Moving on can feel impossible (especially when you still love your ex). Here’s how to make it as easy as possible to move on from someone you love.
Break-ups are always difficult, and if you still love the other person (maybe they still love you, too), it’s even harder. But even with all the love in the world, you know that breaking up is the right thing to do, at least for now. So now, you are tasked with getting over your ex.
But how do you do that? No one teaches you how to get over heartbreak, or how to move on from someone you love, but was not a good fit for you. Well, that’s all going to change, because today we are going to talk about a few practical things you can do to make things easier for you.
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Step 1: Be Kind To Yourself
This step is maybe the one you’re going to have to work hardest at, because it doesn’t come easy to everyone. Moving on isn’t just about not loving your ex anymore, but it’s about loving yourself more, appreciating yourself, and being kind to yourself.
Oftentimes, the feelings we have when we leave a relationship are ones of self-doubt: “Why wasn’t I good enough?”, “Will anyone ever love me again?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why couldn’t I keep him?”, “Where am I ever going to find someone like him?”
It’s normal for a break-up to be a hit to your self-esteem, because we tend to see it as a failure, and it’s natural to wonder what you did wrong, but blaming yourself is not the right course of action. That will never allow you to move on, nor give you the confidence to seek a new relationship.
What you need to work on is believing that you deserve to be loved. You deserve to have a partner who is compatible and who shares your feelings, and who works with you in a way that your previous partner didn’t. Self-doubt will sabotage this process.
Don’t allow your negativity to delay your happiness. Remember that people will treat you as well or poorly as you treat yourself. If you don’t accept bad behavior, then it’s less likely to happen.
You also need to learn to practice self-forgiveness. You can’t blame yourself forever, no matter what mistakes you made in a relationship. Self-flagellation won’t fix your relationship, and it wastes valuable time and energy that you could be putting into self-improvement and into becoming a better partner in your next relationship or choosing a better partner.
Step 2: Know That It’s Ok To Love Someone And Not Be With Them
One of the things you may be worried about now is the fact that you still love him. Well, you don’t have to fall out of love in order to break up. Sometimes, the people we love are not the people that are right for us. We have this romanticized idea that love conquers all and is all-encompassing, but the harsh and painful reality is that sometimes, love just isn’t enough. There are a million reasons why a relationship can fall apart, even with all the love in the world.
Timing is a major aspect of any relationship, and it can mess things up completely, regardless of how much you love each other. Compatibility is another overwhelmingly important aspect, as is location, and other circumstances. Maybe you want different things in life, or you’re just at different stages. You need a lot of maturity to accept that love isn’t enough and let go of the person you love.
That doesn’t mean you need (or should) stop loving them. After all, this guy was very important in your life. Your feelings don’t need to disappear, and they probably can’t; they just need to transform into something else. Like friends we’ve grown apart from, ex-boyfriends can just be people we used to love, or still love, but in a different way.
You can love a guy platonically, and wish him the very best, with someone who can make him happy in a way you weren’t able to, for whatever reason. Hopefully, he feels the same way about you. Growing to accept this reality, that we’re not meant to be and cannot be with all the people we love in life, is a very important step in getting over a relationship and moving on from an ex love.
Step 3: Look At The Relationship Objectively
Perhaps the hardest thing to get over during a break-up isn’t what he did for you, the things you shared everyday, or the memories, it’s actually the memories you didn’t get to make together. What you are mourning is the potential that you thought the relationship had. Whether it actually did or not is debatable.
Think about it like this – if you broke up, then things weren’t going well, and you know it. You probably don’t miss that part: the awkwardness, the confusion, the pain, the uncertainty of what was going to happen, the emotional gap between you that was growing wider and wider… sounds familiar?
It should, because that’s the reality of what your relationship was like, in those final stages. This is what you both lived through, and this is what you are letting go of. When you take the feelings and the actions and write them out and look at them objectively, you realize the picture they paint is not a pretty, enjoyable, or hopeful one.
That’s the objective picture you need to sear into your brain. Compare it to the fantasy relationship you thought the two of you could have had…but didn’t. And it’s normal to mourn that lost potential, but that’s not a relationship you could have ever had with this man, because if it were possible, you would have had it.
What you need to focus on now is that your potential relationship is still possible; just not with your ex. You can have what you want, if you heal from this and open yourself up for the right man to come along and fulfill your expectations and desires.
It’s hard, but when you look at it objectively, this break-up is the best thing that could have happened, because now you are free to pursue this potential relationship with someone else. And he is free to pursue his own fulfillment.
Step 4: Put Some Space Between You
And if you still love him and that’s ok, then you can stay friends, right? Well, right and wrong. Right after a break-up is not the best time to remain in constant communication with your ex. It’s not about punishing anyone or being childish and deciding you’re never going to talk to him again. It’s more about protecting your hearts and being mature enough to give yourselves some time to heal and achieve some clarity.
If you stay in contact just like you did before, then nothing’s really changed, has it? And deep down, that’s what you’re hoping for. If you keep in touch, then that gives you a chance towards reconciliation. It gives you an “in”, and an opportunity to keep tabs on each other. And who knows, maybe after some time you’ll both come to your senses and reunite.
But that’s not the right way forward and you know it.
If you never take a break from him, how can you ever move on? And more importantly, how can you hope to ever see this relationship objectively and maturely, from a point of view that’s removed from the drama? As long as you keep talking to him like nothing’s happened, then you’re still “in” it, and you haven’t really broken up.
A clean break is necessary for both of you which is why you need to be strong here, if he can’t be. If you make lack of contact a rule, then you both need to respect it. And if he breaks it and keeps calling because he still loves you and misses you, you can’t fall for it and answer. If you ever hope to get over him, you need to overcome the temptation of what he could represent and keep in mind what he really represents.
Give yourself a time frame, like several weeks or months in which you don’t contact each other. You will be surprised at the epiphanies and revelations you experience during this time apart. It’s much easier to see things clearly, for what they really are, once you are removed from the intoxication of emotions.
Step 5: Accept The Past
Someone wise on the internet once said that “the past won’t rest until you jump over the fence and leave it behind”. In the middle of a break-up, you will experience a wide range of very strong and conflicting emotions. Anger is one of the stages of grief, and it can last a long time. In fact, it can linger for so long, that it prevents you from properly letting go and moving on.
When your love has been betrayed, it’s normal and natural to be angry. You’re angry, hurt, and humiliated, and you want to lash out. And every time you think you’ve gotten over it, the anger comes back in one form or another. “How could he do this to me?” will run through your head over and over and get you mad all over again.
A cliché that may ring familiar is that holding onto anger like this doesn’t harm him, but it harms you. And you know what? It’s true. He doesn’t know that you’re angry, he doesn’t care, and frankly, it doesn’t affect him. But it eats you alive and it stops you from being able to get over it, because you’re too busy being consumed by anger.
Accepting the past doesn’t mean admitting defeat, and it doesn’t make everything suddenly great. It doesn’t mean forgiving your ex for something terrible he did, and it doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt you or that it didn’t matter. Accepting the past gives you peace of mind and closure. When you attain closure, you no longer allow this anger and resentment to control you.
Instead, you understand what happened, where you both went wrong, and what you can learn from this experience. This will allow you to get over it and be better equipped for your next relationship. You’ve gone through this and now you know better. This can set you free and it can also give you a chance at a friendly relationship with your ex – the moment you understand and accept that he never meant to hurt you and that he simply made mistakes, you have all you need from this relationship and you can move on.
If you’re currently going through a break-up, don’t despair. It may not feel like it now, but there is a way out of this seemingly never-ending cycle of pain. You just have to find the motivation within yourself to take active steps towards letting go of your love and moving on with your life, for your sake and his. Why not start with these 5 essential steps?
This article shows you how to move on when still feeling love for someone, now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
How To Move On While Still In Love With Your Ex
- Be Kind To Yourself
- Know That It’s Ok To Love Someone And Not Be With Them
- Look At The Relationship Objectively
- Put Some Space Between You
- Accept The Past