Understanding neediness is so important for sustaining a happy, healthy relationship.
Why? Because neediness can ruin budding relationships (so that they end before they could even really begin), ruin long-term relationships and generally send men running away.
What is neediness?
Neediness means that you don’t know what to do with yourself when the man you want does not respond to you in a certain way.
Neediness means you sit and analyze whether or not you should send a text now or later, why he is not responding and drive yourself crazy over it.
Neediness is going out of your way to “fix” the relationship and “push” to make things work out even if things are clearly not headed in a positive direction. It doesn’t matter because in your mind, you have to push through and won’t be able to be happy without him.
The heart of neediness is not feeling ok without another person, not feeling like your life is going to turn out well or be happy. Thinking that your happiness lies in the hands of another person is the neediest mindset you can possibly have. And it’s a huge turn off to men.
Men do not want to feel like they are your life jacket, your floatation device to keep you from drowning. What men want in a relationship is a woman who brings something to the relationship.
When you are needy, you look to the other person to fulfill you and bring joy into your life instead of looking to yourself for this.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
How To Tell If You’re Being Needy And Exactly How To Stop
What’s at the core of neediness? How can you get rid of it so that you don’t accidentally drive away the man you want? Being needy isn’t something you do it’s an inner thought process you have. It’s a way of thinking not a set of behaviors you can imitate. How do you fix it? You recognize that neediness stems from fear of loss. Fear of loss is what you must get rid of if you want to stop being needy. Fear of loss means you feel you “have” something with him that you are terrified of losing. The problem is, you cannot “have” or “possess” a relationship or a person.
What’s at the core of neediness? How can you get rid of it so that you don’t accidentally drive away the man you want?
more: Am I Being Needy?
The mindset that a relationship is something you can “have” ends up making you desperate to “keep” it. Drop this mindset and instead enjoy the quality of the time you spend with him. Do not fixate on outcomes. Focus on the present and you will finally stop the cycle of neediness once and for all.
Here’s a good question to ask yourself when trying to determine if your response to a particular situation with a guy is needy:
Did he make me a promise that he would do something and then bailed? Or is your reaction coming from a place of “I want him to do this because it will _____ (make me happy, make me feel good, make life ok, make him my official boyfriend/husband). The list could go on.
Try to keep yourself in check and recognize if you are falling into needy patterns.
One other point to mention is… realize you are choosing to be in the relationship. No one is shoving the relationship down your throat, forcing you to be involved.
Always Keep Your Options Open
First of all, if you are in a committed relationship, I am not saying to go cheat and flirt with a bunch of other men. What I am saying is recognize that you are choosing this guy but if you wanted to, you could choose another.
If you are not official, then always keep your options open and actively meet other men. Never assume you two are anything until he officially locks you down. This saves you from the destructive path of trying to get him to commit by acting as if you’re already his girlfriend even though no promise has even been made.
This is a recipe for disaster. If he already has everything he wants… why take action and make things more serious?
Anyway, I hope you know I am not trying to criticize and simply trying to help you. If you have any questions, leave in the comments below.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…