He pulled away… will he come back?
One of the most annoying things men do is to push you away, seemingly for no reason. Everything is great, until it isn’t anymore and you find yourself on your own, waiting for days for a call from him. What the hell happened? And how can you close that space he’s put between the two of you?
MORE: Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing
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Why Do Men Push You Away?
In order to learn how to get the guy back, we need to think about the reasons why he may have pushed you away, in the first place. Is it because…
- He thinks you’re a red flag?
Something about your behavior alerted him to something he doesn’t like. It doesn’t matter what it was, but it spooked him, so he ran away. He might come back, he might not.
- He’s not that into you?
Have you ever gone out with a guy you weren’t crazy about, hoping it would get better, or just wanting to “give him a chance”? Sometimes men do that also, and it’s possible he just wasn’t all that into you, so he started distancing himself.
MORE: Exactly How To Get Your Ex Back In 5 Steps Guaranteed
- He thought you were going too fast?
If he’s got commitment issues, then any step forward is going to spook him. It’s too much, too fast, and too serious for him, and he’s putting distance between you while he realizes if he wants to go further or not.
- You just weren’t compatible?
Be honest with yourself – was it really working? Were your problems minor, or major? Were you completely fulfilled? Or were you constantly fighting incompatibilities? If you felt it, he did, too.
- He is a jerk who only used you?
Listen, some guys are just complete a-holes. They use you for sex until they get bored, drop you like a hot potato, and move on. There isn’t really much more to it, it’s just best to move on and then never pick up the phone when he calls again.
MORE: Exactly Why Men Pull Away And Then Come Back (And What To Do When He Does)
- He realized he didn’t want a serious relationship?
We’ll go more in-depth with this one because this is the most common reason why a man may pull away or otherwise push you away. His behavior is so confusing to you – and to him, too, actually! – because he was so into it in the beginning.
He used to call and text a lot, and you’d see each other super often. But then, at some point, it’s like a switch flipped, and he stopped. That leaves you reeling, because it’s like a slap in the face. You thought everything was going fine; what happened?
I’ll tell you what happened – feelings and desires aren’t as clear-cut as we’d want them to be. And people change their minds. Sometimes, we think we want something, only to realize we don’t. That can happen to guys, sometimes. They dive in head-first, only to realize that it isn’t at all what they wanted.
MORE: Why Men Pull Away In The Early Stages: How To Get Your New Guy Back
The dates, and the talking, and the steps forward you were taking – he didn’t want them. And that’s a difficult position to be in. It’s confusing for him, because he has to sort out his feelings, and it’s hard to tell you that it’s not going as well as you thought it was.
It doesn’t help that when you feel that he’s distancing himself, your first instinct is to push more, to get closer, to cling to him because you’re scared of losing him. And that only pushes him further away, because it’s exactly what he was unhappy about.
MORE: 7 Major Mistakes Women Make that Push Men Away
How Do You Get Your Man Back?
1. Understand that this is normal
The first thing we need to discuss here is that it’s entirely normal for him to need to pull away for a bit sometimes. We all need some time apart and he’s clearly struggling with something if he needs a break from you. He is sorting his feelings out. This is a healthy distance he is taking, and you should understand and respect it, for the sake of both of you.
The worst thing you can do – for you and your relationship – is to freak out. Instead of stressing over this or over-reacting and thinking it’s the end of the world, just work on accepting it. Change your mindset around it; it’s not the beginning of the end, it’s a much-needed break that will allow you to stay together for a long time.
So, instead of bombarding him with calls and texts, just play it cool. He’s obviously pulled back, so it means he wants to be alone now. Give him that, and do your thing without wondering what this means for your relationship.
MORE: Why Do Men Pull Away Then Come Back? The Real Reason
2. Keep your emotions in check
Your first impulse, when faced with the reality of a man who is pushing you away, is to get angry. You’re confused and you’re super frustrated – you thought everything was going fine! Why is he being like this?
You won’t find out if you call incessantly.
It’s perfectly fine to feel hurt, but you can’t go over-the-top, and especially not to him. Strong negative reactions will out you in a very negative and unflattering light. That won’t make him want to come running back to you, it will only push him away further.
Instead of jumping down his throat, practice offering support. Be kind, calm, understanding. Even happy. You’re so glad he called you! You love hearing his voice! You’ve missed him!
As opposed to: “How could you do this to me?”, “You’re horrible for doing this!”, “I can’t believe you abandoned me!”, “Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”, “Where were you?”, “Did you cheat on me?”.
The language and attitude above are very confrontational, and accusatory, and that’s going to send him running in the opposite direction. You catch more flies men with honey.
MORE: Why Men Pull Away And What To Do About It
3. Give him space and he’ll come back
This is the most important step, which is why we’ve been talking about it. If you only take away one thing from this, it’s that you can’t be all up in his face during this time. The more you push, the more he is going to pull away, and that is not what you want.
When he pulls away, he wants to be independent. He’s trying to find himself again and figure himself out. He’s pushing you away because he wants to be alone, and in chasing after him immediately after you feel him pulling away, you are not allowing him the distance he craves. So, he’s only going to run farther.
Does that make sense?
The more you chase after him, the more he is going to distance himself, until he feels like he has sufficient space. And his definition of “sufficient space” is going to become broader with every clingy move on your part.
Give him the gift of independence and alone time. That gives him a chance to think about some things and even miss you. He’ll realize how great you are and how he is longing to be by your side again, precisely because you haven’t been constantly with him.
But if you never allow him this time, he’ll never get to have this realization, and instead will grow to resent you. Just set him free, give him the wiggle room he wants, and he’ll come right back to you.
As you can see, there are several reasons why men might pull away from you, but it doesn’t mean you can’t get your guy back. It all comes down to understanding why and what is happening, and then just allowing him to do his thing. Sometimes, the best action is inaction. Play it cool and he will want to come back.
MORE: Why He Pulls Away When Falling In Love
This article shows you how to get him back after he pushed you away, now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
my boyfriend for 1 year in two months, he is not fully talking to me, we have in argue on January 6,2021, now he started communicated with me slowly not like before, anyway i am waiting for him to realize for us to go further with our relationship.
My guy works alot and i feel so lonely and seld centered it really frustrate me, and when hes moody and stressed of work he takes it out on me, but now i feel like cheating is it normal to feel this way..but i really love him unconditional…thanks for this tips ill keep myself happy in different ways till he have time for me and ill surprise him and make use of the short time well be together
Don’t date these guys. Beyond not hearing from him for a day or two, if he does this as a pattern he has issues. It’s normal to take some ME time, but not to treat you disrespectfully. And if he is ignoring you and your life, and only wants you when he wants you, Dump him.
I found that stating a boundary of “if I don’t hear from you after a few days I can’t do this. It isn’t respectful to me” is the first thing I do. If he can’t take a minute to say “I’m in my cave” after that, then I don’t want to deal with whatever he is going through because it isn’t respectful to me. He needs counseling and will probably keep doing this. Tell him he isn’t respecting your feelings by not giving you a heads up, and find a man who can communicate on a level that is compatible with you. Generally guys do this because they are either scared, emotionally immature or exploring other options. Neither work for me.
You are clearly the one here with severe issues and total lack of empathy. All you care about is yourself. No wonder men want to run away from you.
this is a well-thought write up and i love it. most of the time, women tend to do silly things to get a guy back. but in return, they get pushed farther away. men do not like to be controlled esp when they’re under serious pressure of troubles. just breathe and follow these tips.
great tips! knowing the actual reason why he’s pushed you away is important so you would know what you are supposed to do. just be positive and you’ll get a way to get him back.
i learned that the hardest thing to do whenever a man pulls away is to cope. what else did i learn? when a man pulls away, do nothing. this is very powerful. this behavior can actually save your relationship.
what happens usually when a man pushes a woman away is panic. a woman overthinks and overreacts, does not spare a single second to just be still and try to analyze things before reacting. it is absolutely normal for this to happen and i think this is the first important thing to remember.
if a man pushes you away, don’t ever try to convince him to come back. let him realize your worth. men are drawn to women who are happy with themselves.
This!!! When someone breaks up with you, as hard as it is just move on. Don’t be his friend, don’t take his calls/texts or emails. If you see him out be cordial if you’d like or just ignore each other but just let him go.
i believe in giving him space. when a man is feeling all stressed out and pressured with work, a family issue or anything that matters to him, he can be exhausted even to the point of pushing people away. if this is the case with your man, make a conscious effort to let him know you’re there for him but be willing to give him the space he needs as well.
i really messed up in our relationship and i admit that is the reason why my man pushed me away. i regret everything and i wanted to get him back and let him know how much i love him. will keep all your tips in mind.
you should try to understand the reason for the shift first so that you can learn how to handle the situation. this i learned from experience.
my trick on this is to remain calm. my mom told me that it is totally natural if a man is asking for space. i’ve learned a lot from her and i have a very happy relationship because i followed all of her advice.
i have dated guys who run hot and cold and i always thought the problem was me. i learned a lot from this article and reading the comments is also a great help.
there are a variety of reasons why men pull away but it is good to know that there are ways you can do to bring them back.
oh yes! i wanted to close the space he’s put between us so badly. i appreciate all your tips and will do whatever it takes just to get my man back .
if you truly love him, tell him. do not make promises you know you can’t keep and just be real. men do not want stressful relationships so do not complicate things.
i believe that giving a man some space can make him come back. when a man is exhausted, he may pull away or push you away. but when he realizes that you’re gone and you’re doing ok without him, that will make him think and it will surely turn things around.
it is very important to keep our emotions always in check. like what this article says, be kind, calm and understanding. if you do, your man will surely come back to you.
i don’t know about you…but if a guy pushed me away, i wouldn’t even bother getting back to him. i mean..women should know their worth and if a guy who seems bad enough to push you away, why would you put any effort to get him back? he clearly doesn’t like you around, so let him be and move on with your life being the best version of yourself and surround yourself with people that values you.
Yes! State your boundaries but don’t deal with someone who is constantly pushing you away or can’t communicate his needs. There is a difference between a time out and not giving you a heads up and disappearing. That isn’t respectful to you,
why would i want to get a guy back if he had pushed me away? this doesn’t make any sense to me. well maybe i am not the type of person who would not push myself to those who do not want me.
i don’t know about this. but if a guy pushed me away, i wouldn’t even dare try to get him back. you ask why? chances are, he’s going to do the same.
i am recently seeing a guy and i am so confused about what is happening. everything between us is going well but the more i became attached to him the more he seemed to pull away. i should do your tips right now.
give him some space. and that means no texting, calling, not even stalking his social media accounts. if you do this, he’d feel more trusted and more likely to come back to you.
will definitely use these techniques to get win back my man’s love. appreciate you taking the time to post this.
i enjoyed reading this. i’m not in this position at all but i really learned a lot. it really pays to check on yourself every now and then. thanks for sharing this.
the chances to reunite with my ex doesn’t look good. i guess he just used me. what a jerk.
this is my problem right now. he pushed me away but my love for him is really strong and i want to get him back. i will do everything i can just to be with him again. your tips would really help me. thanks.
Give him space and he’ll come back – i really hope that this works for me too. im going to try anything just to get my ex back. it’s only been 3weeks and im still hopeful.
i really want to get my ex back fast! our chances of reuniting look good and your tips will definitely help me a lot. i just couldn’t thank you enough for sharing this!
this is just awesome and what i really need! i will definitely follow your advice and will practice these.
i don’t like guys with commitment issues. if this is the reason for our breakup then there is no need for me to get him back if he pushes me away. it will be his lost and not mine.
if i got pushed away by a guy, i don’t think i would be wanting to get him back. i might even improve myself and get back at him just so i can give him a taste of his own medicine. haha!
my boyfriend was asking for space and i know that if i give to him, he will not come back to me. after reading this, i’ve decided to give what he was asking for and just hope for the best.