Question: “I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and for the most part he’s been really good to me. He takes me out, he showers me with affection, and we get along so well…
There’s only one thing that he does that I can’t stand. He’s a liar. Like for example… the other day, he told me that he was going over to his brother’s house to help him move and pack his stuff… But I found out later on that he was actually hanging out at a sports bar with his guy friends watching a game… And I didn’t understand why he couldn’t have just told me he was watching the game rather than make up some story about helping his brother?!
The scary thing is…I think he lies to me about other things, too…I just can’t figure it out.
Listen, you deserve an honest answer about why men lie. (No pun intended).
Now, I am going to say something that might offend you, but I need you to realize the only reason I’m blunt is because you deserve to know the truth about how men really think.
No one has exposed the truth and taken you “behind the curtain” into the male psyche about why men really lie , until now.
Take The Quiz: Do You Trust Him?
First, I want to tell you a story to help illustrate a key point about what I am going to explain:
A lot of women do not listen.
Before you rant and rave and get upset, let me put it in context.
I once dated a woman named Trish. We had been dating for only a few weeks and I told her in the very beginning that I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I preferred dating and staying single.
In fact, every time she seemed to hint towards starting a relationship I would tell her again that no, I did not want a serious relationship.
One day, she joined me when I was out running my errands. While we were in the car, she asked me if I would like to have dinner with her parents the next night. I politely declined because I had already made plans.
This is where the “not listening” part comes in…
She immediately looked over at me, glared, and then said, “Why is it that you never want to take our relationship seriously?”
Even after I told her repeatedly that we weren’t in a relationship and that I didn’t want a relationship, she acted like my non-commitment to dinner with her parents was a complete surprise.
I said to her as gently as I could, “Listen, I don’t want a serious relationship right now. I’m not going to lead you on, so if you are only looking for a serious long-term relationship I’m not your guy. That’s it.”
“Then why have you led me on and lied to me these last few weeks?”
Honestly, I had to struggle not to raise my voice. I hadn’t lied to her and I had been very straightforward about my intentions but she chose to ignore that because she wanted a relationship and was determined to get one.
Although that was very draining for me to deal with, as I’m sure it was on her as well, I learned a valuable lesson from that experience.
Sometimes women take something a man says or doesn’t say… and selectively choose to listen to only parts of it… The parts that they want to hear. If you only listen to what you want to hear, though… and ignore the things you don’t want to hear… you may find yourself wondering “why did he lie?”
I am not saying this to be rude or to say that all women are “bad.” Hearing what you want to hear doesn’t make you a bad person.
It’s understandable. You like him and want him to like you back. You want to assume the best.
But you need to always listen to everything a guy says, not just selective parts. This will help you avoid a ton of heartbreak.
Now, I’m not saying this is what happened in your specific situation, but it is definitely the cause of many “misunderstandings” between men and women. So back to the initial question, why does he lie to you?
You have to understand that men don’t intend to lie to hurt you, unless you’re involved with a malicious sociopath. Men generally lie to smooth things over and keep an even keel in a relationship or dating situation.
Here are a few reasons:
He Thinks You’re Too Sensitive
It’s a fact that women are more in touch with their emotions and feel comfortable allowing themselves to feel the full weight of extreme feelings.
Men prefer to keep a more even and neutral emotional feeling. When he’s not sure how you’ll react, he may lie in order to keep you happy. The last thing he wants to do is trigger a flood of tears or make you upset.
He Wants To Avoid Drama
Like I said, if a guy feels like it’s necessary to lie in order to make the relationship feel easier and happier, no one wins. He is only doing that to avoid the disagreements, arguments, and potential screaming matches.
He Wants To Impress You
Maybe he’s lied about his job, his hobbies, or what he really thinks about topics you’ve brought up because he wants to show you he’s worthy of your attention, affection, and devotion.
On one hand, this seems like a compliment. He’s trying to impress you because he feels like he’s not good enough on his own for you. In reality, it’s not a compliment – it’s insecure behavior that doesn’t allow for a real foundation of a relationship to be built.
For a guy to be honest with you, he has to be secure enough in himself to know that you’ll still want him if he’s “real” with you.
It takes maturity to be able to show people that you can handle and appreciate honesty. If you can show anyone, not just a guy, that you can handle their honesty, they will be honest with you more often as they learn to trust in that.
In fact, when you can show a guy it’s safe to be honest with you, he will bend over backwards to be as straightforward with you as he can possibly be.
Have you ever caught a guy in a lie and wondered why he would tell the lie in the first place? Sound off in the comments below and let me know your experiences! I read every single comment you write to me and I love having the chance to respond.