You’re here because you want to know why men pull away in the early stages of a relationship.
Chances are, you’re seeing someone new and you thought things might have been going somewhere… only for him to start to pull away.
He’s ignoring your calls, missing texts, being less responsive in general, and it just seems like he’s more distant and withdrawn from you.
What happened? Did you do something wrong? Why is he going cold like this?
This hurts even more if he came on strong right when you started seeing each other, only to cool off later and back away, leaving you with a severe case of relationship whiplash.
And it’s even more frustrating when something like this keeps happening to you.
Is it a pattern? Do guys just do that? Why does it keep happening to you?
Don’t worry – I’ve got the answers.
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Why Guys Pull Away At The Beginning Of Relationships
- He senses you want a deeper relationship than he does and he’s worried about getting trapped
- He does this over and over and never wants a deeper relationship
- He thought you weren’t interested for some reason
- He’s not interested in a relationship with you
- There’s something else going on in his life that’s taking up his attention
Those are some of the most common reasons a guy might pull away at the beginning.
We have to get some bad news out of the way first – but don’t worry. The good news is coming.
The bad news is that I can’t tell you exactly why he pulled away from you at the beginning.
Every relationship is different, every guy is different and every situation is different. I don’t know why your specific guy went cold.
However, all of these reasons have one thing in common:
He’s Going Cold Because It’s Easier Than Telling You He’s Not Interested In A Deeper Relationship
It’s hard to have a conversation with someone and tell them you’re not interested in a relationship.
It feels bad, it’s scary, you don’t know how the other person is going to react – it’s an experience that many people would rather just avoid.
A guy who isn’t particularly up front or honest might go to great lengths to avoid having that conversation.
So instead of trying to have an in depth conversation about where the relationship is and where it’s going (which he doesn’t want to do)… most guys will just grow distant.
He’s consciously or unconsciously trying to show you that he’s not interested in a deeper relationship right now – without having to talk about it.
He might not be sure you even want a more committed relationship – and that would only add fuel to his reluctance to bring up the issue.
So instead of talking about it honestly and openly (like you’d hope he would), he tries to show you with his actions where his mind is.
That means he takes longer to answer texts, doesn’t pick up the phone as often, and generally acts more distant and cold towards you.
But Why Do Guys Do That?
Generally, a guy isn’t going to go cold on you out of the blue.
Most of the time, a guy is going to pull away in the early stages of a relationship when he senses that you want more commitment from him than he’s willing to give, or he feels neediness from you.
If he feels like you’re trying to be in a more committed relationship with him, and he’s not interested, that’s the point where he’s going to start pulling away.
It’s his way of saying “no” without actually having to say no.
Let’s touch on neediness quickly, because it’s a hot button issue.
In a nutshell, the simplest way to define “neediness” is this: if you “need” him to respond to you in a certain way or do something in order to feel ok – he’s going to sense neediness from you.
For instance, if you text him and he doesn’t text you back for a few hours, and that makes you feel upset and “not ok” – he’s going to sense that as neediness.
Why? It’s because he’s going to feel that you “need” him to do something or else you won’t feel “ok” and will be upset or generally negative towards him.
A lot of the time, when a guy pulls away in the early part of a relationship it’s because he sensed that kind of neediness and didn’t want to engage with it.
So How Do You Stop Him From Pulling Away At The Beginning?
Remember how I gave you the bad news at the beginning of the article? Here’s the good news:
There is a very simple way to avoid ever being put in this position (and avoid being freaked out by a new guy pulling away and going cold on you).
The solution is this: only be as committed to him and to the relationship as he is to you.
If he hasn’t explicitly locked you down and asked you to be exclusive with him, that means that not only are you allowed to date other people, you should absolutely be exploring your options and seeing other people.
more: Why Men Pull Away
Let’s talk a little bit about why that makes such a difference.
When you decide early on in a relationship that you really like this guy and want things to continue with him, and in deciding that you stop trying to meet anyone new, you’re putting all your eggs in one basket so to speak.
That means that when something goes wrong with him, it freaks you out a lot more than it would have if you had other guys on your radar as well. He becomes your whole dating life, which means everything that happens with him becomes much more significant (and upsetting).
If you’re casually seeing a few guys, one of them not texting back isn’t the end of the world.
But if you’ve decided that you only want him, and he doesn’t text you back, it’s a lot more upsetting.
When you keep your options open until he locks you down, it makes you much less likely to appear “needy” to him – because you won’t be hanging on his every word.
You won’t need anything from him to feel ok– because all your eggs won’t be in the same basket.
So when you keep your options open, you make it much less likely that a guy will feel the need to pull away at the beginning of a relationship.
And if he does – hey, it’s no big deal. It’s disappointing to be sure, especially if you really liked him.
But you’ve also kept your options open – so you can move on and find a guy who’s excited and lit up inside because he gets to date you.
Want to find out he’s slipping away from you Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Slipping Away” Quiz right now and find out if the man you want is really slipping away from you…