Staying friends is a horrible idea.
It is! Most of the time, it’s horrible .
And yet it’s everywhere! Every breakup, there’s always gotta be that one person (aka the person who’s ending the relationship) that says “I don’t want to lose you as a friend, let’s try to stay friends with each other.”
People, that’s garbage .
It’s such a bad idea. Why? because of the reasons i’m about to lay out in front of you.
So here are 6 reasons why trying to stay friends is a horrible, bad, garbage, terrible, doomed, idiotic, ridiculous, poisonous, garbacious (you’re damn right I just made up the word garbacious) idea.
1. One Of You Still Has Feelings For The Other
This is an obvious one, right?
After all, you just broke up. Someone’s gonna be real unhappy here!
Either you’re going to be the one who’s unhappy and still wants to be in a relationship because you just got dumped, or the person you just dumped is going to want to get back together with you after having their butt introduced to the curb.
Either way, there’s going to be unresolved emotional and romantic feelings at the end of any relationship, and the only way that they can resolve and end naturally is with two things: time and space .
And neither of those things is present when you’re friends with the person you just dumped (or who just dumped you).
So if you wanna be friends with them, you need to wait. Maybe you can be friends like a couple years down the line. Or even sooner! But not right away, and especially not if they still have feelings for you (or you still have feelings for them).
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
2. There Was Abuse In The Relationship
This one is obvious, but it’s so important I’m putting it here anyway: If there was any kind of abuse in the relationship, either emotional or otherwise, there is no way that the relationship should (or could possibly) turn into a real friendship.
Why? Because abuse has no place in any kind of relationship! Regardless of it’s a friendship or a romance, abuse is something that destroys and degrades people, and poisons everything in your life.
If you were with someone who was abusive, there’s no reason to believe that they will stop being abusive just because you’re friends now instead of romantic partners.
Do the right thing for yourself, your health, and your self-esteem, and cut that jerk out of your life.
3. Only One Person Actually Wants To Be Friends
This one is actually super common. Only one of you truly wants to be friends while the other one just said it during the breakup because that’s what you’re supposed to say.
After all, what better way is there to soften the blow of a breakup than by saying “We should still just be friends though… because I still really like you… ok thanks byeeeeee.”
The offer of friendship after a breakup is almost always an insincere move on the part of the person ending the relationship to try to assuage their guilt and make the other person feel better.
So even if you really do want to be friends with your ex, they might not even want to be friends with you. They probably just said it so they wouldn’t feel so bad.
Which is a crappy, cowardly move.
Don’t try to be friends with your ex.
4. You Don’t Respect Each Other
When a relationship ends, it’s rare that there’s no fighting, no tantrums, no crying, and no drama. Most of the time, relationships melt down, and people get mad at each other on the way out.
Maybe one of you said something that you’re never going to be able to take back or forget about.
Maybe you got so tired of screaming at each other that you ran out of throat lozenges. Maybe you just couldn’t stand the sight of each other by the end of the relationship.
Whatever it is, why would you want to bring that dynamic into a friendship? Friendships need mutual respect to survive. If you don’t respect each other, there’s literally no basis for the friendship to even exist.
I know I’ve said this before, but I’mma say it again: don’t try to be friends with your ex.
5. You Wouldn’t Even Be Friends With This Person In The First Place
Not all relationships are about friendship. In fact, a lot of them aren’t!
A lot of them are just straight up about sex!
You can be totally romantically and sexually compatible with someone without being compatible for a friendship with them. They’re completely different relationships with completely different requirements!
Maybe the things you were happy to overlook in a relationship because you were getting that good good lovin’ will start to bug you in a friendship now that the pleasure train has left the station. Maybe you don’t really have anything to talk about with the person now that you’re not boning anymore!
Whatever it is, being friends with someone and being in a relationship with someone is completely different. There’s no reason to think that just because you dated, you’d make great friends. In fact, most of the time, it’s the complete opposite.
6. One (Or Both) Of You Couldn’t Deal If Someone Got A New Significant Other
I mean, seriously. Would you stop being friends with your best friend if they found a new partner?
Of course you wouldn’t! They’re your best friend! You would be happy for them!
But you can bet your ass that when you try to be friends with your ex, at least one of you isn’t going to be happy when the other one finds someone new to date.
That’s because jealousy takes a looooooooong time to die. There’s a whole lot of complex dynamics at play when you think about someone you used to date, and they’re tricky enough to handle when you’re NOT trying to be friends with them.
Like, remember the last time you saw your ex on Facebook with someone new draped all over them? Wasn’t that crappy?
imagine them telling you about it. to your face. because you’re supposed to be friends.
Yeah. That would suck. Don’t be friends.
Don’t be friends with your ex.
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
The Biggest Reasons You Shouldn’t Try To Stay Friends With Your Ex
- One of you still has feelings for the other
- There was abuse in the relationship
- Only one person actually wants to be friends
- You don’t respect each other
- You wouldn’t even be friends with this person in the first place
- One (or both) of you couldn’t deal if someone got a new significant other
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