He Is Distant: How To Bring Him Back (Exactly What To Do)

He Is Distant: How To Bring Him Back (Exactly What To Do)

Here’s how to bring him back if he’s acting cold, distant or withdrawn completely.

Have you ever been in a relationship where everything is great for a while, but then he just starts distancing himself, emotionally? It’s confusing and distressing, and the knee-jerk reaction is to freak out.

But freaking out will 100% make it worse, so that’s not the solution, here. Your increasingly desperate emotional outbursts will push him even farther away from you. So, you know you can make him pull away, but can you also bring him back?

Yes, you can!

But in order to figure out how, you first have to think about what is causing him to act like this, what he is feeling, and how you can undo the damage.

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Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can get your ex back or if he’s gone for good…

MORE: Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing

Why Is He Distancing Himself?

You can definitely feel that things have been different lately, but still, he insists that there is nothing wrong and he is not feeling strange, in any way. That, in itself, is a problem. Here’s why he might be avoiding this discussion:

  • He’s stressed out about other stuff – Think about other aspects of his life – are they at all stressful? His family? His work? Maybe this isn’t about you at all, and actually about him withdrawing because he’s going through something.
  • He’s confused about his feelings – Feelings aren’t static, so they change and transform all the time. He knows he’s feeling… different, but he doesn’t know how or why just yet, so he’s taking some time to figure himself out.
  • He doesn’t want you to overreact – There’s something on his mind, but it’s not a huge problem and he doesn’t want you to make a big deal out of it or start a fight. He’s trying to figure out how to tell you.

MORE: How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back

Here Is Why He Is Pushing You Away

He feels like you are putting pressure on him to settle down

It’s important for guys to be able to feel independent and free, even while they’re in a relationship. That doesn’t mean that he wants to be free to spend intimate time with other ladies, but that he needs to feel in control of his own life, just like you.

And that need of independence can quickly turn into restlessness, resentment, and fear when the woman he’s with won’t stop pressuring him into settling down. Let’s move in together! Let’s get married! Let’s have children! Let’s join the family! Let’s buy a house!

These are all major life decisions and he wants to arrive at them independently. And that’s what you should want, too. I know you’re excited and that you might be getting impatient and anxious about running out of time, but think about it – do you want a guy to get serious with you against his will, because you pressured him, or because HE wants you?

MORE: Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back

He’s not as into you as he thought he was

When relationships work out, that’s great. But sometimes, after that initial period of butterflies and giggles, and animalistic sex, things just don’t feel… right, or like they’re enough to keep you together.

At times, it happens that we think we’re into someone, only to realize, months later, that we were mistaken. The match is not fulfilling, and we need to reconsider the entire relationship. Just like it happens to you, it can happen to him.

And if he is having these feelings, then it’s natural for him to withdraw in order to sort out what he is thinking and feeling. Is he just scared? Does he like you? Does he want to be with you?

If you want to improve your chances during this time, you’ll leave him alone to sort himself out. He’ll come around eventually. If you push and prod, and question him incessantly, however, that will make his decision to leave that much easier.

MORE: How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You

He feels like you take everything too seriously

If there is one thing that turns men off and scares them away is when women seem to be very emotional, for reasons they do not understand. He feels like you take a lot of things very seriously and are always thinking about the future and where the relationship is going, and he’s just trying to enjoy himself, and enjoy you and what you have together.

Think about it like this – it’s normal to want to know whether you have a future together or not, especially if you have personal goals like marriage or children, but don’t forget to live in the moment, enjoy each other and don’t push for steps you are not ready for, as a couple. You have to crawl before you can walk, so maybe start by asking for a drawer at his place and staying overnight during the weekends before planning to move in together.

And if he is not ready for something and you get upset and cry, or yell, or pick a fight… he’s going to get scared of that and pull away. He doesn’t want drama and he doesn’t want someone who will have what he views as an emotional breakdown every time he asks to go slowly.

MORE: Why He’s Acting Distant All Of A Sudden (and What To Do About It)

How Can You Bring Him Back?

But if he’s started pulling away from you, can you undo whatever caused this emotional separation? Can you make him want to come back, and actually bring him even closer than he was before?

Yes, you can, indeed. But it will never be by calling incessantly, texting, or showing up at his door. It won’t be with “I love you” messages, and it won’t be with crying in his voicemails asking why he won’t talk to you.

What you need to do is take the time to understand what makes him tick. The basic concept is excessively simple, actually:

The more you push, the more he pulls away.

That’s it, that’s all you need to know. The cycle goes like this: he distances himself emotionally, you panic and cling closer to him to try to get him to close the gap again, and he, in turn, pulls even further away.

MORE: How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Forever: Everything You Need to Know

Instead of reacting emotionally, think about it logically: why does someone pull away? In a relationship? On the bus? While sitting on a sofa?

Because they need space. Physical or emotional.

And what happens, logically, when someone fails to respect this space, and insists on getting closer to the person who pulled away? The person will pull even further away, because – and listen to this part carefully – he still needs the space he took in the first place!

It makes sense, right? His need doesn’t go away, just because you chased him into his corner.

MORE: Why Men Pull Away and How to Pull Them Back

So, in order to not actively push him even farther away, all you need to do is respect his space. That’s it. Don’t do anything. Don’t react. Don’t cry, yell, or even pout. Don’t ask questions. Just let him be, while you go about your own business. Your life doesn’t stop here.

Once he’s had the time and space he needs to figure himself out, he a) will appreciate that you were a well-adjusted adult and respected his needs, and b) will come back to you feeling more confident in his choice and in himself.

He will now actually be ready for whatever commitment he makes to you, because he’s had time to think about it and about what he wants from this relationship. He will feel good about committing to you, because he wants it and he is proud of it. He made the decision, and you are the woman that he picked. He doesn’t have doubts.

Now, doesn’t that make you feel a thousand times better about yourself than nagging him to death about committing, and him reluctantly following suit?

MORE: If Your Man’s Confused, Cold Or Distant – Turn Things Around Fast!

This article shows you what to do if you sense him pulling away, now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…

The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…

Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?

30 comments… add one
  • lori November 16, 2018, 6:13 pm

    this is an eye-opener for me. good thing i can still undo whatever caused our emotional separation.

  • janine November 14, 2018, 5:02 pm

    The more you push, the more he pulls away – this is very true. we should respect a man’s space. i’ve learned from my experiences. i know better now.

  • tracy November 12, 2018, 5:35 pm

    i am really feeling like the fire has gone out of our relationship. it is obvious that he is pulling away. i don’t want to lose my man. i love him with all my heart. will follow your tips so i could bring him close again.

  • abby November 8, 2018, 5:34 pm

    yes! i should believe in myself! i can bring my back! i am so lucky i found this article.

  • hayley October 30, 2018, 6:39 pm

    very useful blog! i love your tips and i am pretty sure that they could turn things around quickly.

  • rish October 29, 2018, 1:26 pm

    give him enough space, in the mean time you focus on yourself and have fun.
    even try to date. when he hears about it, he’ll feel a bit of jealousy and he’ll try to win you back. sometimes, or most often that’s the easiest thing to make a man realize how much a woman means to him.

  • claudia October 27, 2018, 7:33 pm

    this is my situation right now. i know my guy is confused about his feelings. like what this post mentioned, feelings aren’t static, so they change and transform all the time. i hope he’ll figure himself out the soonest.

  • karen October 24, 2018, 1:19 pm

    give him space. more often, men need the space to think clearly because something may be bothering them. it may not always be about you, but it’s something important he has to do it so he can deal with the relationship better.

  • nikki October 23, 2018, 7:26 pm

    great! now i know exactly what to do. very timely post! i will never entertain negative thoughts about this one. only positive vibes! i know i can bring him back! wish me luck.

  • bianca October 22, 2018, 1:17 pm

    you can always try to make him come back. but just as mentioned here, do not try to flood him with text messages or calls, not even social media stalking. men needs to know they are trusted by their woman.

  • ofelia October 19, 2018, 1:02 pm

    as for me, it depends on why and how bad really things between us have gone. if i think they’re worth the try, i will. but if there’s just too much bad things, like stress and pressure..i won’t even dare thinking about getting him back.

  • journey October 18, 2018, 6:12 pm

    you are so right. i have to think first about what is causing him to act like this. i should know what he is feeling and what are the things i can do to fix the damage.

  • danielle October 17, 2018, 1:36 pm

    try to figure out why he’s become distant. if he isn’t that into you, don’t even try to force him to stay because it will not work. if he thinks you’re taking things too seriously, try to talk to him and come up with a decision together. compromise is key.

  • kerry October 16, 2018, 6:17 pm

    my guy is acting distant all of a sudden but i am not panicking because i know it can’t help and will just make the situation worse. good thing i found this article. will read it thoroughly and hope it could help with my current situation.

  • laurilyn October 15, 2018, 12:31 pm

    i think it’s really simple: “The more you push, the more he pulls away”. do not force things to happen because if they’re meant to, they will happen without you even lifting a finger.

  • charmaine October 12, 2018, 7:41 pm

    yeah, a man will distance himself if he is not sure about his feelings for you. give him time to figure out his feelings and he’ll surely come back once he realized that he really loves you.

  • tracy October 10, 2018, 7:20 pm

    now i have a better understanding of why men pull away and how we could bring them back. definitely a good read. it is worth sharing. thanks.

  • caroline October 9, 2018, 12:54 pm

    when a guy pulls away, the best thing to do is not overthink. just keep your calm and try to think about why he might be distant. try to understand his situation than be reactive and make such a big issue out if it.

  • nanette October 8, 2018, 6:18 pm

    respect his space – this sounds very easy but it is not in reality. if this is the only way to bring him back, then i am more than ready to do it.

  • bettina October 5, 2018, 9:50 pm

    first of all, don’t force things between him and you. if he needs space, give it to him. but do these steps and he’ll slowly come back to you.

  • amalia October 4, 2018, 5:08 pm

    it is very painful when the man you love suddenly goes cold and distant. i experienced this a year ago and i was really devastated. i just stayed positive and hoped that things will get back the way they used to be and they actually did!

  • isobel October 3, 2018, 8:40 pm

    Sometimes a man undergoes pressure in life, family or career and they’d rather handle it on their own. Mainly because he doesn’t want you to overreact and be burdened by it. He knows when he can handle his issues so give him time and space, he’ll come through.

  • latisha October 2, 2018, 7:38 pm

    it is good to know that i can still bring my man back even if he’s withdrawn completely. this article gave me hope. thanks for sharing.

  • lovelyn October 1, 2018, 4:21 pm

    there are times when a man or even a woman would realize he is not as into you as he thought he was. if this is the case, i wouldn’t try to convince him otherwise. if he’s made his decision not to see you anymore, he must have thought about it a few times and that should be enough. just move on and wait for the right person to come.

  • emma September 27, 2018, 4:22 pm

    thank you so much for your advice. i know what to do now to bring my ex back and it is by taking the time to understand what makes him tick.

  • vivian September 26, 2018, 12:19 pm

    bring him back by being the same person he fell in love with. sometimes as relationships move faster, we tend to lose ourselves for the people we love. and becuase we want to please them, we tend to do things that causes harm than good.

  • rosie September 25, 2018, 4:33 pm

    my partner has been acting very cold lately and i am freaking out! i am afraid he would ask for space. it will really drive me crazy!

  • trudy September 24, 2018, 5:43 pm

    sometimes, relationships don’t go as well as they started. a man can feel like he doesn’t really want to be in one or he’s just not really into a woman. if he is, don’t force him to come back. it won’t go to well any way.

  • tiffany September 21, 2018, 6:04 pm

    my guy was stressed out about a lot of stuff reason why he chose to go distant. it hurts me so much because it seems like i cannot help him deal with it. i hope we can sort things out because i really love him so much.

  • dominique September 20, 2018, 7:21 pm

    sometimes i feel like my boyfriend is getting distant..but i realize it’s just a phase. he likes having space from time to time and we talked about it already. i believe it has made us even stronger.

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