So you’re here because your man is pulling away and you don’t know what to do – and you’ve heard you should give him space.
You heard correctly. Giving him space is the best way to get him to come back to you.
I’ll get to why in just a moment.
And I know right now that things can feel super scary and uncertain. Something in your life that’s super important to you all of a sudden feels like it’s on shaky ground.
If he’s pulling away from you, does that mean he’s going to leave you? Why is he pulling away in the first place? Is it because of something you said or did? How can you get him back?
I know that all you want right now is to get him back as quickly as possible – and that’s why I’m here to help.
Giving him the space he’s looking for really is the best way to get him to come back to you. Let’s look at exactly why that is.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Here’s What To Do When He’s Pulling Away
If a guy is pulling away, overwhelmingly chances are that it’s not about you, and rather about something else in his life. When he redirects his energy and attention towards solving a problem in his life (at work or otherwise), it can feel like he’s pulling away from you when he really isn’t. The best thing to do is to give him the space he needs to solve whatever’s bothering him and let him come back to you on his own.
One of the biggest mistakes that I see women make when their man is pulling away is this:
It’s a mistake to spend all your time and energy trying to figure out why he’s pulling away from you.
In almost every case, the “why” doesn’t matter. Let’s look at why that is.
Let’s say it’s the worst case scenario just to illustrate the point. You said or did something that really upset him, and he’s having second thoughts about being with you because of it. You don’t know what you did that upset him so much – and you don’t know why he’s pulling away from you.
If you try to chase after him to get him to tell you what’s wrong, or tell you what you did, or talk to you about why he’s growing distant, it’s actually going to push him further away.
Why? Because when he’s pulling away, he’s looking for space and perspective on the relationship.
To you, it feels like he’s pulling away from you, because he’s acting more distant, or cold, or aloof.
But to him, what he’s doing is creating space between him and the relationship so that he can figure out how he feels about it.
So in this worst case scenario, when it really is something you said or did that pushed him away, will trying to figure out what it was so that you can apologize help?
No! If you reach out to him trying to get him to talk to you about why he’s pulling away, you’re closing the space that he’s opened up between himself and the relationship.
That will make him feel like he needs more space in order to gain the perspective he’s looking for, and all of a sudden you’re chasing after him trying to get him to come back, while he’s moving further and further away from you.
You can see how that can get out of control and fall apart really quickly.
And that’s specifically in the worst case scenario where you actually did something wrong that pushed him away.
A lot of the time, he’s not pulling away because of something you did – he’s taking some space because of something going on in his life that he needs to concentrate on.
Maybe he’s having a problem with work or with his family that he needs to put his full attention on. To you it feels like he’s pulling away, but to him it just feels like he’s focusing on the problem he needs to solve.
When guys are confronted with a problem, they generally like to focus on it and devote all their attention to it until it’s solved. They’re generally not the best multi-taskers.
The problem comes because to him it feels like he’s trying to solve a problem, but to you it feels like he’s withdrawing. Then, if you chase after him trying to get him to tell you what’s wrong or pull him back, it makes him want to pull away further, so that he can have the space he needs to deal with the problem on his own.
What’s the moral of the story?
It’s Always Best To Give Him Space If He’s Looking For It
In almost every situation, if he’s looking for space, you’re going to wind up with a better result if you let him take it than if you try to chase after him.
One super important thing to remember is that it’s normal for a guy to want space in a relationship from time to time.
more: When A Guy Withdraws…
It’s a very normal and typical thing for a guy to do – it’s part of his “self-maintenance” so to speak. He might get a little anxious that he’s losing his freedom, so he’ll pull away a little bit to prove to himself that he can still take space when he wants it.
That’s what’s behind the majority of cases where a guy pulls away. And in almost 100% of those cases, if the woman lets him have the space he’s looking for, he’ll happily come back to her.
The real problems and catastrophes happen when the woman gets anxious that he’s pulling away and freaks out trying to figure out why he’s pulling away from her and how to pull him back to her.
Like we talked about before, that will deny him the space he’s looking for, which will make him want to put even more space between them, which will make her even more anxious and freaked out… and eventually the relationship will fall apart.
Instead, don’t freak out if it feels like he’s pulling away a little bit. Even if you could figure out the exact reason, it still wouldn’t help you bring him back any faster.
Just let him have the space he’s looking for if he starts to take some space away from the relationship. That’s the best possible thing you could do if you want him to come back.
When you give him the space he needs, it tells him that he’s safe in this relationship, and that he’s not getting trapped or losing his freedom. It also makes him start to miss you, and he’ll come back to you naturally because he wants to, not because he feels like you’re forcing him to.
It’s a huge difference to do something voluntarily because you want to instead of doing it because you feel like you have to for another person.
If you give him the space he’s looking for, he’ll feel like he wants to come back to you – which will strengthen your relationship and make him much more interested and invested in staying with you.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…