:03 pm

    i think you’re right. i’ll just stop stressing about things and do better, love better.

  • callie April 23, 2017, 11:57 pm

    i think the answer is yes, he is most likely pulling away now. what do i do??

  • valerie April 20, 2017, 11:46 pm

    i think men are too unfair but reading this, makes me understand better

  • claudette April 18, 2017, 11:45 pm

    giving him the space he wants is really risky. but o the other hand, you do not want to suffocate him in the relationship if he really needs it.

  • jane April 17, 2017, 2:32 pm

    there are hundreds of reasons a man can have but these are surely the most common.

  • livvy April 10, 2017, 8:38 am

    men usually pull away when they come to realize they’re about to commit their whole lives to this one person

  • madelaine April 6, 2017, 6:43 pm

    men sometimes are just much more complicated than us, women!

  • sammy April 5, 2017, 11:53 pm

    this is so true..i have experienced this bit ended up well

  • shaira April 4, 2017, 9:11 pm

    now i get it. we so need the space too sometimes.

  • allona April 3, 2017, 9:55 am

    do not blame yourself if you ever feel like he’s pulling away. it is not always the woman’s fault

  • cassiopea April 1, 2017, 5:25 pm

    sounds crazy at first but maybe that’s how men really are with relationships and commitment

  • sheila April 1, 2017, 5:46 am

    most of the time men do this when they already got what they need from you… :(

  • magna March 31, 2017, 1:26 am

    i agree with you corrie! :) men are difficult to understand!

  • corrie March 26, 2017, 11:51 pm

    this is crazy! men are too complicated with their feelings

  • LJae March 23, 2017, 9:50 pm

    wow, this is something i really needed to know about. im glad i read through this.

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