Does your “bestie” seem to act lukewarm whenever they are around you? Have you been trying to spend time with a group of new friends that often give you the cold shoulder? If you are trying to form a bond with people who just aren’t into it, then you are wasting your precious time and your giving heart.
No one wants to spend their lives building relationships that are doomed from the start. That may sound pessimistic, but it is actually proactive. If you weed out the people who aren’t super excited about spending time with you, and focus your time and energy on those who do, you’ll not only have better friendships, but you’ll save yourself a ton of heartbreak in the process.
How do you know if someone is keen on spending time with you, or they are just doing it due to habit, circumstance, or duty? You may already suspect that someone isn’t jiving with you, but you can pick up on some subtle cues to know for sure.
You don’t need to be paranoid about asking yourself these questions (being paranoid will hurt you) but if you have a niggling feeling that someone is hanging out with you for the wrong reasons, or that they don’t value your friendship as much as you do, these tips can help you know for sure.
In a world where people are trained to be polite, never speak their truth, and always be smiling even when they don’t necessarily want to, it can get confusing to determine if someone wants to be around you or not. Check their sincerity with the following tips. These things reveal someone’s true feelings for you, even if they are “too polite” to tell you to your face that they just aren’t interested in developing a closer relationship with you.
Having this clarity about how someone feels is a gift. It allows you to focus your attention on people who will love you back.
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
1. They Close Themselves Off with Their Body Language
Introverts and extroverts tend to carry themselves physically in different ways, with introverts tending to make smaller movements, and a tendency to make themselves smaller so as not to draw attention to themselves, while experts tend to make big movements, talk in grandiose ways, and generally draw attention to themselves in whatever way that they can.
Both types of people will give themselves away when it comes to their interest in you with their body language, though.
Negative or closed body posture indicates that someone doesn’t want to be around you, and may only be there to keep up appearances and be polite. Negative or closed body language signals include:
- Never looking you in the eyes
- Physically turning their body or part of their body away from you
- Crossed arms or legs
- They hide behind a purse, backpack or bag
- Looking down or away from where you are sitting or standing
- Huddling up as if they are trying to protect themselves from you
2. They Don’t Offer You a Sincere Smile
A smile is a subconscious reaction to seeing someone or something you like. A sincere one can’t be faked. Guillaume Duchenne, a French neurologist explains that fake smiles are accomplished with using entirely different muscles than real smiles. A real smile causes us to use the muscles around our eyes called the orbicularis oculi. If someone is faking a smile, those muscles simply don’t engage.
3. They Don’t Mirror You
When you like another person you will mimic their body language, and sometimes even the tone or quality of their voice. This has some deeply profound implications, because mirroring may start from your heart. That’s because we have cellular memories which tell us what kind of person we can trust and be “open-hearted” with and the kind of people we should be a little wary of.
If someone is mirroring your body position, hand position, attitude, or tone of voice it means that they are saying, “hey look, I’m just like you.” It also reflects a subconscious desire for people to find affinity with one another or common ground.
Researcher Geoffrey Beattie did find that women are more likely to mirror other women and that men are reluctant to mirror a woman unless he is in courtship mode, but you can take it as a positive sign that someone wants to be around you if they are mirroring your actions.
4. They Don’t Look You in the Eyes
People who won’t look you in the eyes are trying to hide something, and sometimes that “something” is that they don’t really like you that much. Researchers have observed the interactions between friends and lovers and found that eye contact reveals how people truly feel about one another.
This might be because there are more neurons dedicated to our eyes than any of the other four senses. Those neurons reflect what our eyes are taking in and if we like someone, are attracted to them or just enjoy being around them, then we’ll make eye contact.
5. You’re Conversation is Clipped
If someone is excited to talk to you, they won’t give you one syllable answers to questions. They will also ask about you, your day, or things you are interested in. If you find that your conversations with someone are clipped or cut short because they suddenly need to take another call or have other priorities, and they just don’t want to extend the conversation, then they may not be interested in maintaining a friendship with you. If you say, for instance, “I just had the most amazing day!” And all they respond with is, “that’s nice,” then it’s time to move on to someone who will ask instead, “that’s amazing what happened?!”
6. There is Little or No Touch
It doesn’t matter if you are talking about a platonic friendship or a love interest, people touch either when they are interested in being around one another. Take a cue from Bonobo monkeys. They touch each other constantly, even sexually often, as a way to maintain social stability. Though human beings are a little more reserved, they do the same thing when they are interested in maintaining a relationship.
7. They Never Make Plans with You
If you are the one to make plans with another person every single time, and they never reciprocate then they may not be all that into hanging out with you. A true friendship or even a romantic relationship will be about 50-50. Even if someone is more of a go out on the town person while the other likes to stay at home for a movie – they’ll invite you to either paint the town red with them or go on a Netflix binge when they really like you.
8. They Never Listen
Friend and lovers who value you your thoughts, ideas, and opinions will ask you what you think, and truly listen. Heck, if a man likes a woman he’ll remember inconsequential things she tells him for months or even years. If someone is constantly talking just to aggrandize themselves and they never ask you what you think, then run. This isn’t a friend. It’s a narcissist.
9. They Always Bail on You
We all have things that come up which cause us to have to break plans – even with people we absolutely love spending time with. However, if you find that your “friend” leaves you sitting alone at a table for two for lunch more than once or twice, or they just bail on plans that you make consistently, it may be time to find someone who will respect you more. Your time is just as valuable as there’s after all, and when people like being with you, they consider it a privilege to spend time with you.
10. Things Just Feel Awkward
Sometimes you’ll just feel awkward around something you aren’t vibing with. Maybe there are too many long silences. Maybe you can’t ever decide what to do together. Maybe you just feel weird being around them. If someone is feeling this way about you, it isn’t your fault. We’re all attracted to others (romantically and in friendships) based on factors that we don’t always consciously understand. If things are awkward, just chalk it up as a lesson. Find someone to hang with that makes the hours pass like minutes.
11. They Only Respond with Emojis
We know that the digital, mobile world we live in causes people to communicate in totally new and different ways, but if your friends only send you smiley faces or sad faces to communicate with you over text messages, then they may not be that interested in talking with you. How much effort does it really take to type a full sentence? If they can’t even do that, then maybe it’s time to look for people who have more time to invest in you.
12. You Feel It in Your Gut
Our instincts about someone are correct more often than we give ourselves credit for. If someone is always polite to you, smiles, and even makes eye contact, but you just feel that something isn’t right in your gut, you should honor that. You may know something about them intuitively that hasn’t come to your conscious awareness yet, that is signaling for you to walk away.
This article shows you several ways to tell if someone doesn’t like you, now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he really likes you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You” Quiz right now and find out once and for all if he likes you…
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
12 Subtle Ways to Know Someone Doesn’t Like You
- They Close Themselves Off with Their Body Language
- They Don’t Offer You a Sincere Smile
- They Don’t Mirror You
- They Don’t Look You in the Eyes
- You’re Conversation is Clipped
- There is Little or No Touch
- They Never Make Plans with You
- They Never Listen
- They Always Bail on You
- Things Just Feel Awkward
- They Only Respond with Emojis
- You Feel It in Your Gut