Why Men Look At Other Women

Why Men Look At Other Women

Now, this is something that can actually drive a woman crazy, make her feel sick to her stomach and make her feel unworthy of love. When a man looks at another while he is with you, it can be an earth-shattering experience, something you can’t help feel furious and unbearably upset at. Even if you “aren’t that type of girl,” the type who gets jealous a lot… seeing your man stare at some other woman can send you into a wave of fury coupled with a sense of sadness deep in your soul.

A lot of the men I’ve taught as clients have come to me with what I thought was an unusual problem: they couldn’t stop looking at other women when they were in a relationship, and it was affecting them negatively.

For many of them, looking at other women had become a big problem. Married men especially had trouble – because everything in their lives was going well for them, except that they couldn’t stop their “wandering eye.”

For these guys, it negatively impacts their lives because of how upsetting and hurtful it can be to their partner, in addition to how demoralizing it is to them when they realize they’re unable to stop on their own.

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They struggle with incidents that they feel are out of their control, like a quick glance at a woman on the street – and they feel awful about it, especially if the other woman notices. The pain comes both from hurting their partners, and from not being able to control looking and feeling awkward and panicked about it.

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Taking The First Step

The first step in addressing this issue is recognizing that it’s a problem. A lot of men simply don’t consider this a problem, either because they’re single or because they think their spouse is unaffected.

But for the men who know this has a painful effect on their spouses, it’s a huge step to admit that they want to stop this behavior – they just don’t know how.

To realize what this habit is about, we need to look at it from the beginning. Most men start habitually glancing at women when they’re teenagers. They discover it naturally and it actually feels good to them – really good.

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Men are especially susceptible to a very positive physical reaction when they see an attractive woman as teenagers. Their brain responds with neurochemicals that make them feel amazing – which reinforces the behavior.

Why Men Look At Other Women

Men are especially susceptible to a very positive physical reaction when they see an attractive woman as teenagers. Their brain responds with neurochemicals that make them feel amazing – which reinforces the behavior. These neurochemical responses in the brain are the reason why men begin to look at other women habitually. Add that to the constant stream of attractive women shown on the news, in media, tv , and movies, and you get the makings of a habit that can be very difficult for a man to break.

why men look at other women

The habit becomes so strong that for a lot of men, it feels like a “reflex” rather than a habit, and like it’s impossible to stop doing.

Meanwhile, men are told over and over again that this is “natural” male behavior, that males “should” glance and “check out” other women. Advertisements on tv are particularly guilty of promoting this behavior, and most of them use very attractive women to try to sell products.

In short, this kind of behavior is not only promoted, it’s reinforced day after day by the media in today’s society – which makes it even more difficult for a man to “turn it off.”

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It’s only when men get into committed relationships or marriage that they start to see this behavior as a real negative – because they see how it’s hurting and negatively affecting their partners.

Here Are 3 Suggestions For How To Get Him To Stop Looking At Other Women:

1. Help him realize that this is a habit , it’s not a reflex . He doesn’t have to do it, it’s not uncontrollable, it’s just a deeply ingrained habit that he will need to work on breaking.

2. Help him to take a look at his life and really scrutinize it to find the things that support and feed that habit. Things like internet porn, advertisements with hot women, men’s magazines, etc. Try to help him cut those things out of his life so they don’t make the habit any stronger (and give him some breathing room to work on breaking it.)

3. Acknowledge that it’s totally normal and natural to notice attractive women. It doesn’t make him a freak, it doesn’t mean he’s awkward or a creep, it’s totally 100% natural. What you’re trying to help him do here is not stop noticing them, but rather limit how often he “checks out” other women and for how long.

Do you have any strategies to help stop the habit of looking at other women? Let me know in the comments!

If you loved this article, then check out these other must-see related posts:

Why do men with girlfriends look at other women?

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5 Tips For Dealing With Your Partner Looking At Other Women

Want to find out for sure if you really trust him? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Do You Trust Him” Quiz right now and find out if you really trust him…

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89 comments… add one
  • Aaron Heaton July 13, 2017, 12:56 pm

    This is why i have a cat and not a girl friend, my cat lets me pet other cats.

  • Janine July 6, 2017, 9:47 pm

    I have been with my fiance for 5 years and plan on marriage next year i have lost alor of weight therefore i have issues with sagging skin and boob size lose. When i see him look at a woman that we drive by and she is backward facing us who has a nice butt or a lady walking through a parking lot who has a nice body and boobs and he looks 2 3 times. This has gotten to the point where i dont like to go to public places because im even more self conscience about myself when he has to look at other woman because i will never have a body like that. I could but will take thousands of dollars for surgery to get extra skin off and i dont have the money to do it. So is he looking because he is missing that in the relationship? Because i feel if he was happy with me and us he wouldnt do that. He has issues on himself being skinny and i dont look at all the buff guys that cross my path.

  • Poler June 2, 2017, 4:22 am

    I’m with my boyfriend after 3 yrs of long distance friendship. We got together because we both want to really try this and according to him, he’s comfortable enough that he can see himself with and actually wants to spend his life with me.

    I caught him looking at the Facebook photos of people he’s been with, attractive friends, friends of friends random women and even one woman who’s apartment we were meant to view to move into (about 30 photos, id say more I just didn’t want to look further into web history.he ended up going alone to view the place) he said it was to update up on their life but it would be the same photos. He also checks out articles with catch titles like “hot celebrity has crazy body!” “Look at ____ topless on the beach” Etc.

    When we are out to dinner and there’s a hot waitress his eye will follow all of dinner. If we are out and there is a specific attractive female she will become the center of glances. He has turned his entire body while with me to look at someone.

    Where do I draw the line? I find many men attractive as in, they have nice aesthetics. I notice this for females too. But my glancing goes from looking at everyone in a surrounding like a bar, for example, and going “huh pretty face” and then I go back to my own world. I’ve no strange subconscious issue to continue to look at the same person or people the whole time… they may be in my view of course but I don’t pay attention.i focus on who I’m with and what I’m doing. I don’t seek pleasure in continuously looking at the same face/body out of admiration of aesthetics. It’s a freakin person at the end of the day not a walking penis, so, if I did continue, thoughts would naturally come with that, no? Sizing a body and thinking nice arms legs damn what a curve.. even if you’re not stating it in your head you’re NOTICING that over and over. Same shit.

    Not out of respect, not out of knowing it’s not moral, but because i don’t feel sexual tendencies towards anyone but the one i truly adore. I picked you to be my best friend. I picked you to be the person I’ll take a bullet for. So what is the issue about not treating every day like you’re with the best person ever? I guess adoration is hard for men when the pool of nice asses is so big. It’s forever a friendship to them with someone they can handle (until maybe they can’t) and enjoy being around generally, and to really love someone in unconditional ways is for the couples who’ve truly found their favorite person ever. When that person becomes a priority it’s difficult to entertain trivial things like blatantly staring at someone. That’s when you’re single and scoping. Mates mean you’re happy and don’t need that anymore. If your animalistic tendencies can’t be controlled by your human brain I highly suggest not ever commiting because it doesn’t feel like commitment when you’re on the other end. It feels like you’re in something fake. It takes away the love aspect and replaces it with “this is just what people do. You find someone have kids get bored look at others cause why not people look nice” like huh? Are you 10? When do we learn it doesn’t matter how someone looks but like on a note that we don’t judge by appearances lol.

  • Insidious_Sid May 29, 2017, 1:29 pm

    Wow, lots of salty tears coming from the women here. Yet, women seem to have no issue turning sex into a proverbial DOG TREAT that her man gets IF he falls in line. Men look because fun sex with an anonymous partner is an amazing fantasy, compared to the real-life rigors of actually living with and trying to get along with a human female. Truth is, it’s really not that easy and 90% of it is a major pain in the @$$. But, for whatever reason, some men (not myself) continue to try.

    Maybe, instead of becoming hysterically jealous of other women, stop using sex to control your man and use it for it’s intended purpose: to strengthen your bond with him so he won’t have eyes for other women.

    Oh, and he might “comply” when you dole out the dog-treat sex, but secretly he is resenting you for the manipulation and control, and is already starting to look elsewhere.

  • mike lee May 11, 2017, 5:15 am

    As a handsome guy, I see women side glancing when with their partners. This article is sexist and degrading to men. Women are equally sexual it’s just the reverse, women have been conditioned to hide their sexuality unless they are selling something or trade it as a commodity or for a compliance reward for chore completion. The world would be a happier place if we just had sex because we enjoy it and not as a reward/control mechanism. Ultimately it makes women unhappy, not men, because they hold themselves back, there’s always a younger hotter woman willing to offer sex as a trade for a relationship!

  • Rhondamarie April 26, 2017, 5:03 pm

    My partner (of 6 years) has decided to tell me “what men are really like” . So, they look
    At, and notice every other woman out their,
    Have their “private time” and fantasise about
    What they’d like to do with this person.
    This has broken my heart , I also feel like
    I’m no good enough, unattractive, worthless.
    How can you be someone’s No 1 , priority, person he wants to be with, when all the time
    He’s thinking about having sex with another woman ! This is emotional cheating , it’s so disrespectful, not only to the partner whose
    Left feeling broken, but to all the women
    Out there, having their privacy invaded by some
    Guy! I’m disgusted !!!
    So….to all you disrespectful little creeps out there…….. this IS NOT OK , this is wrong ,
    You have no right to invade a woman’s privacy
    , how about , for once, seeing the beautiful woman standing beside you , the one you chose ,
    The one that , looks after you, cooks for you , cleans up after you, looks after you’re children, does you’re laundry, stands and irons it all , then puts it away . The one who….. no matter what, is always there for you , the one who, deserves the love and attention, the appreciation, the compliments from the man she loves!
    HOW DARE YOU DUSRESPECT YOUR “loved one”
    In such a manner, that it absolutely destroys her .
    Theirs NO EXCUSE

  • Sally April 7, 2017, 9:02 pm

    My issue is that what are these men thinking when looking. Are they fantasizing about sexual content when looking. But some how they say they love and adore thier wives and never would go there. I can’t grasp how they love us but desire sleeping with other women… No inner strength! They love us yes but if they were aloud to be with other women and still keep the cook, cleaner and the Orphis they use while having sex with for friction all the while thier mind is on other women… I am over the lies men tell us and themselves that they are loyal… Maybe on body but not in mind..

  • Jenny March 17, 2017, 4:46 am

    It bothers me when my husband looks at other women. I feel not good enough ect. I don’t think it’s something I can ever over look or get past. What should I do?

    • mike lee May 11, 2017, 5:20 am

      Be more sexual. It’s bloody simple. Let him see you naked, that’s the main reason he is with you. Keep your body in shape. Men are hugely visual (women are too). Men look because their women dress for themselves all the time rather than wearing what their man finds attractive from time to time. You want to live by your own morals and constraints then be single. Relationships require doing things each other like, this is why men get angry, because they deliver on holidays and housework and kids and then women day I’m not waxing for you, love me for who I am, I don’t wear clothes like that, I don’t like the taste of that.

  • Jess January 29, 2017, 11:39 am

    This is an AWESOME way on how to lose a guy! Men look because they have testosterone and it is in their nature. I love my GF with all my heart! I’d take a bullet for her. But I still look. I let her look at attractive guys. Chaining your mate up is a great way to lose that person. And being insecure and jealous is a great ingredient to ruin a relationship. Think of a relationship much like a job. If the job treats you bad or is unfair, you will start to look somewhere else better or just straight up leave. Relationships take a lot of work and understanding. I know my woman is going to look at hot guys. And she knows I look at hot girls. But she knows me well enough that I will not run to them.

    • jamie smith May 27, 2017, 9:10 pm

      Hi Jess can I ask for your view on something? Ive found out my partner has been viewing content online, erotic revealimg bikini babes,etc. I found this really hard to take and I think he does this fairly regularly. He said all guys do this even those in a relationship. Can you be honest and say if you think this is true? I..e have you ever purposely done it while in a relationship and do you do it regularly? Thanks for your help.

  • amber January 27, 2017, 7:52 pm

    its actually other womens fault. when they see you, the GF, happy in your man’s presence and that he is TAKEN, they purposefully walk by, flirt, smile extra hard. most women dress provactively because they have bought into the fact that looks are the only thing important about them. just make sure that you speak and give your attention to other men, so YOUR man knows that you are more than the physical. trust me, it is our CULTURE that permits the abuse of relationships. i am not in one myself, but i notice immediately the women who come out of the woodworks or try to make attention to themselves simply because i have a man around. selfish, stupid, vain and childish. it is imprudent women’s faults as well as media

  • beatrice August 18, 2016, 8:34 pm

    I think it is socially sanctioned disrespectful behavior. It seems to be a consequence of the imbalance of power between the sexes that has existed since the onset of agriculture. Whenever one group is given power over another, abuse occurs. Ogling is a residual effect of women being considered less important in society and therefore less worthy of respectful behavior.

  • Blanca Simpson June 30, 2016, 2:42 pm

    The fix is not to look at porn!! that’s another addiction or habit a married man or a man who has a girlfriend should not be involved in. It just makes them sicker than what they already were. Caught my boyfriend downright staring at the same girl not once but a couple of times then he lied about it..next time he does this I’m gonna video tape him so I can show him proof!!

  • Maza Moise May 24, 2016, 10:17 am

    The more i read the more lean

  • Julie Hunter January 14, 2016, 9:18 pm

    I hate this topic. After a bad breakup because of things like this, all that happens right now is a major headache.

    • Blanca Simpson June 30, 2016, 2:45 pm

      I know how you feel. It makes me feel like if he isn’t satisfied with what he’s got at home.

  • Denise Spruell January 14, 2016, 9:07 pm

    Men can come up with all of the excuses in the world. I still think that it is disrespectful and that’s what it comes down to.

  • Mary Stringer January 13, 2016, 11:44 am

    LOL, JERKS. that was a good one!

  • Karen Coleman January 13, 2016, 11:23 am

    If I man has to do it, I would prefer that he is NOT doing it in front of me and not making comments about other woman at the same time.

  • Gertrude Martin January 12, 2016, 5:51 pm

    I am sure there is something psychological about it, but that does NOT make it right, right?

  • Joaquina Barrera January 11, 2016, 9:43 pm

    If my man said that it was a “reflex” I would smack him upside the head right away.

  • Ernesto Moran January 8, 2016, 1:28 pm

    As a guy, I feel like it is just natural. I try not to do it, especially when around my wife, but it is almost subconsciously happening.

    • Sandra Elkins January 11, 2016, 9:51 pm

      That is too bad, I hope you are not married.

      • Rhonda Wickham January 12, 2016, 5:59 pm

        I was thinking the same thing Sandra!

    • jamie smith May 27, 2017, 9:14 pm

      Hi Ernesto can I ask for your view on something? Ive found out my partner has been viewing content online, erotic revealimg bikini babes,etc. I found this really hard to take and I think he does this fairly regularly. He said all guys do this even those in a relationship. Can you be honest and say if you think this is true? I..e have you ever purposely done it while in a relationship and do you do it regularly? Thanks for your help.

  • Estella Hutchinson January 6, 2016, 2:55 pm

    I find it very disrespectful to see men looking at other woman!

    • Claire Meza January 7, 2016, 10:28 pm

      I also find that disrespectful. That does not stop them from doing it and all that means is that you will have to show him why it is not something you appreciate.

  • Yolanda Blevins January 4, 2016, 9:31 pm

    Do you think it has anything to do with a man’s wild side? I just think it is disrespectful.

    • Addie Batchelor January 8, 2016, 1:36 pm

      “wild” side? I doubt it. He is just being a jerk if he is doing it in front of you.

  • Giovanna Olsen January 1, 2016, 10:26 am

    Glancing at the opposite sex when you are a teen is one thing. When you are with a partner, there is no reason to be doing that.

    • Mary Loggins January 5, 2016, 10:00 pm

      Yeah, teens are known for that as they notice the opposite sex, but there is no reason a married man should be looking around.

  • Tonya Thompson January 1, 2016, 10:12 am

    There are woman that look at other men as well and I wonder if it would be the same thing about the personality inside of them.

  • Catherine Edwards December 30, 2015, 9:34 am

    I am not sure that I understand. Even if it is something inside his head, it does NOT make it right. When you are with someone, you need to pay the most attention to them and them only.

  • Mindy Childs December 29, 2015, 8:38 am

    I have seen men looking at other women my whole life. My mom always said that those types are just hard nosed jerks that have no respect.

    • Deana Price January 7, 2016, 10:38 pm

      It is something that just stands out like a sore thumb, right?

  • Sadie Dorrough December 28, 2015, 1:07 pm

    Like the old saying goes, “You can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em!”

    • Ruth Watts January 4, 2016, 9:40 pm

      LOL. Haven’t heard that one in a while.

  • Leila Cooksey December 27, 2015, 9:28 am

    Things like a married man’s wandering eye are what keep me from thinking I can have a successful marriage. I hear stories, even of marriages that are “good” and the husband still goes out and “looks” at the opposite sex. That is not right. What is missing that he needs so bad and why can’t he ask his wife for it?

    • Diane Marts January 6, 2016, 3:23 pm

      Do not let others downfall keep you from having a good marriage.

    • Deana Price January 7, 2016, 10:39 pm

      I agree with what Diane said. Do not like the bad habits of others determine if you are going to have a good marriage.

  • Brenda Briley December 26, 2015, 12:32 pm

    I have never experienced this. Or maybe I just never noticed it. I will have to keep a closer eye on my b/f and what he is paying attention to these days.

    • Nicole Cockrell December 29, 2015, 8:47 am

      It is not like you have to stalk his every move, these signs are very easy to see.

  • Virginia McHenry December 24, 2015, 12:22 pm

    I hate when this happens. I am usually not that jealous, but what reason would he have to look at another woman?

    • Gale Zamora December 28, 2015, 1:21 pm

      I hate it even more when it is happening right in front of a women the guy is obviously with.

  • Chelsea Barnes December 23, 2015, 9:51 am

    I have a strategy, I just tell him that if he is going to look at women, I am going to look at other men. That usually stops it right away!

    • Fern Ross December 27, 2015, 9:40 am

      LOL, that should do the trick, huh? :)

  • Darlene Todd December 22, 2015, 12:46 pm

    I get that it might be a little natural, but does the guy have to stare like he’s looking at a juicy steak?

    • Christina Hales January 5, 2016, 10:10 pm

      I wish I could get a look from a guy like that!

  • Karen Dixon December 19, 2015, 8:38 am

    Don’t you think it is more of a “natural” thing? I don’t like that reason, but there has to be something primal about it.

    • Ollie Trotter December 23, 2015, 10:00 am

      Maybe. I wouldn’t buy it either way :)`

  • Jana Kraft December 19, 2015, 8:29 am

    I am going to be OK with a man if he is going to use the excuse that it is just natural, however, if he is going to pursue the opposite sex, there will be issues.

    • Rachael Porter December 31, 2015, 8:49 am

      I wouldn’t even be OK with the excuse.

  • Amanda Schmidt August 14, 2015, 11:51 am

    It is truly a bad thing if the only issue you have in life is that your eyes wonder at other woman.

    • Carrie Doe December 30, 2015, 9:42 am

      Maybe. Some people find it disrespectful.

  • Gail Casey August 13, 2015, 5:49 pm

    I am going through this right now and I am not sure what to do. Part of me wants to just give up, while the other half of me wants to see if he will change his tune after I tell him the last straw is looking at other woman.

    • Eleanor Riveria December 31, 2015, 8:58 am

      I think you need to talk to the guy and make sure that he knows that this is something that you do not appreciate.

  • Misty Romero August 13, 2015, 4:44 pm

    I guess it is a bad thing to see a guy look at woman when he is clearly with another. What is even worse is when an older guy is checking out a younger person.

    • Alicia Poole August 18, 2015, 4:52 pm

      Yeah, that can be even creepier for you.

  • Marie Cox August 12, 2015, 9:40 am

    If my man said that looking at other woman was a “habit” I would be re-evaluating the relationship that we are in.

    • Kathleen Sutherland December 26, 2015, 12:15 pm

      That is the same thing I would be doing.

  • Nora Vargas August 11, 2015, 9:31 am

    Jerks! That is all :)

    • Janet Griffin August 14, 2015, 12:09 pm

      LOL, exactly!

  • Jane Cox August 11, 2015, 9:22 am

    I can buy that it is a habit that was picked up along with being single, but why can’t a guy just learn to turn it off out of respect?

  • Louise Peters August 10, 2015, 7:28 pm

    Habit. That might be something you can help him break. It is going to take some time, but usually if you talk about how it is disrespectful to you, his habits should change rather quickly.

  • Zoe Paterson August 7, 2015, 9:39 pm

    Thank you for posting this. However, it does not help the fact that my b/f is always doing this right in front of me. It is frustrating and I can barely handle it.

  • Jacqui   August 7, 2015, 8:29 am

    Because they are jerks, I thought that was obvious.

    • Jackie Curry August 10, 2015, 7:38 pm

      LOL, that’s the first thing that I thought :)

  • Carleen   August 7, 2015, 8:14 am

    I guess it could be scientific. As long as the guy is not doing it when I am around, I guess there is nothing I can do about it, right?

  • Carleen   August 6, 2015, 9:26 pm

    I agree that you have to nip the issue right away. A man might have come from a relationship where he could look. That is not right no matter the situation!

  • Dinorah   August 5, 2015, 12:13 pm

    I don’t know! If I knew the answer to this AND could stop them from doing it I would be a millionaire with a great book!

    • Deborah Carswell December 22, 2015, 12:57 pm

      There would be a million woman walking around that knew the answer if one of us knew it!

  • Candyce Uhler   August 5, 2015, 12:00 pm

    When you dig deep down, I am sure it is a natural thing for the male to do. The weird thing is that there are woman that do it also, but that is rarely talked about. How come?

    • Jacqui   August 6, 2015, 9:37 pm

      Why do you think? Most of the cheaters are men, that would be my guess.

    • Ruby Edward December 24, 2015, 12:31 pm

      Most of the cheaters that I know are men.

  • Katharyn Weitz   August 3, 2015, 10:16 am

    I get the whole “natural” thing, but really, doesn’t it come down to respect?

    • Jestine   August 7, 2015, 9:27 pm

      It does. If the guy cannot keep his eyes off another woman, there is something that should be discussed.

      • Maxine Sherman August 12, 2015, 9:52 am

        I totally agree. This might seem like habit, but it really comes down to respect in my opinion, like many others here have said.

  • Arielle Hereford   August 1, 2015, 12:32 pm

    If you really figure this one out, you let me know. I am constantly giving my man a little reminder that he should not be looking at others.

    • Joan Powell August 17, 2015, 9:15 am

      That is good, but you shouldn’t have to do that right? Out of respect, he should just ditch thinking about what the other person looks like naked and go from there.

  • Lida Depaolo   August 1, 2015, 12:22 pm

    I guess I never really had any issue with a glance, sometimes that is just how it happens. But if I catch my man making a habit of it with the same lady, that would be enough to fire up my temper.

  • Lucila Amyx   July 31, 2015, 12:32 pm

    When it comes to men and other woman, it is a fine line, but for the most part, you want a guy that is NOT going to do it.

    • Paula Hughes August 17, 2015, 9:27 am

      Very simply put. NOT doing it would be better for all parties involved.

  • Diana Butler July 31, 2015, 12:16 pm

    I am sure they all have their own reasons. I am just not going to say that any of them are justified :)

    • Trang Rempel   August 3, 2015, 10:27 am

      Agreed. Been down here before and would not tolerate it again!

  • Nicole Nichols July 30, 2015, 1:34 pm

    I feel like you could take a slow approach to making him understand. But, at some point he would have to make a change that is noticeable for you to move on with him.

  • Yvonne Scott July 30, 2015, 1:22 pm

    Oh its a neurochemical alright. A quick snap in the back of the head should fix it LOL.

    • Jane Scott August 18, 2015, 5:02 pm

      LOL, that would fix a few more things that just his wandering eyes!

    • Blanca Simpson June 30, 2016, 2:48 pm

      Funny but true..lol

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