It’s unfortunate that lots of people treat the period right after a breakup as a kind of “get out of jail free” zone.
They’re allowed to say whatever they want, and do whatever they want – but only they get to decide what it really means – and you don’t get a say.
So he’ll pull crap like sending you drunk texts one night – but then ignoring your texts for the next week.
Or liking your photo on Facebook but then de-friending you the next day.
Or seeing you while out and about and straight up ignoring you.
Or worst – applying a nasty double standard: It’s ok if he starts seeing someone else – but if you want to then all of a sudden he gets mad.
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It can be hard to figure out if he still has feelings for you – or if he really doesn’t like you anymore.
Here’s the real story – breakups are messy. When two people break up, it’s almost a guarantee that they’ll both still have feelings for each other – they just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
If you’re wondering whether he has feelings for you, I’m going to give you the signs that he does.
However – don’t confuse him having feelings for you with him wanting to get back together with you. He might want to… he might not.
Even if he still has strong feelings for you, he still might not want to get back together with you. If you want him back, try some of the tips I’m about to show you.
1. He Calls Or Texts You When He’s Drunk
There’s an old roman saying: In Vino Veritas.
Basically, what it means is, ‘From Wine, Truth.’
Alcohol will lower his inhibitions – and lead him to say what’s really on his mind, and what he’s been hiding from you (1).
It will also overwhelm the rational part of his brain – turning, “I really shouldn’t call her, no good could come of it…” into, “I MISS HER I GOTTA CALL HER MAYBE WE CAN HOOK UP NOW HMM I’M ALSO HUNGRY FOR PIZZA OK I’LL CALL HER FIRST THEN PIZZA.”
Unfortunately – he could conveniently “forget” that he said anything to you at all the next day – so don’t say anything to him that you might regret. Treat it like being arrested – anything you say or do CAN be used against you at a later date… even though anything he said or did is OK because “he was drunk” and “it doesn’t count.”
Be careful if he drunk dials you. Whatever you do – your feelings are off limits in the conversation. Just because he’s opening up (because he’s drunk) doesn’t mean that you should – and in fact you shouldn’t.
If he asks you how you feel about him, you can tell him that he’s drunk, and you don’t want to talk about it now. Let him realize the next day that he’s revealed he’s still into you – and he’s not sure whether you’re still into him.
2. He Goes Hot And Cold On You
Ever have an ex call or text you constantly for a week – and then freeze you out and ignore your texts while dodging your calls? Or push to spend time with you – before ignoring you for weeks?
This kind of behavior might seem confusing in the moment – which makes sense – because confusion is the exact emotion it’s growing out of. He’s confused about you – what he thinks, what he wants, and most importantly, what he feels about you (2).
His brain and his heart might be fighting a battle – where his heart wants you back and his brain tells him it’s a bad idea. You might be seeing the side effects of this battle – his confusing, back and forth behavior says it all.
And while that explains it – it doesn’t excuse it. If he’s really confused as to how to feel about you, he should have the respect to work it out himself (rather than subjecting you to hot-and-cold confusing behavior while he does).
Don’t engage. If he makes plans with you, but then suddenly breaks them off, play it cool. If he ignores your texts – stop sending them. After a breakup, stay strong.
By engaging with him and calling him out for being confusing, you’re giving him the upper hand. You’re showing that he’s getting to you – and the only way he could get to you is if you still had feelings for him.
Just mirror what he does. If he’s ignoring you – ignore him.
3. He’s Trying To Make You Jealous
Is he rubbing his new date in your face? Is he posting stuff on Facebook because he knows it’ll touch a nerve? Is he out of control flirting – but only when you’re around?
He might think he’s making you jealous – but all he’s really doing is revealing that he still has feelings for you.
If he cares enough to try to make you jealous, then he still cares about what you think. He cares about whether you want him back or not. His behavior is trying to make you want him back (3).
And that means he still can’t stop thinking about you.
Remember – that’s weakness on his part, not strength. Take solace in the fact that if he’s really obnoxious about rubbing someone new in your face – it’s because he cares about what you think way more than he cares about the other person’s feelings.
Which is a pretty crappy, selfish, and immature way of saying, “I’m hurting from our breakup.”
Once again – don’t play into his games.
If he’s rubbing his new life in your face, let him. Brush it off as a sign he’s still obsessed with you.
Meanwhile – get serious about improving your life. If he’s doing things to try to make you jealous, they’re probably not making him happy.
So one up him by doing the things you know will make you happy. Pick up hobbies you might have dropped off with. Go on dates with guys you’re interested in. Hit the gym and do some self improvement.
Whatever it is – work on making yourself happier – not to make him jealous – but to genuinely become happy. That’s the best way to respond – and the best way to get over a breakup.
If you come out of the breakup feeling healthier, happier, and more content with your life – it will drive him insane. Trying to rub someone new in his face (or having him rub someone new into yours) is a sure sign that they’re NOT over it – and they’re feeling totally immature about it.
4. He Reaches Out When You Said No Contact
One of the best possible things to do right after a breakup is to cut off contact with your ex.
That’s because in the period immediately following a breakup, confusion is at an all time high. You’re most liable to do and say things that you’re going to regret later – and any contact with your ex is only going to make the situation worse.
So the best thing to do is to tell him you don’t want to talk, text, or contact him after the breakup, and ask that he respects your wishes.
And if you tell him that, and he still contacts you? He’s still got feelings for you.
Don’t engage. Don’t answer his calls. Don’t answer his texts. Don’t let him get inside your head.
For 4 solid weeks – don’t have any contact with him. Prove to yourself that you don’t need him to survive – that you’re perfectly fine on your own.
Not only does it give you desperately needed time to get over him… it also gives you a ton of perspective on the relationship, him, and why you guys broke up.
Perspective that you wouldn’t have gotten if you had been talking to him, and letting him send memories of the relationship runninng through your head again.
That’s actually one of the most powerful ways to get him wanting you back. If you prove to him that you don’t need him in your life – it makes you more attractive in his eyes.
5. He Displays Strong Emotions About You
You know what he’d be doing if he was truly over you?
Nothing. He’d feel indifferent towards you.
If he’s got strong emotions about you – well, those strong emotions don’t come from nowhere. They come from lingering feelings about you.
He’s hurting – because he’s messed up about the breakup. People who are hurting lash out in tons of different ways – but it all stems from the unresolved feelings they’ve got inside.
If he’s lashing out – give him space. Nothing good can come from engaging with his negative emotions – and he’ll probably draw you into his negativity as well.
So if he’s raging, or bellowing, or expressing his anger – let him. Don’t engage. Don’t respond. Don’t try to turn his negativity into positivity.
The only way for him to get over his anger is if he does it himself – you can’t help him. So give him the space to get over his negativity, and eventually he’ll come around.
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…