The Top 7 Reasons Why Men Leave The Women They Love

The Top 7 Reasons Why Men Leave The Women They Love

You’re here because you want to know the reasons that a man will leave the woman he loves.

Seems impossible on its face, right? If a man really loved someone, wouldn’t he go to the ends of the earth to stay with her and be with her?

For women who have been blindsided by a breakup, the first question is always “why?”

“Why did he leave me? What did I do wrong? How could he want to leave when we’ve always been so much in love?”

more: Why Do Men Pull Away

The truth is, for men and women, even if you love someone, if you’re not happy (and can’t see the relationship getting better), you do what’s best for you and let go.

So if you’ve been shocked by the man you love unexpectedly ending the relationship, even though he still loves you, here are the most common reasons a man will leave the woman he loves.

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

The 7 Biggest Reasons Why A Man Will Leave The Woman He Loves

1. The Relationship Feels Like An Emotional Burden To Him

I’ve talked about this a lot in other articles, because it applies to most every relationship: the relationship should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

more: The Top 3 Reasons Men Withdraw

What do I mean by that?

I mean that a great relationship grows out of two people who have their own lives and their own happiness, who bring together their lives and create happiness for each other.

In all great relationships, both partners don’t depend on each other for their happiness, they bring their happiness into the relationship.

Too often, relationships can collapse into emotionally co-dependent traps, where both partners are trying to extract their happiness from the relationship, rather than bring happiness into the relationship.

more: Why Men Pull Away When They’re Falling In Love

If that happens, instead of feeling like he can be happy with you, he’ll feel like he’s responsible for your happiness – like he’s burdened by the job of making sure you’re happy.

That kind of dynamic in a relationship is toxic – eventually one or both partners get tired of taking responsibility for the other person’s emotional state, and things fall apart.

So if she’s trying to extract her happiness from the relationship, and he feels like it’s more of a burden than a joy in his life, it could make him leave – even if he loves her.

2. The Relationship Is Overwhelmingly Negative

This ties in with number 1.

A good rule of thumb is that a guy will want to stay in a relationship if it feels good. That’s not to say that he’ll abandon a relationship the second times get tough – guys will stick out hard times for a woman they love the same as women will.

But the longer things stay negative, and the longer it feels like effort being together, the more that will weigh on him – just like it would weigh on her were the roles reversed.

Neither men nor women will stick around in a negative situation that feels bad to be in forever. Eventually, that kind of negativity will make the relationship fall apart.

more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws

So if things have been bad for a while – maybe she’s depressed, or they’re fighting all the time, or any other reason that most days being together feels bad rather than good – he’s almost certainly eventually going to leave no matter how much he loves her.

3. The Long Term Relationship Goals Are Incompatible

In a perfect world, people would be up front about what they want out of life.

more: Why Didn’t He Text Back?

Maybe he wants kids and she doesn’t ever see wanting them. Maybe he wants to live in the place he grew up, while she would rather travel. Maybe he wants to save and retire by 50, while she would rather enjoy life now and keep working longer later.

If you’re up front about big life decisions like that relatively early in the relationship, it saves you the pain of finding out that you have incompatible life goals later, and having to make the hardest choices.

If both partners can’t find a compromise about an issue that’s really important to both of them, it could drive them apart. If you want different things out of life, even if you love each other, breaking up could still be the only solution.

more: Why Did He Withdraw After Sex?

4. He Feels Like He Can’t Be Himself

A lot of people will tell you that a guy will leave a woman he loves because she’s “nagging” him too much… or that he feels like she’s trying to “fix” him.

And while that’s sort of accurate, it doesn’t tell the whole picture.

Great relationships are about compatibility. In a great relationship, both partners can be their whole, honest, genuine selves with each other – without judgement and without too much friction.

(Of course, you’ll have pet peeves about your partner the same way they’ll have them about you. I’m talking about big time friction here.)

more: What Are The Top Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away?

If the guy feels like he can’t be himself around his partner – whether that’s because he feels like she nags him when he’s being his genuine self, or because she doesn’t like the way he acts when he’s being honest and genuine and tries to change or “fix” him – it’s going to grate on him.

And if he feels like he just can’t be himself around her without getting negativity from her in return, it might be enough to make him leave, even if he’s in love with her.

5. The Sex Life Slows Down Or Even Stops

Part of any good relationship is finding the balance between the needs and desires for intimacy between both partners.

more: Why Did He Pull Away After Making Love?

And although the sex life slowing down is a normal part of any long term relationship, there still has to be a balance, where both partners feel that their needs are being met.

If either the man or the woman feels like there’s not enough sex in the relationship, and feels like the situation isn’t going to change, it’s enough to make them question whether being in the relationship is worth it.

6. He’s Tired Of Being Compared To Other Men

At the root of every relationship is the joy and happiness that comes from knowing that you were chosen – out of everyone else in the world – by your partner.

more: The Exact Signs A Man Is Pulling Away

The joy that comes from knowing your partner chose you, and you specifically, to be with is part of the engine that makes any good relationship go.

He wants to feel like you’re choosing him and choosing to be with him every day – just like you want to feel like he’s choosing you to be with every day.

So if he feels like he’s not your first choice – if he feels like he’s being compared negatively to other men and that he doesn’t stack up – it’s going to erode his joy and his desire to be in the relationship.

more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws

He’ll feel like he’s a “second choice” or worse, like you’re with him out of pity or because you’ve decided you can’t do better than a second rate man.

No one wants to feel that way, it’s a horrible feeling. If that’s the feeling he gets from the relationship, it’s enough to make him want to leave, even if he’s in love.

more: Reasons Why Men Leave

7. One Or Both Partners Stopped Putting In Effort And Taking Care Of Themselves

This is similar to #5 – in that in any long term relationship it’s natural for the people involved to let themselves go a little bit.

The key words here are “a little bit” – relaxing some is fine but completely stopping taking care of yourself is another thing.

more: Top Reasons Men Break Up With Women They Love

A common thread through all these reasons a guy might leave a woman he loves is that he might feel like the woman he fell in love with doesn’t exist anymore.

People change, and everyone changes over time. But there’s a difference between changing and growing older, versus stopping putting in effort completely.

more: Reasons Men Leave Women They Love

If he feels like the person he fell in love with is gone, replaced by someone who’s stopped trying and who doesn’t show any desire to start trying again, it could be enough to push him away from the relationship – even if he did truly love her in the first place.

Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

In summary…

The Top Reasons Why Men Leave The Women They Love

  1. The relationship feels like an emotional burden to him.
  2. The relationship is overwhelmingly negative.
  3. The long term relationship goals are incompatible.
  4. He feels like he can’t be himself.
  5. The sex life slows down or even stops.
  6. He’s tired of being compared to other men.
  7. One or both partners stopped putting in effort and taking care of themselves.

reasons why men leave the women they love

38 comments… add one
  • Kathleen September 7, 2020, 9:09 am

    They are avoiding their feelings and don’t really know what they want. Also, if they have low self esteem and don’t think they deserve who they are with.

  • Cosmo Archibald Topper August 27, 2020, 6:35 am

    The relationship feels like an emotional burden to him.
    Especially when she tells him his feelings are “wrong”.

    The relationship is overwhelmingly negative.
    He is told he never does anything right.

    The long term relationship goals are incompatible.
    She wants him to surrender all control to her leaving him nothing.

    He feels like he can’t be himself.
    He can’t. She wants Barbie’s Ken and he wants who he’s always been..

    The sex life slows down or even stops.
    He’s committed. No need for the bait now.

    He’s tired of being compared to other men.
    Then why didn’t she connect with one of them instead?

    One or both partners stopped putting in effort and taking care of themselves.
    Too much work for no benefit.

  • Suzel May 22, 2020, 4:20 pm

    This article seems shallow and not entirely accurate. If it was that easy for him to leave, then he wasn’t that committed. It seems like both people in the relationship don’t really love each other here because for one thing, though some of these reasons are indeed understandable and valid, I don’t think it’s that simple! People leave for all sorts of reasons! First of all you CANNOT be selfish in a relationship, at least not all the time! Second, you have to really try to understand your partner and just because you are bored, doesn’t mean it’s time to pack up and go! Love is supposed to be deep. It is supposed to be for the most part unconditional (I am talking about true, genuine love here, not some high school, adult fling that lasts for two/three seasons!).

  • Aboubakr August 18, 2019, 1:41 pm

    If you want to stop your boyfriend from leaving, you will have to figure out about his needs and try to satisfy them as soon as possible, this is the way it works in almost all the relationships, not only the intimate ones

  • Amy February 2, 2019, 6:14 pm

    It’s been 2 weeks. I still don’t understand what went wrong. We were together for 10 months. We saw each other on a Saturday, and by Tuesday he was saying his ex was stressing him out, he was depressed and wasn’t mentally ready to be in a relationship. He was so loving and kind to me. I don’t understand any of this.

  • Misery September 1, 2018, 3:26 pm

    I think that one really big reason why relationships fail is the same reason somebody would have to write this type of article to begin with…
    Communication. We’re all so connected these days, and we can talk a lot but never really say anything… and while we’re keeping shut about things, we’re looking for clues about what they’re keeping shut about.
    It’s exhausting, and it’s kind of dumb, because very often both halves of a couple are feeling/thinking the very same things.
    Stop sleuthing.
    Talk to each other. Be honest with your partner. Listen to what they say, without trying to put any sort of spin on it. Fix problems. Say sorry, if you screw up. Don’t try to be coy – if the relationship matters and you are serious about it, treat it with the respect it deserves.
    Then use all the extra time and brain power you might otherwise have wasted to have loads and loads of amazing sex. Together. :)

  • Lucy thabooty June 30, 2018, 4:05 pm

    My husband never stopped cheating idk did he ever loved me or wat bcz we share a 3yr old daughter n he kept saying he cnt divorce me nor afford to luz me bt he nva stops with the lies cheating n betrayal

  • Phillip Ross February 9, 2018, 1:49 pm

    As A man these reasons are not why I left the woman I love. The reason for me was another woman was involved.

  • cherry June 29, 2017, 3:29 pm

    these are all true and very important. i hope very woman can read this so we can understand our partners better

  • erian June 28, 2017, 5:19 pm

    if the relationship feels like it’s a burden and becomes purely negative, it will not survive

  • kendra June 27, 2017, 3:37 pm

    it is too sad to hear about a man leaving his woman because in the end they lost faith in each other and their relationship :(

  • marie June 26, 2017, 3:48 am

    don’t be over controlling, this will ruin your relationship

  • genny June 19, 2017, 11:57 pm

    sensible and true!

  • lotty June 14, 2017, 7:38 pm

    if you keep comparing him to others especially about their success, he will soon be forced to leave

  • patricia June 12, 2017, 11:41 am

    do not overwhelm him with your expectations. this will burden him and make him feel comfortable. this will push him to leave

  • roma June 9, 2017, 4:14 am

    relationships should never bring should push you to be better and grow together positively

  • roxanne June 6, 2017, 11:28 pm

    if he feels he can’t be himself with you, either you are over controlling or he has a problem on his own.

  • constance June 5, 2017, 11:56 pm

    if after some time the relationship feels like a burden, he’ll definitely be gone.

  • savannah June 4, 2017, 11:57 pm

    when your expectations are far more important than allowing him to be himself around you, he will eventually be forced to quit and leave.

  • celeste June 1, 2017, 6:38 pm

    avoid making the relationship seem like a burden for your man. work things out but don’t overdo things

  • emily June 1, 2017, 12:37 am

    thank you for your advice. these are really helpful in most relationships

  • Petra May 30, 2017, 9:28 pm

    a man who feels like he can’t be himself around a woman isn’t gonna be happy and won’t last in the relationship.

  • patrice May 29, 2017, 8:02 pm

    wow, this blew my mind a bit! thanks for sharing it.

  • sadie May 28, 2017, 11:35 pm

    don’t ever stop making efforts fro him and your relationship

  • daisy May 25, 2017, 5:12 pm

    don’t make him feel like the relationship is s burden to bear. also keep away from all the drama.

  • tessa May 22, 2017, 5:52 pm

    there are many more reasons out there and still women get stuck asking why or what they did. it is unfair to always think it’s your fault. i hope this article could spread the lessons in it.

  • rosemarie May 21, 2017, 6:14 pm

    incompatibility is definitely a deal breaker. try to look at this beginning of the relationship so you won’t have a problem later on.

  • louella May 16, 2017, 9:50 pm

    never ever compare your men to other men especially to your ex or someone he dislikes

  • pauline May 15, 2017, 10:09 am

    all these are true. some i have encountered already, it sucks!

  • cat May 11, 2017, 5:47 pm

    as some of these reasons can be acceptable, some are just too shallow as well. i hate men who can;t just commit and be serious about their relationships.

  • kylie May 10, 2017, 7:03 pm

    some relationships end up great, while some end up as if two people never knew each other. this is why compatibility is very important. you don’t want to start great but end up with a broken heart after all.

  • jennevieve May 9, 2017, 5:03 pm

    men are different from women in so many ways. things can be a burden for them if you’re not careful with how you treat him.

  • mavy May 8, 2017, 3:04 pm

    compatibility makes it or breaks it. if in the end you do not have the same plans and direction for the future, he’ll start pulling away and he’d be gone before you even know it

  • Eleonora May 7, 2017, 11:56 am

    My boyfriend and I just broke up a month ago….and it is true, we have different goals….he always told me he was convinced we were meant to be together and all of a sudden, when I asked him if he was still thinking of a future together he said NO…after almost two years of relationship…….

  • nancy May 3, 2017, 5:25 pm

    when you both get complacent and you stop making efforts to take care and love each other, your relationship is eventually gonna fall apart

  • lilian May 2, 2017, 11:43 am

    we should really know if a man is a commitment type or not because whatever we do, if he doesn’t want any commitment, he will leave any way

  • sophie May 1, 2017, 12:00 am

    great tips! Thanks for sharing this! :)

  • amalynne April 27, 2017, 10:54 pm

    it would be devastating to be in this sitiation =(

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