Picking Up The Pieces After A Toxic Relationship

Picking Up The Pieces After A Toxic Relationship

It’s almost impossible to put the feeling into words. The pain is overwhelming – the person you thought was your closest ally and best friend has turned out to be your darkest enemy.

It’s not just loss, and it’s not just betrayal, because you weren’t betrayed by just them – you were also betrayed by life.

It wasn’t easy to end the relationship and walk away. Life made it easy for you to get used to being with someone – how happy they make you and how fully your life seems – and then all of a sudden the rug gets pulled out from you.

You’re floating in the air, about to hit the ground without even realizing it. You stick with the person, hoping and wishing that things would go back to the way they used to be, to when you were happy.

Take The Quiz: Should You Break up With Him?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Should You Break up With Him” Quiz right now and find out if you should really break up with him…

How To Pick Up The Pieces After A Toxic Relationship

Your friends try to tell you something is wrong, but you ignore what they’re saying. Why? Because this isn’t the person you fell in love with.While you try to cling to your disintegrating relationship, your partner turns into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Sometimes it feels like they have a split personality, and they waver between both sides of it. And deep down in your core, you know that one day the scales will tip, and it won’t be worth it anymore.

how to pick up the pieces after a toxic relationship

After you let go and cut them out of your life, they find ways to come crawling back in. You get 3 AM visits to your front door and 130 missed calls and texts while you’re trying to be with your friends. And that person will tell you everything you wished they said when you were still together.

You’ll want to help them, to comfort them, to bring them out of their pain. But you know you can’t, because as hurt as they are right now – they hurt you worse.

People who go through the experience of fully, deeply, unconditionally loving someone – and having that person turn into a monster who cares about nothing besides possession – those people reach a maturity that most don’t reach until much later.

More: 6 Reasons you shouldn’t try to stay “just friends” with your ex

Those people don’t come out of a breakup desperate to get into another relationship. After escaping from the hell of a toxic relationship, you won’t settle for anything less than you deserve just to be with someone. You might even let go of your rules and inhibitions and go wild for a while after the relationship – why feel sorry for yourself and miss someone when you can enjoy being free?

When you do find someone new – you’ll be able to see things going wrong way before they actually do so you can protect yourself. You’ll have experience, practice – and you’ll know exactly how bad things can go when they go wrong and you’ll put an end to it before it gets even close to there again.

But more importantly – you’ll keep a tight leash on your relationships in one very important way – you’ll never let another person have control over you again. You’ll be hyper-aware of someone trying to control you and manipulate you, and if you sense it – you’ll get out of there fast. No one will ever do that to you again.

These 8 signs mean you’re not over your ex.

You know that you were truly in love with your ex, and you know that your ex was in love with you too, even if they got it twisted and messed up and blackened. Where your expectations and love for each other didn’t line up – cracks appeared and split your relationship into two parts.

One part was amazing and happy and perfect, the other side was miserable and dark and hopeless, and every moment with them was on one side or the other. You’ll remember the parts that were good and smile, and you’ll remember the parts that were bad and remind yourself you’ll never go through that again.

You’re not done with love, far from it. You just know that the next time you love, you’ll love unconditionally – but with your eyes open.


If you loved this article, then check out these other must-see related posts:

9 Signs You’re In A Soul-Sucking Toxic Relationship

13 Signs You’re In A Toxic Relationship And It’s Ruining Your Life

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Want to find out for sure if you should break up with him? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Should You Break up With Him” Quiz right now and find out if you should really break up with him…

Take The Quiz: Should You Break up With Him?

32 comments… add one
  • Gary Harles April 24, 2018, 5:27 pm

    Imagine a corrosive mix of Bipolar and a Sociopath. I lived with a woman, my partner who was all this and more. She was pure evil although I didn’t see this until later. This relationship destroyed me, sucked all my confidence from a once very confident individual. She had so many problems. No compassion whatsoever!
    I stupidly loved her, but, no more! I’m free and my confidence has returned with lots of hard work. The incarnation of the DEVIL!

  • KIM August 3, 2016, 9:42 pm

    I just got out of a toxic relationship for good last week. I dated this since March, I left him alone for one month in July. Last week I saw him again but it was the same. I finally ended it the next day. It is a relief and I feel so good it ended and dating guys that respects me. But I still morn the relationship too. I have to remind myself how bad it was to keep from thinking about him, but I’m so happy he’s out of my life.

  • Sara July 31, 2016, 3:17 pm

    I didn’t really see advice here, but qualities you might possess after being abused by a romantic partner.
    Additionally, one of the hardest parts about toxic people is that they’re often narcissists, and narcissists DO NOT truly love. Your words choice there sucks and ignores reality. Reality is some people can imitate love very well.
    I know it felt like he loved me-sometimes. But, he did not truly love me. Nor is he capable of loving anyone-even his children. It might look like love, but everyone in a narcissist’s life is a pawn in their sick game of superiority.

  • Dyson August 8, 2015, 6:24 am

    The NHS advises those who come in contact with Giant Hogweed to cover the affected area and wash it with soap and water. One ten-year-old girl suffered horrific third degree burns after picking up a piece of the plant while fishing with her dad.

  • Deirdre Knox July 25, 2015, 6:01 pm

    As long as you have friends in good places and they are willing to help you out, there will be less of a chance that you cannot pick those pieces up.

  • Melanie Rampling July 23, 2015, 9:28 am

    Toxic relationships are never good for your mind, body or soul. They can also be real killers if things get too out of control before you cut ties in one.

  • Tracey Knox July 23, 2015, 9:18 am

    Very hard to do and not something that I would wish upon ANYONE!

  • Alison Watson July 22, 2015, 9:35 am

    This is very good advice. Thank you for sharing it with readers like us!

  • Bernadette Lee July 19, 2015, 1:13 pm

    It is not easy. I think we all know that. You need a good support group, like others have mentioned here. Great post!

  • Alison Scott July 19, 2015, 1:03 pm

    Very good advice. Even though getting over someone might be hard, getting over a toxic relationship should be a little easier knowing you are better off!

  • Pippa Mathis July 18, 2015, 9:19 am

    It is not easy and anyone that tells you that it will be is just trying to sugar coat things for you. That is also not a good thing when it comes to your relationship.

    • Wendy King July 25, 2015, 5:52 pm

      Sugar coating is ok to a degree. You want to try and make the environment positive and if you have to sugar coat a few things to do so, that’s ok.

  • Lily Jones July 16, 2015, 4:37 pm

    Toxic relationships are never a good thing and usually the hardest to get over in the end. The good side of things is that if you did make it to the end, it is all over now.

  • Jane Paterson July 16, 2015, 4:17 pm

    Toxic relationships happen more frequently than we think. Thanks for posting this, it is really helpful.

    • Stephanie Lyman July 22, 2015, 10:05 am

      Yes it is. Posts like this that go into the internet darkness are out there for those that need them. Very good cause.

  • Kylie Knox July 16, 2015, 4:03 pm

    The number one rule is to remember to move on. I know it is not easy and it might take you a few days, but it is the only thing you have left to do after something like this.

    • Irene Parsons July 21, 2015, 9:58 am

      I agree, but sometimes it is just not possible. There might be other reasons, but this is good advice!

  • Rose Turner July 10, 2015, 11:36 am

    Friends are the best. They are the ones that helped me through a toxic relationship before I was married about 4 years ago. A good support group is always needed.

    • Claire Coleman July 17, 2015, 12:10 pm

      That is a very good point. Having a support group is one of the best ways to get around feeling like you have lost everything.

  • Melanie Scott July 10, 2015, 11:14 am

    Ouch. I have been through this and wish that I could help more people get away from things like this. Toxic relationships are so bad for your health.

    • Diana Smith July 10, 2015, 11:53 am

      Very good point. You mental health is very important!

      • Jasmine Newman July 21, 2015, 9:04 am

        Very true.

  • Zoe Kelly July 10, 2015, 9:41 am

    It is not easy and nobody should think it is going to be. There is a hope that you didn’t trash all of your friends during this time and you have someone you can turn to.

    • Elizabeth Sanderson July 17, 2015, 12:35 pm

      Toxic = bad.

      Support groups for things like this are available and should be used when needed so that you can recover with some of your mental state still in order.

  • Emma Newman July 10, 2015, 9:30 am

    it is tough. this is good advice, however. thank you.

    • Heather Payne July 10, 2015, 11:25 am

      keep your head up Emma, it is a tough road, but anything worth doing is not going to be easy.

  • Lisa Pullman July 10, 2015, 9:11 am

    Great advice. I am going to share this with a friend of mine.

    • Alexandra Pullman July 18, 2015, 9:45 am

      Sharing something like this on social media is a great way to get the word out and give a little bit of attention to important things.

  • Penelope Sharp July 10, 2015, 9:02 am

    Great tips. I just got out of a bad relationship and even though it was only a few months, it has messed me up mentally. I hope I can recover.

    • Emily Henderson July 16, 2015, 4:28 pm

      Sorry to hear about your relationship. There are many good tips here and I nice community that you can get advice from if needed, enjoy!

  • Caroline Burgess July 10, 2015, 8:49 am

    I hate to hear when a friend gets through a toxic relationship and she is hurting more now because you put loneliness on top of things. I guess that is where the friends come into play.

  • Sue Arnold July 10, 2015, 8:37 am

    Toxic relationships are so hard on a person. When you get out of one you feel a great deal of relief, but then almost immediately you want love again.

Leave a Comment