Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back

Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back

You’re here because you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of a relationship.

Chances are, you’re seeing someone new and you thought things might have been going somewhere… only for him to start to pull away.

He’s ignoring your calls, missing texts, being less responsive in general, and it just seems like he’s more distant and withdrawn from you.

more: Here’s The Real Truth On Why Men Pull Away And How To Stop Him

What happened? Did you do something wrong? Why is he going cold like this?

This hurts even more if he came on strong right when you started seeing each other, only to cool off later and back away, leaving you with a severe case of relationship whiplash.

And it’s even more frustrating when something like this keeps happening to you.

Is it a pattern? Do guys just do that? Why does it keep happening to you?

Don’t worry – I’ve got the answers.

more: The Top 3 Reasons Why Guys Pull Away

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Is He Slipping Away

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Slipping Away” Quiz right now and find out if the man you want is really slipping away from you…

Why Guys Pull Away At The Beginning Of Relationships

  • He senses you want a deeper relationship than he does and he’s worried about getting trapped
  • He does this over and over and never wants a deeper relationship
  • He thought you weren’t interested for some reason
  • He’s not interested in a relationship with you
  • There’s something else going on in his life that’s taking up his attention

why guys pull away at the beginning of relationships

Those are some of the most common reasons a guy might pull away at the beginning.

We have to get some bad news out of the way first – but don’t worry. The good news is coming.

The bad news is that I can’t tell you exactly why he pulled away from you at the beginning.

Every relationship is different, every guy is different and every situation is different. I don’t know why your specific guy went cold.

more: Why Men Withdraw And Exactly What To Do About It

However, all of these reasons have one thing in common:

He’s Going Cold Because It’s Easier Than Telling You He’s Not Interested In A Deeper Relationship

It’s hard to have a conversation with someone and tell them you’re not interested in a relationship.

It feels bad, it’s scary, you don’t know how the other person is going to react – it’s an experience that many people would rather just avoid.

A guy who isn’t particularly up front or honest might go to great lengths to avoid having that conversation.

more: The Number One Reason Men Suddenly Lose Interest

So instead of trying to have an in depth conversation about where the relationship is and where it’s going (which he doesn’t want to do)… most guys will just grow distant.

He’s consciously or unconsciously trying to show you that he’s not interested in a deeper relationship right now – without having to talk about it.

He might not be sure you even want a more committed relationship – and that would only add fuel to his reluctance to bring up the issue.

So instead of talking about it honestly and openly (like you’d hope he would), he tries to show you with his actions where his mind is.

more: The Top 7 Reasons Men Leave The Women They Love

That means he takes longer to answer texts, doesn’t pick up the phone as often, and generally acts more distant and cold towards you.

But Why Do Guys Do That?

Generally, a guy isn’t going to go cold on you out of the blue.

Most of the time, a guy is going to pull away in the early stages of a relationship when he senses that you want more commitment from him than he’s willing to give, or he feels neediness from you.

If he feels like you’re trying to be in a more committed relationship with him, and he’s not interested, that’s the point where he’s going to start pulling away.

more: The Real Truth About Why Some Men Run Hot And Cold

It’s his way of saying “no” without actually having to say no.

Let’s touch on neediness quickly, because it’s a hot button issue.

In a nutshell, the simplest way to define “neediness” is this: if you “need” him to respond to you in a certain way or do something in order to feel ok – he’s going to sense neediness from you.

For instance, if you text him and he doesn’t text you back for a few hours, and that makes you feel upset and “not ok” – he’s going to sense that as neediness.

more: Ask A Guy: When A Guy Withdraws

Why? It’s because he’s going to feel that you “need” him to do something or else you won’t feel “ok” and will be upset or generally negative towards him.

A lot of the time, when a guy pulls away in the early part of a relationship it’s because he sensed that kind of neediness and didn’t want to engage with it.

So How Do You Stop Him From Pulling Away At The Beginning?

Remember how I gave you the bad news at the beginning of the article? Here’s the good news:

There is a very simple way to avoid ever being put in this position (and avoid being freaked out by a new guy pulling away and going cold on you).

more: The More Distant I Act, The More Interested He Becomes

The solution is this: only be as committed to him and to the relationship as he is to you.

If he hasn’t explicitly locked you down and asked you to be exclusive with him, that means that not only are you allowed to date other people, you should absolutely be exploring your options and seeing other people.

more: Why Men Pull Away

Let’s talk a little bit about why that makes such a difference.

When you decide early on in a relationship that you really like this guy and want things to continue with him, and in deciding that you stop trying to meet anyone new, you’re putting all your eggs in one basket so to speak.

That means that when something goes wrong with him, it freaks you out a lot more than it would have if you had other guys on your radar as well. He becomes your whole dating life, which means everything that happens with him becomes much more significant (and upsetting).

more: Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages Of Dating

If you’re casually seeing a few guys, one of them not texting back isn’t the end of the world.

But if you’ve decided that you only want him, and he doesn’t text you back, it’s a lot more upsetting.

When you keep your options open until he locks you down, it makes you much less likely to appear “needy” to him – because you won’t be hanging on his every word.

You won’t need anything from him to feel ok– because all your eggs won’t be in the same basket.

more: 8 Reasons Why Men Pull Away At Early Stages

So when you keep your options open, you make it much less likely that a guy will feel the need to pull away at the beginning of a relationship.

And if he does – hey, it’s no big deal. It’s disappointing to be sure, especially if you really liked him.

But you’ve also kept your options open – so you can move on and find a guy who’s excited and lit up inside because he gets to date you.

Want to find out he’s slipping away from you Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Slipping Away” Quiz right now and find out if the man you want is really slipping away from you…

Take The Quiz: Is He Slipping Away

38 comments… add one
  • Nicole December 7, 2020, 6:38 pm

    But how should I even look at other people, when I’ve barely had any relationships in general? I’m very petite, and quiet, which are things that turn people off. I feel like this was a brand new chance at something.

  • Sosina workineh February 10, 2020, 11:57 pm

    First he wants to help me in each and everything. But I started to live alone leaving my family and I developed major deppression. Then I started to act strangely and even I hate my self and attempted suicide.then he starts to step back and when I ask him he told me that I wasn’t ready to treat my self with the depression. And another day he told me that he have some big issues with his life that making to forget everything around him.i tried my best to get him back….even i did want to his home.but he keeps on ignoring me even act like I am not there .what should I do to get him back??

    • Dee November 9, 2020, 1:07 am

      girl why would you kill yourself because a person ignored you? Your life is worth more than diamonds and gold. You have to love you.

  • Lora May 25, 2019, 2:32 pm

    The guy i’m seeing is doing this and he’s told me it’s because he might not be ready to commit. He tells me to just give him time to make his mind up. I don’t think he’s not wanting anything to do with me anymore because he is clearly super sweet and into me on the dates we’ve had, he knew from early on that I wanted a serious relationship and he still continued seeing me (he’s said that he THOUGHT he could make himself feel ready but that he realized he can’t force himself) Now that we’ve talked it through properly a bit on my demand he’s told me to give him more time to decide what we should do. This means he doesn’t want to just give up… But maybe have time to get used to the thought of being a relationship???
    I’ve already told him “I like you a lot but it’s okay we don’t need to see each other anymore because I can tell you’re pulling away from me” and to that he just went – “I never said I don’t wanna keep seeing you stop thinking I don’t” ??? So obviously he must be interested. People are just different and move at different paces.

  • Loukia January 2, 2019, 5:14 pm

    Hi great article and advise. Thank you.

    When after the first date and some interesting texting for a while, he suddenly pulls away..reads your text but does not respond….
    What do i do…..as I am a very honest and straight forward person… I would love to say…hey.. it’s okey…I sense you are pulling away…it was a pleasure meeting you and I wish you the best of luck…..
    Can I do that…or best just to ignore??
    Thank you so much in advance…
    Kind Regards and a very Happy New Year 2019!!!!

  • Rose February 9, 2018, 4:03 am

    I don’t understand why men then come on strong then when you commit they pull away. This is painful

  • sabine August 20, 2017, 8:26 pm

    thanks for the reminder. now i know what’s best to do if this ever happens to me. (i hope not!)

  • allona August 16, 2017, 4:24 pm

    i experienced this before and it freaked me out for real. i thought i was doing everything wrong.

    • ariannah February 11, 2018, 1:44 pm

      it’s never your fault

  • danica August 15, 2017, 7:30 am

    you can have him back as long as you identify the issue sooner.

  • maya August 7, 2017, 1:54 am

    most men do not have the guts to tell a woman he isn;t ready for a serious commitment so what they do is pull away.

  • saira August 2, 2017, 1:30 pm

    some men just don’t like it too serious

  • kate July 30, 2017, 11:33 pm

    sometimes men freak out when they start a relationship and the woman gets too serious.

  • yuri July 24, 2017, 12:08 am

    definitely an eye opener for me. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  • rachel July 18, 2017, 8:07 pm

    i leaned a lot from this. now i know what to do when this happens again.

  • ivanna July 17, 2017, 12:26 pm

    this is a very nice post, i learned a lot from it.

  • skye July 16, 2017, 4:30 pm

    try to find out the real reason behind the need for space and then figure something out together and don’t push things.

  • stella July 11, 2017, 2:06 pm

    most men feel trapped in a relationship that is blossoming. help him overcome this by not forcing things and not overwhelming him.

  • keanna July 10, 2017, 7:27 pm

    sometimes men go thru this stage because they get overwhelmed, but don’t worry he’ll soon figure it out

  • jaya July 9, 2017, 1:39 pm

    men are typically like this. this happens especially when they come to realize what they’re committing to. haha!

  • rizzalyn July 5, 2017, 6:22 pm

    thanks to you, i think there’s still something i can do.

  • corinna July 4, 2017, 4:14 pm

    this has been very informative. i know what to do next time. thanks!

  • millet June 29, 2017, 1:33 pm

    i guess i’ll just have to find myself and my inner being for it to be whole again

  • hope June 28, 2017, 11:50 pm

    don’t be discouraged right away. you’ll get him back for sure

  • marivic June 27, 2017, 10:32 am

    you can definitely get him back as long as you’re open and willing to.

  • rylie June 25, 2017, 3:40 pm

    when a man loses his interest in a woman, he would always ask for some space

  • dorcas June 22, 2017, 4:10 pm

    aaah..so this is why..??!!

  • cassandra June 20, 2017, 3:40 pm

    a lot of men would feel this way when they think they’d lose freedom or be trapped in a very serious relationship

  • theresa June 19, 2017, 11:29 am

    great tips for women for sure!

  • jacey June 15, 2017, 2:15 pm

    this is way too sad for a lady )=

  • cynthia June 14, 2017, 4:32 pm

    there are men who feels afraid of getting into deeper relationships.

  • lyka June 11, 2017, 11:52 pm

    i’ll try to really understand this so i know what to do. i feel like this guy i just met is already pulling away.

  • lyle June 7, 2017, 11:17 pm

    if he doesn’t want a serious relationship, he shouldn’t date at all.

  • tatianna June 6, 2017, 8:55 pm

    thanks for this post, i think he really is pulling away right now.

  • sharon June 5, 2017, 8:54 pm

    new stage, mid-stage and even late stage..menwould always tend to pull away

  • daphne June 4, 2017, 10:18 pm

    wow, this is really something i need to learn now that im dating a new guy

  • mishka June 1, 2017, 7:20 pm

    only a man who isn’t serious will do this

    • ariannah February 11, 2018, 1:45 pm

      yes but nowadays you can hardly find a man who is serious

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