One of the hardest decisions you’ll have to make is whether or not to take him back after he already ended things with you.
Not only does it put you in a confusing situation, it’s also really frustrating. If my ex boyfriend wants me back after he dumped me, you bet I’d have to sit down and figure a few things out first.
You can’t just go running back into his arms like he’s the best thing on this earth without first weighing the options and facts first. Here’s what you should consider when deciding whether or not you should take him back after he dumped you.
Reasons you should get back together
So he dumped you. While that might suck, there could have been a real reason for it that’s forgivable. If any of the below describes you and your man, you may want to give things another shot.
1. It was a clean split
There was very little drama and things happened quickly. He said his piece and then left without being emotionally abusive or insulting you in any way.
This type of breakup just proves how much love and respect he does have for you. A guy who cares about you will make things as easy as possible when ending it.
Knowing that he wanted to make sure you didn’t go through such a rough time bodes well for his feelings for you and it’s a sign you could be able to work things out and get back together.
2. His reasons were understandable
Breakups happen. Sometimes a guy will have commitment issues and other times the timing is what sucks.
The point is, he may have broken up with you for reasons he thought were sound and then later realized he’d rather work through the issues so he can keep you in his life.
So sit down and question him a little bit. See why he ended things.
If you feel the reasons he ended things made sense and were understandable, it’ll be easier to work through together. Go ahead and give it a shot if this was the case.
3. Your relationship was previously healthy
Think about the state of your relationship before the breakup. While a lot of people have issues leading up to a breakup, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship itself wasn’t healthy.
Were you two caring and respecting toward each other? Did he appreciate you and what you did for him and vice versa?
A healthy relationship is much easier to get back into after a breakup. Plus that just goes to show that he truly does care for you and that might make it simpler for you to overlook the fact that he dumped you.
4. You can forgive him
Being dumped is serious. You went through the heartbreak and longing and buckets of ice cream. That can be really hard to forgive and forget.
So if you really want to get back together with him, you’ll have to decide if you can get over the fact that he left you.
Are you the type of person who holds onto things forever, or is it easy for you to throw it behind you and move on? You’ll really have to do some self-reflecting and decide if the way and reason he dumped you is reasonable enough for you to forgive.
If not, you just can’t take him back. You’ll end up resenting him for leaving you in the first place and, worse, you’ll bring it up when you have arguments.
That will only lead to a toxic relationship.
5. You still have feelings for him
This is usually the case if he dumped you. Otherwise, you’d have left him before he got the chance. But, occasionally, he leaves and you realize your life is better off without him.
If that happens, you obviously shouldn’t get back together. Your feelings still have to be intact in order for the relationship to work once you mend your problems.
So think about how you truly feel about him. Do you still want him in your life and does he still add value to it? Are you still in love with him?
This isn’t the most important factor when deciding if you should take him back after he dumped you because you can still love him and should never get back together. Take this into account but make sure the other reasons above still hold true.
Reasons to make your peace and move on from him
Sometimes you just can’t let yourself be with someone who dumped you. These are some of the reasons you should accept the breakup and move on for good.
1. He cheated and dumped you for someone else
He doesn’t get to pick and choose when to have you in his life. And the more you keep going back to him after he dumped you to have a temporary fling with someone else, the more likely it is he’ll keep doing it.
And then there’s the fact that he cheated or wanted to be with someone else. Does he really even want to be with you?
What many men do is break up in order to get with other women and still consider it “not cheating.” Then they go running back into the arms of their ex so they’re never alone.
Don’t get back together with a guy like that. If he left you for someone else, then he can go running back to them. He can’t have his cake and eat it.
You’ve got to have more self-respect than to let a guy walk all over you in this manner.
2. It was an ugly breakup
Think about how he dumped you. Was it over a text? Did he even give you a good reason for it? This says an awful lot about the type of guy he is and what he truly thought of you.
A good breakup is one where he sat you down and discussed the reasons he no longer wanted to be together. If he just called it quits and was even insulting you or blaming everything on you, he doesn’t respect you.
Why would you want to be with someone who has such little respect for you that he’d dump you over a single text?
Do better for yourself and forget all about him. He’s not worth your time, let alone your heart.
3. He was emotionally or physically abusive
Any abuse should be a red flag. He may have dumped you, but that was a good thing for you.
But now he’s back and you can’t decide what to do. The answer to this one is pretty simple: don’t take him back.
Physical or emotional abuse will only result in a toxic relationship and your self-esteem dwindling until you really don’t have anything left. Your mental health will decline and that’s just not worth it.
Plus, if he really loved and cared about you, why would he treat you so horribly? He also left you. It can be really difficult to say no to someone when they’ve manipulated you in the past, but just do it.
Move on and you’ll have a better life for it.
4. You’re just lonely
You’re vulnerable after a breakup. You spent so much of your time with someone else. Having that human contact and then suddenly being without it can leave you feeling empty.
It’s as if you’re going through a withdrawal. When this happens, it can be way too easy to take your ex back without really thinking about it.
Do you even miss him? Is your life really worse off without him? Or are you just lonely?
Think about your true desires. Wanting to have your ex back and wanting to have someone to hold aren’t the same thing. Even if you’re not over your ex, you might be better off without him.
Getting back together with him just because you’re lonely will just result in the same issues that broke you two up in the first place.
5. You can never trust him again
Maybe he dumped you because he got with someone else. Can you really put your trust in him to not do the same thing again?
He broke your heart. That’s not something you can easily forgive and move on from. Your trust has been shattered, just like your heart.
You may be someone who will get back together and always wonder if he’s going to break up with you again. This causes a lot of resentment and many other issues you just can’t fix without having trust.
So do you really trust him? Are you able to put this behind you so you can put your full trust in him again? Because without your trust, the relationship will inevitably fail.
It might be a better idea to just move on and work on getting over him. You’ll find more happiness this way.
Getting back with your ex is a huge deal. It’s not something you should take lightly. It’s something you should think long and hard about. Only take him back after he dumped you if it was for legitimate reasons and you can work through them.
Is this going to be another failed attempt at being together? Making sure this time works is possible, only when you know that there are 2 big turning points every woman experiences in her relationships with men and they determine if you end up in a happy relationship or if it all ends in heartbreak.
So pay attention because the next step to take is vitally important. At some point he’s going to ask himself if you are the woman he wants to commit himself to for the long term…
Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not, you need to read this next:The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
And the second big problem many women face: Do you feel he might be losing interest, going cold emotionally or pulling away? If so, then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Bella Pope is a contributing writer at Romancoholic.com, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here), Writing Youtuber, and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things dog, pizza, and writing related.
I had just woken up and my partner seemed super annoyed about something – I ignored it because I was still exhausted. When I woke up again he was being all snarky towards me but this time it was actually obvious. My 2 yr old niece ran in and asked for a cuddle so I gave her one. He gets angry with me because I gave her a hug. I told him “Of course I’ll hug her she isn’t yelling at me, she asked politely”. Next minute he’s dressed, bag packed and he’s out. I figure he just need some cooling off time so I leave him alone for 30 minutes then check up on him. No answer. I give him more time and check up on him in 6 hours. I panic after 10 hours of no texts, calls or signs of return – I was worried he’d been badly hurt or mugged.
So I call him – 13 times, a total of 9 messages through out the whole day and he responds with “It doesn’t really matter anyway”.
After my 14th call he finally answers but he’s not even paying attention to me, I ask if he was okay, why he’s not home yet and if he needs me to come pick him up.
He says “oh I’m too annoyed to be around you, actually. I don’t want to be with you anymore – you’re too draining” and eventually I beg him to come home because we live together. He asks if I’m still there at home and I say yes. He immediately says that he’s not interested in coming home whilst I’m there.
So I left for my sisters so that he can get some sleep in a comfy bed and not stay outside in the cold. He went home went I showed proof of not being there – I call him to make sure he is safe and is doing okay then ask him to repeat what he was saying earlier.
He reconfirmed that he no longer wanted this relationship, I asked him Why all of a sudden, what caused the issue, why he was so angry and why he stormed out in the first place. He didn’t want to resolve the issue. He didn’t want to see a relationship expert or to make a list of things we could both work on together to build our relationship instead of breaking it. As embarrassing as it was – I begged for him to stay with me.
He asked “Why is it so important for us to stay together? Why does it have to be me?”
I explained why he was important to me and how much I appreciated him. Then he asked me “How soon can you be back home?” I said “When you pick me up” and hung up the phone. I was so confused and frustrated only 3 weeks ago he proposed to me and said “no matter what happens I will always be on your side, I will never leave you”.
The next day he actually came for me after work and I went home with him. Now I can’t stop myself from crying whenever I think about it being his decision to break up with me.
We spoke about why he wanted to break up and it was apparently because I took away so much from him he listed “not travelling or visiting family as often as I used too, not being able to do what he wants and not haven’t much money in his savings” thing is I don’t stop him from doing any of those activities, I don’t ask him to spoil me in random gifts that I tell him regularly not to get and I always encourage him to leave the house. If anything he gets out more than I do.
Now I can’t tell if he genuinely wants to be with me or if the things he tries to give me is because he loves me or feels guilty about the situation. I’m hella confused and don’t know what to do. I think I’m slowly filling up with resentment and the rosey glasses have fallen off.
Now I’m wondering if I should just move out and give him his space – Like in a long distance relationship or if I should just leave him behind.
My bf dumped me cause he knew that my ex boyfriend came to my house. I have explained to him that I wasn’t home when he came. He was with my brother while I was away. I don’t know how to make him believe me.
My ex left me because he thought I didn’t love at all! Me and him had lots of trust in each other but he would usually tell me lies about him leaving to another country, and as always I fall for it. He thought that I didn’t love him at all which I really did but he ended it over text saying, “hey, I don’t think we should continue, you don’t love me anymore so what’s the point?” I was shocked that he has said that and so I told him to meet up with me but he refused and told me to give him some space so he could clear up his feelings for me. I kept telling him that I do love him and he would think that I was lying. Two weeks later he texts me (in which we haven’t talked in) saying that he was stupid and crazy that he said he was over, but during those two weeks I felt really lonely and I cried myself to sleep most of the time but luckily I i had my best friends that helped me and guided me to the light. Now he wants to continue but right now I’m really confused about if I like him or not. To be honest I think that we shouldn’t but somehow I should. I’m just very confused and thinking why would you do that? He told my friend to help him and I back together but some of my friends wouldn’t let him because of the suffering he left me, but some said yes because he was someone that made me smile all the time and made me make the biggest smile I’ve ever done and they want me to be happy. Please someone give me advice, should I get back with him?
Tbh I have no clue what really happened. We were doing AMAZING!!! Then on the 4th of July he walks into my bedroom crying and saying he loves me. I thought “oh no he lost his job.” I never expected what would come out of his mouth next. “I love you carebear I love you so so much and I’ll never stop loving you…you were it for me but I can’t do this. I can’t be who you need me to be.” And I started sobbing and crying no he doesn’t know what he is talking about and is this a joke. He started sobbing and I started wailing and I fell on the ground and he stepped away and said one more time “I’m so sorry I love you…I love you so much.” Then he left…walked out as I screamed “pls what did I do?! Come back!! I love you come back!! You promised you’d never leave me!!” And I cried from 9 AM to 1:30 AM not moving and in the end I cried myself to sleep. The next day he says he didn’t mean it and he was scared that he couldn’t be the guy he thought I deserved and he can’t live without me…idk what to do…should I take him back? My family doesn’t think I should but I loved him with everything I had and we had such a good relationship…I miss him and it’s killing me. What do I do??
I think he deserves a second chance but NOT a third one.
My ex boyfriend dumped me for no reason, he told me that I deserve better and he can’t give me all the attention I want, he doesn’t deserve me at all., I was confused I also tried to know what’s going wrong with him but he was already blocked me. We didn’t talk or text each other., after one month he come back asking me to forgive him for what he did and he want me back., I couldn’t say anything I was emotionally crying for how he dumped me., but I truly love him so much., I don’t know what should I do please help
It will be a tough decision but the best thing to work in your favor will be the fact that you did not have any major issues that led to a bitter separation. In a worst case scenario, walking away from the relationship should ideally be as easy the second time as it was the first time.
I wouldn’t taken him back because , he can not expect me to vomit and take it back that would be awful. when he left me he had reason so he must live with it. theres no love in such persons when he left me didn’t he felt the love that he is now confessing .