The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need To Know

The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need To Know

When you’re looking for information about how to get your ex back – it’s practically a guarantee that you see the no-contact rule over and over.

Even though the rule itself is simple: just don’t have any contact with your ex for a certain period of time (which varies from 3 to 6 weeks), that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to pull off.

Confused about the details? Here’s everything you need to know.

The Nuts And Bolts Of The No Contact Rule

The no contact rule, at its heart, means no communication between you and your ex.

And it’s deadly serious – no communication means no communication. Here’s a handy list:

Everything You Need To Know About The No Contact Rule

  • No phone calls
  • No “accidentally” seeing him
  • No instant messages – so no gchat and definitely no facebook messages
  • No text messaging of any kind
  • No asking a mutual friend to give him a message
  • No “targeted” status updates or social media posts directed at him

no contact rule

Think about it this way, if you get a funny feeling in your stomach about something you’re about to do – chances are it breaks the no-contact rule.

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Why It’s So Important To Follow

The reason to follow the no contact rule is to give your brain and your heart time to de-tox from the relationship and get a quick breather. You’re allowing yourself to experience what it’s like to live life without him – and letting yourself gain a little bit of distance and perspective on the relationship.

If there were a better way to gain perspective on the relationship and start to heal (so that you can have a much easier time getting your ex back later on) – this article would be telling you that way.

As it stands, the no contact rule is the best way to heal and make yourself stronger after a breakup. There’s no wiggle room – either you’re following it or you’re not – which makes it the best possible option.

The reason why this perspective and healing is so important is that if you want your ex back, you can’t just pursue him right after the relationship ends – it makes you appear needy and desperate.

But when you follow the no contact rule, you become stronger, healthier, and have a better perspective – so that when you do start talking to your ex again you won’t come off as needy.

Instead, you’ll appear confident, relaxed, and fully in control of yourself and of the situation – which is key to making him want you back.

The No Contact Steps To Success

So describing the no contact rule is easy – just don’t contact him in any way.

But what should you be doing during the no contact rule?

The common theme here is going to be: do the things that will make you feel happier, healthier, and stronger.

So even though you might want to watch sad movies and eat ice cream, at the end of the day you’re not going to feel better for doing that.

Think about it this way: the no contact rule is a chance for you to getstronger while he gets weaker.

While you’re becoming happier, healthier, more attractive, and more in control of your life – he will be thinking about you more, missing you more, and realizing he might want you back in his life.

However, if you want that to happen, you have to follow the steps:

Step 1: Get Active

Study after study after study proves it – the more active you are, the better you feel.

And in this case, the benefits to getting active really stack on top of each other.

First of all, you’ll feel better which will help you minimize the pain of the breakup and retake control of your life more quickly.

Second of all, it will naturally get you into better shape, which will make you feel better about yourself and be happier all at the same time.

Plus, when it comes time to get your ex back, looking better is going to be an irresistible component that will make him want you back even more.

There are so many different ways to get active. You could pick up running, or join a co-ed or just for fun sports league in a sport you like to play, like soccer, basketball, softball, you name it. Anything that’s fun.

You could do yoga (in a class or on your own), start a gym routine – you could even join a workout group like crossfit. All of these are great options to get off the couch, get active, and get stronger (while your ex gets weaker).

Step 2: Get Social

Obviously, after a breakup, all you want to do is stay inside and shut out the outside world.

Unfortunately, your instincts here are bad for you in the long run.

When you wallow in misery, all it does is make you feel even worse, less over him, and more desperate. And that’s going to work against you when you’re trying to get him back.

So the second step to success is going out and living your social life.

Of course – you don’t have to go out literally the night after he dumps you. Don’t push yourself too hard right at the beginning, take a few days to grieve if you’d like.

But after that, make sure to spend time with your friends outside the house. Have a good time! The best thing you can do for your mental health (and your attractiveness to your ex) is to feel good about yourself and what you’re doing, and one of the best ways to do that is to go out with your friends.

Also, if you’re feeling up to an advanced tactic, try going on a date or two. Obviously, not everyone is going to feel up to it – but if you give it a chance you’ll see how much it accelerates the process of recovering from your breakup.

You don’t have to start dating a guy seriously right away, but a harmless date or two will seriously help your mental state and give you a much more attractive attitude in the long run.

Step 3: Take Care Of Yourself

Breakups take their toll on you, both emotionally and physically. Sleepless nights lying awake in bed, tears that never seem to end – everything that happens takes a toll on your body and your emotions.

So that’s why it’s important to give yourself some time to rest, relax, and recuperate after a breakup.

Pick things that are relaxing to you, that you can totally unwind and feel comfortable during – like yoga, or getting a massage, taking a bath, even treating yourself to a spa day.

Watch The Video: The No Contact Rule – Why It Works, How To, And How Long

Frequently Asked No Contact Questions

What Happens If I Break No Contact?

If you make a mistake and wind up contacting your ex – there’s nothing to be done but starting the no contact period over again.

Only time will let the pain of the breakup fade and let him start missing you again. If you contact him – you restart the no contact clock.

Plus, it’s about realizing that you can live your life without him in it. If you can live without him for 4 weeks, you’ve proved it to yourself. Contacting him in the middle upsets all the hard work you’ve done and starts you back at square one.

What If He Contacts Me? That’s Not My Fault, Right?

If he contacts you, whether by calling you, texting you, or some other means, it doesn’t mean you’ve broken the no contact rule. However, if he reaches out to you, do not respond. If you respond, or text him back, it’s the same as breaking no contact on your own.

Obviously, if it’s an emergency, you can talk to him – but only on the topic of the emergency. Nothing about your relationship, or your lives, or anything outside the scope of the immediate emergency that he contacted you about.

How Long Should No Contact Last?

There’s no hard and fast rule – it depends on the intensity and the duration of the relationship.

I like to use this rule: for every month of the relationship, you should be doing a week of no contact – up to a maximum of 8 weeks and with a minimum of 3 weeks.

That means if you were dating for 4 months, your no contact period would last 4 weeks. If you were only dating a month, your no contact period would still be for 3 weeks.

What If He’s The Father Of My Child?

If you two have a child (or children), there’s no way to avoid seeing him and contacting him.

However, the principles of the no contact rule still remain. When you see him, the conversation should only focus on your child together – every other topic is off limits.

The attitude to go for is that he’s a not very close friend that you want to be pleasant towards. Bitterness and anger are huge mistakes that will set you back with him, so will flirting and especially begging or pleading.

Remember – the only thing you two should talk about is your child. Talking about how you feel or what’s happening in your life will set you back weeks.

Big No Contact Mistakes To Avoid

There are two huge mistakes to avoid during the no contact period that can set you back and even undo all the progress you’ve made.

Big No Contact Mistake #1: Using Drugs Or Alcohol To Escape

Breakups suck. There’s no other way around it.

But if you use alcohol, drugs, or other substances as a way of masking the pain and hiding from it, all you’re doing is pushing the pain down deeper inside you.

Treat the no contact period like a detoxification of your body after the breakup. You’ve got a lot of unpleasant emotions to get through, and by giving yourself time away from him, you give your body time to process the pain of the breakup naturally.

But if you add toxins to your body like alcohol and drugs, you’re not processing and releasing the toxic pain of the breakup – you’re pushing it even deeper down inside yourself.

And when you do that, you’re not really getting over him. In fact, you’re sliding backwards into an even worse state where it’s even less likely that you can get him back (and nearly impossible for you to keep him).

Having a drink or two in moderation is fine – but drinking to excess in order to cover up the pain of the breakup is a huge mistake.

Big No Contact Mistake #2: Thinking About Your Ex Constantly

During the no contact period, you’re allowing the toxicity of the breakup time to naturally work its way out of your body.

That means that you’ll be physically and emotionally processing the pain of the breakup, and of course you’ll be thinking about your ex a lot during that time. Like wondering if he still loves you, or whether he’s seeing someone else, or even if he still thinks about you.

However, past a certain point, thinking about your ex actually hurts you more than it helps you. If you’re spending your time obsessing over him and what he’s doing, or worse, cyber-stalking him and checking up on him, you’re actually undoing the progress you’re making during no contact.

The point of the no contact rule isn’t to make your ex miss you – that’s just a natural byproduct of the rule.

The point of the no contact rule is to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex – and give yourself the time and space you need to process the breakup and move on with your life.

Obsessing over him and wallowing in pain and grief about him doesn’t serve any purpose – it only pushes you backwards away from your goal of being able to live your life without him.

Plus, obsession and neediness are huge turn offs – and if your ex can sense that from you after the no contact period, it will undo all your hard work.

Only you know when natural grieving goes on for too long and turns into obsession and wallowing in pain. At the beginning, try giving yourself an hour each day to think about him, and outside of that hour, try to live your life without thinking of the breakup.

And if you can’t resist the temptation of checking up on him through Facebook or other social media, it’s time to de-activate for a while and remove the possibility. Otherwise, you won’t be able to make any progress.

The Real Reason No Contact Works

The no contact rule is so commonly seen in breakup advice for a simple reason: it flat out works. And it works for a couple of reasons:

1. Processing The Breakup

When you cut off contact with him, you give yourself time and space to process the breakup and move on.

And when you prove to yourself that you can live your life without him, you instantly become way more attractive to him.

Think about it this way – when you first got together, you weren’t begging him to be with you, and feeling like you were unable to live your life without him.

No – you were living your life the way you wanted to, and he was a nice addition to your life that made your life better.

That’s what attracted him to you in the first place – that you didn’t need him to be happy, and that your life was fine without him in it.

The no contact rule gets you back to that place, where your life is fine without him in it, and you don’t need him to be happy. That is what will make him become re-attracted to you after the no contact period is over.

2. It Gives Him Time To Miss You

There are tons of negative feelings after a breakup, for both parties. Most of the time, in the days following a breakup, all that he can think about are the negatives from your relationship.

The no contact rule is designed to give him the time and space to get past all the negatives from your relationship and remember what he misses about it. To remember all the positives, all the things that he misses about you.

If you contact him, you undo all that processing and time spent forgetting the negatives and remembering the positives – especially if your contact with him is bitter, angry, or negative. All that does is remind him why you two broke up – and start the clock over.

However, when you give him space, he’ll notice the hole you left in his life when you two broke up – and he’ll naturally want to get you back to fill that hole. He’ll start to miss all the little things that were good about your relationship, and not having any contact with you will only make him miss them more.

That’s the essence of the no contact rule, and the reason why it works so well. If you take it seriously and follow the rules, you put yourself in the best possible position to get your ex back and keep him.

I hope this article helped you understand why the no contact rule is so important to getting your ex back. One thing to remember is that even when you do get him back, keeping him is much more difficult. If you don’t know how to make him see you as “the one”, then you don’t have a chance of staying with him forever. That’s why you need this secret formula to get your ex back in your arms for good, so don’t wait or you might miss your chance forever, read this now: Do You Want Your Ex Back? Use This To Get Them Back…

Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…

Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?

109 comments… add one
  • Megan December 23, 2020, 7:47 pm

    I don’t think any of us should want to be with a guy we have to do “ no contact “ on . It’s only about THEM if they do come back because you bruised their ego , it’s not about you . Be with someone you wouldn’t have to play games with to stay with you. True love should be effortless.

  • Twinpea June 7, 2020, 9:36 pm

    Because of covid-19, an old friend from 55 years ago when I was 17 contacted me. We self-isolated and after 3 weeks, we decided to move in together because of covid. We lived together for 2 months and we were both in love. He seemed like he was in love sd much as I was. He told me he loved me very often. But he tends to be controlling in a very nice way….tries to plan my life the way he likes to live and in his house, his late-wife’s pictures and collections are still in the house. I felt like a visitor. Also, he and his 40-something daughters seem to be a clique. He has made me do speaker-phone with him and everyone in his family, video conferencing with him and his daughters every week and one is specifically controlling and bossy.

    We went back and forth from his house to mine for 2 whole months, 5 or 6 days at his place and 2 days at mine. Whenever I mentioned how I feel like a visitor in his house or whatever, he throws a bit of a tantrum and wants to break up. We almost broke up a few weeks ago but he wanted me to stay so we made up. A few days ago, he went into a tantrum again and got up (from my house) and left, taking all his belongings with him. He has brought back my things and will be bringing back my last things tomorrow. I don’t know if I should see him or start the No Contact Rule and tell him by email to pick it all up in the carport? I wish I knew what to do.

    The problem is that when things went well, they went really well even just before the breakup. He’s very loving. In general, though, when I was at his house I was quite miserable and lonely at his house because I felt like a visitor in his house and also because he lives in the country with only tiny small towns around but I said nothing about that because I love him and want to be with him. But it doesn’t seem to be enough for him. I think he expects me to go along with everything he wants and and wants me to never say anything.

    The thing is that I really do love him. I fell hard and fast and he really is very loving when I’m with him. Can anyone give me any suggestions what to do? Should I see him for small things like exchanging our items as long as I don’t let him think that I’m needy? Or should I do the No Contact Rule right away and not see him when he picks up the items in my carport? My messages so far are quite friendly but very short and I show no animosity at all. I just would feel worse if I did see him, that’s all. Thank you to anyone out there who has any suggestions.

  • Laura March 28, 2020, 2:53 pm

    My boyfriend and I have 2.5 years recently split due to arguing. We haven’t been seeing eye to eye for about a month now. We broke up almost a week ago and I’ve realized my anxiety had caused a lot of pressure in our relationship and hurt him and myself. This isn’t eh first time we broke up and we told each other if it doesn’t work that this will be it. When we broke up however, he told me we need time to heal and grow on our own. He told me he stilled loved me and cared about me but can’t do this anymore. I should mention he also has a mood disorder and was in a super down state when this happened. He said he was unsure when he wants to see me again but told me he will reach out soon. He also told me that if we take some time to grow on our own that he wouldn’t be opposed to try this again somewhere down the line. I’m struggling not share my realizations with him because I feel like it would help but am not sure. I am unsure if I should reach out first or let him.

  • hidoz November 7, 2019, 6:38 am

    My girlfriend broke up with me after 4 months because she lost her emotions for me (she is the one who said I love you first), and I did no contact for 10 days then started contacted her as she was indirectly reaching out as well and conversations with going well and we even laughed over a phone call but she refused to meet me and said “we will meet later do not be so impatient”. Unfortunately, she called me after one week because someone broke her car’s windows, and she was checking if I am related to that! I got so angry and decided to unfriend her and removed all the memories related to her. she apologized but I did not feel it she said: ” do not take it personally, sry”. Distrust hurt me more than the break up itself, and I want to know was that a good decision to unfriend her, and sometimes I miss her should I contact her or forget her forever?

  • StrengthHealinginCO October 16, 2019, 12:34 pm

    Day #6 of No Contact with Ex. She broke up with me last Wednesday, October 9, 2019 with the typical array of excuses. Some seem legitimate. I do not have ill will for her. Just miss her a lot and experienced many lonely moments in the last week. We did text each other the day after on the 10th. She updated me on her sick daughter which was one of the main reasons she could no longer focus on our relationship. We shared more feelings about each other and decent closure.

    I intended to drop communications with her after hearing about her daughter, which I have done. She texted me on Saturday, October 12th at 11:00 pm. She seemed sober but was definitely reaching out to me using excuse of sharing about a mutual acquaintance who borrowed my hydration pack for a running race and wanted to thank me for lending it. Then she went on to say that she would pick up the pack, wash it, and drop if off to me when it is convenient. That last part really pissed me off! Really? You broke up with me and now you are needling your way back into my life. Um, no thank you.

    So, I did not reply to her text message and have not contacted her at all since the texts on the 10th. So, 6 days into No Contact. Feeling better but there is a strong level of guilt that I should at least impersonally yet cordially reply to her text by stating something like “Thanks for the update, good for that guy, and I will coordinate getting my pack with him. Hope all is well. Take care.”

    But I think long-term, it is best to have No Contact.

    She should know better. She has gone through several breakups including divorce after 15 years of marriage last year. She has been the breakupper many times. Shame on her.

    • StrengthHealinginCO October 23, 2019, 12:19 pm

      Day 13 of NO Contact since October 10, 2019. 14 Days since the breakup on October 9, 2019.

      I have done a lot of work on me. I have focused on my passions including downhill skiing, running, weight lifting, and cooking. I have also socialized with friends a lot in the past couple weeks. They are the best. One of them sent me a nice gift package that was lotus related to let me know that she thinks I am like the lotus flower that can grow into a beautiful flower out of mud. I am resilient and strong. I can get through this. I have also increased my meditation sessions to 30 minutes a day on average. I have contacted my old therapist to see if I can see her again for a little bit to further get through this breakup and work on unresolved interpersonal and intimacy issues.

      Feeling a lot better. I am planning on breaking No Contact over the next week to checkin with my Ex over the next week. My intention is to see how she and her daughter are doing. No ulterior motive. Just want to talk with her again from time to time and see where we end up. I realize that the breakup of our previous relationship was for the best. It was mostly circumstantial on her part, but there was stuff that occurred that I did my part for her to lose connection and attraction to me that it was easy for her remove me from her life since I was last in but also because she probably was emotionally spent with trying to make something work that her heart was not entirely into it.

      Things do change, but I am not expecting her to change nor her circumstances, if anything they are going to get a helluva lot worse before they improve.

      Anyway, I thought I would share my journey!

      Love this website! It has been very helpful!

  • Amanda August 15, 2019, 9:57 pm

    Hi guys can anyone tell me if the no contact rule applies to blocking him? On what’sapp?.. Its the only social media platform i use currently.

  • Carina April 3, 2019, 12:50 am

    It’s been a month since my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. We started out as great friends in college, no hidden agendas or whatsoever. I am the type of person who is happy and bubbly all the time or at least my facade is and he was really down around the time we became close because he just broke up with his girlfriend from high school. And me, being the person that I am tried to replace his sadness with happiness again i did not have any intention of beinng in a serious relationship with him at that time but eventually i started to fall for him but didnt tell me anything. We would text each other all the time, call until 3 or 4 am, hang out just the two of us and we would tell each other wverything. He confessed then that he was starting to fall for me to. And two months after his confession, we became official. Everything was happy!! Everything was great with him. We graduated together, passed bar exams, and basically been through a lot together considering i have off the charts anxiety. But we’ve been away for months and get to see each other once or twice a month because we both had work far from each other and instarted to become needy and i would always tell him he should do this because i want this this is what and how i want to be loved, i would be upset over the little things like him falling asleep and forgetting valentines day and everything. And he would always say sorry and that hed do better next time but i always pinned it down on him. Then one night while he was sleeping, i realized that maybe im not good for him and texted him that maybe hell find happiness elsewhere, then the morning after he told me he doesnt want to but he thinks it what we need. He broke up with me and i begged for him to not leave me. After 2 days he agreed because i was a mess, but after he agreed i told myself that if we were to meet and i feel that somethings not right, i would go away. We met after about a week, then we tried to spend the day together like we would always do but i know something was bothering him so i called it quits again. He got burned out because of our relationship and keeps on saying sorry for coming up short in the end. We still contact each other every now and then because we are each other’s most genuine friends and we cant afford to lose each other. But i still want him back. I tried a couple kf time over the course of a month, and he still hasnt changed his mind. Says he does not want to be in a relationship because “love” itself is tiring for him at the moment but he still loves me. What should i do now

    • Rey Casiano June 25, 2019, 1:43 pm

      Its obvious you can’t be friends with him because of the feelings you have. It time to do the no contact rule. Right now you seems like your very needy and obsessive over having a relationship with a guy who clearly doesn’t see eye to eye with you. You need to give yourself time to heal and find yourself. He already told you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Its time to move on Carina.

  • Andreah January 8, 2019, 1:28 am

    I ruined my chance to get him back. He asked me out but he chose his new girl again because he was caught. Is No contact rule can be applied again? Is there a chance that he will ask me out again?

  • Lisa August 21, 2018, 1:10 pm

    I can understand the benefits of this for some people. If you break up with someone you should take time to heal, not have them in your life and find peace for yourself! On the other hand, the no contact seems like an opportunity for them to miss you. I made the classic ‘mistake’ of showing all of my feelings outright. I don’t want games or to hide how I feel. If it needed space I gave it space, if it could be talked about we’d talk. To be honest I tried both space and fighting for my relationship but he needed to back off every time there was something to be faced. It begins to appear as a weakness and just an excuse to not deal with problems. In the end, I agreed with his need for space and made it permenant. No more heartache for me, a chance to get better and get a much needed perspective on myself & everything I’d been through. He has contacted me since (6 months down the line) but it is too late. I opened myself up to be shut down, I fought to have someone give up, I let my heart break and myself be the fool. Sometimes it is better to love someone at a distance. Not everyone is good for you, but it doesn’t mean you won’t fall in love with them or stop loving them. I don’t like to think he is going through the same as I was six moths ago, but for me I have my all until I had nothing left. If I hadn’t drawn a line I would keep running back, I could never have left him. and to say- he was not a good place for me mentally.

    • Jae September 8, 2018, 11:17 pm

      I wanna clarify. Did he message you after 6 months? Or he didn’t? Because I feel we are on the same situation.

  • Dimitris August 15, 2018, 5:23 pm

    My girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me 10 days ago. For 1 week we had no contact. 3 days ago I sent 2 messages and she didnt reply. Is there a possibility for her to come back if I use the No Contact Rule?

  • T June 24, 2018, 4:52 am

    I deactivated all social media accounts. I started no contact rule and it’s been 1 week now. Two of our mutual friends texted me and i didn’t reply them. And my ex called me today morning and I didn’t respond him neither. I think they freaked out because I didn’t reply. They might think I’m in trouble. What should I do now? Should I contact one of them? Or my ex?

  • Leah June 14, 2018, 2:11 pm

    I was with my ex for 17 years. He dumped me over WhatsApp and within a week started seeing a known “town bike”I haven’t spoke to him in one month. I won’t. As I found out he was messaging her whilst with me for a week or two before we broke up. Going through all sorts right now emotionally battered. At this stage I don’t want him back & I’m trying to piece my life back together. I gave his sister his clothes and B’S valentines gift he gave me. Which he binned. I don’t want someone back who can be with someone who easily lays on her back. But it’s hard. I have moments where I want to reach out. But I am determined to do this. I’m mot as broken as he thinks I am. He has changed his number & blocked me on social media. I know this asounds my daughter said he’d changed it. And in short he blocked me first. Saves me a job. I broke the no contact rule the first time he did this (this is the second) & I was besides myself with heartbreak last time. But taking this advice I’m not doing it again. I’m stronger this time. Different. Hoping for better days ahead. And not hurt. Hoping to at least make him suffer in some small way. Yeah I’m at that bitter stage lol any advice ?

  • Jane June 9, 2018, 12:16 pm

    I’m mainly doing the no contact to help myself get over the relationship and build strength. He says he wants to be friends, but i need time to heal. I’m leaving the state exactly 3 weeks no contact. I want the option to maybe be open to see him before i leave. Will 3 weeks be enough? It’s only been 4 days and I’m so lost

    • Amanda July 2, 2018, 2:51 pm

      6 to 8 weeks is preferable

  • Rose June 7, 2018, 10:48 pm

    Do i need to change my passwords on social media during the no contact rule or i just dont?the reason is that i dont change it because i dont really make drama to that acc so yea but should i change it?

  • Fruj May 25, 2018, 2:54 pm


  • Annette May 23, 2018, 5:17 pm

    The no contact rule is hard….. I don’t text him, but if he initiates, then I reply with something short and neutral. I’m unsure if even this is okay, and his texts are usually to ask how I’m doing and that he’s worried about me.

    • Sara June 1, 2019, 2:50 am

      I am in the same situation now, does replying to your ex was a good idea? Should i reply if he contacted me or not?

  • Arthur April 4, 2018, 1:04 pm

    My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after a vacation to europe. Last week she volunteered to bring my things to my house and she could pick up hers. She ended up staying for four hours and then i walked her to the train station. When she came over, she said she wanted to talk more than what she said the week before when she did ask to meet me to tell me she wanted to be out of the relationship. We both sobbed in my apartment, hugged, held each other, kissed and curled up in my bed. We talked more and more, talked about everything I had thought about during this week after she ended the relationship and she shared more thoughts about us and what happened. The catalyst was my behavior, i have bipolar disorder and have realized i have anger management problems (passive aggressiveness) i do see professionals and take medication. I became clingy, possessive and needy out of a recently discovered fear of abandonement. The Anger management therapy i couldn’t start until after our trip because of schedules and my first session was the day we left for our trip. Three days after the breakup, i had a snapchat notification thst she had taken a screenshot and last night which is the three days after she came over with my things, she commented on a painting i made and posted on my instagram story (after she stopped following me on Instagram) she still views my story everytime i post one. Her comment was a suggestion for the painting. I replied about an hour and a half later saying I had thought about that and didnt say anything else. She knows very well that the paintings are and contain massive if not complete references to her and how i feel and have always felt about her. I love her like ive never loved anyone before and i know she loves me. Im very sad and crying and hurting although knowing that i have to keep working on myself. That means continuing anger management, running again(because i always stop in the winter and pick it up in the spring, painting with even more focus. Although she never got in the way of me producing work. What should I do? This is the first time in my life that I truly dont want to lose a relationship. What I feel for her ive never felt about anyone before in my life.

    Thank you

    • Isabella April 10, 2018, 10:38 pm

      Hey Arthur,

      It sounds that you sincerely are working to better yourself. I would suggest to really adhering to the no contact rule above. It is a very painful time, but if you can get through it, you will only come out better.

  • emerson here March 17, 2018, 6:54 pm

    good day my gf tell me she needs space then i give to her after 4 dayi contact her but she angry and tell her she break withme she is not my destiny she will cut of all communication we had but i beg for her were not friend in fb because her family did not want me after i beging we talk about our relation ship she said to me if we are destiny is happened and she tell me she want married that i cannot do this time because i married last 5 years but we seperated 5 years she tell to me if i going to korea to work she hope that im not married and maybe she can wait she did not want only we live together she want marry her by the way we live in taiwan together since 2014 upto aug 2016 then we ldr she tell her to when she need me she feel sad she havewrong desicion because she tell not to apply again he want bussiness here in the philippnes thats why we bussiness here my last msg to her is she forget me so fast then i tell to her im not giving up her then i found out theno contact rule after that idid not msg her anny more upto now we seperate sept 21 then monsary 25 then last cintact is 27 of september

  • Solomon March 14, 2018, 4:57 am

    Should I tell my girlfriend that I want a No Contact Rule?

    • Amanda July 2, 2018, 2:53 pm

      Why would you?

  • Cookie March 11, 2018, 4:27 am

    My boyfriend of last 11 months is saying he loves me a lot, but cant see a future due to my temper issues. He says he will still be with me, meet me, call me, text me wenever I want, but he cant see aa future.he has become so aloof and whenevr we meet to solve this issue, I end up fighting and driving him further away. He says he loves me, and texts me and calls me at his convenience, even had sex a few times, but says he cant be together in futur becoz my behaviour pattern is bound to create a failed relationship. He feels I dont respect him, and due to the fights in the past he is very hurt.he asked for space before, and I tried to give him, but according to him it wasnt enough and so now he says things wont work out. Still he keeps meeting, calling at bare minimum, which I feel is just a cushion for him to get over me. What shud I do, I really love him, but wat he says also makes sense. Still I want him back.

    • Amanda July 2, 2018, 2:54 pm

      No Contact Rule this dude is playing mind games

    • Sara June 1, 2019, 2:53 am

      Same same same! Tell me what did you do and what happened after that please

  • Kairavi March 11, 2018, 4:20 am

    My boyfriend of 9 months has left me saying he loves me but due to my temper he cant see a future. He says he will still be there to support me, meet me everyday, comfort me. But he clearly says that he doesnt see a future. He is also aware I m seeing other guys. He keeps saying he loves me but cant make it work bcoz I have hurt him horribly in the past, and this is my behaviour pattern that cant change. He wishes me happiness and calls me , msgs me on and off. He just seems so distant, as if he is trying to give him self the blow of break up slow, using me as a comfort cushion whenved he requires. What do I do.

  • Gabe March 2, 2018, 2:12 am

    My (ex) partner didn’t want anymore kids (he has 1 from previous marriage) and I do want kids. How does this NC work? There is no compromise….

  • vivian February 20, 2018, 3:33 pm

    My boyfriend of 3years broke up with me and asked me to leave his place…Been trying to talk to him but it seems he has made up his mind… I dnt want to loose him

    • Kim July 28, 2018, 4:35 pm

      Go NO CONTACT! DO NOT contact him in any way shape or form…that means no texting, calling, social media, not running into him. Disappear! Let him come back to you. If you can do this (will be very hard) trust me he WILL BE BACK! Just keep that in mind. Work on yourself and enjoy family and friend’s in the meantime. Good luck!

  • Rhiannon January 16, 2018, 4:11 am

    ok, so in the briefest possible way, here is my situation.
    Started chatting to a guy on a dating website.
    Clicked quickly and messaged long and many messages for a few days before he gave me his number. The messages continued, photos (face shots) were sent, we bantered and played around, highly flirting and sexual and many many messages later (and 2 weeks) we spent a whole day together. It was quite clear we were both into eachother.
    We messaged some more and then went out for dinner a few days later and I stayed at his house (no sex, but other stuff) but also a movie and drinking and talking etc.
    he started to slow down in the constant messages and the constant banter. I tried to keep it up and then started to get worried that it was over already. This was the first click I have had since my ex and was smitten!
    He warned me to chill out a bit and not be so manipulative with some things I would say to get him to reply (such as, it’s ok if you are not into me anymore, just tell me) etc.
    we spent the night together again and had sex.
    i was trying to see him again as soon as I could and he was like its Christmas I am busy with family stuff. Then I messaged again a couple of days later asking if he wanted to catch up and he said he was on a motorbike trip. Nothing more than that. I sent a few silly drunken messages like you suck and you clearly want me to leave u alone.
    Two days later, still nothing I messaged and said, I don’t get it, you were all into it with the bantering of many messages each day, telling me what u want to do to me, calling me gorgeous blah blah and then now nothing? Are you done with me? Just give it to me raw and tell me.
    and so he did.
    He said that he told me he was on a motorcycle trip. And yes he was going to let me go. I was carrying on like his ex and he doesn’t want to repeat the same mistakes. He said sorry but I’m out. And no I don’t want to talk one last time just leave me be. All the best and good luck.
    i went semi crazy here which I did in a drunken moment and wish more than anything I could take back.
    i did the desperation texts, apologising, saying I didn’t realise I was pissing him off and please don’t ride me off yet I am worth it and blah blah.
    No reply.
    4 days later I texted again and just said hope you are well. I would love to take you out to dinner if you are free. I feel really crappy about the way I acted.
    I went no contact for 10 days with no response and then I sent a funny line from his favourite movie and told him that I just watched it.
    He replied with this:
    Yes it is a great movie. Welcome to 2012 Rhiannon

    Listen Ree, i am very sorry but i don’t want to lead you on. I don’t think we would work out.
    You see i am something of a womaniser and i am not proud of it… this year i have decided to try and be a better person. So i am writing this so let you down gently…
    Like i said, i think you are a nice enough girl Rhiannon but im afraid i think… in fact i know.. that you and i wouldn’t work out. Im sorry and i know that probably stings like hell and believe me i know what that feels like… its not nice and i feel horrible doing it. But still, its better this way.
    I shouldn’t have let things get as far as they did but im trying to be honest about it now so you have some closure…
    You’re a nice girl, and there are plently if guys out there who would love a girl as affectionate as you.
    You will make someone very happy one day… just not me. And not because you couldn’t but because i know myself and what i am like.

    Please don’t keep drawing this out… it will be better for you in the long run.
    Like i said i am sorry Rhiannon, this is my fault and i am an asshole i know… trust me you wouldn’t want to be with me.
    Don’t make this a long drawn out goodbye okay?

    Take care of yourself and keep your chin up ✌ x

    I then replied with this:

    Thank You for replying and It’s all good Jamie, I honestly didn’t mean to get as excitable as I did.
    I was in a haze of physical lust and the mental stimulation you provided was addictive.
    I wasn’t, and am not looking for anything more than what it was. I was having a great time with you, and then got silly, which is so unlike me in these situations.
    I was being manipulative and hadn’t been fully aware of how I do this, until you came along. So I am sorry for behaving that way, I can’t pretend I’m not embarrassed because I am.
    And, I too, am focusing on myself and doing things differently.
    Yes, it was confusing to me, more so thoughts such as, was the sex with me really awful?
    Did I not have a cheeseburger after all and was it more like a Big Mac? Hahaha.
    But of course, I had to question these things.
    And thankyou, but I’m not worried about meeting someone. I am aware of my qualities and have never questioned that I won’t find someone.
    And yes you are an asshole, but you own it and I admire you for that.
    I am not looking for anyone in that capacity right now as I have so much happening this year with uni, I just want fun times both mentally and physically.
    Like I think we both were having at first until I got all attention seeking?
    On that note, I’m not going to beg you to give me another chance, I am past that now.
    I am completely indifferent
    However, I would love for you to once again be my early morning visitor, preferably soon before I explode?
    Can we maybe give that a little try?

    That was last night and there has been no response.
    What do I do? Is there no chance of me rekindling this? I felt he didn’t even get to know me properly.

    • Jennifer January 19, 2018, 6:48 pm

      You broke the dating rules right from the start. You chased him and didn’t let him do his man-thing and chase you. You didn’t set yourself up to be the prize to be won – he didn’t value you.
      Read “the rules”.
      A man won’t value the woman who throws herself at him. He likes a good chase. That’s how a real man is built. You made it too easy for him.
      Lots of women make this mistake.
      Now you know.
      You can do better.

    • Nisha August 29, 2018, 10:41 am

      Ree omg. I just found this. I need updates. I am in a similar situation

  • Trish December 29, 2017, 2:15 pm

    No. Just NO. Some relationships need to be left. Not everyone should stay in an unhealthy, abusive, neglectful union/marriage, whatever. God doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with it. We

  • Lee December 20, 2017, 3:26 pm

    My ex broke up w me bc he said we’re not compatible and he’s happy being single rn /: we had been together for 11 months n he said he always felt we were a little too different. I don’t understand bc we have plenty of things in common and we’re best friends but he was dwelling on small things. We’d also argue sometimes but I figured out why n told him. He said it sounded right but still feels we’re “incompatible.” It’s been two weeks n we talked on n off. I’m going to do no contact now probably for a month. The last thing he said to me (bc I was still trying to get convince him) was that it was hard for him to break up w someone he loves but it knew it wouldn’t work out w. I feel like we’ll get back together bc I was his first love and he cares for me a lot. But he has the incessant need to not acknowledge his emotions and make sure what’s hes doing “logical” in regards to me. Idk what to think tho )-:

    • Patti Bartow January 29, 2018, 8:14 pm

      Our situations are similar. My break up was last week. How did things work out for you? Did you follow the no contact rule?

  • Elizabeth November 20, 2017, 7:36 am

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me because I don’t give him sex. He is now with another girl and now hates me so much. We have been together for more than a year now. Please help me on how to get him back. I do love him so much. Have started the no contact rule.

  • Helen September 1, 2017, 2:34 pm

    Hey i have this big issue in my life right now so confused I’ll be grateful if u help me. I met this guy online we became friends really good ones he told me everything about him and I did too I could see he was really honest with me though now I feel I was wrong. He’s 20 and am 18. After 4 months of being friends he asked me out and our romance started it was going well because there was this situation in our country where connection was not present so all we did was text each other 247. I could feel he loved me very much. But when he came so we could meet things changed a lot and also during that time the connection was back he hardly talked to me always busy so i always get mad and send crazy messages which will get him angry but it was just too much he was doing that on purpose. Finally he said he needed a break I couldn’t bear it but there was nothing I could do more to that we we’re far away and met only once. After that he suggested we be friends i was all confused and will always be like why will he want to be friends after a break up. Each time we talk it always end up bad cause I kept wondering how we can still be friends. The last time we spoke he said hes busy with his music problems and don’t wanna add a relationship to it but he still loves me very much. Right now am so confused I pray each day he comea back I find it hard moving on. He seems okay on the net and it’s like he’s found someone else am so confused what should I do please help me pls

  • Richa September 1, 2017, 7:06 am

    Need some advice..
    I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months
    We were perfect together..but and a month ago we broke up due to family issue..I asked him to stay friends as this breakup came as terrible shock and I still had some hopes he would get back..but now it’s been a month and he shows no sign of getting back
    He still loves me but he isn’t ready to accept it and he isn’t even letting people know that we broke up..he still acts normal as if everything is fine
    I still love him and it’s difficult to control my emotion since I meet him every next day in college

    Would the no contact rule work here??
    Will he realize how much he needs me?

  • Jay August 13, 2017, 9:46 am

    Hey ,I really hope I’ll get a reply from you because I really need help. I am in college and had an year long relationship with my ex girlfriend. We were perfect for each other and were just like two best friends in a relationship and shared everything. But during the ending stages,I got too occupied with job interviews and some family issues and could not give her the attention she wanted. She also felt that i got flattered by every single woman and that hurt her. So she decided to end it and we agreed to be friends. But about after a month she just stopped being friends and became quite rude and cold. This made me realise her importance and I absolutely could not live without talking to her. I texted her a lot just to get her attention and would seldom get a reply and that too a very short one. I basically became a gnat and startd asking questions that why wasn’t she behaving like a friend when we had decided to remain friends. This continued for about two months. She has made new best friends and just about 15 days ago asked me not to contact her .She didn’t want to talk to me ever. So I did not send her any message and started the no contact. I have to see her everyday in college so it gets kind of awkward when i cross her . Anyways, after following one week of no contact, she yesterday blocked me on social sites. I really want to get her back cause she was perfect for me. We have so so many memories. Please help me how to get her back.

  • Shelly June 30, 2017, 5:58 am

    Okay, QQ. Idk currently how to fully let go. My ex of 7!yesrs and I departed 4 full months ago. We lived together but had become so disconnected and stopped being intimate due to real life issues inregards to financial,communication issues etc. No real emotional support was I receiving from him. So one day I found text messages between him and other women. At that point I was overwhelmed,stressed and decided forget this I’m done! It was hard for me because I still love him but at that point I was tired of being unappreciated and in a sense taking advantage of because he had become too comfortable. After going through the break up stages 3 months later I still love him and think of him. He reaches out and processes his love and how he wanted to be by my side but soon as I express wanting to try again after him initiating contact twice, he runs! I reached out 3 different times telling him look we don’t have to rush into anything but is that something you want to pursue? He acts confused and doesn’t know.. so by 4/5 convo we end in a bad argument but don’t get off the phone in a bad way.. I started no contact for the past 3 weeks because I felt like that messed up our chances of reuniting because it reminded both of us of the issue we had and I began reverting to hurt feelings and obsessing about it being over.. He hasn’t reached out either. Will nc help me get over this because right now it feels like he’s moving on for good this time and now I’m stuck picking up the pieces again. I think I’m in denial because part of me feels it isn’t completely over but part of me is like yes it is let it go! Some help!

    • lark265 September 23, 2017, 5:18 pm

      (disclosure – I’m a guy)……thanks for your thoughtful post, and I am not sure how to reply to it, just that I resonate with your situation right now. I know for myself that I HAVE to go no contact right now. I have attempted the little outreaches to her, thinking that might bring her back. But no. I suspect she is also in NC b/c of her behaviors. So, at this given point in time, I can either do more of these futile reach-outs (and suffer the huge pain involved when I don’t get a positive response from her) or go full NC. After reading the above article, I know that NC is the only way I will get better…….but a big part of NC for me has to be that I’m “moving one” and NC is not just another trick to get her back……………………..hang in!!

  • Kathy June 13, 2017, 2:13 am

    Well no contact does not work if you were married and caught him having an affair. It has been 16yrs. This did was let him walk away leaving me to deal with his destruction. I hope he will feel what I have had to deal with,

  • lordsmart June 3, 2017, 12:29 pm

    since I apply the no contact rule with my ex guy for 8 weeks he has not call me. is still in love or he has a new gf?

  • Jessica May 26, 2017, 1:49 am

    I need help. I’ve broke up with a good man more than nine weeks and I want him back. He is my ex-boyfriend, we connected over a year. The reason for the breakup was he didn’t give me his time. He told me he was busy with his new job and having a daughter (His daughter is now ten years old). I made time for him and I’ve put energy into this relationship.

    I read the article “Exactly How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup” I try to not contact him during eight weeks. However, it has been for ten weeks but he didn’t contact me anymore. It means he didn’t care about our relationship. I get the sense that he didn’t love me the way I do. I was just told I was loved but the love he has for me is not as strong as the love I give him. I get empty words, broken promises, and lots of misery and loneliness. I’m really do not give up on him but I don’t know the best way to get him back.

    I need your advice.

  • Evelyn May 24, 2017, 2:37 pm

    I broke up with my ex half a month ago, we dated for 2.5 years. I am currently on the first week of no contact.

    My ex will start his new internship job on the 23rd day of our no contact, which is near the end of my no contact period. On that day, he will go onto a company trip for three days, where he will meet his new colleagues. I am sure that he will meet many new girls, too. Therefore I am worried that he might start a rebound relationship with someone during this time.

    Should I send him an “elephant in the room” text before he goes onto this trip, although my no contact period won’t be at 30 days yet? Or should I keep no contact going, and wait until the 30th day to text him, where he would be back from the trip already and started working for a few days?

    I am afraid that if I don’t send him a text before his trip, he will become interested in some girl, and by the time I text him, he will already be pursuing that new person and things will get complicated.

    I am also afraid that if I text him too early, he will think I’m being needy and want him so badly all over again. He may think that I am a given for him and will be there for him anyways, which might push him away into looking for someone else.

    The timing is so hard to decide. What should I do? Text him before the trip or no?

  • Brandi May 6, 2017, 5:29 pm

    we had been talking daily for month and seeing each other whenever possible…we both agreed we’ve never had this type of connection…and it was consistent, until week ago Saturday, he messed up plans with me, tried to fix it and I was stubborn and got buzzed up and he never called again. He wont take my texts or calls, deleted and blocked me on fb. I realize I messed up, but find it odd that he would allow a silly misunderstanding and me being stubborn when all else was perfect, be the end-all.?? We have a couple mutual friends that are like his only family…me and the one are super close. Why wouldn’t he try to at least explain why he’s not calling back over one stupid bad night for that reason alone? I made the mistake we all have here…I called or texted or fb messaged him daily and day five, I found myself deleted and blocked on fb. I had two drinks w my friend last night and we both got drugged. I had no idea I called him again, and had to call him in the morning to apologize w a message. I just keep screwing up. While i’im going to try this no contact rule, because I am NOT psycho, I just missed him and wanted to understand his ignorance, I need to do this for myself to prove it. But do tell me it just me, or wouldn’t someone who’s very non-dramatic, and a cop to boot, ask me to stop contacting him if he didn’t think about me anymore? I know I have had to ask men to stop contacting me and say “hey, it’s not working, just stop!”. He’s doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Being he’s a cop, i’m lucky he didn’t have someone call me and tell me to quit calling. He obviously knows i’m coming off crazy but not crazy, just crazy for him right? I feel like he’s shut down and will decide when he wants to unblock and see how I’m doing once he realizes it was all just misunderstandings and remember the positives….it was all positives w us the entire month. Now before you go on and tell me it’s only been a month, know this, he’s like me, he doesn’t waste time…if he’s into someone *and it takes a lot for us both to say that* he’s all in. And he was every single day hour by hour. we both thought maybe we found our forever match…how can one misunderstanding bring that much ignorance from him and to block me and not ask me to quit trying to talk to him? i’m so confused! if we had red flags in the month and didn’t talk much in between dates i’d not be so confused and hurt.

    • H May 26, 2017, 12:23 am

      He probably feels like the ultimate way now is ignoring you. Usually, for a guy (especially a cop), he would tell you straight away to stop right after your first, second act. But you kinda bombarded him with a bunch of texts/calls. Thus, it may make him feel suffocated and try to avoid you. Now, you need some time away from him, to adjust your mood. Only confidence can speak for your value to a guy.

  • drhan May 2, 2017, 11:30 am

    He only told me do not make a contact to him ever
    he will never msg me or cal me
    he said he is doing this for me only
    he is so firm that he will never text me
    i have lost all hopes
    what if i lose him if i dont text him for this long
    i did this once for 7 days
    then i only texted him back how r u n all n did he missed me
    he said dont ask such ques whose ans u would not like to hear
    N said i thought u must have deleted me from ur heart fone watsap etc

    • Noyb August 15, 2017, 10:34 am

      I’m late on this post but STOP! Just stop contacting him! You’re coming off as crazy, desperate and needy! If you stop now you might have a chance but I’m talking NO contact what so ever! Go live your life, be happy and let him see the confident strong woman that you are and he will come running back to you. If you keep stalking him he will get a restraining order.

  • Michael April 20, 2017, 11:42 am

    Guy side, She broke up with me. We started dating a month after she left a bad relationship. We both wanted to take things slow and make sure it was right. Both wanted the same things in life and liked each other. I got Clingy due to falling for her quick (most amazing girl ive ever met) and She wanted space. Gave her some but didnt know it was from Texts as well till it was too late. It’s been 3 weeks now No Contact. I bump into her at the gym all the time but I just give her a smile. I don’t say anything. She hasnt texted me in weeks. I’m going to try and send her a sweet little message in a week or 2 saying “Hey, I was playing a game of ______ the other day and it made me think of you. Hope your doing good!”


    • ConCon December 28, 2017, 8:04 am

      Did you text her? What happened?

  • Ella April 9, 2017, 4:52 am

    Proper use of no contact worked for me. :) DON’T LOSE HOPE GUYS AND STAY STRONG. If you really want him/her back, no contact heightens the chance of getting back together. :)

    • Michelle April 28, 2017, 12:46 pm

      We were together 5 yrs broken up for 3yrs. We’ve been close since the breakup then out of the blue he tells me hes seeing someone next minute it’s all over fb. Hes contacted me a few times since I know we weren’t together anymore but it hurt so I didn’t reply. I’ve since blocked him on social media.

  • Susan April 3, 2017, 8:06 am

    Nyc advice thanks alot

  • Joanna April 2, 2017, 2:04 am

    What if I’m not responding and he comes to my place P.s my family don’t know we aren’t together anymore?

  • Joanna April 2, 2017, 2:00 am

    What if he been sending messages and you don’t reply but he ends up showing at my place? what do I do or say?

  • Lois March 26, 2017, 11:38 pm


    I was hanging out with a guy, but we never quite made it S.O. status. He showed interest before I went overseas (I backed off because long-distance relationship) then we both became hesitant around each other when I got back. I was also initiating the contact all the time because I enjoyed time with him. I eventually walked away because I was sensing we were in desperate need of a break (I thought that I was the one straining our relationship and needed to back off on contacting him), and I let him know that he could contact me whenever he was ready to initiate the next get together.

    Since then, there were a several texts between us within two weeks, and he didn’t sound like the him that I first met. He was also acting mopey and sad by the end of our face-to-face time and has since deleted his facebook account. Should I be worried that he’s depressed? I have been contact free for 1 weeks now and am trying to make it to 4 weeks, but I want to make sure everything is okay. Should I contact him to make sure everything is okay, or wait until week 4?

  • Jordan March 24, 2017, 11:19 am

    Me and my partner just broke up a week ago after 4 strong years. The guy she trying to date is an old friend of minds. We still talk on the phone at times. But that makes me miss her more and more. I truly want her back. Every time we talk she quick to say. I just want to move on or were not together like I don’t already know that. She tells me she have love for me and care. I miss this girl with all my heart I want her back please help me

  • Harut March 17, 2017, 12:01 pm

    It’s almost 1 week we are break up and now I really miss him.Im crying everyday but I don’t know what to do.He told me I need a break from everything but I still like gou,let me miss you sometimes.But it’s hurts me.But I don’t know what to do show him that I still care .

  • Pat March 11, 2017, 6:56 pm

    A man I had known 18 years ago found me on facebook. He messaged me telling me he has been trying to find me. After so long I had reminisced our relationship it was dreamy at the time we were both young and in love. The catch –he had a wife. The abrupt change in our relationship was an email from her telling me that they were married. I replied apologizing and letting her know that I did not know. I was devastated. I didn’t date for years. So he told me that he supposedly was still living with her due to expenses and that she was a jealous ex wife. I found this out after years. Of course this was a huge red flag that I ignored because it fit in with the dream that someone from my past made it a point to contact me. So we began to have this romantic rendezvous. He would text me and video chat me constantly. We had many many little messages that we corresponded to peak our interests. We would stay up late at night and fall asleep on the phone. We used to say we could hear our hearts beating. It was extremely exciting. We couldn’t wait until we could chat with each other again. As I am typing I could see how the relationship could falter. The excitement diminished obviously. It had such a deep stronghold on me that I did not even realize that it could be a possibility. We were addicted to each other. I was completely obsessed with him. Now that I am writing this story I know that I smothered him. I sucked the life out of him. This is never a good thing. I thought that meant I could take care of him and love him better than any other. How crazy is that? Its not even attractive. Everything I thought was going fine as long as he was messaging and texting me all the time ( every time he got on his phone or computer). It is only now that I am typing this that I realize how bad it was. I used the excuse its because of the long distance. But really it seems its my insecurity. As much as I hate to admit it. Then I thought he would understand if he truly loves me. But now that I think about it, I believe that it is selfish and unsatisfying. Well needless to say he stopped contacting me all of a sudden. Of course I made the enormous mistake of contacting him constantly to find out what was wrong. Not realizing I was making a horrible situation even worse. I began texting like a desperate woman nice messages like ” I miss you “mentioning things like “I am praying for you” and “thinking of you” not understanding the disconnect telling him he is saying “f—off ” to me and I am crying (emojis). After reading and making analysis I ruined chances of us ever getting back together. Once again being devastated. The feelings that I developed for this man were there because of my desperate attempt to be loved and as well as the convenience and because of the way he came to me. I did not want to let go because I somehow had it set in my mind that he was the man of my dreams and I was going to marry him. Now to get these crazy ideas and him out of my head!! How can I ? I am still crazy obsessed with him!! I am a troubled romantic.

    • Sharon April 20, 2017, 3:35 am

      Hi Pat, how are you getting by? I am in a nearly identical situation, 23 years, first love, sudden contact, excitement, 12 hour calls, talk of I’ve always loved you”, texts, sending me songs by email, a few deep meetings, all him saying I want you blah blah….Then wife texts me!, however she said they were over, I did not respond, and I knew he had a wife whom he impregnanted while working overseas and she wanted Aust Citizenship, (trapped)…and no one can break a happy home is my view…He was talking leaving, the whole deal although I Said we need 12 months to get to know each other, it’s been a long time (and I have a tween to consider first). .. Weeks go by then it slowed, then it’s I need time…Honestly don’t beat yourself up, it is completely selfish on their part to do that to another person, especially when you have a special history, mine was 5 years with him, very happy but his Mother was and still is a control freak…It is hurtful and no you are not needy and crazy, you were muddling long in life fine and he dropped in…Old loves have an intense impact on people, you and me included…I thought about this person on my wedding day, on his birthday and weekly for years..Im have been single for 7 years, it is Dissapointing that they in the end are WEAK and won’t leave their unhappy lives even just for themselves…and then drag another person in….

  • Gunny March 6, 2017, 9:24 am

    We work together, but he is assigned to the project and he comes to the office 2-3 times in a week. We Break up 5-6 weeks ago. Our relationship ended for misunderstandings. It lasted 5 months, we dated, however we didn’t put any name of our relationship, because he was not ready for serious relationship. However, we spent good time together, both of us were happy. Even, i ended the relationship, i want to write him. Should i? After a week of break up he wrote me whether i am fine, i replied cold answers. After this conversation, should i write? It is almost a month we are not talking.

  • Sarah February 24, 2017, 12:47 pm

    The man I was seeing for 17 months was still seeing his married liver behind my back and me behind hers, I found her underwear and ‘outfits’ in his drawers he said they were his ex’s and they should be got rid of. I found out he only moved them and when I called him out on it he told me I’d betrayed his trust and it was over. We got back together and again I found underwear in his washing cut a long story short I find out stuff I get dumped, she does the same and gets rewarded by getting him even tho he didn’t want a relationship or commitment! He’s told me he’s not going to change his mind and is returning my stuff! He told me him and her were just ‘friends’ as they work together, she’s not attractive, she has a fair few more ponds than me and he said he finds her very attractive which u could imagine is a knife to the heart! I’m slim and blonde and very attractive for a 40 yo (his words) I want him back as I love him so much, I don’t think the nc would work with him as he has no feeling for me ! Please help me

  • Lilliam January 29, 2017, 9:31 pm

    I was married to the man 18 years. Had a business with him and all of a sudden he start the gym and steriods fix after that he need some time. We hardly talk. He filed for divorce because I stayed with the business. Love does not die it’s impossible so many memories and every time we talk it gets worse. He is crazy woman maintain him he has nothing and I don’t know we’re my husband is I just need closure. HELP

  • Angelica Flores December 21, 2016, 10:38 pm

    I need advice i was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for 7 Months thing went so great for us but he just ended it because he couldnt accept my daughter and it was hard for me and he blocked me for about 2 to 3 days and afyer i got a hold of him i told him to unblock me we talked texted every 3 days a week and started talking everyday through text messages or phone calls and after about a week or two of are break up he found a new girl i was crying upset since he moved on so quickly. Even though he’s moving on so fast he always give me signs that he wants me back but yet he has a girlfriend and says we need to stop talking and after i get upset he goes back to normal idk why he likes me to cry.i know hes the one he’s just being stubborn do you really think the no contact rule will work we call or text everyday

  • Dana November 30, 2016, 1:10 pm

    My ex broke up with me over a few agruements. We both were under so much pressure and stress due to he did sickness and me trying to make more positive changes in my living arrangements. We been together for two years almost he is a stubborn type of man and hidesalot of his feelings once he get upset and offten shut down..Its been a Lil over a month since our break up. I never completely stop contacting him but I cut back on reaching out to make peace to maybe texting him once every 2 weeks. I know the love was real what should I do now? And is it to late to start no contact on him since we have already been broken up 45 days now

  • Pakhi November 14, 2016, 11:03 pm

    He message me that he is not going to talk with me .I got angry and messaged him this and that.after that I’m following no contact rule it’s already 12th day still no response from him.what shall it do? I want him back

  • Jasmine November 11, 2016, 2:45 pm

    He blocked all my numbers and social media accounts and whenever I try to het into contact woth him he immediately blocks this way of connection he even told me he doesn’t want me anymore because I am such an annoying and deperate girl, and he won’t come back unless he feels that I deserve so. Would this rule work with him? Is it over? I can’t believe that it’s over. I am deeply in love with him Please help me

    • Eric August 20, 2018, 8:06 am

      Move on with your life, the message is clearer , he does not need you anymore.

  • Kristina November 7, 2016, 11:31 am

    My wife left me for another woman a year ago, since then we have gotten back together 3 times but shes left each time to be with someone else, now she moved out of state to be with an ex from 5 years ago, is it too late to do the no contact?

  • Janey November 3, 2016, 7:30 pm

    I’m almost at the end of week 2 of no contact. I’ve actually found it a lot easier than I expected. We were still texting after I broke up with him. NOT because I wanted to but because we weren’t moving anywhere. After breakup he told me he still feels the same for me but he isn’t ready for a relationship and he doesn’t know why but it bothers him. I’m sticking to no contact, for me and I have just been asked on a date and I’m going to go too !

  • Reggie October 29, 2016, 5:45 pm

    HELP! I hoped this would work but I’m still surprised that it has, it was like as soon as it hit week 3 BOOM heard from him, but it wasn’t a “I miss you let’s get back together type text” but I could see right through it and was clearly just an excuse to talk to me. I DIDNT REPLY. 2am this morning I got another text, just saying “yeah good chat..” how do you know when to start making contact and again and when you do not putting all your chips in and possibly losing him again?

    • Janey November 3, 2016, 7:48 pm

      I think the idea is to finish the no contact time then make your move with a carefree but friendly text out of the blue like hey you crossed my mind, hope things are good with you. Leave it open for a response but not questioning

  • Carly September 27, 2016, 6:43 am

    What if he has another girl already but he’s still talking to be

  • Deb August 3, 2016, 6:53 am

    What happens if he started seeing someone straight away and still is and apparently in love?

    • Sharon September 1, 2016, 2:02 am

      If he started seeing someone right away, it’s probably just a rebound relationship and will not last. He’s not processing the reasons for your breakup, but instead trying to fill the void left when you two broke up. I’ve had that same thing happen to me twice already this year, and both times he came back. Just keep the NC rule. If it’s meant to be, he will come back to you. In the meantime, there’s many good articles online about rebound relationships. They gave me a lot of hope when my heart was so broken. Best of luck to you!

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:24 am

      That’s called a rebound relationship. He’s trying to fill the gap, and he did… But only temporarily.
      Do this, and in 4 weeks you’ll be happier than ever and his life will be a complete mess.
      His head wasn’t right when he found that girl which means the relationship isn’t right.
      Once he figures that out, you’ll already be on your way to success and happiness while he’ll be the one looking at forums like this.
      The first step in finding happiness is finding yourself.
      You cant find yourself if you constantly think about him and worry about what hes doing.
      Also, love doesn’t come that quick. Especially when he’s not in the correct mindset. Its a false illusion, or he’s trying G to piss you off.
      Either way. The only way to win is to not talk to him.
      If it was meant to be then it will find a way.

  • roxanne June 2, 2016, 11:15 am

    this jst looks impossible where? when do i start? :(

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:20 am

      The best time to start was yesterday.
      The second best time to start is RIGHT NOW.
      The worst time to start is tomorrow.

  • ava May 27, 2016, 3:42 pm

    i believe this truly helps both of u..take time 2 think & rethink ur situation

  • sammy May 26, 2016, 7:53 pm

    oh i cant let this happen..its jst like giving him freedom 2 flirt around

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:15 am

      That’s the point. If you’re no longer together. It doesn’t matter if he flirts. After the third week of not talking to you, He will start missing you. Then, and only then, do you have control over the situation.

      NEVER tell yourself you cannot do something.
      If you think you can, then you will.
      If you think you can’t, then you won’t.

      The mind is a powerful thing. More powerful than we realize. Dobt waste it.

      I did this and it worked to my advantage.
      I give this advice to everyone going through a hard breakup and every single person is happier than they’ve ever been after this.
      You will realize things about yourself you never realized and these things will make you a stronger person.

      You can do anything you set your mind to.
      Remember that.

  • savannah May 24, 2016, 3:51 pm

    u nailed it! did this & it workd on my advantage haha

  • daisy May 23, 2016, 5:29 pm

    yup, i agree! need 2 process d breakup 1st & need 2 rush things

  • twinkie May 18, 2016, 12:47 pm

    i tried this & it workd, space & time alone is essential 4 both parties

  • heather May 16, 2016, 2:00 pm

    cant ignore him, no matter how hard i try :(

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:19 am

      Surround yourself with good people, don’t talk to him. And your mind will naturally step away from thinking about him. It really is as easy as simply not talking to him. I just finished week 6, never been happier. First 3 weeks were the hardest. But now, I attract happiness. Happiness attracts good people.
      Your vibe attracts your tribe.
      Remember that

  • myrene May 13, 2016, 1:02 pm

    dont even try pursuing him right aftr d breakup or ull appear desperate..this is a huge turn off

  • MaryLynne May 13, 2016, 5:58 am

    i like this post..very helpful & doesnt make u look so desperate

  • jaqlyn May 12, 2016, 9:46 am

    i feel for anyone in this situation..this seems sooooo hard!

  • amelita May 11, 2016, 5:16 am

    i might try these tips, they seem too difficult to follow though

  • charlene May 10, 2016, 11:35 am

    haha im so used 2 the “accidentally seeing him” phase, arent we all guilty of this?? lol

  • stella May 6, 2016, 9:03 pm

    didnt know this so called “no contact rule” works like this
    i think the best part is allowing urself to take a breather

  • corey May 6, 2016, 1:43 pm

    too difficult but yeah u r right, we all need to detox from a break up & maybe try to feel good about it/ourselves before anything else

  • michelle May 5, 2016, 6:29 am

    U r right bout everythin.. and if all fails, u need 2 be moving on

  • celyn May 3, 2016, 9:05 pm

    its all about discipline, i think. u dnt wnt ur ex thinking ur stalking him or sumthin

  • dina.ballerina May 2, 2016, 3:19 pm

    take your time and move forward..

  • lyka April 29, 2016, 8:37 pm

    uuughhh..all these seem to b too hard to follow, but i tried 1 or 2 of these steps b4 & sumhow workd :)

  • claire April 29, 2016, 5:49 am

    getting social is the key. there’s no sense in isolating urself. go out and have fun!

  • Dana April 27, 2016, 12:36 pm

    the more u show him u can live w/out him, the more he’ll be attracted 2u!

  • kay April 26, 2016, 12:45 pm

    Allowing each other enough space & time to process the breakup makes everything worthwhile.

  • Jada April 21, 2016, 8:18 pm

    my take-home is this….
    do the things that will make you feel happier, healthier, and stronger. #FTW

  • patty_belle April 20, 2016, 7:05 pm

    yes, this is so true and really works

  • grethelspeaks April 19, 2016, 7:04 pm

    NEVER lasted even a single week ugh!

  • Reese April 15, 2016, 11:37 pm

    Great advice! Women usually fail in this area and then end up looking like doormats.

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