What do men think of neediness?

Man Decoder: What Do Men Think Of Neediness?

Question: I’ve been seeing to a guy for the past 6 months. When things started out, everything was great. He would call me first and ask me if I wanted to go out and it felt like he would always make time for me. Now it feels like I have to get in touch with him first if I want to spend time with him and he always takes his sweet time to reply. (Sometimes I have to text him more than once just to get a reply!) I’m just getting sick of being the one who has to make all the effort to spend time together. He’s even bailed on plans with me at the last minute a few times. He still shows signs of liking me and he does still text me first… sometimes. I just want him to put more effort into our relationship. Am I being reasonable? Or am I being needy?

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How Neediness Will Kill Your Love Life

I know what it’s like to obsess over neediness because women ask me this all the time. (And as a guy, it’s embarrassing to admit but it’s happened to me as well.) I was dating a really nice woman named Abbie a few years back. She would send me teasing texts and really playful messages and she was just fun to be around until… We were planning a date for the next night when my phone died, so I left it to charge and did some chores around my apartment in the meantime. I passed by my phone and remembered the conversation we were having, so I took a break and turned the phone on.

I was instantly bombarded by about a dozen (no exaggeration) text messages from this woman.
“Where did you go?” “Are you ok? “Are we still on for tomorrow?” “Did I do something?” “Can you please call me? Hello???” “Oh, okay I see how it is. Thanks for ignoring me.”Yes, it definitely is.

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However, I know a lot of women are still confused on what it really means to be needy and what neediness actually is. The truth about neediness is that it’s very sneaky. You may be coming off as needy without even realizing it!

So how can you define when you are being needy in a relationship? If a guy breaks a specific promise to you, then you have every right to be upset. After all, he said he was going to do something and he didn’t follow through on his word.

 
However, in the case of Abbie and I, no promises were broken. I made a commitment about a specific event at a specific time. I hadn’t promised I would text her back in the next few minutes.

Here’s What Men Think Of Neediness

If you’re getting stressed out and worried about a guy not acting in a particular way that you want him to, that is the definition of neediness. Neediness is an inner feeling, a mindset if you will. And getting worked up over not having constant communication with a guy is a huge sign of neediness in a relationship. Neediness is a state of mind that will cripple the quality of your relationship and set you on a path of disappointment and constant worry.

what men think of neediness

When a woman emotionally depends on a guy for her happiness and fulfillment, she unintentionally pushes him away from her and sabotages the relationship.

All the pressure and emotional dependency actually smothers the happiness and life right out of the relationship! The only thing you have to do to avoid falling into this fatal, relationship destroying trap is take time to love yourself for you who are and enjoy other things in life besides just focusing on your relationship. In a way, focusing on yourself actually is the secret key to having an amazing love life.

Not only that, women who are happy and fulfilled in their own lives appear far more attractive to men than women who aren’t! The happy vibe you give off actually increases your guy’s attraction to you and makes him feel happy when he’s around you. All in all, you can’t go wrong with focusing on yourself first, and taking your relationship in stride and enjoying it for what it is in the moment.

Take this shockingly accurate quiz to find out if you’re REALLY meant to be together forever: www.vixendaily.com/are-you-meant-to-be-quiz/

Questions? Comments? Experiences with this stuff? Leave them now. I always read and answer as many questions as I possibly can. I would love to help you with your relationship problems and struggles.

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13 comments… add one
  • Sue September 7, 2016, 12:26 pm

    I feel like after dating my boyfriend seven months, where he calls and texts first daily and plans our one night a week date nights, and basically controls all the seeing each other time, I should be allowed to be a little vulnerable and tell him I need to see him more, not every day, but twice a week would be nice, even if it’s just stopping by for dinner, going out to Bfast, etc. I have two kids at home, we both work and have full lives outside of each other, but I don’t want to stay at this one night a week thing forever. I want to share a life with a partner. I never had to ask another man for attention, my ex husband and I never had this issue, we just kind of naturally enmeshed our lives over time, so it was out of my comfort zone, but I want to be real with him at this point. I was hard to get and am high value. He is not very open emotionally but awesome guy. I always tell him how much I respect him. I want the relationship to keep moving forward and if it’s not, maybe we want different things. This is something we both said we wanted, to keep moving forward, so it’s not a surprise. After I told him that, he started pulling away, got clearly uncomfortable, so I told him I don’t want to pressure him, but if I’m going to be in an exclusive relationship I need to see that person more or keep my options open, that I love him and there isn’t anyone else, but I should be able to tell boyfriend how I feel. Didn’t mean he has to feel same way. I don’t want to put pressure on our relationship, which apparently I did, so I said maybe we should take a break. Now I’m sad. We never had a disagreement before. He was always so adoring towards me. Now he looks scared and anxious. I’m sad and miss him. I’m just a girl. I like closeness and contact. I’m not clingy. I love my space, too. Was this too needy?? Could he be a love avoidant?

  • audrey July 30, 2016, 7:44 am

    I like this very much and wish this type of information could be taught in the classroom starting in grade 7 and up.

    I have a middle aged man in my life which I have concidered as my domestic partner, The deep problem was his adult son which I consider a Dracula 9 He watches the most violent videos,cyber bully, vile language and disrespect coupled with burst of rage against his father, and tries to think of me as a series of one night stands. How vile is this. His father took away his car, told him to leave
    if he doesn’t like this. The last threat ,was to come up stairs to rape me to get me to leave , He wants me to leave Marc in Fear.
    I am a security guard. He could not get us to budge and he solicitated his best 2 male friends to engage in destroy his father’s life and happiness.
    Marc is an international trucker .
    I helped him get a house . I paid for the re decoration of this new home .
    I have investment into this relationship since 2014 and Marc too.
    I am a true and loving partner and he has been torn between his adult son
    and me since 2014. I have reported him to the police because ‘; I would like togo upstairs and beat her while she is asleep. Dad will never believe her! Fear mongering. It backfired in his face. The last round was when he was on the phone in the middle of the night,, talking about raping me toget me permanently gone, came up syairs with nothing on but his underwear m and glaring at me . I was awake and fully dressed and had dog spray repellant in my pocket. He told his father I made this up. What do you suggest. I did phone my doctor and his doctors office . Why would a man think I would ever make this up. He also feined legal documents, pretended he was beneficiary and used a company form , he failed to understand that this was not a sworn document.
    How far does this animal go to get his own way, control his father , and drive away the person he loves. He has been relentless- I have been un-moveable or shaken. I do believe he would have tried to rape me that morning or this was a dress rehearsal sans clothes. I sat at dining room table and kept on doing my on line course and did not show any reaction at all. He was getting ready for it though. He stinks, his clothes are all on the floor . He is in opposition and very defiant all the time.

  • Gladys April 12, 2015, 12:36 pm

    Well, this can be the end of a good relationship if you are going to be too needy. Adults should be able to take care of themselves and when you are showing neediness, it can be very unattractive to men.

  • Gladis March 25, 2015, 12:42 pm

    There has to be a man out there that has no problem at all dealing with a woman’s “neediness”, don’t you think? Men are generally very centered, but I guess if I couldn’t do things on my own, I would think he might react to my neediness in a bad way.

    • Goran April 9, 2015, 9:09 pm

      Of course there are men that will “deal” with it. For me, there is a line and I hate that it might be crossed due to neediness of my girlfriend. It wouldn’t be the straw that breaks the camels back, but it will weigh a ton.

  • Dennis March 21, 2015, 10:26 am

    I am thinking that this post would go very good with the reasons that men will not text back. If a woman is going to be texting all of the time, it would appear they are more needy than some men can handle.

  • KingJean99 March 19, 2015, 11:57 am

    Well, some guys might be able to handle it. I think it would be up to the guy to let his lady know if she is being too needy, right? If he cannot help her with that, then she might NEED to find someone that can fill her NEEDS.

  • Brendon M. March 2, 2015, 10:39 pm

    lol yea women need to stop being so needy! if she sends me 500 texts in a row shes getting sent 2 the curb lol

    • Christopher March 20, 2015, 12:10 pm

      Wow, you would wait for 500 texts in a row? LOL. If I cannot get a text in edge wise within the first 5, I am done at that point!

  • Nancy D. February 17, 2015, 10:11 pm

    This. A million times this article. I wish every woman in the world would read this article because this is the most important thing that women are dealing with every single day. Honestly I have so many friends that have so much trouble in their love lives, can’t keep a boyfriend around, have fights, anger, and bad relationships, all because of the pressure they put on the relationship right at the beginning. If more women knew how great a relationship could be when there’s no pressure the world would be such a better place.

  • Bethany P. February 4, 2015, 7:09 pm

    I hate the feeling I get when I’m worried about him cheating on me. I hate feeling like my world is ending. I hate feeling like he’s going to leave me as soon as I see him. I hate the feeling I get when he doesn’t text back. I hate that I get so scared when he doesn’t answer his phone.

    How do I get rid of this feeling?

  • Franchesca January 21, 2015, 8:17 pm

    I think I ruined my relationship thanks to this. I hate reading this right now, nodding my head… knowing in my heart that I basically did everything wrong.

    I guess I get upset when I try to figure out what the status of my relationship is, but then get shot down. And when I get shot down, it’s like there;s this weird feeling I get that makes me want to ask again and again. I don’t know. I guess I need reassurance? Or some kind of comforting words?

    What should I do if I was needy (i hate actually admitting this, but i’ve even shown up at his house at random times and driven by his house to see if his car was really gone)……….

    SO how do I fix this?

    • Varesha April 3, 2015, 4:36 pm

      I am really sorry to hear this. Being so needy can come with a price, but it would appear that you just found the wrong guy, one that cannot handle it. They are out there, but in the meantime, I would look for some self help books you could read!

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