The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need To Know

The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need To Know

When you’re looking for information about how to get your ex back – it’s practically a guarantee that you see the no-contact rule over and over.

Even though the rule itself is simple: just don’t have any contact with your ex for a certain period of time (which varies from 3 to 6 weeks), that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to pull off.

Confused about the details? Here’s everything you need to know.

The Nuts And Bolts Of The No Contact Rule

The no contact rule, at its heart, means no communication between you and your ex.

And it’s deadly serious – no communication means no communication. Here’s a handy list:

Everything You Need To Know About The No Contact Rule

  • No phone calls
  • No “accidentally” seeing him
  • No instant messages – so no gchat and definitely no facebook messages
  • No text messaging of any kind
  • No asking a mutual friend to give him a message
  • No “targeted” status updates or social media posts directed at him

no contact rule

Think about it this way, if you get a funny feeling in your stomach about something you’re about to do – chances are it breaks the no-contact rule.

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Why It’s So Important To Follow

The reason to follow the no contact rule is to give your brain and your heart time to de-tox from the relationship and get a quick breather. You’re allowing yourself to experience what it’s like to live life without him – and letting yourself gain a little bit of distance and perspective on the relationship.

If there were a better way to gain perspective on the relationship and start to heal (so that you can have a much easier time getting your ex back later on) – this article would be telling you that way.

As it stands, the no contact rule is the best way to heal and make yourself stronger after a breakup. There’s no wiggle room – either you’re following it or you’re not – which makes it the best possible option.

The reason why this perspective and healing is so important is that if you want your ex back, you can’t just pursue him right after the relationship ends – it makes you appear needy and desperate.

But when you follow the no contact rule, you become stronger, healthier, and have a better perspective – so that when you do start talking to your ex again you won’t come off as needy.

Instead, you’ll appear confident, relaxed, and fully in control of yourself and of the situation – which is key to making him want you back.

The No Contact Steps To Success

So describing the no contact rule is easy – just don’t contact him in any way.

But what should you be doing during the no contact rule?

The common theme here is going to be: do the things that will make you feel happier, healthier, and stronger.

So even though you might want to watch sad movies and eat ice cream, at the end of the day you’re not going to feel better for doing that.

Think about it this way: the no contact rule is a chance for you to getstronger while he gets weaker.

While you’re becoming happier, healthier, more attractive, and more in control of your life – he will be thinking about you more, missing you more, and realizing he might want you back in his life.

However, if you want that to happen, you have to follow the steps:

Step 1: Get Active

Study after study after study proves it – the more active you are, the better you feel.

And in this case, the benefits to getting active really stack on top of each other.

First of all, you’ll feel better which will help you minimize the pain of the breakup and retake control of your life more quickly.

Second of all, it will naturally get you into better shape, which will make you feel better about yourself and be happier all at the same time.

Plus, when it comes time to get your ex back, looking better is going to be an irresistible component that will make him want you back even more.

There are so many different ways to get active. You could pick up running, or join a co-ed or just for fun sports league in a sport you like to play, like soccer, basketball, softball, you name it. Anything that’s fun.

You could do yoga (in a class or on your own), start a gym routine – you could even join a workout group like crossfit. All of these are great options to get off the couch, get active, and get stronger (while your ex gets weaker).

Step 2: Get Social

Obviously, after a breakup, all you want to do is stay inside and shut out the outside world.

Unfortunately, your instincts here are bad for you in the long run.

When you wallow in misery, all it does is make you feel even worse, less over him, and more desperate. And that’s going to work against you when you’re trying to get him back.

So the second step to success is going out and living your social life.

Of course – you don’t have to go out literally the night after he dumps you. Don’t push yourself too hard right at the beginning, take a few days to grieve if you’d like.

But after that, make sure to spend time with your friends outside the house. Have a good time! The best thing you can do for your mental health (and your attractiveness to your ex) is to feel good about yourself and what you’re doing, and one of the best ways to do that is to go out with your friends.

Also, if you’re feeling up to an advanced tactic, try going on a date or two. Obviously, not everyone is going to feel up to it – but if you give it a chance you’ll see how much it accelerates the process of recovering from your breakup.

You don’t have to start dating a guy seriously right away, but a harmless date or two will seriously help your mental state and give you a much more attractive attitude in the long run.

Step 3: Take Care Of Yourself

Breakups take their toll on you, both emotionally and physically. Sleepless nights lying awake in bed, tears that never seem to end – everything that happens takes a toll on your body and your emotions.

So that’s why it’s important to give yourself some time to rest, relax, and recuperate after a breakup.

Pick things that are relaxing to you, that you can totally unwind and feel comfortable during – like yoga, or getting a massage, taking a bath, even treating yourself to a spa day.

Frequently Asked No Contact Questions

What Happens If I Break No Contact?

If you make a mistake and wind up contacting your ex – there’s nothing to be done but starting the no contact period over again.

Only time will let the pain of the breakup fade and let him start missing you again. If you contact him – you restart the no contact clock.

Plus, it’s about realizing that you can live your life without him in it. If you can live without him for 4 weeks, you’ve proved it to yourself. Contacting him in the middle upsets all the hard work you’ve done and starts you back at square one.

What If He Contacts Me? That’s Not My Fault, Right?

If he contacts you, whether by calling you, texting you, or some other means, it doesn’t mean you’ve broken the no contact rule. However, if he reaches out to you, do not respond. If you respond, or text him back, it’s the same as breaking no contact on your own.

Obviously, if it’s an emergency, you can talk to him – but only on the topic of the emergency. Nothing about your relationship, or your lives, or anything outside the scope of the immediate emergency that he contacted you about.

How Long Should No Contact Last?

There’s no hard and fast rule – it depends on the intensity and the duration of the relationship.

I like to use this rule: for every month of the relationship, you should be doing a week of no contact – up to a maximum of 8 weeks and with a minimum of 3 weeks.

That means if you were dating for 4 months, your no contact period would last 4 weeks. If you were only dating a month, your no contact period would still be for 3 weeks.

What If He’s The Father Of My Child?

If you two have a child (or children), there’s no way to avoid seeing him and contacting him.

However, the principles of the no contact rule still remain. When you see him, the conversation should only focus on your child together – every other topic is off limits.

The attitude to go for is that he’s a not very close friend that you want to be pleasant towards. Bitterness and anger are huge mistakes that will set you back with him, so will flirting and especially begging or pleading.

Remember – the only thing you two should talk about is your child. Talking about how you feel or what’s happening in your life will set you back weeks.

Big No Contact Mistakes To Avoid

There are two huge mistakes to avoid during the no contact period that can set you back and even undo all the progress you’ve made.

Big No Contact Mistake #1: Using Drugs Or Alcohol To Escape

Breakups suck. There’s no other way around it.

But if you use alcohol, drugs, or other substances as a way of masking the pain and hiding from it, all you’re doing is pushing the pain down deeper inside you.

Treat the no contact period like a detoxification of your body after the breakup. You’ve got a lot of unpleasant emotions to get through, and by giving yourself time away from him, you give your body time to process the pain of the breakup naturally.

But if you add toxins to your body like alcohol and drugs, you’re not processing and releasing the toxic pain of the breakup – you’re pushing it even deeper down inside yourself.

And when you do that, you’re not really getting over him. In fact, you’re sliding backwards into an even worse state where it’s even less likely that you can get him back (and nearly impossible for you to keep him).

Having a drink or two in moderation is fine – but drinking to excess in order to cover up the pain of the breakup is a huge mistake.

Big No Contact Mistake #2: Thinking About Your Ex Constantly

During the no contact period, you’re allowing the toxicity of the breakup time to naturally work its way out of your body.

That means that you’ll be physically and emotionally processing the pain of the breakup, and of course you’ll be thinking about your ex a lot during that time. Like wondering if he still loves you, or whether he’s seeing someone else, or even if he still thinks about you.

However, past a certain point, thinking about your ex actually hurts you more than it helps you. If you’re spending your time obsessing over him and what he’s doing, or worse, cyber-stalking him and checking up on him, you’re actually undoing the progress you’re making during no contact.

The point of the no contact rule isn’t to make your ex miss you – that’s just a natural byproduct of the rule.

The point of the no contact rule is to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex – and give yourself the time and space you need to process the breakup and move on with your life.

Obsessing over him and wallowing in pain and grief about him doesn’t serve any purpose – it only pushes you backwards away from your goal of being able to live your life without him.

Plus, obsession and neediness are huge turn offs – and if your ex can sense that from you after the no contact period, it will undo all your hard work.

Only you know when natural grieving goes on for too long and turns into obsession and wallowing in pain. At the beginning, try giving yourself an hour each day to think about him, and outside of that hour, try to live your life without thinking of the breakup.

And if you can’t resist the temptation of checking up on him through Facebook or other social media, it’s time to de-activate for a while and remove the possibility. Otherwise, you won’t be able to make any progress.

The Real Reason No Contact Works

The no contact rule is so commonly seen in breakup advice for a simple reason: it flat out works. And it works for a couple of reasons:

1. Processing The Breakup

When you cut off contact with him, you give yourself time and space to process the breakup and move on.

And when you prove to yourself that you can live your life without him, you instantly become way more attractive to him.

Think about it this way – when you first got together, you weren’t begging him to be with you, and feeling like you were unable to live your life without him.

No – you were living your life the way you wanted to, and he was a nice addition to your life that made your life better.

That’s what attracted him to you in the first place – that you didn’t need him to be happy, and that your life was fine without him in it.

The no contact rule gets you back to that place, where your life is fine without him in it, and you don’t need him to be happy. That is what will make him become re-attracted to you after the no contact period is over.

2. It Gives Him Time To Miss You

There are tons of negative feelings after a breakup, for both parties. Most of the time, in the days following a breakup, all that he can think about are the negatives from your relationship.

The no contact rule is designed to give him the time and space to get past all the negatives from your relationship and remember what he misses about it. To remember all the positives, all the things that he misses about you.

If you contact him, you undo all that processing and time spent forgetting the negatives and remembering the positives – especially if your contact with him is bitter, angry, or negative. All that does is remind him why you two broke up – and start the clock over.

However, when you give him space, he’ll notice the hole you left in his life when you two broke up – and he’ll naturally want to get you back to fill that hole. He’ll start to miss all the little things that were good about your relationship, and not having any contact with you will only make him miss them more.

That’s the essence of the no contact rule, and the reason why it works so well. If you take it seriously and follow the rules, you put yourself in the best possible position to get your ex back and keep him.

I hope this article helped you understand why the no contact rule is so important to getting your ex back. One thing to remember is that even when you do get him back, keeping him is much more difficult. If you don’t know how to make him see you as “the one”, then you don’t have a chance of staying with him forever. That’s why you need this secret formula to get your ex back in your arms for good, so don’t wait or you might miss your chance forever, read this now: Do You Want Your Ex Back? Use This To Get Them Back…

Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…

Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?

80 comments… add one
  • martha September 2, 2017, 6:18 pm

    I want to tell a secret to those of us; who their relationship/ marriage is going into misery beyond repair. And first before I begin, I want to first assure you readers, that there is no situation without a solution. Don’t leave that your horrible marriage you are almost fed up with…instead of running, why not stand to fight peace into it?? There is no strong marriage that has true love that is without a fight, and there is also no marriage that is without the experience of sweet and sour. With the one I experience, that I thought it’s finished there is nothing anybody can do about it. It’s was so hopeless to that level that I never believe it can be restored back again. God directed me to and open my eyes that those errors and mistakes in marriage if been corrected, these are the things that makes a strong marriage. With jai mata osa sunlight, I was able to get him back, after 2yrs of total separation. During before that time I got him back…I have no life without him and can’t imagine myself laying into another man arms after I have already spend so much years in a relationship with my husband before we now finally got married with the help of the great jai mata osa sunlight…and that was when I noticed, that we women, we are the cause of most of our problems. And I want to give you an insight prove for that…most of our ladies are lucky with good men who truly have love in their heart; and almost of them don’t the value gift of a good man. while others, are sorrowing love over a man who doesn’t love them. Pls, readers. If you read this comment and you have been facing sorrow with your love one’s, I want to tell you that, the end of that sorrow and misery is done. Sunlight mata, is the key you need to open every close doors of happiness, rejoice, love and satisfaction into that you relationship. I will help you by leaving her email below” contact her and cry to her for help. and let her help you to get out of that misery you don’t belong to. Sunlightmata @gmail. com is her direct email and she will reply back and help you with whatever problems you want her help for. And pls be obedient to follow instructions.. thanks to you the great mother of love.

    I want to tell a secret to those of us; who their relationship/ marriage is going into misery beyond repair. And first before I begin, I want to first assure you readers, that there is no situation without a solution. Don’t leave that your horrible marriage you are almost fed up with…instead of running, why not stand to fight peace into it?? There is no strong marriage that has true love that is without a fight, and there is also no marriage that is without the experience of sweet and sour. With the one I experience, that I thought it’s finished there is nothing anybody can do about it. It’s was so hopeless to that level that I never believe it can be restored back again. God directed me to and open my eyes that those errors and mistakes in marriage if been corrected, these are the things that makes a strong marriage. With jai mata osa sunlight, I was able to get him back, after 2yrs of total separation. During before that time I got him back…I have no life without him and can’t imagine myself laying into another man arms after I have already spend so much years in a relationship with my husband before we now finally got married with the help of the great jai mata osa sunlight…and that was when I noticed, that we women, we are the cause of most of our problems. And I want to give you an insight prove for that…most of our ladies are lucky with good men who truly have love in their heart; and almost of them don’t the value gift of a good man. while others, are sorrowing love over a man who doesn’t love them. Pls, readers. If you read this comment and you have been facing sorrow with your love one’s, I want to tell you that, the end of that sorrow and misery is done. Sunlight mata, is the key you need to open every close doors of happiness, rejoice, love and satisfaction into that you relationship. I will help you by leaving her email below” contact her and cry to her for help. and let her help you to get out of that misery you don’t belong to. Sunlightmata @gmail. com is her direct email and she will reply back and help you with whatever problems you want her help for. And pls be obedient to follow instructions.. thanks to you the great mother of love.

  • Helen September 1, 2017, 2:34 pm

    Hey i have this big issue in my life right now so confused I’ll be grateful if u help me. I met this guy online we became friends really good ones he told me everything about him and I did too I could see he was really honest with me though now I feel I was wrong. He’s 20 and am 18. After 4 months of being friends he asked me out and our romance started it was going well because there was this situation in our country where connection was not present so all we did was text each other 247. I could feel he loved me very much. But when he came so we could meet things changed a lot and also during that time the connection was back he hardly talked to me always busy so i always get mad and send crazy messages which will get him angry but it was just too much he was doing that on purpose. Finally he said he needed a break I couldn’t bear it but there was nothing I could do more to that we we’re far away and met only once. After that he suggested we be friends i was all confused and will always be like why will he want to be friends after a break up. Each time we talk it always end up bad cause I kept wondering how we can still be friends. The last time we spoke he said hes busy with his music problems and don’t wanna add a relationship to it but he still loves me very much. Right now am so confused I pray each day he comea back I find it hard moving on. He seems okay on the net and it’s like he’s found someone else am so confused what should I do please help me pls

  • Richa September 1, 2017, 7:06 am

    Need some advice..
    I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months
    We were perfect together..but and a month ago we broke up due to family issue..I asked him to stay friends as this breakup came as terrible shock and I still had some hopes he would get back..but now it’s been a month and he shows no sign of getting back
    He still loves me but he isn’t ready to accept it and he isn’t even letting people know that we broke up..he still acts normal as if everything is fine
    I still love him and it’s difficult to control my emotion since I meet him every next day in college

    Would the no contact rule work here??
    Will he realize how much he needs me?

  • Jay August 13, 2017, 9:46 am

    Hey ,I really hope I’ll get a reply from you because I really need help. I am in college and had an year long relationship with my ex girlfriend. We were perfect for each other and were just like two best friends in a relationship and shared everything. But during the ending stages,I got too occupied with job interviews and some family issues and could not give her the attention she wanted. She also felt that i got flattered by every single woman and that hurt her. So she decided to end it and we agreed to be friends. But about after a month she just stopped being friends and became quite rude and cold. This made me realise her importance and I absolutely could not live without talking to her. I texted her a lot just to get her attention and would seldom get a reply and that too a very short one. I basically became a gnat and startd asking questions that why wasn’t she behaving like a friend when we had decided to remain friends. This continued for about two months. She has made new best friends and just about 15 days ago asked me not to contact her .She didn’t want to talk to me ever. So I did not send her any message and started the no contact. I have to see her everyday in college so it gets kind of awkward when i cross her . Anyways, after following one week of no contact, she yesterday blocked me on social sites. I really want to get her back cause she was perfect for me. We have so so many memories. Please help me how to get her back.

  • Shelly June 30, 2017, 5:58 am

    Okay, QQ. Idk currently how to fully let go. My ex of 7!yesrs and I departed 4 full months ago. We lived together but had become so disconnected and stopped being intimate due to real life issues inregards to financial,communication issues etc. No real emotional support was I receiving from him. So one day I found text messages between him and other women. At that point I was overwhelmed,stressed and decided forget this I’m done! It was hard for me because I still love him but at that point I was tired of being unappreciated and in a sense taking advantage of because he had become too comfortable. After going through the break up stages 3 months later I still love him and think of him. He reaches out and processes his love and how he wanted to be by my side but soon as I express wanting to try again after him initiating contact twice, he runs! I reached out 3 different times telling him look we don’t have to rush into anything but is that something you want to pursue? He acts confused and doesn’t know.. so by 4/5 convo we end in a bad argument but don’t get off the phone in a bad way.. I started no contact for the past 3 weeks because I felt like that messed up our chances of reuniting because it reminded both of us of the issue we had and I began reverting to hurt feelings and obsessing about it being over.. He hasn’t reached out either. Will nc help me get over this because right now it feels like he’s moving on for good this time and now I’m stuck picking up the pieces again. I think I’m in denial because part of me feels it isn’t completely over but part of me is like yes it is let it go! Some help!

  • Kathy June 13, 2017, 2:13 am

    Well no contact does not work if you were married and caught him having an affair. It has been 16yrs. This did was let him walk away leaving me to deal with his destruction. I hope he will feel what I have had to deal with,

  • lordsmart June 3, 2017, 12:29 pm

    since I apply the no contact rule with my ex guy for 8 weeks he has not call me. is still in love or he has a new gf?

  • Jessica May 26, 2017, 1:49 am

    I need help. I’ve broke up with a good man more than nine weeks and I want him back. He is my ex-boyfriend, we connected over a year. The reason for the breakup was he didn’t give me his time. He told me he was busy with his new job and having a daughter (His daughter is now ten years old). I made time for him and I’ve put energy into this relationship.

    I read the article “Exactly How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup” I try to not contact him during eight weeks. However, it has been for ten weeks but he didn’t contact me anymore. It means he didn’t care about our relationship. I get the sense that he didn’t love me the way I do. I was just told I was loved but the love he has for me is not as strong as the love I give him. I get empty words, broken promises, and lots of misery and loneliness. I’m really do not give up on him but I don’t know the best way to get him back.

    I need your advice.

  • Evelyn May 24, 2017, 2:37 pm

    I broke up with my ex half a month ago, we dated for 2.5 years. I am currently on the first week of no contact.

    My ex will start his new internship job on the 23rd day of our no contact, which is near the end of my no contact period. On that day, he will go onto a company trip for three days, where he will meet his new colleagues. I am sure that he will meet many new girls, too. Therefore I am worried that he might start a rebound relationship with someone during this time.

    Should I send him an “elephant in the room” text before he goes onto this trip, although my no contact period won’t be at 30 days yet? Or should I keep no contact going, and wait until the 30th day to text him, where he would be back from the trip already and started working for a few days?

    I am afraid that if I don’t send him a text before his trip, he will become interested in some girl, and by the time I text him, he will already be pursuing that new person and things will get complicated.

    I am also afraid that if I text him too early, he will think I’m being needy and want him so badly all over again. He may think that I am a given for him and will be there for him anyways, which might push him away into looking for someone else.

    The timing is so hard to decide. What should I do? Text him before the trip or no?

  • Brandi May 6, 2017, 5:29 pm

    we had been talking daily for month and seeing each other whenever possible…we both agreed we’ve never had this type of connection…and it was consistent, until week ago Saturday, he messed up plans with me, tried to fix it and I was stubborn and got buzzed up and he never called again. He wont take my texts or calls, deleted and blocked me on fb. I realize I messed up, but find it odd that he would allow a silly misunderstanding and me being stubborn when all else was perfect, be the end-all.?? We have a couple mutual friends that are like his only family…me and the one are super close. Why wouldn’t he try to at least explain why he’s not calling back over one stupid bad night for that reason alone? I made the mistake we all have here…I called or texted or fb messaged him daily and day five, I found myself deleted and blocked on fb. I had two drinks w my friend last night and we both got drugged. I had no idea I called him again, and had to call him in the morning to apologize w a message. I just keep screwing up. While i’im going to try this no contact rule, because I am NOT psycho, I just missed him and wanted to understand his ignorance, I need to do this for myself to prove it. But do tell me this..is it just me, or wouldn’t someone who’s very non-dramatic, and a cop to boot, ask me to stop contacting him if he didn’t think about me anymore? I know I have had to ask men to stop contacting me and say “hey, it’s not working, just stop!”. He’s doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Being he’s a cop, i’m lucky he didn’t have someone call me and tell me to quit calling. He obviously knows i’m coming off crazy but not crazy, just crazy for him right? I feel like he’s shut down and will decide when he wants to unblock and see how I’m doing once he realizes it was all just misunderstandings and remember the positives….it was all positives w us the entire month. Now before you go on and tell me it’s only been a month, know this, he’s like me, he doesn’t waste time…if he’s into someone *and it takes a lot for us both to say that* he’s all in. And he was every single day hour by hour. we both thought maybe we found our forever match…how can one misunderstanding bring that much ignorance from him and to block me and not ask me to quit trying to talk to him? i’m so confused! if we had red flags in the month and didn’t talk much in between dates i’d not be so confused and hurt.

    • H May 26, 2017, 12:23 am

      He probably feels like the ultimate way now is ignoring you. Usually, for a guy (especially a cop), he would tell you straight away to stop right after your first, second act. But you kinda bombarded him with a bunch of texts/calls. Thus, it may make him feel suffocated and try to avoid you. Now, you need some time away from him, to adjust your mood. Only confidence can speak for your value to a guy.

  • drhan May 2, 2017, 11:30 am

    He only told me do not make a contact to him ever
    he will never msg me or cal me
    he said he is doing this for me only
    he is so firm that he will never text me
    i have lost all hopes
    what if i lose him if i dont text him for this long
    i did this once for 7 days
    then i only texted him back how r u n all n did he missed me
    he said dont ask such ques whose ans u would not like to hear
    N said i thought u must have deleted me from ur heart fone watsap etc

    • Noyb August 15, 2017, 10:34 am

      I’m late on this post but STOP! Just stop contacting him! You’re coming off as crazy, desperate and needy! If you stop now you might have a chance but I’m talking NO contact what so ever! Go live your life, be happy and let him see the confident strong woman that you are and he will come running back to you. If you keep stalking him he will get a restraining order.

  • Michael April 20, 2017, 11:42 am

    Guy side, She broke up with me. We started dating a month after she left a bad relationship. We both wanted to take things slow and make sure it was right. Both wanted the same things in life and liked each other. I got Clingy due to falling for her quick (most amazing girl ive ever met) and She wanted space. Gave her some but didnt know it was from Texts as well till it was too late. It’s been 3 weeks now No Contact. I bump into her at the gym all the time but I just give her a smile. I don’t say anything. She hasnt texted me in weeks. I’m going to try and send her a sweet little message in a week or 2 saying “Hey, I was playing a game of ______ the other day and it made me think of you. Hope your doing good!”

    thoughts?

  • Ella April 9, 2017, 4:52 am

    Proper use of no contact worked for me. :) DON’T LOSE HOPE GUYS AND STAY STRONG. If you really want him/her back, no contact heightens the chance of getting back together. :)

    • Michelle April 28, 2017, 12:46 pm

      We were together 5 yrs broken up for 3yrs. We’ve been close since the breakup then out of the blue he tells me hes seeing someone next minute it’s all over fb. Hes contacted me a few times since I know we weren’t together anymore but it hurt so I didn’t reply. I’ve since blocked him on social media.

  • Susan April 3, 2017, 8:06 am

    Nyc advice thanks alot

  • Joanna April 2, 2017, 2:04 am

    What if I’m not responding and he comes to my place P.s my family don’t know we aren’t together anymore?

  • Joanna April 2, 2017, 2:00 am

    What if he been sending messages and you don’t reply but he ends up showing at my place? what do I do or say?

  • Lois March 26, 2017, 11:38 pm

    Hello.

    I was hanging out with a guy, but we never quite made it S.O. status. He showed interest before I went overseas (I backed off because long-distance relationship) then we both became hesitant around each other when I got back. I was also initiating the contact all the time because I enjoyed time with him. I eventually walked away because I was sensing we were in desperate need of a break (I thought that I was the one straining our relationship and needed to back off on contacting him), and I let him know that he could contact me whenever he was ready to initiate the next get together.

    Since then, there were a several texts between us within two weeks, and he didn’t sound like the him that I first met. He was also acting mopey and sad by the end of our face-to-face time and has since deleted his facebook account. Should I be worried that he’s depressed? I have been contact free for 1 weeks now and am trying to make it to 4 weeks, but I want to make sure everything is okay. Should I contact him to make sure everything is okay, or wait until week 4?

  • Jordan March 24, 2017, 11:19 am

    Me and my partner just broke up a week ago after 4 strong years. The guy she trying to date is an old friend of minds. We still talk on the phone at times. But that makes me miss her more and more. I truly want her back. Every time we talk she quick to say. I just want to move on or were not together like I don’t already know that. She tells me she have love for me and care. I miss this girl with all my heart I want her back please help me

  • Harut March 17, 2017, 12:01 pm

    It’s almost 1 week we are break up and now I really miss him.Im crying everyday but I don’t know what to do.He told me I need a break from everything but I still like gou,let me miss you sometimes.But it’s hurts me.But I don’t know what to do show him that I still care .

  • Daljeet Kaur March 16, 2017, 1:24 am

    I want help regarding my problem,, can u contact me at phone

  • Pat March 11, 2017, 6:56 pm

    A man I had known 18 years ago found me on facebook. He messaged me telling me he has been trying to find me. After so long I had reminisced our relationship it was dreamy at the time we were both young and in love. The catch –he had a wife. The abrupt change in our relationship was an email from her telling me that they were married. I replied apologizing and letting her know that I did not know. I was devastated. I didn’t date for years. So he told me that he supposedly was still living with her due to expenses and that she was a jealous ex wife. I found this out after years. Of course this was a huge red flag that I ignored because it fit in with the dream that someone from my past made it a point to contact me. So we began to have this romantic rendezvous. He would text me and video chat me constantly. We had many many little messages that we corresponded to peak our interests. We would stay up late at night and fall asleep on the phone. We used to say we could hear our hearts beating. It was extremely exciting. We couldn’t wait until we could chat with each other again. As I am typing I could see how the relationship could falter. The excitement diminished obviously. It had such a deep stronghold on me that I did not even realize that it could be a possibility. We were addicted to each other. I was completely obsessed with him. Now that I am writing this story I know that I smothered him. I sucked the life out of him. This is never a good thing. I thought that meant I could take care of him and love him better than any other. How crazy is that? Its not even attractive. Everything I thought was going fine as long as he was messaging and texting me all the time ( every time he got on his phone or computer). It is only now that I am typing this that I realize how bad it was. I used the excuse its because of the long distance. But really it seems its my insecurity. As much as I hate to admit it. Then I thought he would understand if he truly loves me. But now that I think about it, I believe that it is selfish and unsatisfying. Well needless to say he stopped contacting me all of a sudden. Of course I made the enormous mistake of contacting him constantly to find out what was wrong. Not realizing I was making a horrible situation even worse. I began texting like a desperate woman nice messages like ” I miss you “mentioning things like “I am praying for you” and “thinking of you” not understanding the disconnect telling him he is saying “f—off ” to me and I am crying (emojis). After reading and making analysis I ruined chances of us ever getting back together. Once again being devastated. The feelings that I developed for this man were there because of my desperate attempt to be loved and as well as the convenience and because of the way he came to me. I did not want to let go because I somehow had it set in my mind that he was the man of my dreams and I was going to marry him. Now to get these crazy ideas and him out of my head!! How can I ? I am still crazy obsessed with him!! I am a troubled romantic.

    • Sharon April 20, 2017, 3:35 am

      Hi Pat, how are you getting by? I am in a nearly identical situation, 23 years, first love, sudden contact, excitement, 12 hour calls, talk of I’ve always loved you”, texts, sending me songs by email, a few deep meetings, all him saying I want you blah blah….Then wife texts me!, however she said they were over, I did not respond, and I knew he had a wife whom he impregnanted while working overseas and she wanted Aust Citizenship, (trapped)…and no one can break a happy home is my view…He was talking leaving, the whole deal although I Said we need 12 months to get to know each other, it’s been a long time (and I have a tween to consider first). .. Weeks go by then it slowed, then it’s I need time…Honestly don’t beat yourself up, it is completely selfish on their part to do that to another person, especially when you have a special history, mine was 5 years with him, very happy but his Mother was and still is a control freak…It is hurtful and no you are not needy and crazy, you were muddling long in life fine and he dropped in…Old loves have an intense impact on people, you and me included…I thought about this person on my wedding day, on his birthday and weekly for years..Im have been single for 7 years, it is Dissapointing that they in the end are WEAK and won’t leave their unhappy lives even just for themselves…and then drag another person in….

  • Gunny March 6, 2017, 9:24 am

    We work together, but he is assigned to the project and he comes to the office 2-3 times in a week. We Break up 5-6 weeks ago. Our relationship ended for misunderstandings. It lasted 5 months, we dated, however we didn’t put any name of our relationship, because he was not ready for serious relationship. However, we spent good time together, both of us were happy. Even, i ended the relationship, i want to write him. Should i? After a week of break up he wrote me whether i am fine, i replied cold answers. After this conversation, should i write? It is almost a month we are not talking.

  • Sarah February 24, 2017, 12:47 pm

    The man I was seeing for 17 months was still seeing his married liver behind my back and me behind hers, I found her underwear and ‘outfits’ in his drawers he said they were his ex’s and they should be got rid of. I found out he only moved them and when I called him out on it he told me I’d betrayed his trust and it was over. We got back together and again I found underwear in his washing cut a long story short I find out stuff I get dumped, she does the same and gets rewarded by getting him even tho he didn’t want a relationship or commitment! He’s told me he’s not going to change his mind and is returning my stuff! He told me him and her were just ‘friends’ as they work together, she’s not attractive, she has a fair few more ponds than me and he said he finds her very attractive which u could imagine is a knife to the heart! I’m slim and blonde and very attractive for a 40 yo (his words) I want him back as I love him so much, I don’t think the nc would work with him as he has no feeling for me ! Please help me

  • Lilliam January 29, 2017, 9:31 pm

    I was married to the man 18 years. Had a business with him and all of a sudden he start the gym and steriods fix after that he need some time. We hardly talk. He filed for divorce because I stayed with the business. My 15 year old son doesn’t want to see him. Love does not die it’s impossible so many memories and every time we talk it gets worse. He is crazy woman maintain him he has nothing and I don’t know we’re my husband is I just need closure. HELP

  • Angelica Flores December 21, 2016, 10:38 pm

    I need advice i was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for 7 Months thing went so great for us but he just ended it because he couldnt accept my daughter and it was hard for me and he blocked me for about 2 to 3 days and afyer i got a hold of him i told him to unblock me we talked texted every 3 days a week and started talking everyday through text messages or phone calls and after about a week or two of are break up he found a new girl i was crying upset since he moved on so quickly. Even though he’s moving on so fast he always give me signs that he wants me back but yet he has a girlfriend and says we need to stop talking and after i get upset he goes back to normal idk why he likes me to cry.i know hes the one he’s just being stubborn do you really think the no contact rule will work we call or text everyday

  • Dana November 30, 2016, 1:10 pm

    My ex broke up with me over a few agruements. We both were under so much pressure and stress due to he did sickness and me trying to make more positive changes in my living arrangements. We been together for two years almost he is a stubborn type of man and hidesalot of his feelings once he get upset and offten shut down..Its been a Lil over a month since our break up. I never completely stop contacting him but I cut back on reaching out to make peace to maybe texting him once every 2 weeks. I know the love was real what should I do now? And is it to late to start no contact on him since we have already been broken up 45 days now

  • Pakhi November 14, 2016, 11:03 pm

    He message me that he is not going to talk with me .I got angry and messaged him this and that.after that I’m following no contact rule it’s already 12th day still no response from him.what shall it do? I want him back

  • Jasmine November 11, 2016, 2:45 pm

    He blocked all my numbers and social media accounts and whenever I try to het into contact woth him he immediately blocks this way of connection he even told me he doesn’t want me anymore because I am such an annoying and deperate girl, and he won’t come back unless he feels that I deserve so. Would this rule work with him? Is it over? I can’t believe that it’s over. I am deeply in love with him Please help me

  • Kristina November 7, 2016, 11:31 am

    My wife left me for another woman a year ago, since then we have gotten back together 3 times but shes left each time to be with someone else, now she moved out of state to be with an ex from 5 years ago, is it too late to do the no contact?

  • Janey November 3, 2016, 7:30 pm

    I’m almost at the end of week 2 of no contact. I’ve actually found it a lot easier than I expected. We were still texting after I broke up with him. NOT because I wanted to but because we weren’t moving anywhere. After breakup he told me he still feels the same for me but he isn’t ready for a relationship and he doesn’t know why but it bothers him. I’m sticking to no contact, for me and I have just been asked on a date and I’m going to go too !

  • Reggie October 29, 2016, 5:45 pm

    HELP! I hoped this would work but I’m still surprised that it has, it was like as soon as it hit week 3 BOOM heard from him, but it wasn’t a “I miss you let’s get back together type text” but I could see right through it and was clearly just an excuse to talk to me. I DIDNT REPLY. 2am this morning I got another text, just saying “yeah good chat..” how do you know when to start making contact and again and when you do not putting all your chips in and possibly losing him again?

    • Janey November 3, 2016, 7:48 pm

      I think the idea is to finish the no contact time then make your move with a carefree but friendly text out of the blue like hey you crossed my mind, hope things are good with you. Leave it open for a response but not questioning

  • Ann October 24, 2016, 12:59 pm

    Well he called the break up but I went fully for it after I got to the end point he Tex me the same day with a dumb question n after his brothers wedding the same week he put on fb his mind is fully focus n he’s ready at this time I’ve had already started cutting all ties fun pic on fb cut off our connected bills phone n cable yes I did this immediately this was his last time putting me in this situation so he Tex immediately ask me to cut everything back on I ignored him my name now is miss fed up..he did Tex me to say I lost a good man Loves me unconditionally n get in touch if I need anything he never turn his back on me haven’t talk to him since week #3

    • Natalia October 31, 2016, 11:39 am

      This doesn’t even make sense! I can’t understand what you’re saying.

  • Carly September 27, 2016, 6:43 am

    What if he has another girl already but he’s still talking to be

  • Sharu September 6, 2016, 10:23 am

    and m not able to contact him bczz he blocked me from all d single app ….. nd when I sent mail so he olwzz rly plzz don’t mail me ever if I follow contct so somewhere I m doing what he says so how cn I get him back

  • Sharu September 6, 2016, 10:21 am

    he said to me ‘ don’t call nd mail” if I follow the no contact rule so somewhere I will loose him bczz he wants that …..

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:17 am

      He says that to get a reaction out of you. And he did. Which mea s he won that one.
      Stop talking to him and you will gain the advantage and you’ll be the one calling the shots while he’s trying to crawl back to yoj

  • Deb August 3, 2016, 6:53 am

    What happens if he started seeing someone straight away and still is and apparently in love?

    • Sharon September 1, 2016, 2:02 am

      Deb,
      If he started seeing someone right away, it’s probably just a rebound relationship and will not last. He’s not processing the reasons for your breakup, but instead trying to fill the void left when you two broke up. I’ve had that same thing happen to me twice already this year, and both times he came back. Just keep the NC rule. If it’s meant to be, he will come back to you. In the meantime, there’s many good articles online about rebound relationships. They gave me a lot of hope when my heart was so broken. Best of luck to you!

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:24 am

      That’s called a rebound relationship. He’s trying to fill the gap, and he did… But only temporarily.
      Do this, and in 4 weeks you’ll be happier than ever and his life will be a complete mess.
      His head wasn’t right when he found that girl which means the relationship isn’t right.
      Once he figures that out, you’ll already be on your way to success and happiness while he’ll be the one looking at forums like this.
      The first step in finding happiness is finding yourself.
      You cant find yourself if you constantly think about him and worry about what hes doing.
      Also, love doesn’t come that quick. Especially when he’s not in the correct mindset. Its a false illusion, or he’s trying G to piss you off.
      Either way. The only way to win is to not talk to him.
      If it was meant to be then it will find a way.

  • Shafeek June 30, 2016, 1:00 am

    I have been with her4years.Then I left school in febrary 29 it is second last date of febrary.then again I met her in school at may she saw me and smile at me I smile at her.After15minutes I was finding her wen she is in her class she saw me Then she started to ignore me and again iam in no contact.I took mobile and put a coment on youtube and said averything that what I did when I met her in 19th May to breakup expert and he said she is giving u hot and cold give her45day of no contact45day sounds good he said.Again I will meet her at after four month.Will she come back to me.and I like to tell her i want to marry u when I should tell her

  • Desmond Koo June 4, 2016, 12:36 pm

    What if I accidentally show desperate and needy in front of my girlfriend ? I even tell her about the no contact rule . What can I do to save this relationship? I’m in horrible shit right now .

  • roxanne June 2, 2016, 11:15 am

    this jst looks impossible 4me..how? where? when do i start? :(

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:20 am

      The best time to start was yesterday.
      The second best time to start is RIGHT NOW.
      The worst time to start is tomorrow.

  • valeria May 31, 2016, 4:11 pm

    this is too deep 4me i mean u should really be into him to do this

  • ava May 27, 2016, 3:42 pm

    i believe this truly helps both of u..take time 2 think & rethink ur situation

  • sammy May 26, 2016, 7:53 pm

    oh no..no i cant let this happen..its jst like giving him freedom 2 flirt around

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:15 am

      That’s the point. If you’re no longer together. It doesn’t matter if he flirts. After the third week of not talking to you, He will start missing you. Then, and only then, do you have control over the situation.

      NEVER tell yourself you cannot do something.
      If you think you can, then you will.
      If you think you can’t, then you won’t.

      The mind is a powerful thing. More powerful than we realize. Dobt waste it.

      I did this and it worked to my advantage.
      I give this advice to everyone going through a hard breakup and every single person is happier than they’ve ever been after this.
      You will realize things about yourself you never realized and these things will make you a stronger person.

      You can do anything you set your mind to.
      Remember that.

  • savannah May 24, 2016, 3:51 pm

    u nailed it! did this & it workd on my advantage haha

  • daisy May 23, 2016, 5:29 pm

    yup, i agree! need 2 process d breakup 1st & foremost..no need 2 rush things

  • liana May 20, 2016, 3:33 pm

    im in no situation 4these rules but reading thru, looks so difficult to me
    hope i wont need them

  • alex May 19, 2016, 6:00 pm

    right, this is d only way 2 bcome stronger, healthier & have better perspective so when you start talking 2ur ex again u wont come off as needy

  • vilma May 18, 2016, 6:56 pm

    1st, u need 2allow urself 2experience what its like 2live life w/out him rather than jumping in2 getting back w/ him

  • twinkie May 18, 2016, 12:47 pm

    i tried this & it workd, space & time alone is essential 4 both parties

  • heather May 16, 2016, 2:00 pm

    cant ignore him, no matter how hard i try :(

    • Yeshua October 12, 2016, 5:19 am

      Surround yourself with good people, don’t talk to him. And your mind will naturally step away from thinking about him. It really is as easy as simply not talking to him. I just finished week 6, never been happier. First 3 weeks were the hardest. But now, I attract happiness. Happiness attracts good people.
      Your vibe attracts your tribe.
      Remember that

  • myrene May 13, 2016, 1:02 pm

    dont even try pursuing him right aftr d breakup or ull appear desperate..this is a huge turn off

  • MaryLynne May 13, 2016, 5:58 am

    i like this post..very helpful & doesnt make u look so desperate

  • jaqlyn May 12, 2016, 9:46 am

    i feel for anyone in this situation..this seems sooooo hard!

  • amelita May 11, 2016, 5:16 am

    i might try these tips, they seem too difficult to follow though

  • charlene May 10, 2016, 11:35 am

    haha im so used 2 the “accidentally seeing him” phase, arent we all guilty of this?? lol

  • stella May 6, 2016, 9:03 pm

    didnt know this so called “no contact rule” works like this
    i think the best part is allowing urself to take a breather

  • corey May 6, 2016, 1:43 pm

    too difficult but yeah u r right, we all need to detox from a break up & maybe try to feel good about it/ourselves before anything else

  • michelle May 5, 2016, 6:29 am

    U r right bout everythin.. and if all fails, u need 2 be moving on

  • celyn May 3, 2016, 9:05 pm

    its all about discipline, i think. u dnt wnt ur ex thinking ur stalking him or sumthin

  • dina.ballerina May 2, 2016, 3:19 pm

    take your time and move forward..

  • lyka April 29, 2016, 8:37 pm

    uuughhh..all these seem to b too hard to follow, but i tried 1 or 2 of these steps b4 & sumhow workd :)

  • claire April 29, 2016, 5:49 am

    getting social is the key. there’s no sense in isolating urself. go out and have fun!

  • Dana April 27, 2016, 12:36 pm

    the more u show him u can live w/out him, the more he’ll be attracted 2u!

  • kay April 26, 2016, 12:45 pm

    Allowing each other enough space & time to process the breakup makes everything worthwhile.

  • Jada April 21, 2016, 8:18 pm

    my take-home is this….
    do the things that will make you feel happier, healthier, and stronger. #FTW

  • patty_belle April 20, 2016, 7:05 pm

    yes, this is so true and really works

  • grethelspeaks April 19, 2016, 7:04 pm

    NEVER lasted even a single week ugh!

  • MonicaS April 18, 2016, 1:50 pm

    wish i could do this.. My bf 4 16mos broke up wit me but started txting me again.. i cnt help but give in.. i wna stay firm N ignore him tho..

  • Reese April 15, 2016, 11:37 pm

    Great advice! Women usually fail in this area and then end up looking like doormats.

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