Six Reasons Why You Shouldn't Try To Stay Friends With Your Ex

Six Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Try To “Stay Friends” With Your Ex

Staying friends is a horrible idea.

It is! Most of the time, it’s horrible .

And yet it’s everywhere! Every breakup, there’s always gotta be that one person (aka the person who’s ending the relationship) that says “I don’t want to lose you as a friend, let’s try to stay friends with each other.”

People, that’s garbage .

It’s such a bad idea. Why? because of the reasons i’m about to lay out in front of you.

So here are 6 reasons why trying to stay friends is a horrible, bad, garbage, terrible, doomed, idiotic, ridiculous, poisonous, garbacious (you’re damn right I just made up the word garbacious) idea.

1. One Of You Still Has Feelings For The Other

This is an obvious one, right?

After all, you just broke up. Someone’s gonna be real unhappy here!

Either you’re going to be the one who’s unhappy and still wants to be in a relationship because you just got dumped, or the person you just dumped is going to want to get back together with you after having their butt introduced to the curb.

Either way, there’s going to be unresolved emotional and romantic feelings at the end of any relationship, and the only way that they can resolve and end naturally is with two things: time and space .

And neither of those things is present when you’re friends with the person you just dumped (or who just dumped you).

So if you wanna be friends with them, you need to wait. Maybe you can be friends like a couple years down the line. Or even sooner! But not right away, and especially not if they still have feelings for you (or you still have feelings for them).

Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can get your ex back or if he’s gone for good…

2. There Was Abuse In The Relationship

This one is obvious, but it’s so important I’m putting it here anyway: If there was any kind of abuse in the relationship, either emotional or otherwise, there is no way that the relationship should (or could possibly) turn into a real friendship.

Why? Because abuse has no place in any kind of relationship! Regardless of it’s a friendship or a romance, abuse is something that destroys and degrades people, and poisons everything in your life.

If you were with someone who was abusive, there’s no reason to believe that they will stop being abusive just because you’re friends now instead of romantic partners.

Do the right thing for yourself, your health, and your self-esteem, and cut that jerk out of your life.

Related: 8 Crucial Reasons To Let Go Of Toxic People In Your Life.

3. Only One Person Actually Wants To Be Friends

This one is actually super common. Only one of you truly wants to be friends while the other one just said it during the breakup because that’s what you’re supposed to say.

After all, what better way is there to soften the blow of a breakup than by saying “We should still just be friends though… because I still really like you… ok thanks byeeeeee.”

The offer of friendship after a breakup is almost always an insincere move on the part of the person ending the relationship to try to assuage their guilt and make the other person feel better.

So even if you really do want to be friends with your ex, they might not even want to be friends with you. They probably just said it so they wouldn’t feel so bad.

Which is a crappy, cowardly move.

Don’t try to be friends with your ex.

More: Just Got Dumped? Here Are 5 Reasons To Celebrate!.

4. You Don’t Respect Each Other

When a relationship ends, it’s rare that there’s no fighting, no tantrums, no crying, and no drama. Most of the time, relationships melt down, and people get mad at each other on the way out.

Maybe one of you said something that you’re never going to be able to take back or forget about.

Maybe you got so tired of screaming at each other that you ran out of throat lozenges. Maybe you just couldn’t stand the sight of each other by the end of the relationship.

Whatever it is, why would you want to bring that dynamic into a friendship? Friendships need mutual respect to survive. If you don’t respect each other, there’s literally no basis for the friendship to even exist.

Related: The 5 Most Deadly (And Common) Mistakes That Destroy Relationships.

I know I’ve said this before, but I’mma say it again: don’t try to be friends with your ex.

5. You Wouldn’t Even Be Friends With This Person In The First Place

Not all relationships are about friendship. In fact, a lot of them aren’t!

A lot of them are just straight up about sex!

You can be totally romantically and sexually compatible with someone without being compatible for a friendship with them. They’re completely different relationships with completely different requirements!

Maybe the things you were happy to overlook in a relationship because you were getting that good good lovin’ will start to bug you in a friendship now that the pleasure train has left the station. Maybe you don’t really have anything to talk about with the person now that you’re not boning anymore!

Whatever it is, being friends with someone and being in a relationship with someone is completely different. There’s no reason to think that just because you dated, you’d make great friends. In fact, most of the time, it’s the complete opposite.

6. One (Or Both) Of You Couldn’t Deal If Someone Got A New Significant Other

I mean, seriously. Would you stop being friends with your best friend if they found a new partner?

Of course you wouldn’t! They’re your best friend! You would be happy for them!

But you can bet your ass that when you try to be friends with your ex, at least one of you isn’t going to be happy when the other one finds someone new to date.

That’s because jealousy takes a looooooooong time to die. There’s a whole lot of complex dynamics at play when you think about someone you used to date, and they’re tricky enough to handle when you’re NOT trying to be friends with them.

Like, remember the last time you saw your ex on Facebook with someone new draped all over them? Wasn’t that crappy?

imagine them telling you about it. to your face. because you’re supposed to be friends.

Yeah. That would suck. Don’t be friends.

Don’t be friends with your ex.

Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…

Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?

In summary…

The Biggest Reasons You Shouldn’t Try To Stay Friends With Your Ex

  1. One of you still has feelings for the other
  2. There was abuse in the relationship
  3. Only one person actually wants to be friends
  4. You don’t respect each other
  5. You wouldn’t even be friends with this person in the first place
  6. One (or both) of you couldn’t deal if someone got a new significant other

reasons you shouldn’t try to stay friends with your ex

If you loved this article, then check out these other must-see related posts:

10 Things You Should Never EVER Do After a Breakup

The Do’s and Don’ts of Dealing with Your Ex

35 comments… add one
  • GREY November 19, 2017, 7:36 am

    So,my ex broke it off.3 years later,she say she still got feelings for me but wants us to be friends,do i stay friends?

  • Darren April 10, 2016, 10:53 am

    I tired i failed i got strung along a bit but i made the mistakes and it ended up like i waqs facebook texting stalking her i made the descion never to contact her again and i will stick to that i have issuess but im dealing with them as much as i can it will never get better i tried my hardest and sent a letter of apolgy which prop never even got read but i admit im wrong and its hard but its the best way i made a promise and twice i backed out no i wont i will not get used again or make myself something which i now i m not i leanred a very hard lesson and it still hurts but i did and will never go back

  • Kavee June 9, 2015, 9:21 am

    U shud never be a friend wid ur ex, just dnt ever do it!

  • Judith May 27, 2015, 4:49 am

    Thanks a lot for these. God bless you real good.

  • SingleMan May 24, 2015, 10:29 am

    I am not going to stay friends with someone that broke up with me and if I initiated the breakup, well, I do not feel that the other person deserves me as a friend.

  • P. Olap May 24, 2015, 9:59 am

    I have been trying to find a single reason why I would want to be friends with an EX. Unless you have children with them and have to act cordial because of that, what reason do you have to stay friends?

  • Beany May 22, 2015, 9:52 pm

    Being friends with an ex is just NOT going to work. You might be telling yourself that it will or even might compare it to a Seinfeld episode or two, but in the end, you will both dislike each other even more.

  • Debbie Warren May 22, 2015, 9:24 pm

    Being friends with an ex is one thing, but being friends with “benefits” is something totally different. This is what happened with an ex of mine. We could not seem to get along when we were together, but once we broke up it was like we were long lost friends and sex was just a part of it.

  • Dniels May 22, 2015, 4:12 pm

    If you are going to be friends with an ex, at least make sure they respect the fact that you are ready to move on, meaning away from them.

  • Evan Molsen May 18, 2015, 10:59 am

    Even though it might not be easy to do this, moving away from your ex as friend is the right step!

  • Russell D. May 18, 2015, 10:38 am

    Great reasons. Hands down you do NOT stay friends. It is not good for you OR the other person. Things like this do not workout and only seem to cause more issues.

  • Jason F. May 18, 2015, 10:21 am

    I have been friends with my ex for more than 15 years before we became a couple. Now that we have decided to go separate ways, how can I just end that long standing friendship as well? I really do not want to, but understand it will be difficult.

  • Oliver Beeck May 18, 2015, 9:46 am

    Staying friends with someone you just broke up with is not an easy task. It takes a determined person to make sure that happens. These are very good reasons to skip that option and just move on away from that person.

  • Brandy Munoz May 18, 2015, 9:29 am

    When it comes to something like this, I think that you can take it one case at a time. There are so many factors, like the ones that you point out, that make or break a relationship AND the friendship that formed to begin with.

  • Darlene Suche May 18, 2015, 9:14 am

    My friend thinks that this is not the case and should not be. Why can’t a man be a friend with his ex, or vice versa? She cannot figure out why this is so hard to do. I am going to show your reasons, but my guess is that she will not agree.

  • Serena W. May 16, 2015, 4:00 pm

    I have never had any luck with this type of thing. I would prefer to stay friends because that is the type of person that I am. However, when a relationship is broken, the friendship is most likely just as damaged, don’t you think?

  • Caddie Mom May 16, 2015, 2:39 pm

    I think you would have to try pretty hard to find someone that does not agree with this post. All of them are valid reasons and even though you do not need ALL of them to remove them as friends, you should really think about it.

  • Moua Yang May 14, 2015, 9:46 pm

    It is my experience that your ex cannot be your friend. That is the way that I see it, but I am not saying that it would not work for someone that way. It just never worked for me that way and there were always so many reasons why it would not work.

  • Jules May 14, 2015, 9:22 pm

    If there was even a hint at abuse, that means it is time to go without any doubt. If you feel that you cannot get out of the relationship, there is support groups that you can consult.

  • Rachel May 13, 2015, 12:47 pm

    I live by these reasons. I will not be a friend with ANY ex. It has never worked and I know others that go through the same problems after a relationship and that is not healthy.

  • Devon May 13, 2015, 12:21 pm

    For the most part, I have a rule about this. I will not be friends with someone that I cannot trust, or is going to cheat on my when in a relationship. If we broke up for another reason, it is possible, but that is usually not the case.

  • Jesse Y. May 13, 2015, 12:02 pm

    Any time that I have been asked about something like this, I always give the advice of taking some time for yourself and see what you really want after a while. That works if you initiated the breakup, of course.

  • D. Ginger May 11, 2015, 8:27 am

    For the most part, I tend to skip the after relationship friendship. It just never works and like you have listed here, there are at least 6 reasons right there that it does not make sense.

    Thanks for sharing these.

  • Ross M. May 11, 2015, 8:08 am

    I tried to stay friends with my last ex, but when I got a new girlfriend, my ex was getting totally jealous about it. She would text me at random time assuming I was with her, about totally irrelevant things and freak when I did not get back to her. Finally I told her it was time to cut it off completely, was I wrong to do that?

  • Amber H. May 9, 2015, 12:00 pm

    I used to try and be friends with an ex, but it seemed to bring more drama into my next relationship. Could it have been because my ex and I really still had feelings for each other after the breakup?

    • Dick May 24, 2015, 10:14 am

      Of course, this is common. You might have broke up over a fight and really just needed to sit down and take it easy for a minute or two to talk things out.

  • Riva L. May 9, 2015, 11:06 am

    I tend to break it off all of the way when it comes to relationships. These are very good reasons, but I also have my own. If we are not compatible in a relationship, then we are not compatible as friends. It just seems to be an easier move, maybe even a lazy move. What do you think?

    • Joshua V. May 11, 2015, 8:45 am

      Riva, I do not think it is a lazy move at all. If you are not going to be enjoying your time together, then why would you want to be a couple, or friends at all? We should be hanging around those that compliment us and make us feel good about social interaction.

  • Tyler May 8, 2015, 9:44 pm

    These are very good reasons, but I like to take a few more things into consideration before I decide if my ex is friend material.

  • Dianne May 6, 2015, 8:48 pm

    When I broke up with my last boyfriend, we wanted to stay friends and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Even though we consider ourselves “friends” now, there is an issue now that I have a new boyfriend. Do I just break off the friendship to make it easier on all of us?

  • Callie W. May 3, 2015, 4:52 pm

    I am find with ALL of these reasons. I never have stayed with my ex and there are plenty of reasons for that. Time to move on and it’s all good if you know what I mean!

  • Prudie May 3, 2015, 4:39 pm

    I have never stayed with my ex in any situation, yet. There were always reasons that I would not want to be around them. I guess that is just me.

    • jawaher May 6, 2015, 11:14 pm

      I wish i could do tht..:(

  • Gussie May 3, 2015, 12:11 pm

    These are good reasons for sure! If the relationship is only going to be one sided, the answer is simple, friends or otherwise.

  • Allie May 2, 2015, 8:40 am

    Very good reasons. I am thinking that if I am the ONLY one that wants to stay friends, I would take the hint from my ex and leave it at that.

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