So you’re here because you want to be a good girlfriend.
That’s a great goal – it’s always awesome to want to please your partner in a relationship and make them happy.
And if what you want is to be a good girlfriend in order to make your boyfriend happy – that’s great. He should want to be a good boyfriend in order to make you happy as well.
In order to do that, I’m going to give you some of the “secrets” behind being a good girlfriend (and a good partner in general).
Many, even most of these secrets can be applied equally to either partner, regardless of their gender. It’s about wanting what’s best for you, your partner, and what will make both of you happy.
So without any more intro, let’s get into it. Here are the top secrets for being a good girlfriend.
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The Best Secrets For How To Be A Good Girlfriend
1. Honesty Is A Vitally Important Thing
Honesty is one of, if not the most important part of any healthy relationship.
Honesty means a few things.
First of all, it means that you’re ok telling him the truth. If he does something that bothers you – it means you’re ok telling him exactly what it was that bothered you, rather than hiding it or trying to make a fight about something else.
Second of all, it means that you’re ok telling yourself the truth. Self-honesty is a crucial part of a good relationship and of being a good girlfriend.
If you’re not able to be honest with yourself, it will mean that your grip on the relationship will slowly loosen, as you see what you want to see more and more instead of seeing what’s in front of you.
Be honest with yourself about how you feel about the relationship. Be honest with yourself about where you see the relationship going. And be honest with yourself about what makes you happy and what bothers you.
If he does something that bothers you – it’s ok to be honest with him. You can tell him what he did and why it bothered you without being demanding or telling him to change his behavior.
It’s up to him to decide what to do with that information. If he decides that he doesn’t care if his behavior bothers you… you can decide whether it’s worth it to still be in a relationship with him.
Third of all, it means that you’re ok with him telling you the truth.
That means that if he’s honest with you, even if it’s something you don’t want to hear, you don’t punish him for telling you the truth.
The best way to get someone to lie to you (all the time) is by making them think that you’re someone who can’t handle the truth. If he tries to be honest with you and you punish him for it, all that does is incentivize him to lie to you later.
Finally, being honest means being honest to yourself. If you want to be a good girlfriend by being who you “think” he’s interested in – it will never work and is doomed to fail.
That’s because authenticity and genuineness always comes out in the end. If you’re only pretending to be the person you think he wants, it will wear you down, wear him down, and wear the relationship down in the end.
The only way a lasting, solid, and happy relationship can be built is if both partners are happy and enjoy being around each other when they’re each being their genuine selves.
If you can’t be your real, genuine self around him – it means that you’re probably not compatible. And trying to fake it or be the person you think he wants doesn’t make you a good girlfriend – it turns the relationship into a ticking time bomb that will eventually explode.
Being your real, genuine self around him is the most important type of honesty there is. He has to like that person – the person you are when you’re alone – if the relationship is going to work.
And it works the opposite way too – you have to like him for who he truly is, or you’re both going to drive each other crazy eventually.
So if you want to be a good girlfriend? Be honest to him, be honest to yourself, allow him to be honest with you, and be your true, honest selves with each other. That will forge a stronger bond than any other secret.
2. Let The Relationship Progress Naturally
If you want to be a good partner, it means living in the present.
Not the future. Not the past. It means being happy where you are now and acting accordingly.
Now, I’m not saying you can’t look forward to the future – far from it. Everyone who’s feeling a little head over heels at the beginning of a relationship fantasizes about how the future is going to go.
But if you want to have the best, most solid, and happiest relationship – the best thing to do is let it progress naturally, and keep yourself in the moment rather than the future.
If things are going great with a guy, and you’re really digging him – that’s awesome. The best thing to do is to keep that vibe going.
But what if he’s not committing, or if he hasn’t called you his girlfriend yet?
Let me tell you first what won’t work. What won’t work is trying to pressure him into calling you his girlfriend or committing to you.
When you pressure him, it actually makes him less likely to commit, as he’ll feel trapped and less likely to want to commit to you.
Another thing that won’t work? Feeling upset or resentful that he’s not committing.
The best part of your relationship in the beginning is the vibe between you, and the excitement that both of you bring to the relationship every day.
If you start to resent him for not committing or calling you his girlfriend, all it does is ruin that excited, fun vibe between the two of you and make it more likely that he’s not going to want to be in a relationship with you.
So how do you get him to commit? How do you “let the relationship progress naturally” if it seems like he’s not going to naturally want to commit to you? How do you not get resentful if it feels like he’s just keeping things where they are – or worse, “using” you?
All you have to do is be exactly as committed to him as he is to you.
So what does that mean? It means that if he hasn’t committed himself to you – you haven’t committed yourself to him. If he hasn’t explicitly “locked you down”, you’re free to see other people, same as he is.
It means that if you’re both still technically “single” and just seeing each other “casually” – you can see other people just like he can see other people.
I can see people getting upset here, and asking “How is this a secret to being a good girlfriend? You’re telling us to date other people!”
Here’s why it makes sense: in order to be a good girlfriend, you need to respect yourself first. Self- respect comes before respecting someone else – if you don’t have self-respect, you can’t really fully respect someone else.
If you want to be a good girlfriend, the best thing to do is set up the boundaries that you are ok with and you’re not ok with. If you want to be in a relationship with him, and he’s refusing to commit – it means that you’re not committed to him either. And if that’s the case, there needs to be a boundary here for your self-respect: “I’m not going to devote myself to a man who hasn’t devoted himself to me.”
Let me tell you why being exactly as committed to him as he is to you works. It’s because it gives him an incentive to “lock you down” and commit to you.
If he knows that you’re going to stick around and be available to him regardless of whether he commits to you, then he has no incentive to change the situation. That’s when he’ll say things like “Why do we need to define what we have, what we have is great already,” or things along those lines.
But if he knows that you’re as available as he is – it means that he’s risking that you meet another amazing guy and he loses you.
That is what lights a fire under a man’s rear end and makes him want to lock you down. If he’s not worried that you’re going anywhere, he has no reason to commit. But if he’s afraid he’s going to lose you – you’d best believe that he’s going to want to commit.
Of course, there’s a chance that even if you set up your self-respect boundary and see other people, he still might not want to commit with you. The thing to remember if that happens is that this man was never going to commit to you anyway.
If he doesn’t lock you down even though there’s a real chance he could lose you, it means he was never going to commit to you in the first place.
So instead of wasting months or even years on a guy who was never going to commit, you’re already ahead of the game in that you’re out there, meeting new people, and finding a man who will give you what you want.
Remember, this article is about how to be a good girlfriend. If you want to be a good girlfriend, it all starts with living in the moment with him, which means taking life as it comes along.
If he hasn’t committed – neither have you. Don’t let that stand in the way of enjoying the time you spend together and enjoying each other’s company.
Either way – this is the best way to let a relationship develop naturally. When you protect your own self-respect, you make the respect that you give to him (and that you get from him) that much more special, and that’s one of the keys to being a good partner and a good girlfriend.
3. Be A Team With Each Other
If you want your relationship to work and you want to be a good girlfriend, it’s all about being on the same team.
That means supporting each other, giving each other positive encouragement and love, and holding each other up when you’re going through tough times.
I’m not saying you have to agree with everything he says or does – far from it. What I am saying is that if you want to forge a strong bond together and be a great girlfriend, you have to be on his “team” – the same way he has to be on your “team”.
That means if one of you is going through tough times, the other person is always there to pick you up and offer you support.
It means that if you have a disagreement and are fighting, you are not fighting to tear each other down. You’re fighting to figure out what’s not working and fix it so that there’s no frustration between you anymore.
So many relationships fall apart because the people in them don’t know how to fight. Instead of talking to each other about how they really feel and what’s really bothering them, they hurl insults and invective at each other to try to tear each other down. They fight to make the other person feel bad – not to solve the problem.
If you want to be a good girlfriend and be in a great relationship – it means that when you fight you’re still on the same team. It means that you’re not trying to tear each other down – you’re trying to solve whatever is causing the conflict between you so that you can go back to doing what you do best – making each other happy.
When you’re on a team, you compliment each other. You build up each other’s self-confidence and self-worth through nourishing positivity.
It means that you give each other compliments more than you give each other criticism. And it also means that if you do see something in your partner that you think he could be doing better – you offer him constructive criticism and support – the same way that he should do for you.
Being on a team with each other means that when you have conflicts with each other, you find compromises. It means that you’re both working together – instead of against each other – to figure out how to make both of you happy.
It means that sometimes you don’t get what you want – just like sometimes he doesn’t get what he wants – but that on the whole you both share and compromise equally with each other.
4. If He’s Looking For Space, Give It To Him
I’ve seen so many promising relationships go off the rails and fall apart because this one simple secret doesn’t get remembered.
It’s tragic to see in action. If a woman feels like her man is pulling away, it can trigger a panic reaction in her – where she feels like the sky is falling and that if she doesn’t do something right now to pull him back to her, he’s going to be gone forever.
The reality is that 99% of the time, that couldn’t be further from the truth. And the tragedy is that whenever someone (a man or a woman) panics and tries to pull their partner back from pulling away – it backfires and pushes their partner further away than before.
I’ve written about this in a million other places, you can find more about it in these articles:
The cliff’s notes version is essentially this: if it feels like he’s pulling away from you, the best way to be a good girlfriend is to give him the space he’s looking for to sort out whatever’s bothering him, and let him come back to you when he’s ready.
Most of the time, when it feels like a guy is pulling away, he’s really dealing with some stuff in his life that’s taking his attention away from the relationship and occupying his energy and time.
To you, it feels like he’s pulling away. To him, it feels like he’s concentrating to take care of something that’s bothering him.
So when people do the kneejerk reaction of trying to pull their partner back – all it does is distract them from whatever they’re trying to deal with, and make them want to pull away even further to get clarity about it.
Which makes their partner chase them even more, pushing them further away… you get the idea.
The best thing to do when he’s looking for space is to let him have it. Sometimes, people just need space – no matter how well a relationship is going.
A great girlfriend (and a great boyfriend in the opposite situation) recognizes when their partner is looking for space, and gives it to them – without feeling resentful, angry, or upset about it.
If you can give him the space he’s looking for and not punish him for it, it signals to him that you’re someone very special that he should not let go.
And it’s one of the ways to be an amazing girlfriend.
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Exactly How To Be A Good Girlfriend
- Honesty Is A Vitally Important Thing
- Let The Relationship Progress Naturally
- Be A Team With Each Other
- If He’s Looking For Space, Give It To Him