One of the hardest decisions you’ll have to make is whether or not to take him back after he already ended things with you.
Not only does it put you in a confusing situation, it’s also really frustrating. If my ex boyfriend wants me back after he dumped me, you bet I’d have to sit down and figure a few things out first.
You can’t just go running back into his arms like he’s the best thing on this earth without first weighing the options and facts first. Here’s what you should consider when deciding whether or not you should take him back after he dumped you.
Reasons you should get back together
So he dumped you. While that might suck, there could have been a real reason for it that’s forgivable. If any of the below describes you and your man, you may want to give things another shot.
1. It was a clean split
There was very little drama and things happened quickly. He said his piece and then left without being emotionally abusive or insulting you in any way.
This type of breakup just proves how much love and respect he does have for you. A guy who cares about you will make things as easy as possible when ending it.
Knowing that he wanted to make sure you didn’t go through such a rough time bodes well for his feelings for you and it’s a sign you could be able to work things out and get back together.
2. His reasons were understandable
Breakups happen. Sometimes a guy will have commitment issues and other times the timing is what sucks.
The point is, he may have broken up with you for reasons he thought were sound and then later realized he’d rather work through the issues so he can keep you in his life.
So sit down and question him a little bit. See why he ended things.
If you feel the reasons he ended things made sense and were understandable, it’ll be easier to work through together. Go ahead and give it a shot if this was the case.
3. Your relationship was previously healthy
Think about the state of your relationship before the breakup. While a lot of people have issues leading up to a breakup, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship itself wasn’t healthy.
Were you two caring and respecting toward each other? Did he appreciate you and what you did for him and vice versa?
A healthy relationship is much easier to get back into after a breakup. Plus that just goes to show that he truly does care for you and that might make it simpler for you to overlook the fact that he dumped you.
4. You can forgive him
Being dumped is serious. You went through the heartbreak and longing and buckets of ice cream. That can be really hard to forgive and forget.
So if you really want to get back together with him, you’ll have to decide if you can get over the fact that he left you.
Are you the type of person who holds onto things forever, or is it easy for you to throw it behind you and move on? You’ll really have to do some self-reflecting and decide if the way and reason he dumped you is reasonable enough for you to forgive.
If not, you just can’t take him back. You’ll end up resenting him for leaving you in the first place and, worse, you’ll bring it up when you have arguments.
That will only lead to a toxic relationship.
5. You still have feelings for him
This is usually the case if he dumped you. Otherwise, you’d have left him before he got the chance. But, occasionally, he leaves and you realize your life is better off without him.
If that happens, you obviously shouldn’t get back together. Your feelings still have to be intact in order for the relationship to work once you mend your problems.
So think about how you truly feel about him. Do you still want him in your life and does he still add value to it? Are you still in love with him?
This isn’t the most important factor when deciding if you should take him back after he dumped you because you can still love him and should never get back together. Take this into account but make sure the other reasons above still hold true.
Reasons to make your peace and move on from him
Sometimes you just can’t let yourself be with someone who dumped you. These are some of the reasons you should accept the breakup and move on for good.
1. He cheated and dumped you for someone else
He doesn’t get to pick and choose when to have you in his life. And the more you keep going back to him after he dumped you to have a temporary fling with someone else, the more likely it is he’ll keep doing it.
And then there’s the fact that he cheated or wanted to be with someone else. Does he really even want to be with you?
What many men do is break up in order to get with other women and still consider it “not cheating.” Then they go running back into the arms of their ex so they’re never alone.
Don’t get back together with a guy like that. If he left you for someone else, then he can go running back to them. He can’t have his cake and eat it.
You’ve got to have more self-respect than to let a guy walk all over you in this manner.
2. It was an ugly breakup
Think about how he dumped you. Was it over a text? Did he even give you a good reason for it? This says an awful lot about the type of guy he is and what he truly thought of you.
A good breakup is one where he sat you down and discussed the reasons he no longer wanted to be together. If he just called it quits and was even insulting you or blaming everything on you, he doesn’t respect you.
Why would you want to be with someone who has such little respect for you that he’d dump you over a single text?
Do better for yourself and forget all about him. He’s not worth your time, let alone your heart.
3. He was emotionally or physically abusive
Any abuse should be a red flag. He may have dumped you, but that was a good thing for you.
But now he’s back and you can’t decide what to do. The answer to this one is pretty simple: don’t take him back.
Physical or emotional abuse will only result in a toxic relationship and your self-esteem dwindling until you really don’t have anything left. Your mental health will decline and that’s just not worth it.
Plus, if he really loved and cared about you, why would he treat you so horribly? He also left you. It can be really difficult to say no to someone when they’ve manipulated you in the past, but just do it.
Move on and you’ll have a better life for it.
4. You’re just lonely
You’re vulnerable after a breakup. You spent so much of your time with someone else. Having that human contact and then suddenly being without it can leave you feeling empty.
It’s as if you’re going through a withdrawal. When this happens, it can be way too easy to take your ex back without really thinking about it.
Do you even miss him? Is your life really worse off without him? Or are you just lonely?
Think about your true desires. Wanting to have your ex back and wanting to have someone to hold aren’t the same thing. Even if you’re not over your ex, you might be better off without him.
Getting back together with him just because you’re lonely will just result in the same issues that broke you two up in the first place.
5. You can never trust him again
Maybe he dumped you because he got with someone else. Can you really put your trust in him to not do the same thing again?
He broke your heart. That’s not something you can easily forgive and move on from. Your trust has been shattered, just like your heart.
You may be someone who will get back together and always wonder if he’s going to break up with you again. This causes a lot of resentment and many other issues you just can’t fix without having trust.
So do you really trust him? Are you able to put this behind you so you can put your full trust in him again? Because without your trust, the relationship will inevitably fail.
It might be a better idea to just move on and work on getting over him. You’ll find more happiness this way.
Getting back with your ex is a huge deal. It’s not something you should take lightly. It’s something you should think long and hard about. Only take him back after he dumped you if it was for legitimate reasons and you can work through them.
Bella Pope is a contributing writer at Romancoholic.com, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here), Writing Youtuber, and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things dog, pizza, and writing related.