If you’re reading this article, chances are that you can’t really tell if the guy you want is interested in you.
Is he just being friendly? Is he flirting? Is he interested? What are men actually looking for in a woman they want to date?
The big question is, “Why are guys interested in some girls over others?”
And the answer has to go beyond just “looks” – although that is an important factor to men.
The real answer has to dive deeper, into what men are actually looking for in a long-term partner (and short-term too!)
Maybe you feel like you don’t know why men are deeply attracted to some women and not to others. It could feel like you’re flying blind, and you don’t know how to get the guy you want interested in you.
Maybe it feels like you keep dating guys who aren’t that interested in you, and you’re looking for the answer of what will make him more passionate and “into” you.
And all that leads back to the central question: what do men really want?
more: My best article on how to tell if he really likes you
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
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Here’s a list of the 8 most important things guys look for in a woman (and note: this isn’t in a particular order).
The 8 Things Every Guy Looks For In A Woman
1. He Wants To Be Deeply Attracted To You
I want to address this head on because I want to help you be as effective as possible: men want to be attracted to you and being attractive does have an impact on men.
I realize that some people might get angry when I say that, but I have to say it because I want you to be successful.
More importantly: there’s no reason to get angry… no matter who you are or what you look like this can be a huge opportunity for you.
This planet is filled with different kinds of men who all have different kinds of tastes and preferences for what they find attractive.
A big mistake that women make is that they try to become a certain image of attractiveness that may or may not be them, instead of the most attractive version of themselves.
When it comes to attraction, you don’t have to worry about people who aren’t attracted to you. Those people can be effectively invisible to you.
For the people who will be attracted to you, be the best and most attractive version of yourself that you can be.
Doing what you can to be the most attractive version of you possible is only going to increase your options, increase your power, and increase your effectiveness with attracting the person you ultimately want to attract.
So forget about the virtually unattainable standard that magazines and tv try to get you to hold yourself to. They’re only pushing that on you to get you to buy what they’re advertising.
Instead, focus on becoming the most attractive version of yourself possible.
If you’re feeling down about yourself, this is important to remember: women focus on the things they hate about how they look.
That’s a shame, because men focus on the things they like best about how a woman looks. He’s not looking at your worst features – he’s too focused on your best ones.
Here’s exactly how to put your energy towards being the most attractive version of yourself that you can be:
1. Put effort into your wardrobe and wear flattering clothing – clothing that makes you feel good and that you feel sexy in.
2. Focus on feeling good about yourself – a positive attitude is more important to overall attractiveness than a dress size or two.
3. Put effort towards being in shape and looking a way that makes you feel happy (not a way that some scummy magazine is telling you to look). This helps you feel great about yourself as well.
If you put effort towards those areas of your life, you will become the best and most attractive version of yourself that you can be – and that’s what the men who will be attracted to you really care about the most.
more: Here’s a great list of what men find sexy about women
Watch The Video: What Men Want In a Woman (The Truth Most Women Really Don’t Know)
2. He Wants To Be Able To Share His Passion With You
Men are desperately searching for someone in the world to share their passion with.
Every guy is deeply interested in some subject – the thing that he “nerds out” about more than any other.
It’s the thing that he talks about that seems like it changes his whole demeanor. Even shy guys have no problem talking about their passion, once you get them going.
Find out what he’s passionate about and ask him about it. You’ll discover that guys who are normally shy, closed off, or withdrawn will gush about the subject they care the most about.
When you’re talking to him about his passion, your goal is to find out why he’s passionate about it.
When you know the answer to that question, you’ll know a whole lot more about him, who he really is and what makes him go.
It also makes him feel a much deeper connection to you. If you put in the time to find out why he’s so passionate about his favorite subject, he’ll feel like you get him as a person, on a deep deep level.
more: What Every Guy Needs To Commit Article
Guys are looking their whole lives for someone who gets them on a deep level – and they don’t easily let go of someone who does.
3. He Wants A Good Listener
Obviously, I’m not saying that you should just listen to him and whatever he says at the expense of expressing yourself – that’s ridiculous.
What I’m sharing are the things that you can do with a guy to make him feel a deep personal connection to you – that will make him want to bring your lives closer together.
Guys will bond with people who they feel that they can share anything with. They don’t bond with someone and then open up to them, opening up to you is how a guy bonds.
more: Here’s more on how to be a good listener for him
If you want him to bond with you and become more intimate with you, connect with him where he’s most happy and excited to share with you.
When you do that, two very important things happen.
First, like I said before – he starts to bond with you. He notices that you’re really listening to him and that you’re engaging with him about things that he cares about – and that draws him closer to you.
Second, it gives him a chance to drop the “mask” that he puts on for the rest of the world and show you who he really is underneath.
There is nothing more important to your long-term chances with a guy than him knowing he can be his true self around you.
If you accept who he really is when he’s not wearing his mask (without a hint of judgment – judgment will shut him down and drive him away from you in a blink), he will feel deeply, truly connected to you.
4. He Wants Someone Who Shares His Goals And Dreams
The best, longest lasting, most passionate connections are between people who are moving in the same direction in life. Who hold the same values. Who want the same things out of life.
Guys are looking for someone who they can count on to back them up – who they know supports them and their direction in life.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have goals – it means your goals align with his and you’re moving towards them together, supporting each other all the way.
If your goal is life partnership and deep love that lasts a lifetime, then this is extremely important.
If your goal is just to hook up (which is totally fine), then this is less important.
It’s all about recognizing what his vision of his ideal life is, and seeing whether that matches with yours.
For instance, let’s say he wants to work really hard, retire, and then travel the world. Does that match up with what you want?
If it does, great! Your visions are aligned with each other and you can work together towards your goals. You’re a good match.
If it doesn’t, let’s say you’d rather settle down and raise a family in one place rather than travel, then your visions aren’t aligned. It won’t feel to him like you’re helping him move towards his dreams (just like it won’t feel like he’s helping you towards your dreams either). If that’s the case, then it’s not a good match.
more: This article gives you the signs he will never commit to you
The important thing is to make sure your goals and dreams line up with each other – it will save you a ton of trouble down the line.
5. He Wants A Woman Who Has Dreams And Goals For Herself
I wasn’t kidding when I said #4 isn’t about you putting your goals behind his.
The key part of #4 is that you share his goals and dreams, that means you have goals and dreams for yourself and they align with his as well.
I’m not telling you to drop everything in your life and follow him completely – that’s totally off base. (Plus, it will probably push any guy away).
What I’m saying is that in any relationship you want to last, you have to take some time and find out whether your goals and ambitions in life match.
If they do, great.
If they don’t, it’s going to cause a lot more conflict in your relationship. Everything you do in life is subconsciously about moving closer to your goals – and he’s the same way.
So if you have different and conflicting goals for what you want out of life, you’ll be subconsciously working against each other all the time… which results in resentment, frustration, and fights that neither of you understand why they’re happening.
6. He Wants A Woman He’s Compatible With
And vice versa.
A lot of people talk about compatibility but no one really stops to define it.
So here it is: compatibility means being in a relationship with each other feels easy. Effortless. There’s no day to day strain.
Compatibility means that it’s easy to be around each other, and that it feels good to be around each other.
Here’s a simple foolproof test: if it feels like you have to “fight” for your relationship, or it feels like you’re constantly battling to keep your relationship on track – that’s a strong sing you’re not compatible with each other.
more: My advice for what to do when a guy is withdrawing from you
If you’re not a good match for each other, that’s ok – you just have to recognize it.
The thing to remember is that compatibility and attraction are two different things. It’s totally normal (and very easy) to be attracted to someone who’s not a good match for you.
That doesn’t make him a bad person, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s just something to be aware of, and something to take into consideration when you’re having expectations about the future with him.
If he’s a guy you want to build a future with, then you’d better be compatible with each other.
If he’s a guy you just want to have a good time with in the short term, then it doesn’t matter nearly as much whether you’re compatible. Short term is much more about attraction.
more: These are great signs to tell whether you’re compatible
7. He Wants A Woman He Can Have Great Sex With
In case it’s not clear, I’m not going to sit here and pander to you, telling you sweet sounding lies that actually make your love life more confusing and difficult.
I’m going to give you the honest truth about men – and it’s blunt sometimes, but the #1 thing that I want for you is for you to be effective in getting what you want.
So when I say that guys want a woman they can have great sex with, I’m being blunt, but I’m also telling you the truth about what guys really need.
Sex is important to men. If you ignore it, you’re in trouble in your future relationships.
more: Here are some ideas for sexy text messages to spice up your love life with him
There’s plenty of resources online about improving your sex life, so I’m not going to get into it here. All I’ll say is that loving sex and loving sex with him helps a relationship a lot, and is something that shouldn’t be ignored.
8. He Wants A Woman With A Great Vibe
Your vibe is something I talk about a lot, and for good reason: it’s the foundation of your attractiveness and everything relating to your relationships with other people.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that your vibe is the single most important aspect of how a man (or anyone else) responds to you.
more: Great article on the most important things every man wants in a woman
Your vibe grows from your mood – it’s an extension of how you’re truly, honestly feeling at any given moment.
If you’re in a good mood, your vibe will be good. If you’re anxious, or resentful, or angry, those negative moods poison your vibe and turn it negative.
Your vibe is determined by what you’re truly, honestly feeling at the moment. That means that even if you tell yourself you’re in a great mood, if you’re honestly flustered, upset, or nervous it will come through in your vibe.
The best way to wrap your head around vibe is to use an example from your own life. Do you have a friend or acquaintance that always seems like they’re in a bad mood?
Like the vast majority of times that you spend time with them or talk to them, they’re complaining about something going wrong in their life.
How do you feel when you see their name come up on your phone? Or you see them walk into the room? Or you start a conversation with them?
Chances are, you feel down – like an “ugh” feeling in your stomach that just happens without you thinking about it.
That’s the power of vibe. Because that person is always complaining, voicing negativity, and feeling bad for themselves, it feels bad to interact with them.
A great test to find out what kind of vibe a friend has is to measure how you feel after hanging out with them.
If you feel excited, energetic, and more charged up than before – that means your friend’s vibe is good.
If you feel drained, negative, and down, that means your friend’s vibe was bad.
For guys, your vibe is more important than almost anything else about you. Your vibe determines whether it feels good to be around you or not.
And when it comes to men, their feelings about you are controlled almost 100% by how they’re feeling when they’re around you.
Guys very rarely evaluate a woman by thinking about the future with them. In reality, guys determine how they feel about a woman based almost entirely on how they feel while she’s around.
If a guy feels good while he’s around you, he’s going to be interested in you! He’s going to want to spend more time with you, and he’s going to show more enthusiasm for hanging out, getting closer and getting to know you better.
On the other hand, if it doesn’t feel good for a guy to spend time with you, he’s going to avoid it. That means he won’t answer texts, or phone calls, and he’ll stand you up on dates.
This is why vibe is so important. When your vibe is good, it feels good to be around you. When your vibe is negative, it doesn’t.
When it comes down to it, guys want a woman they’re attracted to, compatible with, and who feels good to be around.
If you focus on being in the best possible mood you can be while you’re around him, your vibe will automatically be good. And when your vibe is good, he’ll feel good around you – which he needs in order to want to be around you more.
So there you have it – the 8 things every guy wants in a woman. If you’ve got any questions, or you disagree with anything I’ve written, go ahead and drop me a line in the comments! I love to talk about this stuff.
Want to find out if the man you want really likes you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You?” Quiz right now and find out if he likes you…
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
Here’s What Every Man Wants In A Woman
- He wants to be deeply attracted to you
- He wants to be able to share his passion with you
- He wants a good listener
- He wants someone who shares his goals and dreams
- He wants a woman who has dreams and goals for herself
- He wants a woman he’s compatible with
- He wants a woman he can have great sex with
- He wants a woman with a great vibe
Someone who is not dedicated to taking all the money that you and he have and throwing it away as quickly and foolishly as possible would be nice.
there are only 3 things 1 someone he can trust.2 to feel respected 3. a peacefull home. sex is the cherry on top
I know this to be true, especially number 8. But all are true. I am 65, my love is 68 and we can check off every single point on the list, which probably explains why we enjoy being quarantined together for the better part of a year now. The biggest contributor to our overall happiness is keeping ourselves in reasonably good shape and being active, and doing it TOGETHER. Life is good! Great article.
This article is the most accurate description of what men want in a woman of anything I have ever read. Ladies, take note!
Men only want two things. 1) someone they find at least mildly attractive (some guys get stuck on this one and only look for a 9 or 10).2) someone that will make them feel loved and relevant. That’s it. In a macro sense I don’t care what accolades you have, what degrees you have, what business things you have accomplished, who you are friends with, etc. as long as you are supporting yourself that is all fine with me.
this is just so good . I’ve learned lotta thing from here~ thanks allat for the good tips you’ve shared with us
I would love to know what a guy does when he doesn’t have sex with his girlfriend for about a year?
In my opinion, and from personal experience, when a guy who normally loved having great sex with his girlfriend hasn’t enjoyed it in over a year usually means he’s been having sex with another woman. Period. It’s a hard pill to swallow that he prefers someone over the girlfriend. Someone who does not possess any of the qualities that attracted him to the girlfriend in the first place. It forces the girlfriend to question her own worth; “What does SHE have that I don’t?” Sort of thing. In that event, the hardest thing to do is walk away while he walks off with the woman with whom he’d been cheating on the woman who truly loved him. It’s funny how that sort of emotional pain never seems to disappear. But then, this is only MY opinion.
All of this is great and very helpful. What about a woman having some spunk. The woman with sarcastic humor. The woman who speaks up on her beliefs. The woman who isnt always happy and in a good mood. The woman who isnt unkind about anything. The woman who truly assesses and knows that guy. And best of all, likes him anyways… that takes a while. Seems like men have a short observation period
Linda clearly expressed my thoughts to a tee. Women just like men have good intentions for the most part and are not perfect but want to be loved and to love .
I really love this article, thanks alot
This is spot on. 95% of guys will agree with this post. If you don’t like what it says, good luck out there. Hit the gym, learn how to be good in bed and be kind. If you’re single, or with an ugly guy, you probably can’t handle the truth.
I know your post was over a month ago, and you probably wont see this… but THANK YOU.
Its a great article.. Learnt a lot. About the sharing of goals and dreams its very important.. And just to add on I think religious and cultural values should also match up or either one of the people in a relationship should rather respect so that the relationship flourishes
if dis acticle I should able to maintain my man with care
Am very impressed by your article, it’s inspiring and am blessed to have come across this. Thank you very much.
This is the best article I have read so far concerning relationship
#4 we work hard together, retired, then I want us to travel but he don’t want to travel,we stay home and sometimes we fight/urgue he told me that what i’ve said is none sense and he keep talking.Sometimes I see him laughing hard with other womens N I get jealous cause he don’t laughwith me like that, most of the time I eat my tears Just to maintain our relationship,one time we are in the party, a women he don’t know asked him to dance with her n my hubby just go without asking me n he just ignore me,ithurts.
I was here for the article until the last bit. I know this article isn’t about “what women want” but my knee jerk reaction to the #8 is whether or not men are expected to live up to the same standards as far as demeanor. Women are often taught to be amenable, agreeable, and positive!Paula’s, but is that really what 3 dimensional humans are like. I actually find men like these types on paper but fall for women who are have varying moods like a normal human being. Because no one’s vibe is always one thing. If you’re always happy go lucky, and optimistic it will feel forced to everyone. I actually think women should continue to have the ~vibes that come naturally in the moment and if the guys right for you he will be ok with it.
I have learned a lot… thanks
It’s 100% true similar personality people will always attract each other
Nice write up and really true. All men wants someone that shares the same dream as theirs and someone they can always lean on no matter what. A strong woman in mind, soul and body.
Great 8 but it’s complete fantasy. Women don’t want to know the truth. When you are in a real relationship, it’s always about her. Her want this, her time, her call, her choice. Chris Rock said so.
Chuck’s right. Women pretend to always want to know the truth but at the end they don’t really want to live by it and that makes you feel bad knowing they only care about their life and not yours mainly. that sucks .
I think these are true,we are so focused on what we want
Wow!! thnx alot for your tips…i definitely know now what to do.
Wow, wow nice… I don’t have to say just to say great work
if you want the relationship to work out in the long run, then he needs to be attracted to the “REAL YOU”, not some fake persona you used to quickly get his attention.
love this article, very inspiring!
it’s true guys will like you more if you have the same interests.
positive attitude is important!
love this article, thanks for the tips!
men want women who are confident, who has dreams for herself and one whom he can share his dreams with
don’t pretend to be someone you’re not! just be yourself.
for me you have to be simple and confident, that’s how you attract men!
You are very correct
wow thanks to this article, it gave me a lot of ideas!
yeah with good vibe he’ll definitely like you!
i’ve learned so much from this..thank you sharing what you know & inspiring us to be better <3
i agree with this post, you can attract a guy if you have the same interests!
you need to take care of yourself and your body, in order to attract him!
you can tell a LOT about what someone is thinking and feeling just by watching their body language carefully.
just be yourself. :)
be the best and most attractive version of yourself that you can be! :)
you’re right, you should both have the same interests.
i think you don’t have to pretend to be something else, just be yourself and the man that’s meant for you will eventually come.
i agree with this post… in any relationship you want to last, you have to take some time and find out whether your goals and ambitions in life match.
we basically have the same thoughts..only men aren’t as vocally open as we women are.
awesome! i hope i could find the right man for me!! i can’t wait to be in love again! <3
i love this! thanks for being so helpful to ladies like me..i’ll make sure i will be the woman he wants :)
it proves hat we have the same things we want for our partners..sometimes, we just don’t get it bec we’re too busy demanding our own wants
gave me a deeper understanding of men and their inner beings
if you think about it..men have a very short list of wants compared to women..and the thing is…unlike us, they know what they really want..haha! (:
i think everyone does love a good listener..esp men who hates nagging women..they appreciate a listening a partner too
i love this, thank you for your tips! oh, i can’t wait! my girls will also be reading this! <3
great reminder on how we should also take into consideration how men feel and what they really want in relationships and women <3
you’re right..men do not only want physical connection but intimately grow together as well
Very true Clara
i think these are all true..most of the time we’re not just really aware because we’re so focused on what we want