You’re here because the man you want said he needs space.
What does that mean? Does he want to end the relationship? Are you doing something wrong?
Most importantly – how can you fix it?
Don’t worry, I’m here to help.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
If he’s asking you for space, chances are that you’re thinking back through everything you said and did looking for something you did wrong.
You’re probably scouring your relationship for clues on what’s happening and trying to get him to give you signs he still cares about you.
Now, listen carefully: what you do after he asks you for space is super important. If you get upset it’s going to make things worse, but if you react well then it’s going to make your relationship much better.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
What To Do When He Says He Needs Space
If he tells you he needs space, it’s not going to help to fight it, or try to convince him he doesn’t, or try to get him to come back to you by guilting him or making him feel bad about pulling away. In fact, the absolute best thing to do when he says he needs space is to believe him, and let him have the space he’s looking for. If you do that, he will be able to concentrate and solve whatever’s bothering him, and it makes him much much much more likely to want to come back to you once he’s figured things out.
Why Did He Ask For Space?
The truth is, space is part of any happy, healthy relationship.
We’ll discuss how to give a guy space, but before I can tell you what to do, you need to understand a few truths about men, relationships, and how to bring y our best in the relationship to bring the best out of the relationship.
First, let’s talk why men need space.
The Truth About Why Men Need Space
When guys get upset, they like to go into their shell to get some perspective on the issue at hand.
It might seem mean or cruel from the outside, but from his perspective he’s actually doing this FOR you. When men are upset, they’re more likely to “attack” and lash out at those around them (even the people they love).
That’s a huge reason why men go silent when they get really upset – they’d rather not say anything than say something hurtful and vicious that he would regret immediately after saying it.
Chances are, he won’t need that long in his shell, but it’s crucial to recognize how important his “shell time” is for him to re-stabilize and gain the perspective he needs to constructively address whatever’s going on.
There’s another common reason that men seek space in a relationship. Men are wired to focus on one thing at a time – whether that’s work, or going out with friends, or even playing video games.
When he’s doing something else, let his attention be there. There’s a mindset shift where instead of going after his attention all the time or whenever you’re missing him, you agree with him that when you’re apart he can focus on what he’s doing and reach out when he’s free.
That way, when you’re together his attention is 100% with you, instead of being split and distracted by other things (like work, or errands, or whatever else).
Next, let’s talk about what makes a good relationship:
The Truth About How Good Relationships Stay Fresh And Exciting
The longest lasting and most successful relationships are between people who want to bring their best to the relationship every time they’re with each other.
A crucial truth to understand is that it’s not about how much time you spend with each other – it’s about the quality of the time that you spend with each other.
If you spend tons of time with someone but you fight all the time, no one would call that a great relationship. But if your schedules conspire so that you can only spend a little time with each other, but that time is amazing – anyone can see that you have a great relationship.
In this way, sometimes the best thing to do for a relationship is to spend less time together. Why is that?
Too much time together can kind of “drain the charge” from each of your batteries – everything you love about the relationship can lose its luster. Things can become boring, even routine – nothing new to talk about, things are getting too “comfortable”… you get the idea.
Couples need time alone to “recharge” and bring out their best for each other if they want a great relationship.
So with that out of the way:
What To Do If He Says He Needs Space
If he’s asked for space, your best bet is to give him the time he needs to “recharge” and come back happy and excited to be with you.
While you’re apart, a crucial goal for you to aim for is to change your mindset about your relationship. Instead of looking to the relationship to “fill you up” emotionally, look at it as something that you fill up with your emotional tone and happiness.
Try to fill up your life with things that make you happy and things that you love to do. A meaningful social life, fun hobbies, exercise, and growth are the things that should be “filling you up” with happiness – happiness that you can then bring to the relationship and make your life even sweeter.
The trick is to bring positive energy into the relationship – filling it up and raising it overall. The secret is that in any amazing relationship, both partners are bringing their own happiness into the relationship – that’s what makes it so rewarding and fulfilling for both of them.
The best way to make a man invested and committed to a relationship is to bring your best “you” into the relationship – inspiring him to bring his best self and make the relationship as good as it can be.
The way to be your best “you” is to focus your energy on your mood. Your mood is what controls your vibe, and your vibe controls how everyone around you reacts to you.
Negative moods create a negative vibe, which attracts negativity from everyone around you (including your partner). Happiness and good moods create a good vibe, which attracts love from everywhere.
If you want the best relationship, make your good mood your priority. And in order to be in a good mood, like we talked about before, look to your life for fulfillment and happiness, and fill your life with the things that make you happy.
When he’s taking his space, don’t waste your energy by trying to figure out what’s going on in his head. You’re not a mind reader, analyzing him is a waste of your time and effort (and it’s hugely negative in practice, dragging your mood and your vibe down with it).
The key mindset shift here is this: instead of looking at happiness, or confidence, or hope as something you extract from situations, look at those situations as something you bring your emotional tone into.
You don’t extract positive emotions from life… you create them within yourself and bring them into your life. It’s only by bringing positivity and happiness into your life from within that you attract it to you from without.
So here’s the final word about what to do if he’s asking for space: you can’t read his mind, so that’s a waste of energy. Don’t obsess over figuring out what went “wrong”.
Instead, use his wanting “space” as an opportunity for you to grow, be your best, and improve your relationship by bringing your best, happiest, and most contented self to it.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…