You might be in a situation with a man who used to text you back right away before, but as time has gone by, things seemed to have changed.
What once felt exciting and happy is now turning into confusion, frustration and anxiety about why he isn’t responding to you. The more he ignores you, the less confident you feel in the future of your relationship (or whatever it is you have) with him.
This issue of men and texting is a topic that so many women write to me about… and there are some reasons for this.
The truth about men and texting is… men and women have some very different views on texting, which I will cover later on in this article.
Before I continue this article, though, I have to begin with a disclaimer: it is going to be extremely honest and might come across as offensive. I don’t mean to be offensive and am not trying to hurt your feelings.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I am telling you this stuff in order to help you actually understand a man’s perspective.
First, let’s look at the possible reasons a man will text back and some of the common reasons he won’t. Afterward, I am going to explain some mindset shifts that will make him more likely to text back, give your relationship the best chance of succeeding and then finally give you specific tips and tricks that will increase the chance of him texting you back.
Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Why Isn’t He Texting You Back?
The Reasons Why A Man Does Or Doesn’t Text Back
Possible reasons a man won’t text back:
- He is busy doing something else (consumed in work, with friends, a social situation, watching a tv show, anything…)
- You have texted him multiple times in a row and he feels if he responds he will have to engage in a long conversation
- He is not interested in the conversation and feels do need to reply
- He is not interested anymore and is trying to send you the message without being hurtful or directly telling you (this is if you are not in an official relationship)
- If you are in a relationship, he might just be comfortable and not feel the need to “impress” with constant texting anymore
Possible reasons a man will text you back:
- Your text is adding something fun and happy to his life
He has the free time to respond and isn’t engaged in something else
- He feels no pressure to respond he simply wants to
- Something that turns him on / is sexy
- It’s something urgent that needs a response
So how do you make it so that he does want to text you back? (or at least, increase the chances of him being more consistent with his texting?)
How To Make A Man Text You Back
First of all…
Drop the Neediness
Neediness means that you “need” him to respond in order to feel ok. This is a mindset that will sabotage your relationship with any man more than you can even imagine.
Neediness is an internal mindset and not being needy is not something that you can fake. This is not me saying you are a bad person for feeling this way, it is very common.
I am bringing it up because it is going to simply push him away and make him less and less likely to respond to your texts (and even worse, hurt your relationship).
When You Text Him, Have A Happy & Comfortable State of Mind
You might as well assume the best case scenario and think of your relationship you have with him from a positive state of mind.
When you have a happy, comfortable state of mind, this inner mindset will come across in your texts to him.
This is not something you can fake, it has to be genuine.
This will make him more likely to want to respond. Men are naturally attracted to happy women. If you come from this place, he will be much more inclined to reply.
Try Sending A Text You Know Will Make Him Feel Good
For example, if you send him a sexy text message… most men… I would go as far as to say 99% of men are delighted by sexy texts (whether this is something he specifically did or said that turned you on, something you want to do with/to him, a sexy picture of yourself…)
I am not saying that the only way to get a man to text back is by being “sexy…” I am saying this because, well, it is true but the reason behind it is not because all men are “dogs” or horrible people.
The reason is because your focus is on giving him something rather than expecting him to give you something.
This is a secret a lot of women actually do not know about men. Men walk around feeling like they are always having to “perform”, to give their time and energy and to be something for someone else.
So if you catch him off guard with a text that is simply intended to make him feel good, he will appreciate that.
It does not have to be a sexy text; it can be anything, as long as it has the vibe behind it of you not expecting anything from him but simply wanting to make him feel good and happy.
This brings me to my next point. Texting is not necessarily a good way to judge whether your relationship is on track and to figure out whether his feelings for you run deep.
How do you figure out whether he has strong feelings for you?
By looking at how much of his time he gives you and how much of his true self he shows you.
If he takes off the mask he wears to the world when he is around you and talks to you about vulnerable and honest topics he does not discuss with anyone else or with only a select few people… this is how you can judge how he feels about younot the way and amount of texting he engages in.
Focus on The Quality of Time You Spend With Him And Less on Texting
What you can do to make your relationship have the highest chance of succeeding, your best bet is to focus on the quality of the time you spend with him and making it as good as possible.
This ties into what I mentioned in the beginning… how men and women have a fundamental difference in how they view texting.
Before you get angry at me and say I am being sexist, let me say this: I am referring to most men and most women, the patterns I have seen. I am not saying that men do not wonder why a woman is not texting back; this is not true at all.
There have been many times where I was sitting waiting by the phone, my heart skipping a beat each time my phone ding went off hoping it was a specific woman…
But despite this, I can tell you… before I became a dating and relationship “expert” and had literally tons of women send me messages asking specifically about texting, I really wasn’t aware of how big of an issue texting actually is to many women.
There are even situations where a man will be in a relationship with a woman and he thinks everything is ok and thinks there is nothing wrong, meanwhile the woman is anxious and confused trying to “figure out” what is “going on” in his head…
Men tend to be more single-minded in terms of focus and view texting as more functional rather than something that needs to happen all day.
I am not saying you want him to text you all day; but one common reason why a man might not respond is because they feel it will create an expectation that he has to reply all day in a constant conversation.
more: Infographic: The Biggest Reasons Men Don’t Text Back: What Men Want You To Know
So realize that he might not even know that you are upset by his texting habits. This is why focusing on the quality of the time you spend with him is much more important when it comes to fixing your situation than trying to get him to text back.
If you have fun together and have a good rapport, this is what will create a good relationship (or if you are not in a relationship, it will make him want to spend more time with you).
With that said, I am still going to give you some general tips and tricks to consider when it comes to texting him that might make him more likely to text back.
General Texting Tips And Tips
What Not To Do:
- Don’t text him over and over again even when he is not responding
- Don’t accuse him of being cruel or insult his character by implying that he is doing something “bad” by not responding to you
- Don’t send him long paragraphs over and over again
- Don’t expect or need a response in return
What To Do:
- Send him happy, light-hearted and possibly even sexy texts
- Ask something specific that he can respond to
- Focus on happy, positive or even romantic and nostalgic memories you have with him (like a song that reminds you of him, a tv show, a situation…)
- Have fun and relax; be playful and laugh at life
There you go… I hope this article helps you understand what to do to make a man more likely to text you back.
All of this comes down to his ‘interest” in you. If he’s not he may be distancing himself from you or pulling away from the connection you had so if you want to make sure you don’t lose him I think it’s very important for you to read this: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s not texting you back on purpose? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Why Isn’t He Texting You Back” Quiz right now and find out whether he’s not texting you back on purpose…
Take The Quiz: Why Isn’t He Texting You Back?
How To Get A Guy To Text You Back
- Drop any neediness you might be feeling
- When you text him, be in a comfortable relaxed state of mind
- Try sending him a text you know will make him feel good
- Add something fun and happy to your situation with him when you text him
- Don’t pressure him to respond to your text