Am I Being Needy? Exactly How To Tell If You're Asking For Too Much

Am I Being Needy? Exactly How To Tell If You’re Asking For Too Much

Understanding neediness is so important for sustaining a happy, healthy relationship.

Why? Because neediness can ruin budding relationships (so that they end before they could even really begin), ruin long-term relationships and generally send men running away.

What is neediness?

Neediness means that you don’t know what to do with yourself when the man you want does not respond to you in a certain way.

more: What To Do When A Guy Suddenly Stops Texting You

Neediness means you sit and analyze whether or not you should send a text now or later, why he is not responding and drive yourself crazy over it.

Neediness is going out of your way to “fix” the relationship and “push” to make things work out even if things are clearly not headed in a positive direction. It doesn’t matter because in your mind, you have to push through and won’t be able to be happy without him.

The heart of neediness is not feeling ok without another person, not feeling like your life is going to turn out well or be happy. Thinking that your happiness lies in the hands of another person is the neediest mindset you can possibly have. And it’s a huge turn off to men.

more: Why Men Withdraw And Exactly What To Do About It

Men do not want to feel like they are your life jacket, your floatation device to keep you from drowning. What men want in a relationship is a woman who brings something to the relationship.

When you are needy, you look to the other person to fulfill you and bring joy into your life instead of looking to yourself for this.

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

How To Tell If You’re Being Needy And Exactly How To Stop

What’s at the core of neediness? How can you get rid of it so that you don’t accidentally drive away the man you want? Being needy isn’t something you do it’s an inner thought process you have. It’s a way of thinking not a set of behaviors you can imitate. How do you fix it? You recognize that neediness stems from fear of loss. Fear of loss is what you must get rid of if you want to stop being needy. Fear of loss means you feel you “have” something with him that you are terrified of losing. The problem is, you cannot “have” or “possess” a relationship or a person.


What’s at the core of neediness? How can you get rid of it so that you don’t accidentally drive away the man you want?

more: Am I Being Needy?

The mindset that a relationship is something you can “have” ends up making you desperate to “keep” it. Drop this mindset and instead enjoy the quality of the time you spend with him. Do not fixate on outcomes. Focus on the present and you will finally stop the cycle of neediness once and for all.

more: 11 Dating Tips That Will Change Your Life

Here’s a good question to ask yourself when trying to determine if your response to a particular situation with a guy is needy:

Did he make me a promise that he would do something and then bailed? Or is your reaction coming from a place of “I want him to do this because it will _____ (make me happy, make me feel good, make life ok, make him my official boyfriend/husband). The list could go on.

more: How To Stop Being So Clingy

Try to keep yourself in check and recognize if you are falling into needy patterns.

One other point to mention is… realize you are choosing to be in the relationship. No one is shoving the relationship down your throat, forcing you to be involved.

Always Keep Your Options Open

First of all, if you are in a committed relationship, I am not saying to go cheat and flirt with a bunch of other men. What I am saying is recognize that you are choosing this guy but if you wanted to, you could choose another.

more: 4 Ways To Stop Being Needy And Start Being Confident

If you are not official, then always keep your options open and actively meet other men. Never assume you two are anything until he officially locks you down. This saves you from the destructive path of trying to get him to commit by acting as if you’re already his girlfriend even though no promise has even been made.

This is a recipe for disaster. If he already has everything he wants… why take action and make things more serious?

Anyway, I hope you know I am not trying to criticize and simply trying to help you. If you have any questions, leave in the comments below.

Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

32 comments… add one
  • "leah evers" April 23, 2017, 10:28 pm

    Demanding attention is bad, but setting boundaries and expecting your partner to meet those standards isn’t too much to ask.

  • portia April 3, 2017, 1:32 pm

    yes, i admit i tend to be needy at times. i don’t know but i can’t help it when my man don’t seem to give much attention. :'(

  • josephine April 3, 2017, 11:22 am

    i can’t keep calm when i feel somewhat neglected and that’s when i start to be demanding and seem to be really needy

  • racquel March 23, 2017, 8:49 pm

    this is so me..i know, i know! ok, i’ll try to change

  • michelle March 22, 2017, 3:54 pm

    women seriously need to read this stuff!

  • sandy March 20, 2017, 5:26 pm

    i admit, i am being too needy at times and i’m willing to change for the better. thanks for your help!

  • khloe March 15, 2017, 5:44 pm

    i am guilty of this and i am trying best not to be too needy so my boyfriend do not get annoyed

  • claudia March 14, 2017, 5:17 pm

    women at some point in their relationships tend to be too needy and it makes the man walk away

  • angie March 13, 2017, 7:16 pm

    guilty!! haha i don’t know how to control it

  • rochelle March 9, 2017, 6:52 pm

    i am so guilty of this! i even end up picking up a fight with my boyfriend everytime

  • ali March 8, 2017, 1:00 pm

    gaaaah..i hope i can do this! i tend to be really needy in relationships )=

  • marianne March 6, 2017, 2:55 pm

    yes, i think i might just be guilty of being too needy. thanks for this article, i’m learning a lot so far

    • Heather April 9, 2017, 2:45 am

      My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and we’re both very committed to each other. But I have a disability. Ihave Fibromyalgia and at 50 it’s getting worse and I need more help at home than he’s able to give. We’ve started arguing about me needing his help after he gets off work and I’m afraid he’ll end our relationship because of this.What to do?

  • catie March 5, 2017, 11:56 pm

    i know sometimes i may be asking for too much already, this is a good reminder

  • zoe March 1, 2017, 3:42 pm

    i have grown needy and this is because i was with a man who was very insensitive. thankfully, i have overcome that and the relationship too

  • kennedy February 28, 2017, 2:31 pm

    being needy is also equivalent to being possessive, this is not healthy for any relationship

  • paulette February 24, 2017, 10:14 pm

    most women tend to be needy. this is a good post so women could understand better and avoid being TOO needy

  • leah February 22, 2017, 11:09 pm

    Wow, i am so guilty at this sometimes! My boyfriend might even say “all the time” lol!

  • Sherlie February 21, 2017, 1:41 am

    The mindset that a relationship is something you can “have” ends up making you desperate to “keep” it. Drop this mindset and instead enjoy the quality of the time you spend with him.
    -sums it up :)

  • jessie February 16, 2017, 2:23 pm

    not everyone who’s needy is necessarily suffering fear of loss. i think as women, we tend to be attached too much and we want thing work out especially our relationships.

  • phoebe February 14, 2017, 7:16 pm

    i don’t know, i just can’t help it. i scan care less but most of the time i seem to be needy.

  • nelia February 13, 2017, 7:52 pm

    i just got the answer and yes, i’m a bit being needy especially now that he’s become more occupied with office work :'(

  • jannel February 9, 2017, 7:12 pm

    wow, i am indeed needy. haha
    guess i need to read more of your posts to be successful in my love life

  • sammy February 7, 2017, 4:29 pm

    i don’t really have to ask, i know i am needy most of the time. but it’s my way of feeling secure and loved. im not sure i can do this!

  • olivia February 6, 2017, 4:21 pm

    oh gosh, im so guilty of this! i see myself in every situation and it’s funny how it directly describes me as a girlfriend. lol

  • ava February 2, 2017, 2:11 pm

    this article is an eye-opener… thanks!

  • shaina January 31, 2017, 10:25 pm

    whew, this is so me! can’t help it especially when i feel like he’s not giving me enough attention. guess i need to learn how to understand him better.

  • darla January 30, 2017, 9:30 pm

    i agree, it will ruin your relationship when both parties do not understand each other’s needs… good thing there’s site like this that brings interesting & helpful topics.

  • karenina January 24, 2017, 1:40 pm

    most of the time we want men to understand our “needs” but what happens is we exercise too much on our neediness that we tend to be so demanding and men do not appreciate that.

  • melissa January 23, 2017, 3:30 pm

    this is what usually happens in a relationship when both parties do not understand each other’s needs.

  • Jamie January 21, 2017, 2:09 pm

    What happens if you’re needy but also bring something to the table? I mean is it wrong to compromise?
    My husband smokes weed and I feel like that’s more of a priority and it shows in his action. So am i just not supposed to say anything and keep doing things for him and me not get anything in return? I don’t know what to do

  • carolina January 20, 2017, 11:57 pm

    this will ruin everything for you. be careful you might not realize you’re becoming too needy, men do not like this.

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