So you want to know what to do if your boyfriend wants space.
Maybe he hasn’t been responding to texts lately. Or hanging up off the phone a little bit quicker.
Maybe it feels like something has shifted in the relationship, and he’s not as present. Or emotionally open.
Maybe he’s straight up ghosting you, and it’s freaking you out. Or maybe he’s been up front with you and outright told you that he needs space from what you have.
This is a terrifying moment in any sort of relationship, one that could have you feeling panicky – like you don’t know what to do and you could lose him at any second.
You don’t want to lose him. So what should you do?
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
What To Do When A Man Is Pulling Away And ‘Needs Space’
At the root of it, your fear is that he’s pulling away from you and that he’s going to leave you.
Maybe he just needs space and he’s going to come back to you… or maybe he really is thinking of ending the relationship. Either way, you don’t know for sure, and it’s freaking you out.
That’s why right now I’m going to tell you exactly what not to do, so that you don’t push him away even further and turn a short break into a relationship ending nightmare.
Whatever you do, don’t go chasing after him.
Don’t text him a lot, don’t call him, don’t message him on social media, don’t look to him for validation or reassurance. Let him take the space he needs without you reaching out to him and re-inserting yourself into his life.
I know it hurts to not know what he’s doing or what he’s feeling. I know it hurts to think that he might leave you. I know it sucks to sit with those negative emotions and feel like you’re not doing anything about it.
That hurt, that pain, that anxiety is trying to drive you to cling to him even more. It’s trying to make you text him all the time, look for emotional reassurance from him that he’s not leaving, and try to force him closer and closer to you.
Any of those reactions are going to drive him even further away, maybe for good.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Don’t Let Fear Of Loss Determine Your Actions
What does fear of loss mean for your relationship, and why does it send him running away from you?
To put it as simply as possible, fear of loss is when your negative feelings control your actions, instead of your positive ones.
When you started seeing this guy, you weren’t worried he was going to leave you. You weren’t worried that you were going to lose something you had.
Instead, you acted like you had nothing to lose (because you didn’t). There was no existing relationship to be lost, so you acted exactly how you wanted to.
That’s what was attractive to him. When you act from a place of calm, relaxed happiness, it’s very attractive to the man you’re with. Men want to be with someone who’s calm, relaxed, and happy – the same way that women want to be with someone who acts the same way.
So for however long you’ve been together, you’ve acted out of positivity with him.
But when you start to sense that he’s pulling away from you, all of a sudden you feel like you’re losing him. Like you’re losing something from your life.
Instead of having nothing to lose, you feel like a piece of your life that’s important to you is disappearing – like the ground is slipping out from under your feet. You feel scared, panicky, freaked out.
And then you act not out of happiness, or contentment, but rather out of panic, and fear of loss.
Your actions become about getting reassurance from him that he’s not leaving. They become about trying to make him stay with you. They become about trying to control his actions, rather than enjoying spending time with him.
As soon as that happens, the man you’re with will feel a strong urge to get as far away from you as possible. No one likes to have another person try to control their actions.
When he feels like you’re trying to control him, it makes him want to be out of your control, which drives him further and further away. If it’s not stopped, this leads to a death spiral that destroys your relationship.
So if you know you should avoid fear of loss…
What Should You Actually Do To Keep Him By Your Side?
First, it’s important to say that it’s completely normal for a guy to want some space, and it’s completely normal to give him space.
Like I said before, if you try to control him or make him stay with you, it’s only going to drive him even further away. Lots of guys want space because they don’t feel in control.
The truth is that many guys need space in order to get their thoughts in order about a relationship. Many guys need time by themselves (or at least time away from a woman) in order to figure out how they really feel.
A guy can have an awesome time with you on a date, can feel an amazing connection, can be head over heels for you almost instantly – and still need time and space away from you. Why?
It’s because for lots of men, the space between when he sees you is the time that really cements in his mind and heart how he feels about you. For lots of men, that time is vital to reflecting on how he feels and getting his emotions straight in his head.
That time apart is also crucial for him to building his desire to see you again. When you haven’t been in contact in a while, he’ll start thinking about you more and more, wondering what you’re up to, and ratcheting up his desire to see you again.
What’s important to remember here is that most guys need time and space in order to start to feel closer and more connected with a woman. That’s why clinging to him and trying to pull him closer is going to backfire every time.
And that’s why giving him space will make him miss you, and make him more likely to come back.
If He’s Looking For Some Space, Let Him Have It
I’m not saying let him go completely, and I’m not saying just give up on having anything with him.
I’m saying that it’s crucial to many guys to get perspective on a relationship, especially when they’re having strong feelings.
Depending on the nature of your relationship with him, you can ask him about how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. If you’ve been really close, you can ask him how long he’s looking for space.
If you do ask him, it’s vitally important that you allow him to be honest with you.
That means that no matter what his answer is, you have to accept it without getting angry at him. No judgement, no anger if he says something you don’t want to hear.
This is so important because people need to feel safe in order to be honest. If you were trying on clothes with a friend and they asked you how an outfit looked, and you told them the truth and they got mad at you and were mean – how likely would you be to tell them the truth in the future?
You’d be far more likely just to lie and say what they want to hear, in order to avoid them blowing up at you.
This situation is the exact same thing. Give him the space to be honest with you, and he will be. If you can show him that you’re someone who it’s safe to be honest with – even if he’s telling you something you don’t want to hear – he will be honest with you.
What Should You Do When Giving Him Space?
Let’s say that you two were spending a lot of time together, and now you’re spending way less. What should you be doing?
Now is the perfect opportunity to spend time on yourself. See friends that you might not have seen for a little while, pursue the hobbies that you enjoy, and do things that genuinely make you happy.
Your main goal is to be occupying your time doing things that you enjoy, so that you’re not spending all day missing him. Instead, you’re living your life in a way that makes you happy.
Like I’ve said before, good relationships should be the icing on top of the cake, not the cake itself. A great relationship only happens when two people who are already happy come together to be happy together, not when two unhappy people look to each other for happiness.
So take some time to enjoy yourself, and do the things you love to do.
Whatever you do, don’t make….
The #1 Mistake Women Make When A Guy Needs Space
When a guy is looking for space, lots of women make this one mistake, which all but guarantees that he moves even further away. They make it into a game.
It’s totally natural to feel hurt if he needs some space. However, what will kill a relationship every time is if you decide to punish him for making you feel hurt.
A huge mistake I see women make time and time again is acting as if emotional balance in a relationship should be ‘tit for tat’ – and instinctively feeling that if he hurt her (even if he didn’t mean to hurt her), she has the right to hurt him back.
Lots of women will emotionally withdraw from a guy if he starts to pull away from them, in order to try to hurt him the way that he hurt her.
That’s the most toxic reaction you can have to this situation. If a guy sees that you have that reaction to him feeling like he needs some space, it will send him running to the hills.
Plus, like I talked about before, it will make him feel like he can’t be honest with you. If the way you react to something you don’t like is punishing the other person, he’s never going to feel comfortable telling you something you don’t like – which will undermine and destroy your relationship in the long run.
Just Give Him The Space To Come Back To You Naturally
If you give him the space he’s looking for (by not texting him, or calling him, and letting him be apart from you), he will start to miss you. Especially if you were spending tons of time together.
By not freaking out at him, or getting upset with him, or trying to punish him, you’re putting yourself far above other women in his mind. He’ll feel impressed and understood on a deep level that you gave him the space he needed rather than getting upset at him for being honest.
That’s how you give him space without a breakup.
If at the end of the day he doesn’t come back to you and ends the relationship, it sucks, but there was nothing you could have done. This is the best course of action every time a man starts to pull away or needs space – so if he doesn’t come back then the relationship was never going to work in the first place.
If he doesn’t come back after you give him space, then nothing you could have done would have made him stop pulling away. And that hurts, but at least you avoided all the drama, heartbreak, and awful feelings of trying to chase after him to get him to stay.
Chances are, if you give him the space he’s looking for, he’ll start to miss you and want to come back. He’ll feel refreshed and happy to be with you – because you respected what he needed and gave it to him without trying to punish him, even if it wasn’t what you wanted.
Either way, now you know that if he’s looking for space, let him have it. You’ll give him the space to miss you.
Of course, giving him space is really just the first step… but when it comes down to it there are 2 big problems every woman experiences in her relationships with men – so pay attention because what you do next is vitally important. The first problem you’re probably going through: if you’re already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold, or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
The second problem is this: do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…