He pulled away… will he come back?
One of the most annoying things men do is to push you away, seemingly for no reason. Everything is great, until it isn’t anymore and you find yourself on your own, waiting for days for a call from him. What the hell happened? And how can you close that space he’s put between the two of you?
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Why Do Men Push You Away?
In order to learn how to get the guy back, we need to think about the reasons why he may have pushed you away, in the first place. Is it because…
- He thinks you’re a red flag?
Something about your behavior alerted him to something he doesn’t like. It doesn’t matter what it was, but it spooked him, so he ran away. He might come back, he might not.
- He’s not that into you?
Have you ever gone out with a guy you weren’t crazy about, hoping it would get better, or just wanting to “give him a chance”? Sometimes men do that also, and it’s possible he just wasn’t all that into you, so he started distancing himself.
- He thought you were going too fast?
If he’s got commitment issues, then any step forward is going to spook him. It’s too much, too fast, and too serious for him, and he’s putting distance between you while he realizes if he wants to go further or not.
- You just weren’t compatible?
Be honest with yourself – was it really working? Were your problems minor, or major? Were you completely fulfilled? Or were you constantly fighting incompatibilities? If you felt it, he did, too.
- He is a jerk who only used you?
Listen, some guys are just complete a-holes. They use you for sex until they get bored, drop you like a hot potato, and move on. There isn’t really much more to it, it’s just best to move on and then never pick up the phone when he calls again.
- He realized he didn’t want a serious relationship?
We’ll go more in-depth with this one because this is the most common reason why a man may pull away or otherwise push you away. His behavior is so confusing to you – and to him, too, actually! – because he was so into it in the beginning.
He used to call and text a lot, and you’d see each other super often. But then, at some point, it’s like a switch flipped, and he stopped. That leaves you reeling, because it’s like a slap in the face. You thought everything was going fine; what happened?
I’ll tell you what happened – feelings and desires aren’t as clear-cut as we’d want them to be. And people change their minds. Sometimes, we think we want something, only to realize we don’t. That can happen to guys, sometimes. They dive in head-first, only to realize that it isn’t at all what they wanted.
The dates, and the talking, and the steps forward you were taking – he didn’t want them. And that’s a difficult position to be in. It’s confusing for him, because he has to sort out his feelings, and it’s hard to tell you that it’s not going as well as you thought it was.
It doesn’t help that when you feel that he’s distancing himself, your first instinct is to push more, to get closer, to cling to him because you’re scared of losing him. And that only pushes him further away, because it’s exactly what he was unhappy about.
How Do You Get Your Man Back?
1. Understand that this is normal
The first thing we need to discuss here is that it’s entirely normal for him to need to pull away for a bit sometimes. We all need some time apart and he’s clearly struggling with something if he needs a break from you. He is sorting his feelings out. This is a healthy distance he is taking, and you should understand and respect it, for the sake of both of you.
The worst thing you can do – for you and your relationship – is to freak out. Instead of stressing over this or over-reacting and thinking it’s the end of the world, just work on accepting it. Change your mindset around it; it’s not the beginning of the end, it’s a much-needed break that will allow you to stay together for a long time.
So, instead of bombarding him with calls and texts, just play it cool. He’s obviously pulled back, so it means he wants to be alone now. Give him that, and do your thing without wondering what this means for your relationship.
2. Keep your emotions in check
Your first impulse, when faced with the reality of a man who is pushing you away, is to get angry. You’re confused and you’re super frustrated – you thought everything was going fine! Why is he being like this?
You won’t find out if you call incessantly.
It’s perfectly fine to feel hurt, but you can’t go over-the-top, and especially not to him. Strong negative reactions will out you in a very negative and unflattering light. That won’t make him want to come running back to you, it will only push him away further.
Instead of jumping down his throat, practice offering support. Be kind, calm, understanding. Even happy. You’re so glad he called you! You love hearing his voice! You’ve missed him!
As opposed to: “How could you do this to me?”, “You’re horrible for doing this!”, “I can’t believe you abandoned me!”, “Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”, “Where were you?”, “Did you cheat on me?”.
The language and attitude above are very confrontational, and accusatory, and that’s going to send him running in the opposite direction. You catch more flies men with honey.
3. Give him space and he’ll come back
This is the most important step, which is why we’ve been talking about it. If you only take away one thing from this, it’s that you can’t be all up in his face during this time. The more you push, the more he is going to pull away, and that is not what you want.
When he pulls away, he wants to be independent. He’s trying to find himself again and figure himself out. He’s pushing you away because he wants to be alone, and in chasing after him immediately after you feel him pulling away, you are not allowing him the distance he craves. So, he’s only going to run farther.
Does that make sense?
The more you chase after him, the more he is going to distance himself, until he feels like he has sufficient space. And his definition of “sufficient space” is going to become broader with every clingy move on your part.
Give him the gift of independence and alone time. That gives him a chance to think about some things and even miss you. He’ll realize how great you are and how he is longing to be by your side again, precisely because you haven’t been constantly with him.
But if you never allow him this time, he’ll never get to have this realization, and instead will grow to resent you. Just set him free, give him the wiggle room he wants, and he’ll come right back to you.
As you can see, there are several reasons why men might pull away from you, but it doesn’t mean you can’t get your guy back. It all comes down to understanding why and what is happening, and then just allowing him to do his thing. Sometimes, the best action is inaction. Play it cool and he will want to come back.
This article shows you how to get him back after he pushed you away, now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…