It’s one of the biggest questions that can be on a woman’s mind:
How can I tell if he loves me?
You want to know how to tell whether a guy loves you or not. Maybe you can’t tell if he’s saying what you want to hear or if he truly loves you. Maybe you just don’t ‘feel’ love from him – and it feels like he could ‘take you or leave you.’ Maybe he hasn’t said it and you don’t know his true feelings.
Lots of women complain that their man doesn’t text or call to set up dates, doesn’t really reach out a lot, doesn’t really act super romantic towards them, and generally doesn’t give them the sense that he loves them.
more: Should You Say ‘I Love You’ First Or Wait For Him?
So even though he might have said it… you could be worried that he doesn’t really love you love you.
So if you’re feeling conflicted about whether your man loves you or not, read on.
The Most Important Thing To Remember About Love
This is the single most important thing to remember about love and relationships: love is obvious.
When the relationship between you is working, you’re not wondering whether he loves you. You’re not picking apart his behavior to find ‘signs’ that he loves you. You’re not feeling incomplete, like something in your relationship is missing.
Even if he’s not super emotional or romantic, and even if he likes to chill out on the couch rather than go on romantic dates, you can tell he loves you because it’s obvious that he loves you – because he’s enthusiastic about being with you and about his relationship with you.
Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Does He Love You?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not…
Here’s How To Tell When A Guy Loves You
When a guy is falling in love, he’s super enthusiastic about the woman he’s falling in love with. He’ll always be excited to see you, and he’ll go out of his way to make that happen. He’ll want to be around you all the time, he’ll want to share his interests with you, and he’ll want to ‘let you into his life’ so to speak. You’ll never have to try to ‘make him chase you’ because the thought would honestly never occur to you to think that you would have to – his enthusiasm would already be there.
more: 3 Ways To Find Out Whether Someone Truly Loves You
He would include you in his world, include you in the big decisions that he makes, want you to meet his friends and family, and want to share as much of himself as possible with you.
Now, these are all signs that a guy loves you –but that’s not really what I want to do in this article.
The #1 Rule When It Comes To Relationships
There’s a danger in writing a ‘what are the signs a guy loves you’ article. Many women search for those articles and cherry pick the one or two signs that they do see in their relationship, and ignore all the red flags that their relationship isn’t great.
Those women aren’t looking to figure out whether he loves them or not, they’re looking for something external to tell them their relationship is ok and they’re going to be ok … even if they’re not and their relationship isn’t.
That’s why I don’t want to write a typical ‘signs a guy loves you’ article – because I don’t want to feed into that.
Instead, I want to give you the most important rule when it comes to relationships.
There are millions and millions (probably billions actually) of women around the world who believe a misconception about relationships so wholeheartedly that it sabotages their chances and their love lives… without them even realizing it.
more: 25 Beautifully Romantic Ways To Say ‘I Love You’
It’s reinforced by most magazines, most movies, and most ‘romantic’ books – and it causes more toxicity and heartbreak than anything else. It’s killing countless women’s relationships around the globe, and I want to clear it up right now:
Millions of women have been tricked into thinking guys are sending ‘secret signals’ in relationships… or communicating their true desires and intentions in some sort of code.
The fact is, that’s simply not true. There are no messages, no secret signals, and no hidden codes he’s hoping that you pick up on.
Men are obvious. Period.
How To Make Your Love Life Crystal Clear
If you’re obsessing about what his actions mean, or trying to find signs that he actually loves you (even though you know in your gut that things aren’t right and that there’s a problem)… it’s going to sabotage you and make your entire situation worse.
When you do that, you’re cherry picking and trying to see what you hope is there, rather than what’s actually in front of you.
Ever wonder why that book, “He’s Just Not That Into You” did so well? It’s because the entire lesson in it was “stop looking for hidden messages in his words and actions – if it’s not stupidly obvious that he loves you, then he’s not that interested.” (You’re welcome – now you don’t have to buy the book).
Whenever I get desperate questions about relationships, they’re always from one (flawed) perspective: How do I take a bad relationship that’s not working and turn it into an amazing one?
Usually, that means suddenly turning an incompatible match into a compatible one.
Obviously, reading this from the outside sounds crazy – but it doesn’t sound so crazy if you’re the one stuck in a relationship that’s just not working… and desperately trying anything you can think of to turn it around.
more: Exactly How Men Really Show Their Love
So many women want a great relationship without the foundation that a great relationship needs. They want to take a relationship that’s never really clicked and somehow force it to work.
That mindset and course of action leads to more heartbreak than anything else possibly could.
The Most Important Lesson To Live By In A Relationship
I want you to have total clarity and control in your love life – so you can have the relationship and the love you’ve always wanted.
That’s why I want to give you the most important lesson to live by in a relationship, right now:
If you want to have a great relationship, don’t focus on trying to fix a relationship that’s not working – focus on not settling until you have the relationship you want.
That means that if your goal is to become someone who can turn a mediocre or bad relationship into a great one, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
It is virtually impossible to turn a bad relationship into a good one. It is virtually effortless for a relationship that starts between two compatible people with a great foundation to become a great one.
So the rule is, never settle until you get what you want. Why is that so important?
To answer that question, let’s take a look at what happens when you settle for a relationship that’s less than you want:
Let’s say you’re in a relationship with a guy… and he’s starting to pull away from you and show less interest in you and in the relationship.
If you’re settling – if your mindset is to save this relationship no matter what, and turn a non-working relationship into a great one – you’re going to put in even more energy and effort to try to pull this guy back.
Unfortunately this will have the opposite effect that you want. If you’re fulfilling his every desire and whim and putting in tons of energy to keep him and keep the relationship together, while he’s not doing the same… then he will realize that he doesn’t have to put in any effort and you’ll still be wrapped around his little finger. (Yes, he will definitely realize it – that’s human nature. Even if he’s a great guy, he’ll still be able to identify the situation he’s in, even if he doesn’t necessarily want to take advantage of you).
more: Why Men Really Fall In Love
A lot of the time, a guy who finds himself in that situation will pull away even more, because he knows you’re not going to leave him, and he knows that you’ll put up with all his bad behavior. Why?
Because he knows you’re going to settle for him no matter how he acts.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to respond to that truth.
The wrong way is thinking that if a guy is going to take you for granted, and not value the effort you’re putting in, then you have to make him ‘chase’ you and ‘play games’ to keep him interested.
The ‘smarter’ sort of magazines try to push this line of reasoning, as if recognizing one part of human nature means that they get to be cynical about it.
So many magazines and movies tell you that if you want a guy to value you and “treat you like a keeper” then you have to play games and do weird stuff to keep him.
That’s the wrong way to respond – it’s responding cynically and the advice is ‘act unnatural and try to keep the upper hand’.
So what’s the right way to respond?
Simple: I already told you.
The Secret To Always Getting The Relationship You Want
The right way to respond is this: Never settle for less than you want in a relationship!
That’s it – that’s the secret to getting the relationship you want with him. Just stay single until you’re with someone who’s going to give you the relationship and the love that you want.
Obviously, you still have to be the best version of yourself that you can be. If you want to attract the man you truly desire then you have to put in the effort that you would want and expect from your partner to be.
Not settling doesn’t mean deciding that you’re perfect and waiting for the right man to come along – it means being the best, happiest, most fulfilled version of yourself that you can be, and deciding not to commit until you find the relationship that truly makes you happy and fulfilled.
more: How To Tell When A Guy Loves You…
This rule is so important because it lets you sidestep the biggest relationship mistake out there – the one that causes the most heartbreak out of all possible relationship mistakes:
When you follow this rule, you will avoid getting into an unsatisfying relationship and trying to fix it from the inside.
The women who come to me who have gone through the worst heartbreak are always the women who stay in mediocre relationships and try to “fix” a relationship that’s not working with a man who they’re ultimately settling for.
They could’ve saved themselves years and years of heartbreak and frustration if they had just decided they weren’t going to settle for someone who wasn’t giving them what they wanted, and stayed single instead.
So many women spend years in a relationship that’s going nowhere, and as soon as it inevitably falls apart and they’re single again, they jump right back into another fatally flawed relationship. These are the women who tell me that ‘love is dead’, or that there are no good men out there.
The tragic part is that this is what those women truly believe, this is how they think that relationships are supposed to be.
The truth is, all the women who have fallen into that trap have sabotaged themselves by settling for less than they truly wanted from their relationships.
So how do you ‘not settle’? What should you look for in your ideal relationship?
How Do You Find Your Perfect, Ideal Relationship?
It’s simple. You start with a match that you’re totally compatible with.
Every person on earth (yes, including you) has so many potential partners that they could have an amazing, fulfilled, joyful relationship with. There are so many people out there that are 100% compatible with you.
When you’re in a relationship with a totally compatible partner, things feel easy, not hard. The day to day relationship with him just feels good – it feels good to be around him and he feels good around you.
You’re not fighting, you’re not sniping at each other, you don’t carry around resentment towards each other, and the relationship doesn’t have any misunderstandings that fester and turn into arguments that last for days.
more: Signs He’s In Love That Many Women Miss
Instead, you both know that you’re happier when the other person is around, and that you’re better together than you ever were single.
Remember what I said before – the biggest mistake that women make is trying to make a bad relationship work with someone that they’re not compatible with, deep down.
That’s what I mean by settling – if you’re with someone who you know you’re not compatible with, but you stay with him, you’re settling for less than you deserve.
You’re trying to build a solid relationship on quicksand, and eventually and inevitably things will fall apart, leaving you heartbroken.
The most important part of any relationship is the foundation, and the only way to have a 100% rock solid foundation that will stand the test of time is to be with someone who you know that you’re absolutely compatible with.
And here’s the beautiful part: when you’re with someone who you’re truly compatible with, you’ll know it – and you’ll absolutely know that he loves you.
more: 5 Signs He Loves You Even If He Hasn’t Said It Yet
His love for you will be obvious – just like it’s really obvious when a guy is super attracted to you, and just like it’s really obvious when a guy really wants to date you.
Remember, guys aren’t sending secret signals, they don’t communicate in code, and they’re not dropping hints that they want you to pick up on.
If you’re searching for tiny hints and secret signs that he truly loves you, what you’re really doing is avoiding facing the truth in favor of convincing yourself that a relationship that isn’t everything you want it to be is actually great.
Remember – that’s the biggest mistake you can make. Women who do that are trying to convince themselves that a mediocre relationship is a great one, and that they can ‘fix’ the problems of a not great relationship from the inside.
They’re telling themselves that even though they aren’t totally compatible with each other, and even though things aren’t great between them, if they put in enough work and enough effort they can make a not great relationship into a great one.
That will always, always, always end in heartbreak.
If you want my article on the signs that a guy does love you, I’ll give it to you here:
more: 8 Key Signs Your Partner Is In Love With You
Because in some situations, a woman really is in a great relationship but she can’t see it – maybe because her man is expressing love in a different way than she’s expecting to receive it., which can cause trouble.
So read that article before you make any conclusions about your relationship.
But remember, trust your gut instincts. If you take away one thing from this article, it should be that good relationships are effortless – because they’re built between two people who are truly, deeply compatible with each other.
The best way to know whether you’re compatible with your partner or not is simple: trust your gut on this one.
I hope this helps you find the love and happiness that you deserve in your love life.
Want to find out if he loves you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not……
great one, thanks for sharing
men need not to elaborate through words because their actions usually speak louder in reality. if he makes you feel secure enough of his intentions and feelings toward you, you know he is for keeps!
a man who loves you truly will put you in his top priorities no matter what
thank you for this reminder. i know he loves me, i just doubt it sometimes bec he’s too busy and he doesn’t seem to have enough time for me
tha way a man acts and protects you could tell if he loves you or not
thanks for sharing this to us. i am so convinced that my man loves me <3
a man makes an effort to make his woman happy when he is i love. if he does make time for you, you know he’s in love w/ you! <3
my boyfriend is not the romantic type and he doesn’t bring me stuff like flowers and whatnots. but whenever we’re together, he always make me feel valued and comfortable.
makes me feel relieved ad secured of my man’s true feelings and love for me. <3
i think that above all, it is how he treats you. if you like like you’re a queen with him then he must really love you
great post, i love it! <3
you can tell a guy loves you when he’s comfortable w/ you and when can let loose w/ you
i love this post, thanks for your inspiring work
this is all so true, couldn’t agree more..ladies, take a good look!
i think one would know by the way he looks at you, he touches you and most importantly how he treats you
these are really important pointers for you to look out for
check out his interests and priorities. if that includes you, then he does love you
whatever you two are doing…extravagant or not, you feel his presence and his genuine happiness. that’s how you know he loves you.
if you’ve been together for a while now, you’ll definitely know the difference in his actions. you should be able to determine if you both are growing in love.
more than what he says, it’s how he treats you that matters most.
absolutely right! i’m just so lucky to have the man of dreams
It’s so nice to have the ones who share dreams with you
these are all true. lucky you if you are with this kind of a guy! :)
you know a guy loves you when he treats you right and make you a priority
signs are real and if you have this kind of guy showing you all these or even some of them, you’re in a real love situation.
nice article, learned a lot of good insights!
action speaks louder than words…
a guy will be so protective of you and you won’t need to beg for his attention if he loves you.
all very true and evident only when a man is totally in love with you.
so true! he’ll always be excited to see you, and he’ll go out of his way to make that happen.
you’re right, you will never have to make him chase you nor you chasing him.
great insights. not the typical posts you see everyday. thanks! (: