How To Know If A Person Truly Loves You: The Top Six Ways

How To Know If A Person Truly Loves You: The Top Six Ways

Oh to be in love. Is there really anything quite like it?

The slow cartwheels that turn over in your stomach every time you think of the other person, the slight hop and a skip in your step, the giddy anticipation at the thought of seeing them again, and how everything in the world around you suddenly just seems…better!

The trouble with love, as the saying goes, is that is can also render us temporarily – but powerfully – blind. At least cognitively speaking. There’s a reason somebody coined the phrase “love is a form of socially acceptable insanity.”

The intensity of biological factors and psychological emotions in the beginnings of a new relationship can weaken our judgment. In short, this happens so that we can see what we want to – and our relationship needs can be filled.

While it’s true that love may be both a feeling and an action, trust me on this: When it comes to letting others know whether or not we truly love them, it’s what we do over what we say that matters.

But how do you know if he REALLY loves you?

Take The Quiz: Does He REALLY Love You?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Really Love You” Quiz right now and find out if he REALLY loves you…

At the end of the day, there are some basic things that form the foundation of all healthy and loving relationships. Here are the top 6 ways for how to know if a person truly loves you.

1. They love themself.

A person can’t love someone else unless they love themself first. Self-love is so crucial because itequals self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-confidence.

Self-loving individuals know how to set healthy boundaries in relationships, and rarely if ever end up in codependent situations. They are willing to give to and please others, but not to their own detriment. They are usually good at teaching people how to treat them well, and their assuredness typically brings out the best in those around them.

They know how and when to trust others and if they love you, they will trust you.

2. They like you…just as you are.

For any dinosaurs out there or people who just love syndicated reruns of brilliant sit-coms from the 80s, you might recall the episode of The Cosby Show when Clair Huxtable says to Denise: “I’m very proud of you. Not because I love you, but because I like you.” And Bridget Jones’ Diary of course, where the title line came from.

People who truly love other people like them as well. They experience all of their feelings for them out of choice, not beliefs of being obligated to feel a certain way about them. They respect their choices, even if they wouldn’t make the same for themselves. The best love starts out as like– someone who you would want to be friends with.

Most importantly when a person truly loves you, they love and like the version of you now. All of you. And they can live with the things they don’t particularly like about you. They aren’t gambling on some version of you they are hoping you will change into – or that they will change you into. Bottom line: If someone keeps on needing things about you to change as a condition for them to “love you,” they probably don’t truly love “you” to begin with.

3. They want the best for you.

And they are thrilled when you succeed. When someone truly loves you, they admire you. They are not jealous of your achievements, and they don’t see you as competition. If they do, it suggests they have self-esteem issues. A person who truly loves someone does not feel threatened by that person, who they are, and their accomplishments. Rather, they are inspired and elevated by that person, and vice versa.

4. They fight for your relationship.

The opposite of love isn’t hate – it’s indifference. People who love each other actually want the relationship. They care. They don’t like seeing one or the other person unhappy. And they are willing to talk things out and try to work through disagreements and arguments.

It may not always have an ideal ending. But when you love someone, you are willing to put in the time, energy, and effort to see if you can make things right. Effort involves action, which as I said is the main requirement in conveying true love to someone.

5. They want to share in your world.

When a person truly loves you, they want to get to know and spend time with people who are important to you – like your friends or close family members.

They also want to occasionally share in your interests and passions in life, even if they don’t personally take interest. So they may occasionally go with you to the latest Hugh Grant rom-com or play-off hockey game, instead of insisting you go with your friends.

All of this shows they are interested in knowing all of you, and experiencing what else brings you joy in life together.

6. They can let you go.

When a person truly loves you they know that although they may desire you in their life, they don’t own or possess you. And they don’t depend on you for their sole existence.

Although it may hurt if you one day no longer feel the same way, a truly loving person can respect your choices – even if it’s a choice to leave the relationship. They don’t have to love the outcome, but they will respect your decisions for yourself and your right to make them.

P.S. Still not sure whether he really loves you? Get a definitive answer by taking our “Does He Really Love You” Quiz right now!

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Really Love You” Quiz right now and find out if he REALLY loves you…

Take The Quiz: Does He Really Love You?

In summary…

How To Know If A Person Loves You

  1. They love themself
  2. They like you…just as you are
  3. They want the best for you
  4. They fight for your relationship
  5. They want to share in your world
  6. They can let you go

how to know if a person loves you

Natasha Sharma is a relationship therapist, personal growth expert, TV commentator, speaker, author, and doctoral student. She makes regular appearances on some of Canada’s most popular TV programs, and writes for international publications all over the world.

Natasha is dedicated to inspiring and helping others to be their best, and live their best. She founded and proudly owns, a private clinic in Toronto comprised of a team of psychologists, psychotherapists, counselors and coaches.

46 comments… add one
  • Enyene Sunday January 24, 2019, 4:17 pm

    Hello, please I really need your advice. I have someone am with. He said he loves me. I now ask why does he love me? He said he does not know why he loves me. He just loves me. Why exactly could that mean? Is he serious about his love for me or am just wasting my time? Please I need your advice or like a 2nd opinion.
    Hope to hear from you because am kind of worried.

    • Dvil April 25, 2020, 6:38 pm

      Well I think you should try to quix him about the things you told him and well go from there

  • Penny Lane December 29, 2018, 6:27 am

    I was always partial to a guy that would fight for the relationship. Even if things got bad and he wasn’t giving up, that says a lot!

  • Forest Maggio IV December 29, 2018, 6:25 am

    Yes it does. When a man knows what he has and has to put some effort into keeping that, that is half the battle.

  • Mardel Appiah August 30, 2018, 12:47 pm

    I Like The Strong Six Ways Becos Lookin Up To A Guy Who Really Says He Loves Me.The Points Are Going 2 Build My Relationship Up.Tnx

  • Howard kainga May 21, 2018, 8:03 am

    If you are in love any guy and he/she disappoint you that means were not in love coz love never fail

  • Asif Patel April 1, 2018, 1:59 pm

    Love nxaa there is no love nowadays people just using each other

  • barimue March 25, 2018, 4:15 pm

    how can I answer the quiz its not responding when I click on it

  • pwajok Jane May 29, 2017, 3:41 pm

    well i feel that you should get over him and move on.. hes possibly having fun with his life now and left you to his past… you’re doing exactly what he wants you to…
    Moving on is something that you decide to do..
    you need to say to yourself “i dont care how dissapointed i am, i dont care how hard this is, im moving on with my life..” let him watch you find hapiness again… trust me thats the best revenge..
    besides.l you shouldnt hold Peter responsible for Judas sins!

  • Adewumi April 26, 2017, 5:40 pm

    the person who love can died because of love

  • Ritzy March 2, 2017, 4:58 am

    i dnt date for luv

  • Haddy Tamba February 25, 2017, 5:01 am

    No guy is worth loving they are all fake.

  • Salizwa October 19, 2016, 9:57 am

    I don’t trust any guy now because in my previous relationship my boyfriend cheated and he shifted the blame to me that I don’t have time for him…

  • Natasha brown October 6, 2016, 10:11 am

    I can’t bather because i feel in love with someone and i could swear that he loves me too but now i can see clearly that he dont he only love the sex and not mi

  • Linda Yarbrough November 10, 2015, 10:03 am

    Great signs. I think everyone can use these to their advantage when looking to see if a guy likes them or not.

  • Bess Wong November 10, 2015, 9:53 am

    I agree with this post. There is plenty of information that allows for you to know how a person feels about you. You just have to take notice and do something about it.

  • Jean Troncoso November 9, 2015, 9:58 am

    I needed to go to a therapist the last time that I was in a bad relationship and these are the types of things that were talked about. I need to get back on the right side of things.

  • Kelly Dyer November 9, 2015, 9:48 am

    It helps to get into a relationship with a positive person as well. How far do you think you can get if you are positive and the person you are trying to love is negative all the time?

  • Mary Fried November 7, 2015, 9:49 am

    Great post! These signs are a great way to gauge whether or not a person really enjoys spending time with you and loves you. I appreciate the tips and other information provided here.

    • Natasha Sharma October 30, 2016, 11:46 pm

      Glad you liked this post and the tips provided Mary! :-)

  • Candace Vanbrunt November 6, 2015, 9:49 am

    You make some very good points. However, they are not all going to work with every single person, right? I mean, each person is a little different in certain ways and that makes a big difference!

  • Melissa Barnes November 5, 2015, 8:58 am

    All very good points. I think that if you are going to give us this advice, it is almost like you need to charge for it :0

    • Elizabeth Shutt November 7, 2015, 9:59 am

      That is what I was thinking. Half way through, I am wondering what people would be charged for the tips and advice here.

  • Sue Nye November 4, 2015, 2:38 pm

    I always got that feeling in my stomach. It might be a psychological thing, but in my mind, that was a tell tale sign!

    • Goldie King November 6, 2015, 10:00 am

      I go with the feeling as well. My guts have never been wrong, so I tend to follow the way I feel from that point.

  • Lucienne Scott November 1, 2015, 5:46 pm

    You should be able to tell very quickly whether someone is there for YOU and not them or a just for a roll in the hay.

    • Maria Wilbur November 4, 2015, 2:54 pm

      You would think so, but evil has many faces.

  • Lewis Bisson November 1, 2015, 5:35 pm

    I think when it is time to bring the lady friend over to meet the family, things could be considered “going well” and an “i love you” or two might have been spoken.

    • Alma Alexander November 8, 2015, 12:11 pm

      This is a good gauge and one that I use as well.

  • Margie Marino October 31, 2015, 9:19 am

    Dedication. That seems to be how you can tell. When there is a certain level of dedication coming from the person, there is something going on.

  • Regina Jackson October 31, 2015, 8:53 am

    #6 really hits home for me. If I see something like that in a person, it really speaks volumes.

    • Evelyn Grover November 1, 2015, 5:56 pm

      Me, too! I also like that actions WILL speak louder than words. There is nothing more true!

    • Natasha Sharma October 30, 2016, 11:51 pm

      Regina, a year on to the T – but better late than never, right?! :) #6 always really resonated with me as well – that’s way I saved it for last. Happy Halloween! :-)

  • Barbara Lach October 30, 2015, 3:13 pm

    When I get that feeling in my stomach, that is when I feel the best about how love works for me.

  • Harold Simmons October 30, 2015, 3:03 pm

    Having someone out there that really wants the best for you at all time is a great feeling!

  • Rita Silva October 29, 2015, 9:22 am

    I always thought that I would know when a person loved me, BUT my parents were not that loving. They didn’t use the words that much and did not even hug me that much. That has left me wondering if I would know.

    • Alexis Youngblood November 5, 2015, 9:09 am

      This makes things very difficult for you I bet. Good luck!

  • Xenia Royal October 24, 2015, 9:15 am

    If I guy is willing to fight for our relationship when it is about to end, why wouldn’t they fight for it ALL the time?

  • Doris Dore October 24, 2015, 9:03 am

    This might be a tough thing to pinpoint. The flags that you have here are possible and realistic, however I prefer to just ask the person outright. Or, just tell them I love them and see the reaction.

    • Gertrude Murphy November 8, 2015, 12:21 pm

      Tough for some, I can tell very quickly if the feelings are there. Then I just ask the guy and see what he says :)

  • Daniele Head October 23, 2015, 10:50 am

    When you are given signs like this, you NEED to act on them. There is nothing worse than missing a chance to love someone back.

    • Goldie Walker October 29, 2015, 9:32 am

      I agree, there is no sense on waiting around to see what comes of it if you are not going to act.

  • Lillian Mains October 23, 2015, 10:38 am

    I always fall head over heels for guys and it usually happens faster than it should. I rarely get a chance to see if a guy has these qualities before I am all “lets get married”, etc. etc.

  • Barbara Fedele October 22, 2015, 2:43 pm

    I guess these are some flags that one could associate with someone loving them. I would not call it a slam dunk, but it is a great place to start!

  • Elaine Hughes October 22, 2015, 2:31 pm

    I was always partial to a guy that would fight for the relationship. Even if things got bad and he wasn’t giving up, that says a lot!

    • Edna Lundy October 31, 2015, 9:07 am

      Yes it does. When a man knows what he has and has to put some effort into keeping that, that is half the battle.

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