If you’re reading this article, chances are that you can’t really tell if the guy you want is interested in you.
Is he just being friendly? Is he flirting? Is he interested? What are men actually looking for in a woman they want to date?
The big question is, “Why are guys interested in some girls over others?”
And the answer has to go beyond just “looks” – although that is an important factor to men.
The real answer has to dive deeper, into what men are actually looking for in a long-term partner (and short-term too!)
Maybe you feel like you don’t know why men are deeply attracted to some women and not to others. It could feel like you’re flying blind, and you don’t know how to get the guy you want interested in you.
Maybe it feels like you keep dating guys who aren’t that interested in you, and you’re looking for the answer of what will make him more passionate and “into” you.
And all that leads back to the central question: what do men really want?
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Here’s a list of the 8 most important things guys look for in a woman (and note: this isn’t in a particular order).
The 8 Things Every Guy Looks For In A Woman
1. He Wants To Be Deeply Attracted To You
I want to address this head on because I want to help you be as effective as possible: men want to be attracted to you and being attractive does have an impact on men.
I realize that some people might get angry when I say that, but I have to say it because I want you to be successful.
More importantly: there’s no reason to get angry… no matter who you are or what you look like this can be a huge opportunity for you.
This planet is filled with different kinds of men who all have different kinds of tastes and preferences for what they find attractive.
A big mistake that women make is that they try to become a certain image of attractiveness that may or may not be them, instead of the most attractive version of themselves.
When it comes to attraction, you don’t have to worry about people who aren’t attracted to you. Those people can be effectively invisible to you.
For the people who will be attracted to you, be the best and most attractive version of yourself that you can be.
Doing what you can to be the most attractive version of you possible is only going to increase your options, increase your power, and increase your effectiveness with attracting the person you ultimately want to attract.
So forget about the virtually unattainable standard that magazines and tv try to get you to hold yourself to. They’re only pushing that on you to get you to buy what they’re advertising.
Instead, focus on becoming the most attractive version of yourself possible.
If you’re feeling down about yourself, this is important to remember: women focus on the things they hate about how they look.
That’s a shame, because men focus on the things they like best about how a woman looks. He’s not looking at your worst features – he’s too focused on your best ones.
Here’s exactly how to put your energy towards being the most attractive version of yourself that you can be:
1. Put effort into your wardrobe and wear flattering clothing – clothing that makes you feel good and that you feel sexy in.
2. Focus on feeling good about yourself – a positive attitude is more important to overall attractiveness than a dress size or two.
3. Put effort towards being in shape and looking a way that makes you feel happy (not a way that some scummy magazine is telling you to look). This helps you feel great about yourself as well.
If you put effort towards those areas of your life, you will become the best and most attractive version of yourself that you can be – and that’s what the men who will be attracted to you really care about the most.
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2. He Wants To Be Able To Share His Passion With You
Men are desperately searching for someone in the world to share their passion with.
Every guy is deeply interested in some subject – the thing that he “nerds out” about more than any other.
It’s the thing that he talks about that seems like it changes his whole demeanor. Even shy guys have no problem talking about their passion, once you get them going.
Find out what he’s passionate about and ask him about it. You’ll discover that guys who are normally shy, closed off, or withdrawn will gush about the subject they care the most about.
When you’re talking to him about his passion, your goal is to find out why he’s passionate about it.
When you know the answer to that question, you’ll know a whole lot more about him, who he really is and what makes him go.
It also makes him feel a much deeper connection to you. If you put in the time to find out why he’s so passionate about his favorite subject, he’ll feel like you get him as a person, on a deep deep level.
Guys are looking their whole lives for someone who gets them on a deep level – and they don’t easily let go of someone who does.
3. He Wants A Good Listener
Obviously, I’m not saying that you should just listen to him and whatever he says at the expense of expressing yourself – that’s ridiculous.
What I’m sharing are the things that you can do with a guy to make him feel a deep personal connection to you – that will make him want to bring your lives closer together.
Guys will bond with people who they feel that they can share anything with. They don’t bond with someone and then open up to them, opening up to you is how a guy bonds.
If you want him to bond with you and become more intimate with you, connect with him where he’s most happy and excited to share with you.
When you do that, two very important things happen.
First, like I said before – he starts to bond with you. He notices that you’re really listening to him and that you’re engaging with him about things that he cares about – and that draws him closer to you.
Second, it gives him a chance to drop the “mask” that he puts on for the rest of the world and show you who he really is underneath.
There is nothing more important to your long-term chances with a guy than him knowing he can be his true self around you.
If you accept who he really is when he’s not wearing his mask (without a hint of judgment – judgment will shut him down and drive him away from you in a blink), he will feel deeply, truly connected to you.
4. He Wants Someone Who Shares His Goals And Dreams
The best, longest lasting, most passionate connections are between people who are moving in the same direction in life. Who hold the same values. Who want the same things out of life.
Guys are looking for someone who they can count on to back them up – who they know supports them and their direction in life.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have goals – it means your goals align with his and you’re moving towards them together, supporting each other all the way.
If your goal is life partnership and deep love that lasts a lifetime, then this is extremely important.
If your goal is just to hook up (which is totally fine), then this is less important.
It’s all about recognizing what his vision of his ideal life is, and seeing whether that matches with yours.
For instance, let’s say he wants to work really hard, retire, and then travel the world. Does that match up with what you want?
If it does, great! Your visions are aligned with each other and you can work together towards your goals. You’re a good match.
If it doesn’t, let’s say you’d rather settle down and raise a family in one place rather than travel, then your visions aren’t aligned. It won’t feel to him like you’re helping him move towards his dreams (just like it won’t feel like he’s helping you towards your dreams either). If that’s the case, then it’s not a good match.
The important thing is to make sure your goals and dreams line up with each other – it will save you a ton of trouble down the line.
5. He Wants A Woman Who Has Dreams And Goals For Herself
I wasn’t kidding when I said #4 isn’t about you putting your goals behind his.
The key part of #4 is that you share his goals and dreams, that means you have goals and dreams for yourself and they align with his as well.
I’m not telling you to drop everything in your life and follow him completely – that’s totally off base. (Plus, it will probably push any guy away).
What I’m saying is that in any relationship you want to last, you have to take some time and find out whether your goals and ambitions in life match.
If they do, great.
If they don’t, it’s going to cause a lot more conflict in your relationship. Everything you do in life is subconsciously about moving closer to your goals – and he’s the same way.
So if you have different and conflicting goals for what you want out of life, you’ll be subconsciously working against each other all the time… which results in resentment, frustration, and fights that neither of you understand why they’re happening.
6. He Wants A Woman He’s Compatible With
And vice versa.
A lot of people talk about compatibility but no one really stops to define it.
So here it is: compatibility means being in a relationship with each other feels easy. Effortless. There’s no day to day strain.
Compatibility means that it’s easy to be around each other, and that it feels good to be around each other.
Here’s a simple foolproof test: if it feels like you have to “fight” for your relationship, or it feels like you’re constantly battling to keep your relationship on track – that’s a strong sing you’re not compatible with each other.
If you’re not a good match for each other, that’s ok – you just have to recognize it.
The thing to remember is that compatibility and attraction are two different things. It’s totally normal (and very easy) to be attracted to someone who’s not a good match for you.
That doesn’t make him a bad person, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s just something to be aware of, and something to take into consideration when you’re having expectations about the future with him.
If he’s a guy you want to build a future with, then you’d better be compatible with each other.
If he’s a guy you just want to have a good time with in the short term, then it doesn’t matter nearly as much whether you’re compatible. Short term is much more about attraction.
7. He Wants A Woman He Can Have Great Sex With
In case it’s not clear, I’m not going to sit here and pander to you, telling you sweet sounding lies that actually make your love life more confusing and difficult.
I’m going to give you the honest truth about men – and it’s blunt sometimes, but the #1 thing that I want for you is for you to be effective in getting what you want.
So when I say that guys want a woman they can have great sex with, I’m being blunt, but I’m also telling you the truth about what guys really need.
Sex is important to men. If you ignore it, you’re in trouble in your future relationships.
There’s plenty of resources online about improving your sex life, so I’m not going to get into it here. All I’ll say is that loving sex and loving sex with him helps a relationship a lot, and is something that shouldn’t be ignored.
8. He Wants A Woman With A Great Vibe
Your vibe is something I talk about a lot, and for good reason: it’s the foundation of your attractiveness and everything relating to your relationships with other people.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that your vibe is the single most important aspect of how a man (or anyone else) responds to you.
Your vibe grows from your mood – it’s an extension of how you’re truly, honestly feeling at any given moment.
If you’re in a good mood, your vibe will be good. If you’re anxious, or resentful, or angry, those negative moods poison your vibe and turn it negative.
Your vibe is determined by what you’re truly, honestly feeling at the moment. That means that even if you tell yourself you’re in a great mood, if you’re honestly flustered, upset, or nervous it will come through in your vibe.
The best way to wrap your head around vibe is to use an example from your own life. Do you have a friend or acquaintance that always seems like they’re in a bad mood?
Like the vast majority of times that you spend time with them or talk to them, they’re complaining about something going wrong in their life.
How do you feel when you see their name come up on your phone? Or you see them walk into the room? Or you start a conversation with them?
Chances are, you feel down – like an “ugh” feeling in your stomach that just happens without you thinking about it.
That’s the power of vibe. Because that person is always complaining, voicing negativity, and feeling bad for themselves, it feels bad to interact with them.
A great test to find out what kind of vibe a friend has is to measure how you feel after hanging out with them.
If you feel excited, energetic, and more charged up than before – that means your friend’s vibe is good.
If you feel drained, negative, and down, that means your friend’s vibe was bad.
For guys, your vibe is more important than almost anything else about you. Your vibe determines whether it feels good to be around you or not.
And when it comes to men, their feelings about you are controlled almost 100% by how they’re feeling when they’re around you.
Guys very rarely evaluate a woman by thinking about the future with them. In reality, guys determine how they feel about a woman based almost entirely on how they feel while she’s around.
If a guy feels good while he’s around you, he’s going to be interested in you! He’s going to want to spend more time with you, and he’s going to show more enthusiasm for hanging out, getting closer and getting to know you better.
On the other hand, if it doesn’t feel good for a guy to spend time with you, he’s going to avoid it. That means he won’t answer texts, or phone calls, and he’ll stand you up on dates.
This is why vibe is so important. When your vibe is good, it feels good to be around you. When your vibe is negative, it doesn’t.
When it comes down to it, guys want a woman they’re attracted to, compatible with, and who feels good to be around.
If you focus on being in the best possible mood you can be while you’re around him, your vibe will automatically be good. And when your vibe is good, he’ll feel good around you – which he needs in order to want to be around you more.
So there you have it – the 8 things every guy wants in a woman. If you’ve got any questions, or you disagree with anything I’ve written, go ahead and drop me a line in the comments! I love to talk about this stuff.
Want to find out if the man you want really likes you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You?” Quiz right now and find out if he likes you…
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Here’s What Every Man Wants In A Woman
- He wants to be deeply attracted to you
- He wants to be able to share his passion with you
- He wants a good listener
- He wants someone who shares his goals and dreams
- He wants a woman who has dreams and goals for herself
- He wants a woman he’s compatible with
- He wants a woman he can have great sex with
- He wants a woman with a great vibe