Does he really care about me or are these signs my boyfriend doesn’t want me anymore?
It can be devastating when the guy you’ve had your eye on and poured your heart into just doesn’t seem to be into you. You can try every trick in the book and he doesn’t seem to respond. You bat your eyes, laugh and smile. You wear your best clothes and take extra care to look amazing. You’ve even started going to the gym more often in a last-ditch effort to appeal to him.
Why doesn’t he like you?
Why is this happening and what can you do about it?
MORE: 10 Guaranteed Signs He Doesn’t Like You
The first thing you need to know is that it isn’t your fault. Attraction is a very complex thing, and many people aren’t even aware of the reasons they are magnetically, almost magically drawn to one person and completely repelled by another person.
You can’t control the myriad subtle psychological and evolutionary influences that make a man fall in love with a particular woman.
Even Charles Darwin couldn’t figure out exactly why men fall for women. He posited some generalities like women prefer the “fittest” man, because that will ensure their survival, but that’s a bit simplistic.
There’s also tons of bad relationship advice about “how to get the guy you want” that is totally misleading.
You’re given a bunch of empty platitudes like:
– You deserve love! (Doesn’t everybody?)
– He’s just afraid of love. (Isn’t everyone to some degree?)
– Then there’s the toxic advice that he just wants to use you and dump you, breaking your heart in the process.
Here’s some better advice. Relationships aren’t random. Your soul mate doesn’t somehow miss the cues that you are standing right in front of them.
Relationships seem easier for some people to handle because they make certain life choices, however, getting together with someone you are interested in starts with a change in your foundational beliefs.
MORE: 15 Signs He Actually Doesn’t Care About You
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
If a man doesn’t want to be with you in the way you want him to be with you then:
1. It doesn’t mean that you are unlovable or undesirable in any way. You are not flawed or doomed never to be loved. That’s bunk, so let those thoughts go right now.
2. The guy you are into that doesn’t seem to like you back is not a bad or evil person just because he isn’t attracted to you.
3. He’s not trying to manipulate you or play games with you. If he doesn’t like you, he isn’t waiting for you to do one magic thing that will make him fall head over heels in love.
4. A few major choices in how you conduct your life will make you loved and desired by the right guy.
Here are a few things that are keeping you from finding love with a man that will love you back:
– You’re fantasizing about a relationship with him when he has made it clear he isn’t into you is hurting your chances of finding love with someone who will make this guy seem like yesterday’s wet newspaper.
– Having a fantasy about how you want things to “work out” with him can be the worst thing that can happen to your love life. You are essentially cutting yourself off from other possibilities and running after the Holy Grail in a place it doesn’t exist.
– It may feel fun at first when you’re building up the fantasy in your mind, but beware. When the fantasy collapses, you’re going to be devastated. But who is really to blame? Did he ask you to fantasize about him? He wasn’t ever intending to be the person in your fantasy world.
– Once you become attached to the fantasy and want it to come true, it can be very hard to let it go. It becomes a mental obsession that steals your energy, time, and life force so that you can’t concentrate on other things, including becoming more successful or attractive for yourself.
– Once you realize that you have built a false narrative, you then become afraid of the fantasy not coming true and your interactions (which used to be laid back and fun) become drenched in a fear of loss. This is a complete turn-off to anyone who might normally find you attractive.
MORE: The 9 Biggest Signs He Doesn’t Want To Be With You Anymore (And Might Not Love You)
How significant is it that you have built a fantasy around a man that isn’t attracted to you? Instead of taking things at face value and enjoying someone’s company, you get caught up in an emotional rollercoaster ride wondering if the fantasy will come true or not.
The normally carefree, fun mood you have is replaced by a tense, agenda-driven mood which is not fun for anyone to be around.
People love to be around someone who’s happy, relaxed and fun… but nobody wants to be around someone who is tense and desperate for us to make their dreams come true. It is more than any normal person can withstand. So, you’ve essentially made yourself highly undesirable to any man looking at having a loving relationship.
MORE: How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You
Here’s our advice.
When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him.
It doesn’t matter what his reason is. Don’t spend months, weeks, days, or even minutes trying to figure out why he doesn’t like you. He may not even know for sure why he doesn’t like you. Assume that he means what he says and that he will never change his mind.
If you proceed, understand that as far as he’s concerned, he told you he didn’t want a relationship. Even if you’ve been having sex with him for months or even years on end. Even if you see each other all the time and go on dates, it’s all fair play to him because he told you he wasn’t interested in you “in that way.”
Getting into a committed relationship isn’t something you just secretly slide into through the back door… if you need evidence for this, think of how many women you know who have been seeing a guy for a long time who they’re in a relationship-like dynamic with and yet he refuses to call her his girlfriend. You deserve better, but you need to behave in a certain way and make choices that allow you to have better.
This means that you should consider yourself 100% single until he eagerly, clearly and directly locks you down in a way you want (and you accept).
MORE: Exactly How to Know If a Guy Likes You
If you want to be in a committed, exclusive relationship, stop pretending that the guy you are into, but who doesn’t give you the time of day is ever going to change. You’re just lying to yourself, and more importantly you are preventing a real, passionate, fulfilling lover to be there for you in ways you may never have imagined. This is one of the most important choices you can ever make. Either he’s into you, and makes it abundantly clear, or he isn’t and you accept that and move on.
There is no such thing as a halfway commitment. If a man loves you, heaven and earth will be moved to get to you.
You should never act like a man’s girlfriend if he hasn’t made it clear he wants you to be, and calls you his girlfriend to your face, to his friends, to family, and to everyone you mutually know.
When women act like a man’s girlfriend because they think it will someone catapult them into this role, simply by pretending, then they are very misguided. If he doesn’t already see how great you are, acting like you are his when he isn’t feeling it won’t magically make him “see the light.”
When a guy realizes that a woman is single and totally on the dating market unless he commits to her, he’ll either commit or he’ll let her go. It’s that simple.
If he likes the woman enough to want to be in a relationship, he won’t want to lose her to another man and he’ll commit to her for fear that his best friend or some other guy will swoop in and steal her.
MORE: 5 Signs He’s Not That Into You
One way to know he doesn’t like you enough to commit is that he’s OK with the possibility that another guy could come along and snatch you up since, after all, you’re single.
If you look at this with the right perspective, it’s a win-win scenario since either he will commit to you or he simply won’t. Then some other guy (who is interested enough to want a relationship with you) snatches you up.
You don’t waste your time waiting around for a guy who was never going to come around anyway.
You aren’t mean or selfish if you date other guys until a man shouts from the mountaintops that he wants to be with you exclusively. Men already know that a woman they are attracted to is likely being pursued by other men. They fear this. This is what also propels them to act when they do like you.
There’s also nothing wrong with saying to a man that you will remain single and date other guys if he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship right now. He’ll already know that. But you can reaffirm it nicely.
If he ever changes his mind and wants a relationship with you, believe us he’ll make absolutely sure you know it!
MORE: Seven Signs He’s Really in Love With You
The biggest factor of your relationship success is who you pick and how you pick them.
Great relationships don’t happen because you turn a “no” into a “yes,” so let that notion go.
Great relationships happen because you say “no” to the men who aren’t the ones who want to be with you, and to make room for the amazing man who does want to be with you. Saying “no” to the man who isn’t committing is like saying a big “yes” to the one who will.
This article shows you if a guy wants you you, now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he really likes you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You” Quiz right now and find out once and for all if he likes you…
if these signs confirm that he really doesn’t want you, i guess you just have to deal with it. dealing with it is better than forcing things between the 2 of you. sooner or later, it will still end up you both aren’t any good for each other.
ok. i will not waste my time waiting for a guy who was never going to come around anyway. thanks for this article. this really opened my eyes. i really thought there was something wrong with me reason why the guys i like would not like me back.
women sometimes feel inadequate just because a guy dumped her or doesn’t reply to texts messages and calls, i get that. but i tell you, do not ever feel unworthy just because 1 guy does this to you. it only means he isn’t for you and you aren’t for him. try to assess yourself and weigh in the reasons why things ended and do better next time.
good thing i found this post. i really hate bad relationship advice. yours is better. i will absolutely follow them.
oh noooo..this is really sad for any woman. i hope this guy i just met really wants to be with me because i think i really like him and i don’t want to go thru heartbreak.
my partner is no longer initiating contact with me and i wonder why. he seems very different these past few weeks. does this mean he doesn’t want me anymore? gosh! i never want this to happen! i really love him and want him to be my forever!
i love your advice. we all do crazy stuff sometimes and then we end up hurting. accepting that a guy doesn’t want to stay earlier than later will keep you from all the trouble and heartaches.
ok. if you see these signs, it means the guy you like will never ever commit to you no matter what!
being in this position would really suck and i personally do not want to experience it. but if he do not want to be with me anymore, i wouldn’t force him to stay. it will only ruin us both in the long run. i believe that prevention is better than cure and yes, it really applies with this as well.
i will bookmark this post. i know that him not wanting me is not because i am unloveable or undesirable but still it hurts knowing that the man of my dreams is unable to love me in the way i want.
i really need to read this! i like this guy because he has everything that i am looking for but he doesn’t want me. :(
i’ve been in this situation before and it sucks! i had to find a relationship expert who can slap me back into reality!
as long as you talk about the matter and he gave you his side of the story, that should be it. no need for you going around looking for answers that won’t help at all. when a man firmly says he wants out, don’t beg him to stay, it will only hurt you more.
a man who doesn’t like committing to plans is also a big sign that he doesn’t want you. just observe..he is not interested in you if he makes plans with his friends easily compared with you.
he may not want to be with you anymore for whatever reasons but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. consider communicating all issues or concerns and try to understand the WHYs before losing all confidence and start blaming yourself for things you didn’t cause at all.
i love this article! i’ve read many blogs about how to get a guy to want me and yeah some of them are very misleading. thank you so much for giving me a better advice that i can also share with my friends.
hmmm, this is actually one of the biggest issues that women are facing when it comes to dating. thanks for posting this. your article will truly help a lot of women know if a man is available and interested when it comes to having a serious relationship.
it is actually time for me to stop chasing this guy who doesn’t want me. yeah, he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and i realized it is hard to love a man who doesn’t feel the same way. i don’t want to destroy my life so i better let him go.
first of all, do not be too paranoid thinking he doesn’t want you anymore. everyone, even men get a feeling of tiredness or even needing a bit of a space just like when we, women are PMS-ing. we feel different kinds of emotion and sometimes get really moody, not wanting to be disturbed. maybe he’s going thru something at work or with other things. be there for him and try to talk to him about it when you feel like he has time.
i will be sharing this to my girl friends. it’s a great reminder not to neglect self care and worth. thanks for posting this!
very timely. this article is an eye-opener. i realized that i was just wasting my time waiting around for a guy who would never love me. your website really helps a lot of women like me. keep posting more articles like this, please.
this is a sad truth and a lot of women go thru so much pain and depression knowing that a man she loves doesn’t want to be with her anymore. i recommend this reading to women in this situation or even not for future reference. also to know what to avoid in their relationships.
There is no such thing as a halfway commitment. If a man loves you, heaven and earth will be moved to get to you. – exactly my thoughts!this is a lesson i had to learn the hard way and it’s the lesson i also share to my friends all the time.
i love this article! and thank you so much for the wonderful advice. Great relationships happen because you say “no” to the men who aren’t the ones who want to be with you” – i will keep this in mind.
we should all be aware of these signs! nobody wants to be in a toxic relationship and this post will truly help us see if we need to let go.
i still don’t know what to do..but i’m glad i was able to read this article, i’ve learned a lot and i just have to decide what’s really best for me.
i knew that this guy doesn’t want me but it is very weird that he doesn’t want to let me go? he is indeed a toxic man!
i am wondering if this guy is just numb or if he doesn’t really notice that i exist. i love this article and i really appreciate your advice. keep it up!
women need to be reminded that they should be secure of themselves because this is usually a problem that causes relationship issues. most of the time we create our own monsters just because our boyfriends do not reply or text as much as before and stuff. try to better yourself than worry about some nonsense.
i totally agree with believing him when he says he doesn’t want a relationship. he may show you nice things that sometimes makes you believe he likes you..but reality is he’s just really nice. sometimes women fall into this trap and it’s sad we get disappointed and heart broken in the end. better talk about the status of your relationship before getting your hopes and expectations so high.