3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing From You

Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing

You want to know the worst thing about what happens when a man starts to withdraw and become distant?

It’s not the pain. It’s not the fear. It’s not the terrified hopelessness of losing him.

It’s that most of the time – a woman’s reaction to a man becoming distant will actually drive him away more and push him further and further away from her.

The typical reaction that many women have to a man becoming distant is one that actually works against her – and makes him withdraw even more.

this reaction will almost always push him away even further and damage your relationship even more.

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Because when you’ve met a man you really feel compatible with, one who you really like and who seems like he really likes you, it feels like you’re on top of the world. He’s giving you tons of attention, you keep making plans to see each other, he’s keeping in touch on the phone and with texts – in short, things feel perfect.

But then… out of nowhere, something happens. He stops calling as much. He pulls away from you a little more. He doesn’t want to make plans this weekend, or he stops being so affectionate with you.

Whatever it is, you can sense it, and it feels horrible in the pit of your stomach.

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For most women, the very first instinct here is to try to fix the situation by getting closer to him and pulling him closer to us. This comes in the form of asking him what’s wrong, or calling him often, and worrying about the relationship.

The problem is, this reaction almost always pushes him away even further and damages your relationship even more.

This is going to sound like a paradox – but the best way to stop him from withdrawing and bring him back to you is to stop trying to pull him back.

If you spend your efforts trying to pull him back, you’re going to push him away.

It seems totally counter-intuitive, but the only way to get him to come back to you is if he comes back to you on his own , without you trying to pull him back.

MORE: The Exact Reasons Men Lose Interest (And How To Fix It)

So with that in mind, here are the 3 steps to giving him the space he needs to come back to you willingly and happily, instead of trying to get him back and pushing him away more than ever:

1. Calm down and realize that him pulling away is a totally natural thing

Even if a man is completely in love – it’s natural for him to drift away sometimes. That’s because most men are afraid of becoming vulnerable – and there’s nothing that makes a man feel more vulnerable than falling in love.

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Men bounce back and forth between close and distant when they’re slowly falling in love because they’re not comfortable with being totally vulnerable. But little by little, over time, they work out their feelings and start to become more comfortable, and the distance they bounce away becomes less and less.

That’s why it’s so important to remind yourself that if he’s feeling distant – it’s totally natural.

If things are meant to be, he’s going to act distant less and less as the relationship goes on. He’s always going to want “space” sometimes, but it’s going to become less and less frequent.

Do you want to know why men pull away and what to do about it? We’ve summed everything up in an awesome infographic for you, click below to view it:

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2. Create a desire in him to get close to you again

Like I said before, for most women, the reaction when a man becomes distant is to freak out and try to close the gap between them in order to become close again. This almost always backfires.

MORE: Why Men Withdraw And Exactly What To Do About It

Why? Well, when a woman chases after a distant man, she undermines his attempt to feel more independent, makes him feel more vulnerable, and takes away any incentive he has to close the gap again.

She takes the choice out of his hands, and he feels forced… and in some cases, trapped.

By chasing after him when he pulls away, you’re undermining his effort to feel independent – and you’re also making it so he doesn’t even feel like he’s getting the distance and perspective he wants on you. Therefore, he tries to pull away even further, which makes you chase him harder, and the whole thing blows up in your faces.

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Here’s how to stop this from happening: just don’t chase after him or try to close the gap. Don’t try to figure out why he’s becoming distant or ask him what’s wrong, and don’t try to get a response out of him. That means no calls, no emails, no showing up where he works or at his house.

Remember, he has to reach the conclusion himself that he misses you and wants more of you in his life. You can’t make him want that… any more than you can make him want to eat more ice cream if he’s full.

Instead, you have to let him naturally get “hungry” again. That means giving him space, letting him get a little distance from the relationship in order to get perspective on it, and then giving him the room to realize he misses you and wants to be closer to you again.

Guys are going to naturally cycle between wanting intimacy and wanting independence. Trying to guess the reason is impossible – some guys want space to reflect on the relationship, some (insecure) guys want space because their friends make fun of them for being “too whipped”, some guys want space because they need time alone to clear their heads and gain clarity in life.

It’s not possible to guess the reason why he’s acting a bit distant – but it is possible to give him exactly what he wants – time and space.

MORE: When A Man Pulls Away, Here’s What To Do…

You have to let him make the choice to come back to you instead of trying to force it. If you do, it will be much stronger when he decides he wants to be with you again, and it will feel much better for both of you.

You have to let him make the choice to come back to you instead of trying to force it.

Plus, men are so used to being pursued when they’re trying to gain perspective that he’s going to be shocked you’re giving him the space he wants. He’ll realize that you’re different from most other women he’s dated, in a good way, and that will make him think of you more and more as a long term partner he wants to commit to.

3. Communicate your feelings effectively

It’s very easy to feel a sense of anger and neglect when a man pulls away from you – just like it’s easy to feel resentful of him when he comes back. Many women want their man to know just how bad he hurt them when he pulled away, so that he knows it’s not ok for him to do that.

However, most women go about expressing this in completely the wrong way.

MORE: How Can I Make A Guy Chase Me Again?

You have to be able to express this with words ( not passive aggressive actions), and you have to be able to express how you’re feeling without blaming him for it.

For example: don’t attack him with questions like “Where have you been? Why did you just drop off the face of the earth? Why didn’t you call?”

Instead, tell him, “I feel great that I’m hearing from you!” Instead of giving him something negative and aggressive to associate with you, make sure that when he’s with you or talking to you, he feels fun, positive energy from you.

MORE: Why Men Pull Away And The 4 Things You Can Do About It

Plus, if you don’t lash out with anger or blame, he’ll see that you’re in control of your emotions and that you’re not living and dying with everything he does or doesn’t do – and that will make him want you even more. He’ll know that you’re someone who understands what he needs without letting it affect you too much, and that will show him that you’re someone he can be his true self around.

As you keep spending positive happy time with him, he’ll realize more and more that he likes being with you, and that he wants to stay with you more and more. Eventually, that leads to thoughts of the future, love, family, and marriage.

MORE: How To Make Him Fall In Love

I hope this article helped you understand what to do if a guy is pulling away. It’s a question I get asked a lot – so I wrote this article as a ‘band-aid’ to get rid of the worst of the symptoms right away. It’s important to note that if you really want him to stop pulling away forever, you need more powerful advice. If you’re ready for that, you need to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

Have stories of a guy becoming distant and then coming back? Or disaster, withdrawing from you completely? Share them below.

If you loved this article, then check out these other must-see related posts:

How to Survive a Breakup: 12 Ways to Stop Blaming Yourself and Gain From It

Ask a Guy: When a Guy Withdraws…

Why Men Withdraw and What To Do About It

Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

In summary…

Here’s Why Men Pull Away

  • Men pull away for lots and lots of different reasons, and trying to get closer or pull him back to you pushes him away further and damages the relationship even more
  • The best way to stop him from withdrawing and bring him back to you is to stop trying to pull him back
  • Try to remember that him pulling away is a totally natural thing that all men go through at one time or another
  • You can create a desire for him to get close to you again by not chasing after him
  • Win his respect and love by communicating your feelings effectively and without judgment

why men pull away

221 comments… add one
  • Bella November 25, 2018, 7:17 am

    This is full of shit. A man is an adult with a brain. He is not a kid that needs to be raised. What about a blog post for guys to stop withdrawing because it hurts a woman’s feelings? What about a man having consequences to his actions? What about ACTUALLY looking at his behaviour and taking it as it is? If he withdraws, he withdraws. Not if he withdraws, he might like you too much.

    I’m so done with making excuses for grown ass men.
    Follow me on insta if you want to teach yourself how to love yourself so that such a situation won’t affect you @wordsofwisdxm

  • Guy from Finland October 25, 2018, 1:31 pm

    This is all bullshit dear ladies. Real men do not play these games if they are interested. We won’t pull away if we like or love someone. We only pull away when there’s a reason for that and I tell you the REAL reasons why we do that:

    1. We are feeling that you are playing games with us. That makes us intantly pull away because we don’t want that you play with our feelings or use us as a way to kill your boredom. We want a partner who cares about us and is being open and honest with us. Going between hot and cold, being manipulative, pulling away and giving short replies when we are trying to be sweet and loving is just gonna make us disappear from your life.

    2. We realize you are keeping us as a second choice. This is HUUUUUUUGE turn off and makes us run away as soon as possible. There is no man who wants to be a second choice.

    3. Trying to make us jealous by using other guys. Don’t do that. We men support each other even when we don’t know each other. There is unsaid rule that we help guys who are getting backstabbed by womens. Instead wanting to chase you we wanna support these guys and tell them that they can find a better woman. Then we leave you because we got sick for your actions. Why we got sick? You used peoples and played with their feelings. You were being manipulative, disrespectful and your actions proved that you could do the same to us someday. Only desperate guy would chase you, but not a real men.

    4. We are sad. And yes, men pull away when we are being sad or feeling down for some reason. We are waiting for you to come and ask “what’s wrong” and give us a hug. But if you don’t come we pull away even more. And more. And more until you come or we end up feeling that you don’t care about us. Men love empathic and loving womens. Even when we don’t admit it. Even most strongest alpha male wants to feel loved and cared when he feels weak and if you show us that you care we will love you forever. Seriously this isn’t a lie. Most simplest way to make a man stay true to you or love you is just to make him feel cared. Give him a hug when he needs it, tell him sometimes he still looks handsome and cool even when he’s getting older etc. I know that there is douchebags who will betray you no matter what you do or leave you, but real men want the same thing you do: to have that one loving partner in their life who makes them feel cared and loved every day.

  • Ralphie October 22, 2018, 2:41 pm

    Im dating a man who is being very consistent with his communication and we see each other every weekend. He is always making plans with me and he reaches out to me all the time. The only issue is that I’m having a hard time feeling like he desires me the way a man should desire a woman. We hang out, we talk, we have so much fun together, we have sex but it feels more like a friend I’m having sex with than a romantic partner. Im physically and romantically attracted to him but I can’t help but wonder if there is a physical attraction issue on his part. He doesn’t seem “into” me like I’m used to. I’m a pretty woman but I know I don’t have those super pretty girl looks so I don’t know. Nonetheless, he isn’t pulling away per se, he just isn’t romantically present. I don’t hear anything sweet or flirty or sexy from him. When I do it to him, he just says thank you and tells me how much he enjoys hearing me say stuff like that. We have a lot in common and we have a great intellectual connection. He’s told his mom, dad and friends about me. But I’m worried because I feel like he doesn’t feel strongly about me in romantic way, even though he spends time with me, talks to me all the time, and admits that he has the most fun with me. It makes me sad because we both talk about how we are happy to have met someone like each other but I can’t help but wonder if having all these things in common and both of us being capable of loving each other the way we always wished someone would is somehow STILL not enough. It makes me very sad.

    I’m thinking of pulling away for that reason. The words of affirmation just aren’t there at all. And what’s more upsetting is he told me a story about how he expressed his feelings to his ex girlfriend almost instantly, really quickly into them meeting each other. They ended up breaking up because she was not as into him. So now I feel like I have to disappear just to see if he actually likes me.

    It’s frustrating but we will see what happens.

  • Taiwan July 15, 2018, 7:17 am

    I have this guy I’ve been dating off & on for the past 2years but we’ve been back seriously together for 8months now but suddenly few days back he just decide that he can’t go on with the relationship anymore that he feels the relationship lack trust meanwhile I’ve been 100% honest & loyal to him and he’s not get in touch with me since the which I did not aswell buh he watched my whatsapp status evrytime Wich I don’t do to his…..I’m really hurt please what should I do I need your advice??

  • Lisa March 22, 2018, 11:46 am

    I have been in a relationship on and off for about 18 months. We have been on and off but this last time I think we are done for good. I know we belong together and don’t know what to do. He says there is no spark. I don’t believe him. I don’t know what to do!

    • A straight guy April 16, 2018, 7:53 pm

      Draw yourself away from him… Act like you’re moving on and having a better time without him. He loves and wants you but is somewhat testing you in a way. If you do these 2 things he’ll come back. I know I do all the time. He couldn’t bare to see you with other guys, you’re his woman and he’s your man… It’s hard to draw away, but he’ll start panicking.

  • Birsel February 17, 2018, 4:24 pm

    My boyfriend for 4 months started calling and texting less as of the second week of January. It is true that he had some successive things happening one after the other which also prevented us for meeting since the new years eve. But despite that I let him know that I wasn’t happy with his careless behaviour. By the third week of January the date of his thesis submission approached and it just got worse. As I got bady ill for 4 days and he didn’t even get briefed because he did not ask how I was although he kept the conversation, I exploded on him and told him aaaalll I felt and went through and how he was absent when I needed him. My message just stayed unread on purpose till the morning and he tried to start a new normal conversation as usual like nothing happened. I was pissed off so I answered short, late, and tough. He stopped talking and by the time I cooled down he was already shut off. I ended up keeping the conversation somehow as he stopped initiating. By the following weekend I was near his area and we were talking so I asked if he feels like going out having some air. He made an excuse and I just headed home. We talked less and less through the following week, by thursday night we had a light chat and I asked how he was, he said that he was very tired and unhappy. As I asked why, is it going bad at work, my message just stayed unread till the morning. It was Friday 9 Feb. And he was quite responsive through the day, so I asked to meet and as he kept making excuses related to work, I just pushed more. So he just stopped responding to my messages and calls. Yes I know I did aaaall kinds of the things to avoid in these situations but I could not help but to see and understand what was happening to him that he had to express his unhappiness. After this incident I just disappeared too until valentine’s day at around 10 pm. I sent a brief apology message for my harsh words and putting the blame on him (when I exploded on him) while he was already having a hard time by himself. I wished him good luck with his upcoming thesis presentation (16 Feb) and wished him that he would never tell anybody again that he is tired and unhappy as he said to me the week before. I got an answer for this message that I was a wonderful girl and very understanding and I have nothing to apologise for and thanks for the good wishes and that I deserve the best and he hopes I will find what I deserve.
    I left this message read but unanswered till after work hours, around 7 pm, I just answered “okay. As you always said, you are older than me so you know better.” This is something he always said to me when he tries to make me accept some nice favor from him…
    It has ended here and I am just dying to find a solution to all this mess I have created with my clumsiness. I have a gift I made for him that i carried around with me since January 6 because we never knew when we would be able to meet. I had this idea to send it to him with a note “this is yours, made on January 6th. There is no point for me to keep it anymore.” But I am not sure what kind of message it will send because I am not even able to guess the most probable reason of all this behavior. He is the nice guy type, who gives and asks for affection. He would just keep hugging and holding my hand when i am around. But would not realise he missed me until we meet again (he said that). He lives with his sister and is very close to her and to his parents who live in another city. Whenever he did something careless he knows but does not say it. Instead he would become a bit more talkative about details of what he is doing or something.. until I mention it, then once faced with it he apologises. We are 29 and 31 years old and have been together for 4 months, during which he said “I love you” mederately and only at the right moments.
    I really need your guidance, I am scared of the idea that I have pushed him away for good. What can I do at this point ?

    • Damaris March 22, 2018, 2:19 am

      Hey girl! so, Birsel-love, dear, while I’m no expert in the area of love, (I dont consider myself one at least) but, from women to women, from girl to girl, I would be of most happy to service you on my advice on this. Can I? May I? please? if so, then carry on, read, but honestly, if not, at least, at the bare minimum, would you mind considering this just a little? ‘kay? thank you, I appreciate your thoughtfulness, even if i don’t get to see you reading this, its a step.❤ ( WAY BELOW, AFTER THE DOT LINE, IS some expert ADVICE: check it out; she’s yrs married now)

      A thing you should consider first in a situation like this, is,- ask yourself this……what EXACTLY was it, in the 1st place,-that my beloved had fallen for me? what made him feel the impulsing feeling of that magnetic ATTRACTION to renovate his lumbering gaze on me, much less, delve into oblivion with the action he hath partook? Have I exuded ANY femininity while I had been in his presence? men thrive from the uniqueness of CARE; like treatment from that of a wounded soldier, and yeah, they do feel like they go into battle EVERY single day,weither they really do or not.Doesn’t matter. AND honestly? thats what they look for in a partner… i mean, what if you were in THEIR situation?- and the guy you just happen to like, stepped on a landmine right after you had JUST finish fighting in a war, and instead of getting hugs and kisses, in other words, COMFORT, and the ADDITION of VALUE, you get Angry yelling, unapreciated comnents, and Lots of VEXING thoughts. Tell me, dear, sweet, would that make you happy to come home to? no right? instead of saying ‘ its ABOUT ABOUT TIME YOU ANSWERED ME YOU @$$, IVE BEEN WAITIN, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD BE MORE ACTIVE IN YOUR REPSONSE….ETC(Basically negative feedback)’ (btw, you messed up BIG TIME when you told him Not to show you when hes depresed-sad, you dont need to know exactly WHY, but in terms of this, he was LOOKING in you some comfort, some support,-tenderness, a place to lay his burdens on, and when he DIDNT find that in you, he left) which is WHY u need to FIX it, the damage done, and built his TRUST in you again, that he can count on you when it counts. the use of TONE in which we insinuate our thoughts in, (also, be careful in how you WORD THOUGHTS ACROSS, it tends to be deadly as it has a massive impact on the outcome) unravels the femininity, a proccess in which the fundamental VALUE we bridge across, changes the way in which a man then goes to Perceives us, FEELS us, HEARS us. cause men, much like anyone else, can filter stuff out to our own convenience. But, when one expresses through our own raw feelings directly, (that’s a completely differin concept altogether) face to face, we strikingly, with great sembleance, exude the love in which men so desire, CRAVE even, to have taken CARE of, and that, my dear, is just the beginning. listen, sweetheart, you need closure, or at least meet face to face just once with this man (various times honestly) and be DISCREET in your pursuing, lest you show up LOW VALUE and give him the reins. Now, DONT make the mistake of becoming friends when you get reacquainted, thats ONE of the worst MISTAKES you can MAKE. that’d just built a pattern that’d KILL any, and All attraction he has left. ATTRACRION is built by the phase of an unknown instability. A tease of sorts. Built that up. you have to your ADVANTAGE the memories you two sweethearts have built together, a connection, a vibration of melodies of sorts-thats something no other girl has, USE it. this works EVEN IF he has started dating other women. I mean, you have the memories, the spark, the electricity. they dont, at least, NOT YET. Insunuating is the key, make him feel happy and luvely is the goal, let him roam around the idea of what a mistake he had made in cutting you short. just DONT act Hasty. thats bad. VERY bad. attraction can be built, just remember that, so, why are you hurrying? A key term you should realize when goading him to chase you and rekindle that spark in him, is, to +VALUE to his life. Not subtract it.
      “I wanted to open the gates for more talk about High Value Vulnerability AND give some insight in to what Low Value Vulnerability is.
      The answer lies below.
      Hi Renee, I agree about vulnerability with you, it’s recommended way though it doesn’t work 100% of the time.
      I only wanted to ask you if telling men how you feel about them is being vulnerable? Texting I am thinking about you I can’t forget you I remember every kiss is vulnerability? As for me it is and what do you think?
      Hi there Larissa,
      Yes, I know. It sure does feel vulnerable to text those things to a man.
      I would feel vulnerable texting those things to a man, too.
      It’s Low Value vulnerability.
      This is self serving vulnerability UNLESS the man and the woman have proven their worth to each other.
      The dating process has matured, and they are both willing to commit their hearts to one another.
      This is Low Value vulnerability because you’re disconnected from him when you say it.
      You say it to get something.
      So how would you know if this man is emotionally connected or even in love with you?
      And you find out by being totally connected to HIM. You read him, feel him as a human being, his presence filling the room, and you feel his existence when he’s WITH you.
      Rather than going with your fantasy story. Rather than being in your own head.
      Feel him, in the room, feel IN to him, look at him, watch his eyes as he speaks.
      Does he care or is he sweet talking you to get fun or sex?
      If he only wants you casually, then you can try to choose to be in a casual non committed relationship with him, or choose to tolerate nothing less than a totally present, trustable man who loves you.
      Back to my term ‘Low Value vulnerability’.
      Low Value Vulnerability, or Self serving vulnerability is texting what you wanted to text without connection to the man.
      When you say something just to get something from him.
      I’ll give you an example of disconnection. Because what we are talking about here is really disconnection – disconnection is low value altogether.
      Especially for a woman who is in her feminine, because connection and connectedness to people, to animals, to things, is the centre of where feminine energy blooms.
      I’m sure you’ve been in a group of women bitching before, right?
      Well, you don’t even have to have been in a GROUP of women. You read bitching conversation threads on random pages on Facebook, random forums on the internet, wherever.
      A woman will say something about someone, and indirectly put that person down and then say:
      “That’s sad.”
      I hate when people do this, I hate when I have done it. It is simply disconnection. They don’t care that it’s sad. They care about how superior and smart they feel by making the ‘observation’ that it’s ‘sad’.
      Disconnection is Low Value.
      As for your text – when you say something like you described to me above, you are most LIKELY (MOST likely), though I can’t say for sure because I cannot see your face or read your body language over email)… you’re just in a conversation with yourself.
      If you and this man are only just dating (he’s not yet committed or even particularly emotionally attached to you) and he’s off somewhere and not returning your calls, and you send him this text saying “I am thinking about you I can’t forget you I remember every kiss” out of fear that ‘why isn’t he putting me FIRST?’ – then you’re not being vulnerable.
      The REAL vulnerability is in the fact that you fear him leaving you. That’s the truth.
      The real vulnerability is being who you already are. Not trying to be vulnerable so that you can take more value from him.
      If you express vulnerability while you are connected to him, you aren’t taking value. You are adding it.
      Because you’re still connected.
      BUT – even that, that kind of vulnerability is only appropriate to express to a man in THESE words I’ve just described, when you’ve clearly proven your value to each other and you are both willing to enter in to a relationship together.
      The line you are thinking of texting to this man has a high potential to be simply self serving.
      It’s not connecting with him.
      However, just as an example, if I sent this to my husband, I wouldn’t be extracting as much value, simply because I’ve already proven my value as a mate to him over the course of many years.
      But it wouldn’t take much before the act of me sending a text like that looked creepy, weird, and very irritating to him.
      So, like many things, it depends on the context. How long have you been together, and how committed this man already is.
      Have you proven your value?
      Do you trust HIM?
      Or are you just looking to get some confirmation that he is still willing to at least return a text, so you may not have to feel so lonely in that moment?
      That’s FINE – just be aware, it doesn’t add much value.
      The key here is, as with most situations in dating, is that it only pays to be a woman who isn’t looking for approval. When you’re not looking for approval, then you wouldn’t say or do anything that takes value.
      You’ll naturally add value.
      But the fact that you’re emailing me asking whether you can say this to him? – it gives me a hint that in your case, it is very likely to be taking value.
      Let me ask you – how would you feel if you started dating a man and he told you this:
      “I know every facebook photo of yours back to front” ?
      If it was me, I’d feel like that is kind of like a leech trying to leech resources from me.
      At best, as a woman, you’d feel flattered.
      But if you do feel even slightly flattered and excited over it, then that’s when you know you are looking for approval from men. You’re not already a full woman. You’re looking to take more resources from men.
      And when you do that, you’ll attract sicko men who instinctively sense your neediness and leech off you in return for approval, variety, sex, and to make themselves look good and acceptable in front of friends and family.
      The easiest women in the mind of a man, are the women who are looking for approval.
      If you don’t want to feel like you’re an easy woman, simply go out there, make a commitment, to dress in everything that makes you feel unattractive. If you think tying your hair a certain way makes you look uglier, DO it.
      If you feel that a certain top exposes your most hated attributes, wear it.
      If you CAN – if you’re really game – wear something long, and that covers all of you.
      If you can’t do that, then you might want to do it anyway. That’s the only way to condition your body from being an approval seeking body to an already full feminine woman who is not seeking approval.
      You don’t have to do that for the rest of your life, you can later on dress in other things.
      But it’s the ABILITY and the courage it takes for you to go out and not need approval that counts. It has to be something you CAN do, in your body.
      Not in your mind, that’s worth nothing. But in your BODY.
      See, I could have given you this suggestion:
      “If you don’t want to seek approval, then say ‘screw ’em! Screw society! I’ll do what I want to do and be who I want to be!’ – but that never works.
      Words never work. You’ll just forget what you said and why you said it shortly after. It makes no lasting change in your personality.
      To be a woman who isn’t seeking approval requires a strong and consistent practice. A daily discipline to let go of all the things you do in order to seek approval. Usually, almost every little thing humans do is to seek approval.
      My last words are simply just to be.
      When you BE, you are already vulnerable.
      And the GOAL isn’t to BE VULNERABLE. It’s not for you to be like ‘oh, how vulnerable was I today? Did I do good today?’ – No, that is still doing it to seek something outside of yourself. You’re seeking to be good enough according to outside standards.
      Vulnerability is being.
      Because you are everything you ever wanted.
      Your man will pull away at some point.

      (It’s not a matter of if, but when it’s going to happen.)

      Of course, this does not mean your relationship is doomed – quite on the contrary. When he pulls away, or withdraws from the relationship, is the exact time that you get your ‘make-or break’ moment and get to show your high value.

      I only say this because most of us (myself included) have a tendency to respond with fear and neediness when he pulls away.

      (Look, there are good evolutionary and protective reasons for us doing this – and there’s really nothing wrong with becoming needy and fearful when he pulls away, you just need to be aware that it can strip value from the “relationship bank”.)

      Every time you respond in fear; there’s a chance that you’re stripping value from your man and from the relationship. This is not something for you to fear… this is just something for you to understand and even appreciate.

      None of this will change the truth of how you feel when he pulls away, though: when he withdraws – it hurts.

      It’s real pain. Wouldn’t you agree?

      You may not say it, but it hurts. You may get angry. Sad. You may feel unloved. You no longer feel like that princess that he once treated you as.

      So, why do us women get stressed when a man pulls away?

      Why? Because if a man has value to us, then we become irrationally afraid that his withdrawal from the relationship could (key word: could) mean:

      1: He might sleep with other women and all his resources will go to the other woman (which is not always true! It is usually much less true than what we women tend to think…)

      2: That he may never come back, and to a woman’s primitive brain (the lizard brain), this could mean that she might die.

      …And hey, let’s be honest here. Sometimes, going through the pain of a man pulling away really can feel like we might die – that’s why we try to resist the pain and get angry at him instead, or beg him to stay.
      (Anything to keep from feeling like we are dying, right?)
      3: That she has just realised that she had been used (it was only a casual sex situation or that he got what he wanted and now she will never see the man again).
      So what can we as women do about this, and how can we show up as a high value woman in those moments?
      If you’re asking yourself those questions, great… read on.
      Men pull away, because as men deepen the bond with a woman, this increases a hormone called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that lowers a woman’s stress levels, but in men, it actually has the effect of lowering his testosterone, which can actually RAISE his stress levels.
      …So, too much bonding causes men to start feeling uncomfortable.
      No doubt you’ve experienced this. You are all happy that you guys spent a while together and you feel so close and connected, and suddenly, his body language abruptly changes.
      I mean, he completely changes… from his body language, his facial expressions, everything.
      His eyes avoid your gaze, he walks away or he turns away, he arches his back over the chair, puts his hands behind his head, and he is just suddenly absent from the connection you just had.
      His presence is no longer there even if he is there physically.
      This is where a lot of us women have a freak out moment. And it’s totally understandable!
      However, consider this…
      Think about when you’re in a relationship and you feel kind of suffocated…That’s the stress levels going up from too much closeness.
      This ‘too much closeness’ happens much sooner for men than for women when in the context of emotional bonding. I am talking about emotional bonding here, so keep that in mind. This does not mean that women don’t also feel suffocated at times.
      What happens is, as men get closer, things are going well, the Oxytocin levels go up, they start bonding…. Then men will tend to want to pull away in order to rebuild their testosterone levels through their masculine missions.
      At that point this creates a lot of confusion for women, where they often will say things like,
      “Why are you pulling away? Why didn’t you call? What’s going on?”
      “Do you not LOVE me anymore?”
      The problem here is that men and women are hardwired completely differently. Sure, we are all human. There are aspects that make all of us human.
      However, when it comes to relationships, there are certain things that make men and women the same (such as fear of loss), and there are things that make us completely different (such as what actually triggers our fear of loss).
      As women, we tend to think, value and believe certain things that are different to what a man would tend to think, value and believe.
      See, what’s intuitive to us women, can be completely foreign to men. I was speaking to my husband the other week, and he brought something up that was like an absolute “Ah-HAH” or a breakthrough for him. (Can’t recall exactly what it was…)
      …But to me as a woman, that breakthrough that he had was …almost commonsense.
      Like… “Derrrr.”
      It was something that was obviously intuitive for me, but it wasn’t for him.
      I was all like ‘Have you been living under a rock?’ and he was like: ‘What are you talking about?’
      Yet, if I was to go to my girlfriends and bring that particular thing up; they’d get it – in a heartbeat. (And the reverse is also true, what is intuitive to a man, can be completely foreign to us as women.)
      A man withdrawing from the relationship doesn’t have to cause you suffering. Your suffering comes from the meaning you give it when a man withdraws.
      We as women can give it a different meaning, which would lead to us having a totally different experience.
      (Of course, simpler said than done.)
      By having a greater understanding of men and their masculine world, then we are able to create better meaning and have the ability to show up with more confidence and more intrinsic and perceived value.
      So let me ask you this…
      How would you feel if you were around a man who was… let’s say, highly emotional?
      (For example: He was able to cry at the drop of a hat, and feel all “lovey-dovey” with you almost every day. He always talks about his feelings too.)
      He is so emotional that he melts like butter. Imagine him being incredibly relaxed and wanting to talk and connect with you all the time.
      How would you feel around a man like this?
      You may think ‘Oh my goodness – I would LOVE if my man would do this!’
      Yes, you may – for a couple of days. Eventually, whether you like it or not – you’ll start to lose attraction for him. And you may even be disgusted by him after a while.
      You don’t want a man who’s more emotional than you, now do you?
      What I am trying to suggest is that a man needs to pull away in order to be the man you are so attracted to. If he didn’t pull away, you’d be much more repelled by him long term because there would no longer be any polarity.
      So as a result, you may feel like you’re in a relationship with one of your girlfriends! (…You don’t want your man to be like one of your girlfriends, do you?!)
      Although you get scared or confused when he does suddenly withdraw, you also get a chance to see that he is, in fact, a real man.
      In fact, the reason you were attracted to a man in the first place was largely to do with the masculine energy he gave out.
      His presence, his strength, intelligence, his sense of humor, his potential to be a good provider, etc….this is all happening naturally, sometimes without you being aware of it.
      We as feminine women, want to be in a relationship with a man but when a man acts differently than we do, we get all hurt, confused and worried.
      Sometimes, a relationship and emotional bonding can feel like a burden to a man, even if he feels euphoric and alive when he spends time with you.
      (…this doesn’t mean that you are a burden, this means that the emotional bonding and the stress of being in a very committed relationship can feel like a burden to a man and his masculine missions.)
      So instead of seeing him pulling away as a threat to you and to the relationship, how about we see it as a test.
      A test of your value as his woman.
      A test of how much freedom he will have in the future of that relationship.
      A test of how much you can be there for him.
      And when you see this as a test, then you can see that this now becomes an opportunity for you to…
      1: Prove your high value as a woman and cultivate more attraction in the relationship.
      2: Grow as a woman and as a lover through appreciating his masculinity.
      3: Through your understanding and appreciation, inspire him to reciprocate and deepening the relationship.
      You see, what men really want from you when he pulls away is to feel like he has a high value yet loyal woman.
      He wants to know that you will be there for him when he returns.
      When you act from a fearful or desperate place, you naturally take value from him and from the relationship.
      Anytime you look to take recourses, take attention, take value, then you show up as low value.
      That is universally true, for men, for women in all context.
      (Now there’s no need to feel bad about this, we’ve all done it! And sometimes it’s important to have those “low value” moments, but we can talk about that another day.)
      The last thing men want is a ball and chain for a relationship.
      To translate that, the last thing men want is to feel restricted and chained from his masculine missions because his woman is acting from fear and pulling him back.
      So before you deal with your man pulling away, you must get yourself into a resourceful place.
      Next time you feel him withdrawing, just stop.
      Instead of feeling like his withdrawal from you is something to fear, notice your fear, acknowledge that you are scared, and give that part of yourself the space to be.
      Don’t resist your fear; just allow it space to be, and keep breathing, whilst you feel that fear, and cry if you need to.
      I’m serious, cry if you need to!
      Your emotions are powerful and they are there for a good reason. Don’t push them down or make them wrong!
      And as you give yourself the space for your feelings, you are sending your subconscious the message that your existence, your feelings and your needs are okay to exist.
      No need to resist yourself, cover up your rawness, or lash out and make a man wrong for pulling away just because you now suddenly feel vulnerable.
      The more you fear his need for freedom, the more I want you to remember that this is your chance to bring you and your man closer, cultivate more emotional attraction and deepen the connection and commitment.
      (Because if he didn’t have that masculine energy, would you still be attracted to him?)
      You see, the truth is that if you show up as a high value woman, and you’re happy giving a man his gift of freedom, then he’s going to truly come back to the relationship stronger with more to offer you.
      Does that make sense?
      Listen to yourself when you are talking.

      listen to others in a social situation, trying to fit in and ‘have a good ol’ time with the mates’

      listen to friends, to your lover, to your boyfriend.

      The words we speak are mostly blind to what is really going on inside.

      Words often try to minimise our own vulnerability and ability to feel.

      We say ‘Oh it’s okay…”

      When our real feeling is that we hate that person.

      We say ‘Oh maybe he was just….a little…forgetful. Or busy.”

      Well, what if we actually are angry at him?

      And what if that anger serves you?

      Would you be open to the idea of letting yourself feel that anger?

      I certainly hope so.

      For the purpose of this article, I am going to assume that the men you WANT to attract are the men who see your vulnerability and want to take care of you. Forever. And adore you.

      (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

      If you want the depth of love you crave, try to listen to yourself when you are talking. What are you saying?

      You may consider that you do often say what you think people want to hear.

      You may consider that you say things or engage in your own thoughts to try to dull your emotions, or gut instinct, as if they are wrong (?!)

      You may consider that you sometimes say what makes you look GOOD.

      You may consider that many of the words you say are spoken to make yourself look cool, smart, in control, and consistent (feminine energy NEVER is consistent, though). We change with the weather. We change with other people’s emotions. We are naturally responsive creatures that have had that intelligent responsiveness conditioned out of us in order to go to school, go to work, fit in to a group of ‘average’ friends…

      It’s not you.

      No, it’s the way you were raised. It’s what this society teaches us to be.

      In this society, we are taught that looking good is more important than being who we really are in our true nature, whether that’s masculine, feminine or neutral.

      What you’ll realise though, is that, in order to be in your authentic feminine energy (if that’s what you are, underneath all the masks), then you’ll need to talk less and FEEL more, because talking often stops you from feeling. Once you feel more, and talk a little less, you are and WILL be naturally more feminine because you are being more of yourself.

      This is the way I have learned to become more of who I actually am, not who I think I SHOULD be.

      I struggle with talking BS, especially to my parents; mostly to my parents. Because they were the ones I felt I had to impress and please.

      Those times when I actually have the awareness to remember and pull myself up on my BS, I let go of the talk. I just connect instead, which is what we really want. Interact with my husband. I smile, I dance, I ask him about HIM, I kiss him; and it flows, the way it is designed to flow between a masculine man and feminine woman.

      (Click here and take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I?”)

      Disclaimer: please don’t think this is the answer to having more approval from or even more dates with men. SOME men will run from you when you do what I am suggesting; when you remain open and vulnerable; and that’s what we want!

      We want to get rid of the weaker men who will just run; because we are not willing to settle for anything less than a man who at least tries to respond to your vulnerability with total devotion.

      In order to weed out the men who aren’t serious, just BE. The right man will come eventually, even if that’s a newer version of your existing boyfriend/husband.

      What we say is not as powerful as our desire and intention to connect. When we want to connect, what we say sounds different to what we’d say if we were trying to present perfectly.

      So, feel that which you actually feel. Don’t avoid it. Avoiding feeling it just takes you away from your authentic energy.

      Now, I’m not saying don’t talk. I’m saying, listen to yourself talk if you want to radiate deeper femininity.

      Certainly, when it comes to connecting with girlfriends, talk can be the most valuable thing in the world. It CAN be. But right now, we’re talking about interacting with a man.

      Deeper femininity attracts deeper men. Men you can trust.

      But to appeal to the men who want to go deeper, you have to be willing to eliminate the men who aren’t interested in anything beyond sex.

      So, give yourself the space to feel deeper. Don’t avoid feeling your anger (yes, avoid blaming people, and avoid spraying old pent up emotions at a man as if it really is his fault). But remember that anger can be valuable, just as sadness and hurt is valuable.

      Your emotions, no matter how much other people told you that your feelings aren’t important or to ‘stop’ feeling them – they are here to protect you. They affirm your existence. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to feel them, because it’s almost like saying ‘hey! I matter. My boundaries and my desires and my hurts matter!” and that is hard to do when we were raised to keep things surface and keep emotions inside.

      Society demands us to avoid feeling the deeper emotions that would cause men to want to take care of us (vulnerability is what makes men devote themselves to you).

      Instead, we’ve become accustomed to covering things up with words and actions that we think make us ‘fit in’ or look good.

      Surface femininity (dressing and acting solely for the approval of others) attracts surface men. (What is fake & superficial femininity?)

      But first, you have to be willing to trust the light that is feminine energy that you were born with OVER trusting the garbage that you sometimes use to cover up the vulnerable, real you. (See my article on how most women reject their own deeper femininity)

      It’s that light of you, the spontaneous you, that men crave, and it’s not always pretty. And it’s definitely not predictable or in control. You have to be ok with that, at the very least.



      Men are naturally attract to these 17 Attraction Triggers, click here and start attracting the man who adores you.

      This article has been updated as of March 2018.

      P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason

      ps. dating advice is from Renee and wade, just so you know.

      • Damaris March 22, 2018, 3:20 am

        just gonna add one more thing, kay? ; )
        Guys don’t stick around because they love the chase – they stay because the relationship is quality. Would it make any sense that good relationships happened because the woman figured out how to make the man chase after her for the rest of his life?

        Here’s the bottom line: let’s assume you’re compatible with him.

        Even if you’re the best match on the planet, if you have the mindset that he should be chasing you, you will sabotage an otherwise happy, healthy relationship and make him withdraw from you.

        That mindset says that you should do things you wouldn’t normally do to try to make him chase after you and elicit a reaction. It says that if you don’t get the reaction you’re looking for, you’re going to get upset.

        It says that you expect him to do stuff he might not want to do to make you happy. And it says that you should only do things for him because you expect a reward for doing them.

        That mindset is poisonous to love, and it’s a mistake that will destroy even a very strong relationship.

        Instead, here’s the mindset to adopt that will attract love into your life. Only do things because you genuinely want to do them.

        If you’re happy doing something just because you want to do it, not because you’re looking for a response or a payment, then do it and do it joyfully!

        If you think about things in terms of him “owing” you for things that you’ve done – you’re not acting out of joy or generosity.

        Instead, you’re tallying up his emotional “debt” to you and resenting him when he doesn’t pay you his “debt” – and you become what I like to call a debt collector.

        When you make your interactions with him a means to an end – you’re not interacting with him or treating him like a person – you’re using him to get something for yourself.

        It’s the most selfish, dehumanizing thing to do to someone. You’re reducing him to someone who exists only to gratify your ego and pay off the “debts” you put on him.

        So How Do You Make Him Happy?
        At this point, you know what to do to avoid a bad relationship – but you might be wondering, “What do I do to make him happy and have a good relationship?”

        Here’s the good news: men are really simple.

        How To Really Make Him Chase You
        Guys are so simple, having a great relationship and making him chase after you becomes the same thing. Once you know this secret, you won’t ever need him to chase you again. Here’s the secret: If it feels good in the moment – men move towards it. If it doesn’t feel good in the moment, men move away from it. That’s it. It holds true over time, so if on the whole it feels good – he’ll keep moving towards it. If on the whole it feels bad, he’s going to move away from it.

        how to make him chase you
        When you have a relationship that feels good moment to moment, he’s going to keep moving towards it. Like I said, simple.

        Finally – there’s a huge trap that can derail even the strongest relationships: when people think that it’s ok to stop dating each other.

        The things that got him interested in you in the first place are the things that keep him interested and happy over time.

        If you were working hard to stay in shape and look good when he was first attracted to you, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that if you stop doing those things you might get less good results.

        Remember – making him “chase” you is a fool’s errand – all it will do is make the relationship feel bad for him, and make him move away from it.

        If you want your relationship to be great, it’s all about two things: compatibility, and quality of connection. If you’re compatible with each other, and you strive to make each moment with each other as good as it can be – your relationship will naturally be great.

        The biggest problem most women face is that for a very specific reason the man they want no longer feels the desire to chase her anymore. He withdraws from the relationship, goes cold or becomes distant which is a death spiral where he keeps pulling away more and more and she keeps desperately trying to get his attention and interest back while he’s pulling away. The next step is very simple read this article: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

        • Damaris March 22, 2018, 4:05 am

          ………… posts that just Really got me……….✌

          Absolutely. Why would u even bother with somebody like that. Everybody needs space and that applies to women also but that doesnt mean that u have to distance urself from each other to an extreme where u feel unloved and insecure in the relationship and why should any woman accept that its ok for a man to do this. Imagine if the woman did it…….different story then.
          …………………………………………………………….. ..
          Summer December 4, 2016, 1:03 am
          I met a guy and instantly fell in love. (okay, lust, I suppose). Regardless, I wanted to get to know him. His first words to me were “What’s your name? You are gorgeous!!” and what girl doesn’t want to hear that from a guy she’s interested in?!?
          Anyways, we went on a date. Which snowballed into many dates and nights spent together. I was falling in love hard and fast. It seemed so mutual, until my birthday. I suggested we spend it together to which he replied he’d take me out for dinner! (Days beforehand we changed the dinner date to the day *after* my bday & spent my actual bday in bed watching movies.)
          So the next night, I got all dolled up for our date….
          and never heard from him.
          He vanished from the face of the earth. I didn’t hear from him for TEN heartbroken days. Not so much as even a text.
          What had I done? Why did he do this? What’s wrong with me?? My head spun with questions. I felt weak and broken. But I couldn’t let go. There was something there that was so special I couldn’t ignore it or let him end it. I had to find out why he stood me up!!
          On that tenth day, I ran into his roommate at the bar, who greeted me very warmly and asked where I’d been?? I was pretty surprised at his question and told him how I’d been stood up and then ignored. “Oh no!! He fell asleep that night, and when he woke up the next day he hated himself for it and figured you must hate him.”
          So why didn’t he reply to me or call?
          “Look, he’s never had a real long-term girlfriend before. His longest relatonship lasted only 8 months and she cheated on him. He’s pretty hard on himself and feels like he’s already ruined it with you.”
          … Well where is he tonight?
          “He’s at home, sleeping” we laughed… “You should come over, he’ll be so thrilled to see you.”
          So I went. He was extremely shocked and happy to see me… but I was giving him a cold shoulder. I sat there and all of my questions and anger and sadness began to flow out! He listened closely and apologized genuinely but I felt hurt. I left after reeming him out for half an hour, and the next day he called me. He asked me to meet up for pizza in the park and we did. He kept thanking me for coming back to him, and apologizing for having hurt me.
          We spent that summer together inseperable after that. At the end of the summer he told me he loves me. In that moment I truly forgave him and saw that he had made the mistake out of fear, and open wounds from his last (and only) real relationship… I realized the poor guy had never even experienced true partnership and love… I was excited to show him how a real partnership can be, and how lovable he is.

          Now it is just about two years later. We are happily in love, lI’ve together and have never had a fight or argument. We’ve had disagreements, naturally, but we work through them effortlessly. He is an amazing and loving partner. He holds me if I cry, and supports me following my dreams. He’s there for me everyday and never leaves me wondering or waiting. He now knows what a real relationship is, and actively shows me all of the love I could have ever asked for. He talks about marriage and kids all the time, and we’re so happy.

          Long story short, if I had taken the advice of this article, he may have never cone back to me. When he was weak and kicking himself for messing up, he pulled back. Pulled back so far that he couldn’t see the potential that I did for us. I was able to be strong and fight for what I wanted, and show him that there are other kinds of women out there who won’t “hate him” for accidentally falling asleep and missing our date. I’ve shown him what true love is, and now that he sees he can be loved, he has given his full heart to me.
          Don’t lay down and let them pull away. If you want them, and know there is something good there, help them see it. Don’t be afraid to “chase” a man. I did, and have never regretted it since.
          It’s like they say, “You’ll just know when he’s the one” and I’ve always been in relationships wondering, is this it? is this me ‘just knowing’? But the fact that I had to question it is exactly the opposite of what that saying is eluding to.
          With him, there was no question. I just knew. …and now he knows it too.

  • Nene Oby February 2, 2018, 2:12 pm


  • Björg December 12, 2017, 7:21 am

    OR… he’s just not that into you. Usually, there is no need to interpret men’s actions. They are what they are.

  • Wilhelmina December 11, 2017, 2:27 pm

    That was the reassurance I was looking for, Thank you!

  • synthonaplinth November 21, 2017, 12:29 am

    I’m on the other side of the coin. I’ve been dating a woman for three years and she is a raging workaholic. We rarely spend time together, if we do she falls asleep, or we have time to do nothing because she always has to be AT WORK. Living together would solve some of the problems but she always has an excuse as to why she works all the time or some martyr-ific After two years, I’ve finally gotten tired of trying to communicate my feelings and am taking time for myself. It’s hard to talk when you feel that someone is not listening.

  • blackroses November 18, 2017, 5:57 am

    i know this sounds ridiculous but i met this guy on a facebook game, he asked for my number but i refused to because well why would you want give out your number to a stranger he could be a scam. okay so he gave his instagram id and downloaded kik just to text me. we clicked right away. we spent days and days talking, flirting and joking and i sacrificed my time just to text him because of timezone. one night, he confessed that he had feelings for me that he never felt this great in a long time so i told him i feel the same way (tbh i’ve never fell in love this hard before) and we dated. i won’t deny that i love taking to him and i never believed in ldr before he came. we had few arguments tho, but it wasn’t serious. After days passed by, he went disappeared which i think he deleted his kik. We were good at that moment but idk what’s going on so a week later i went to his instagram to find him, just to you know clear this mess up and start over again and be friends, it doesnt matter if he changed his mind or met a new girl near him.. i just wanted to have a connection with him. The next day, i found out that he blocked me. That was a dick move but what’s worse is that i am still madly in love and maybe will die with the curiosity.
    I might feel a bit regret for loving him that i feel heartbroken now..But whatever it is, the days we spent together was really one of the happiest moment in my life so i never regretted every moment of it. Bad news is, i find it hard to move on.. like seriously am i obsessed with him now? it feels like hopes are there you know, and its not giving up. i just wanted to talk to him. A single hey from him would make my year, but it seems like impossible. *sigh* life…

  • Dan November 12, 2017, 12:05 pm

    We men are nowhere near as complicated as women so the answer is VERY simple.
    You’re welcome.

  • Natalie November 12, 2017, 8:55 am

    I’m going through this exact thing. It’s heartbreaking. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now. He told me a while ago that he had fallen for me. I told him I felt the same. The last few weeks have been really hard. With either really short texts or no reply at all. He’s been busy with work. I know this is true. I get that he can’t answer every text straight away. I also understand he has a life of his own. We’ve barely said about 5 sentences to each other over the last few days. It’s taken a lot for me to start this relationship. After being single for about 11 years. I don’t want to end up in the exact same place as I was a few months ago.

    • Vellex December 7, 2017, 5:34 am

      Do you have a full life when he’s not around?

      • Barbara February 14, 2018, 5:11 am

        Natalie, I have just seen your text, I am not sure how it went since December but the best to do in this case (always), I know that it`s really hard, because you can`t focus on something else but him. You have to disappear, so he will release you are not taken for granted to him. Men can say anything but they get crazy about when the women is doing the same thing or even worst :). He has too feel that he missing you, and beside that focus on your own life and on yourself, the happiness should come from yourself and not from him or any other person. Just step back and see what happens, he will be eager to be the same as before believe me ;) and success!

  • wonder November 10, 2017, 12:26 am

    If he wants to pull away that is his choice and I agree one should not ask for reasons, as they are irrelevant. Only two options remain:abandonment or a leap of faith. Either way it is a choice one has to take alone. Move on.
    When they change their mind it is already too late.

  • Given Davis October 27, 2017, 12:39 am

    This helped me so much to be honest, thank you.

  • CC October 1, 2017, 6:29 am

    My live in boyfriend of 5 in a half years has pulled away after I became preganant and it was a planned pregnancy. He says he wants space to reflect on our relationship but still wants to work things out and is going to make an appointment with a therapist. Should I give him this space and back off? I find this situation difficult because I feel alone during my pregnancy. He also started seeing someone else just a few days of me moving out. Should I just give up on him? I still love him.

    • Lote October 12, 2017, 9:23 am

      Hey girl, I don´t want to be rude intruding in something that´s clearly none of my business, but reading you has made me very upset about you boyfriend, or well, the father of your child. He needed space, but started seing someone else? I know you must love him, but that´s not a mature way to behave. If he can´t be responsible for his actions and its consequences, you should better move on. And you say it was a planned pregnancy, so there was a discussion and plenty of time to declare that he was not sure about it, if that is the case. It is very unfair that now he gets to decide if he wants to be there, in this stage of life, if he is “ready”, while you are already pregnant and shouldn´t it be something just yours. He is inmature, selfish and irresponsible, you don´t need another child to raise but the one you are carrying. So, I send you from very far away, all my strenghts and good wishes, put yourself up together and love yourself, so once the baby is born he/she will have a caring mom. The best for you and your baby, take care of yourself…

  • Waiting Game August 24, 2017, 12:14 am

    I met a guy on a dating site.
    He knows that I have trust issues and hardly open my heart to anyone.
    He promised that he will not fall in love with me.
    But then we became sweet to each other. However, he doesnt want to add me on facebook. He said he’s hiding something but it’s not as bad as what I think it is. He is not married nor in any relationship. I stalked him nd found out that he is a religious Muslim and I am a Christian.
    So we continue being sweet but we dont communicate all day. Usually in the morning only or at night but never missed to text me in more than half day. And then there was a time we stopped being sweet and he also stopped texting me and the next day he told me that he missed me and hes confused why bec. We havent met. And so we continue being sweet again. Slowly he texts me less and less. And then texts a lot again and less again.

    Until we decided to meet.
    We bought my fave food nd we stayed in his condo and watched movies. We were like friends. No malice. And we were not sweet like how we were on text. But he’s sorrt that our first date is as simple as that only. And he even said that next time, he will do better. Then we slept on diffrent bed. But he came to me and slept beside me. I dont know what came to my mind and i hugged him. He hugged me back. All night, we just cuddled. We didnt kiss or had sex (well i wont allow him if he forced me) . the next morning, we didnt talk about it like it never happened. He walked me to the bus station.

    He texted me to take care and thanked me for spending my time with him.
    After that, i didnt hear from him until the next morning i received a good morning text again.
    I greeted him a happy birthday and had a very quick chat with him. Then he did not respond.
    I messaged him after 12 hours, but he did not respond.. Until the next day, i did not hear from him anymore. And today is the 2nd day that he is not talking to me.

    I follwed what i have been reading online bec. I dont want to drive him away more like whar happened in my past that i was so reactive.

    I am not sure if he is stalking my profile on fb again. Bec he told me before that i was famous and many guys chase me. So i kept my happy pictures public so in case he would see.

    My questions:
    1) For how long should I wait? Can I send him a message after a week like. “How are you? “?
    2) Is it okay to post on social media my recent happenings for him to see that i am not affected? Or is it better that he has no idea of what id happening to me?
    3) Do you think that his religion plays a role on him pulling away?

    I am used to men pulling away but this time I want to do the right thing. I want him back.

    • georgia August 28, 2017, 3:10 am

      1.I know there is a ‘gap week’ rule, but seems like you should move on.
      2.Of course you should keep posting anything on social media, doesn’t matter if he gonna see it or not.
      Maybe he see it, he will know you are having a good time and you don’t need him at all.
      3. I don’t think religion matters, if someone really likes you, he will make things happen!!
      So, MOVE ON!!

  • DW June 29, 2017, 1:52 pm

    Allow me to jump in because I have had a great deal of experience with this scenario. I’m a grandmother, a beautiful grandmother and I’m totally head over hills for the man I’m dating. We live in separate states which at first caused great concern. I even broke it off completely. I sensed that the issue was mine – not his – so I jumped right in with both feet to find out what was the “deeper” issue. Come to find out, I had an issue from childhood – anxious attachment – which stems from my mother (I won’t go into all the details here). Needless to say, I had never dealt with this anxious attachment (Google it), and it was surfacing from his pulling away. Once God healed me of this syndrome, I have never had any problem with his, what we call, pulling away. I need my space – he needs his space. I’m so glad this was resolved. Six months later, he sent me a text and we are back together again – probably forever! But, if not, I can move on and wish him the best!

  • hanny June 19, 2017, 12:18 pm

    I met this guy just 2 weeks ago and he was my dream come through….He is everything I needed In a man,he calls 5:30am everyday for the first week,and changed after we both had sex after our second date,now I will call him to tell him he has changed he keeps on saying he is busy…..Although he is the busy type ,but am just a little bit confused,was it the sex we had that got him pulled away, or his he really busy?each time I call him he will tell me he is going through some hard times now that we will talk wen things gets settled?should I stop calling him or still continue to call him?

    • georgia August 28, 2017, 3:02 am

      Hey, I had a similar situation about two month ago.
      In my opinion, you had sex too fast and he just lost interest after it. He is not that busy! If he really likes you, he will makes time to be with you. It’s just a excuse.
      I know you had great time together, but the truth is he is NOT that into you!
      The best way is meet other guys and move on!!

  • Maca May 4, 2017, 5:23 pm

    I’m a man and I can say most of this advice is bad; “no calls, no emails” etc is the worst piece of advice in here. If I like a girl and she does this after I’ve clearly expressed my interest I’ll assume she’s gone cold on me or isn’t invested and l move on to another girl.

    As a man there are a number of reasons I’d pull away from a girl I like, or may like:
    She screwed up/did something wrong – In this case think back and see where things changed and what happened before that, give us some space then come back.
    Slut red flags – simple, you do some questionable things that set off alarms in my head or my gut it takes a lot to turn those alarms off.
    Downtime – I’m not gonna text you every hour of everyday I need some ‘me’ time to plan and work towards my goals and also to regain composure. This could come out of nowhere or after I’ve gave the girl a little too much comfort.

    It’s feminine to chase, feminine females are attractive. If you chase at the RIGHT time and you will be attractive. A man doesn’t want to be the one chasing, it’s imasculating and we have better things to do.

    • Noula June 11, 2017, 6:53 am

      What I dislike about the article is that it really does not give any insight on how we can actually show the man that we were hurt and neglected. Would men like it if we had a come-and-go attitude? Is it too much to ask to think about the other person before disappearing? I don’t get it why we should be so bothered to not show our feelings, I doubt that a man would be more committed and less neglectful if after days he disappeared we would be like “oh I’m do glad I’m hearing back from you” as if everything is just fine. How convenient. It might give him the impression you had no problem with the whole thing while, while you did. Now let me ask you something personal since you are a dude, what about a man that does not text for 10 days while you had established daily or every two days fb messenger communication – while he gets online everyday and has liked another girl’s photo in the meantime. No, the girl was not a friend. I got really pissed off that he never talked to me for so long especially because of that and I told him. I disconnected and I do regret the whole situation. Just so you have the background, he was a guy I was seeing last year, we were together for about 3 months and when he sensed it was time to be official he just bailed out due to his personal problems-and indeed he was not at his best. He also quickly became distant and I blocked him with no explanation (I don’t take it that he would appear and disappear to taste) and then when I was calmer I unblocked him (did not reconnect though) and I explained myself. After another half year he texted me that he felt e distant too and reconnected with me and we had a daily communication pattern but we had not talked on where we stand which also bothered me.

    • Vellex December 7, 2017, 5:29 am

      Biologically and traditionally males chase females and females choose which male they want as a mate. So to be masculine you are supposed to chase, and to be feminine you are supposed to receive the chase (if you are interested in the male). If you personally do not like to chase women, that is your personal preference. But that is not the norm for males. Having said that, I don’t think it’s wrong if you prefer the female to chase you. But I do think it’s counter productive for you to pull away from a female for any of the reasons you have listed and then expect her to chase after you because of it, and if she doesn’t you lose interest. It sounds like you’re testing her when you put it that way, and no one likes those kind of games.

  • Julie April 26, 2017, 5:20 pm

    Advice from a male perspective anyone? I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space and he respects mine also. When he’s a weekend away with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we made had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roommate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text today apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?

    • Kaine June 22, 2017, 10:21 pm

      Offer to take him out to dinner on your dime. Don’t mention your emotional melt down. He doesn’t want to hear it. Make yourself humble and be grateful that he even wants to spend time with you. If you show him genuine remorse and he see this you might have a chance as long as he thinks you will never do that again. Goodluck you’re going to need it.

  • Annie April 18, 2017, 11:10 pm

    I’ve been dating a guy for about 5 months and he constantly pulls away and comes back. It’s emotionally exhausting because when he pulls away I push harder and as the article state it makes things worse. We break up constantly and half the time I never know if we are together.
    I need advice though. During one breakup he slept with someone else and came back saying how he realized he was in love with me etc. Although we were technically broken up we were still seeing and spending time with each other. Also being intimate. I’m really trying to move past this but his most recent pulling away has made me insecure and really psycho. We’re both older 39 and 41 professionals. His job is much more consuming and he has a lot in his life right now but says I add additional stress when really I just need reassurance (I know I have my own issues).
    In addition to the pulling away he is very cruel when he drinks. Calling me horrible names and tries to make me feel beneath him. I know this is huge red flags but love makes us do crazy things. We’re both sexually open minded but he tells me I’m a liar about talking about having another woman intimately. I feel him and I aren’t ready for this. At least I’m not ready. It’s a unhealthy dysfunctional relationship and while he has his faults I know I push him to the limits. (Blowing up how phone etc)
    He knows I hate when he ignores me and sometimes I feel he does it purposely. It will only be a few hours so I know I’m also being irrational but during those times I completely get beside myself thinking he’s with the woman he slept with. Last night I went to his house and he basically kicked me out at 2am bc he was doing paperwork (taxes). He called me crackw%^*# and a liar, I’m not even sure why he would call me such filth and told me I’m too independent and I need to learn to be more submissive. Instead of arguing I should be making him dinner and cleaning his house. Other times he adores and worships the ground I walk on. This all started when I wouldn’t move in to his house bc I felt if he truly wanted to live together we could move into another house together. Plus he absolutely hates my dog, my apartment and basically everything I do. I ask him why he’s even with me if I have according to him so many “hang ups”. Advice please.

    • JD May 1, 2017, 4:00 am

      So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.

  • RAE April 13, 2017, 10:17 pm

    I tried to ask him why and fix things but it got worse everytime I tried and when we were on the ph he ignored me the calls were silent and when I did say something he ignored me :( we used to be close we were friends on snapchat he chose to ignore me but still watched my mystory and it went on like that 4 weeks till I got upset and blocked him on my snapchat but still have him on Skype and his # we even would mail each other presents for holidays I fear he may have moved on and doesn’t like me anymore

  • RAE April 13, 2017, 10:10 pm

    I’m kind of having the same problem but I’ve given him like 3 months of space should I keep waiting I want to waste all my time waiting on him but I really really like him even lives in Canada and I live in FL we wanted to make it work and eventually move closer to where the other is but then after a very close father figure passed away he started distancing himself more and more we’ve known eachother for 3 almost 4 years :(

  • Fata March 13, 2017, 4:39 am

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. We have been through so much in the time we’ve been together and I can honestly say that I am in love with him. He started to drift away and I kept pushing. Today I asked him did he need a break and he told me he think he did. I immediately felt heartbroken and didn’t know what to do so I panicked. I started to tell him how I didn’t want a break and that I wanted to fix it. I asked him what changed and he told me everything. I then begged him to just try. I realized that I’m forcing the relationship witch will only have a heavier hurt in the end . There’s so much more behind this but here’s the basis. I told him I loved him then I asked him could we please keep trying. He replied I love you too and said okay. Shortly after I regrettably started to nag him to talk to me. He then began to ignore me. I realized that I’m making him feel trapped in this relationship and that’s the last thing I want to do. So I sent him this a couple of hours ago : I realized that I haven’t been being myself at all and I’m sorry for that. I’m forcing you and I don’t want to do that to you. I realized that you were pulling away and I kept trying to push you back in. I’ve always told you that I love you and even if we are not together I want you to be happy. I’ve been thinking about this all night and the dream I had really opened my eyes.i Really do love you and as much as this hurts i never wanted you to feel like you are trapped in a relationship. If you really need a break and need time I’m willing to give you that. I just wish it didn’t have to result to a break because only god knows how much I’ll miss you ‍♀️ but if it’s what you really want than I understand. I am patiently waiting on a response. I honestly just want to know, if I really give him the time will he come back or have I completely blew it already ?

    • Vellex December 7, 2017, 5:18 am

      I have some advice, but this was posted a long while ago so I’m not sure you need it.

      • Flo January 16, 2018, 5:58 pm

        What’s your advice? Would appreciate an honest advice.

        • Uki February 11, 2018, 11:13 pm

          What advice? Can you share it with me too?

          • Vellex April 14, 2018, 6:46 am

            Sure! The advice is below your comment :)

        • Vellex April 14, 2018, 6:45 am

          I’m sorry I’m replying late—I don’t get notified when someone replies. I’m not really sure what my advice was at the time I read your post, but I’ll give the advice I have now after reading it again.

          I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.

          If you have any updates on your situation, I’m here to listen and help in any way I can :) I’ll check back here regularly to see if you reply.

  • Confused March 8, 2017, 2:29 pm

    I met my friend online about 5 months ago. At first he kept in constant contact with me. Then his contact became less frequent. I realized I was the one doing most of the initiating so I stepped back. After 8 days he contacted me saying I dont love him anymore. He explained the problem was not me. He schedule is very busy cause he has a 9-5 job plus an evening contract plus he own several propertyies. I thought he was lieing to me and he was a player. I found out he eas telling the truth. Most times he is extrememly tired. He made a way to spend time with me twice. We had a really good time and he was totally relaxed and he displayed his feelings for me. Both times we met he shut down afterwards and became distant. The first time he came out of it after a week and told me he was in love with me. The second time he shut down. He make sure he text me goodmorning everyday but that is it. After the first week askec if he enjoyed his visit and he said he enjoyed me, but it has been 2 weeks since then and he keeps his contact to a minimum. I reply ro his good morning text and occasionally I will ask how is he doing and he will respond but no additional test after. I have been very quiet trying to give him his space. Yesterday I asked if I offended him in any way and wanted to know why I asked. Confused I just said, “i can’t figure you out but and i want to give you your space. Nut I dont need to be in your head I just want to make sure we are good. Your word is good enough for me. He said we are good and texted an emoji kiss. I said okay.

    I am totally confused. Any advice?

  • Kolya March 8, 2017, 1:30 pm

    because only men pull away…all my life is full of all that “it’s not you it’s me” crap,every single time,you try to be nice,understanding,give time and offer encouragement and every time…this…i’m starting to think something is wrong with me,i am already in enough despair as it is and hearing this when i am choosing my words like before a trial or something…it is the most horrible feeling i have ever experienced,and i have been through loss,rough accidents and others…and this hurts worse than all together,the feeling of hopelessness when you pull out even your own soul to show that person everything will be alright and still…nothing.

  • A man's perspective March 3, 2017, 2:16 pm

    “It’s natural for him to drift away sometimes. That’s because most men are afraid of becoming vulnerable.” – That’s not the main issue here at all. I’ll put this as simply as I can – a man’s purpose in life is to kick ass. Maintaining a relationship is very different from kicking ass – it often involves the exact opposite kind of thinking and behavior. If a man spends all of his time and energy on a relationship, there’s no time and energy left to kick ass. How do you feel when you have insufficient time in your life to live true to your purpose? Men do have to face the same vulnerability issues everyone does, but that’s a different problem where the man fears something could be be taken away from him. In the common case, where the man likes the relationship but withdraws anyway, what actively hurts is that he can’t give himself what he needs. It’s not a fear of a future loss that’s hurting him – it’s the active presence of a loss in his life right now.

    “Men are so used to being pursued when they’re trying to gain perspective that he’s going to be shocked you’re giving him the space he wants. He’ll realize that you’re different from most other women he’s dated, in a good way” – Good doesn’t begin to cover it. I would be ecstatic and incredulous that my partner is actually willing to let me do what I need to do to be myself, with no ulterior motive.

    • miao March 26, 2017, 12:30 pm

      the first time he goshed on me, i was sad and asked him something wrong? he said everything is fine and i understand that he just need some space.
      the second, third and next time onwards, i understand his need so im no longer paranoid about his absence. we enjoyed each other completely after he bounces back.
      it needs some explaination from the man, understanding from the woman, and mutual trust and love. no imaginary interpretation, dramma or manipulation.

      • Flora November 9, 2017, 12:34 pm

        How many days/weeks did you wait his answer after ghost?

  • Annonymous February 6, 2017, 6:57 pm

    I JUST went thru this with my boyfriend of almost a year. He got VERY distant for 2 weeks and when I pushed him to find out what was up, he said he was 50/50 about our relationship and needed time to think. So I gave it to him and NEVER reached out again. I didnt even sign into social media, I wanted him to have no idea what I was up to. After 2 weeks of no contact, he texted me today pouring his heart out about how he messed up and all he thought about was me, etc etc. Everything I’ve only ever dreamed of him saying and he NEVER says his feelings towards me, but has always shown them in affection. We are meeting tonight after he begged to see me to talk. I still can’t believe he admitted he was scared that he messed things up and realized he was throwing away a good thing. We still have a lot to work out, but I think this is a great start. Hang in there everyone who is going thru the same thing!

  • Chrisy February 1, 2017, 10:20 pm

    I saw a whatsapp pick of a workmate on my guys phone, he said he used it to let someone leave him alone I got a bit jealous and now he for the first time in our relationship got distant and didn’t answer my calls or texts, I decided to leave him alone since he’s very busy with work but I saw him and it seems he’s chasing me down and came up to me, we had a good brief conversation, though short but I can sense he was happy to see me.

  • Jen February 1, 2017, 5:21 pm

    This sounds exactly like the situation i’m in right now.
    I met a guy, we went on a few amazing dates, he bought me gifts, was always super keen to see me, (i was away a lot so we only saw each other 5 times), then, out of nowhere bam! he starts to pull away. Only i didn’t realise this is what’s happening. The last time i saw him, him was kind of distant, but he stayed over and went to work the next day. I knew he was busy, so i didn’t expect to hear from him, plus it was two days before Christmas. When he hadn’t responded to my text i sent a cheeky one joking about where he’d been and he said he’d been super busy and that he had the flu. The texts got less frequent over Christmas and new year and everything i suggested meeting up, he ignore the request, but replied in the usual manor.
    I maintained my cool during this time, we text a bit and even had a bit of a flirt but I did text a few times with suggestions to meet up that got ignored. I finally decided i would just ask whether he was still interested but in a very casual way, but got my point across, he apologised saying he’d been manic at work and that his mum wasn’t too well, but that wasn’t an excuse for not being in touch and asked me how i was, what id been up to etc. I replied with a lighthearted message saying i understood. A week then passed and nothing, so i sent another one, a bit more pressing and saying if he was ‘still being useless then fine, but can he meet me for a drink this week’ if not the i guess it’s best to leave things, but either way let me know’ He didn’t read this message for a number of days, then by the 4th day i got angry and sent a message saying ‘ or you could completely ignore me’ he then messaged me back saying he was sorry and being useless wasn’t his intention and that he was working way the previous week and would have struggled to meet me for a drink and that he said ‘sorry to have messed me around’ and hoped my broken foot was better. I replied back with a very lighthearted message also apologising for my behavouir and ended it with some fun chit chat, didnt ask any questions and didn’t suggest meeting up.
    I can see exactly where i have pushed when he’s clearly been pulling away, but i wonder if I’ve pushed too hard and now blown my chances , or if he just wasn’t that into me and didn’t want to let me down? It’s been 9 days since i replied to him and have decided to take this advice, give him some space and look into other options, i hope he will be back in touch, but im trying to be realistic about the fact it’s a bit of a lost cause.

  • Kellen January 29, 2017, 9:49 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 5 months sometimes I even count it to be longer because we started out as friends and worked are way up to being more then friends and then a relationship. My boyfriends a sweet, loving just one of an kind guy that is a gentlemen but is a hides all his feelings type of guy,
    whenever I ask him what’s wrong with him it takes a while before I get just one sentence out of him, this has affected our relationship as communication is being lacked. Ik he’s a guy and doesn’t want to seem vulnerable I understand that but we had a over the text argument more like me yelling at him even though for days I have asked him if we can talk in person so we can settle this in person so no communication is being misinterpreted but all he did was bring up lil excuses not to talk to me or I’d ask him when we would be able to and he’d be like “Idk” and because of that I would overthink everything and then just hold everything in until finally I exploded. I usually hold my tounge with being sweet and patient and I was like that for about 3 days but I was done with him not talking about what is going on with him and us and it all started when I gave him the impression that I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. We were in the car and I was jumbling all my feelings and not even knowing what I was saying, I said to him that I wanted some space to get myself together so that I could love myself more for this relationship. And I think all he got from me talking was that I wanted space and that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him because that’s usually something somebody would say if they wanted to end it slowly without saying “I wanna break up with you”. I shouldn’t of worded it like that but keep in mind I was PMSing to the max and I even told him that was why I freaked out on him and to try to understand not to take anything I say personal or even seriously.

    A couple days later he’s still acting distant and he’s being short with me over text and I’ve tried asking him to come over but he’d say he has to clean his house or that he can’t then after goes to hang out with his friends knowing I asked him earlier if he could come over. And usually he would come hang out with me since we haven’t been hanging out instead of going out with his friends. I just feel after that that this is a sign that I need to let him have his space even though we haven’t hanged out in almost a week, I really hope this works because one of my girl friends said that he’s obsessed with me and that he said that I’m the ONE. He’s even thought of wedding ideas I mean c’mon he sounds like he’s head over heals for me right? and I just don’t see him going from loving me so much to distancing himself from me and not even wanting to see each other it seems. Maybe it was something I said to him over text to make him upset? I just don’t know but I will do anything to go back to the status of what our relationship was once before this all happened.

  • Lora January 16, 2017, 9:41 pm

    If hes not trying being hot and cold and he knows you are good for him …dump him dont waste your time! Either hes in or out!!

  • Mireia January 8, 2017, 12:50 pm


    I am dating a guy in a distance relationship for about three months, at the beggining we felt unbelievable connection soulmate like, he said he wants to marry and have children, he was caring and sweet (flowers, gifts, lots of time together). However I know he cheated on me at the very beginning of dating (I forgived him because that was very fresh relation).

    Three weeks ago I had birthday and he said he would celebrate with me. Last minute he cancelled due to work so I was very upset:( After that I asked him to not communicate with me because I am angry at him. We went quite for a weeks and later started being in touch but since that time he’s contact me is much less frequent and he never calls me – just text. But he still writes that he loves me so much and he misses me!! I do not understand his behavior… Please tell me what you think…

    He does not plan when we meet – only said that next month will be less busy with work.

    Does it mean I should move on? But why he tells me he loves me?

    Please give some of your opinions.

    • Amy January 22, 2017, 3:36 pm

      Hello I can imagine your going through a hard time trying to understand this guy. He’s confusing you because he’s confused himself. He has distanced himself because this is what guys do when they are thinking if they want to be with you or not. This also shows how he doesn’t care much about you and more about himself. He says these things like I miss you and all that stuff to make sure your still around for him as an option but does his words match his actions? If he missed you he woukd see you. Does he see you? No ? Then he’s not telling the truth he’s using words to keep you about for his own ego and loneliness. There’s a way u can find out if he wants to be with you or not and that’s by ignoring him he sends u a msg like I miss you can I talk to u or just hello no mater what his msg says u say nothing. A woman’s silence shows and expresses your hurt more than your anger and words do. This also gives him time to properly miss you and it also stops you looking easy in his eyes men want a challenge they want to chase so give him what he wants and don’t feel bad about it either he hurt you did he care ? Sounds like he didn’t.

  • Ashley December 17, 2016, 1:44 pm

    Hey I am currently dealing with this with my boyfriend I just came across these tips I don’t think its too late to try. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we have conceived two children within our relationship a 4year old girl and 2year old boy. Lately my boyfriend has been under tremendous stress and I haven’t acknowledged that so I was adding on to his stress by arguing and nagging I ended up pushing him away now and I think for good this morning before he left he said hes done for good because I kept forcing to fix the problem. I’m struggling on giving him his space because we live together in a studio its hard to walk past him everyday and just not talk to him. How do I give him his space and just have distance I am a stay at home mom so I don’t work and I don’t leave the house I’m home with my kids. Any tips on how to enforce the space so he can clear hos mind I know he loves me dearly hes just very stressed out and wants to clear his mind on his own he said so himself.

    • Sha juan January 15, 2017, 7:21 am

      I have a 4yr old girl and a 2 yr old boy. My kids dad and i was together for 12yrs i kno all to well that this happens. My best advice is to start putting the kids in childcare and you get a lil job you like or at a daycare being you you are use to caring for kids for like 4 hrs a day and stop focusing on him. And he’ll come bac around. Like that you’ll start building your own friendships and your always busy. Pay him less attention and he is gonna be like damn what happen and what he’s expecting. Have fun a mothers life is stressful to you need a outlet.

  • sad heart December 14, 2016, 5:11 pm

    aren’t you taking a chance by pulling back that he will think you are not interested anymore and pull all the way back or away from you? I am very torn on what the right thing to do is.

  • Summer December 4, 2016, 1:03 am

    I met a guy and instantly fell in love. (okay, lust, I suppose). Regardless, I wanted to get to know him. His first words to me were “What’s your name? You are gorgeous!!” and what girl doesn’t want to hear that from a guy she’s interested in?!?
    Anyways, we went on a date. Which snowballed into many dates and nights spent together. I was falling in love hard and fast. It seemed so mutual, until my birthday. I suggested we spend it together to which he replied he’d take me out for dinner! (Days beforehand we changed the dinner date to the day *after* my bday & spent my actual bday in bed watching movies.)
    So the next night, I got all dolled up for our date….
    and never heard from him.
    He vanished from the face of the earth. I didn’t hear from him for TEN heartbroken days. Not so much as even a text.
    What had I done? Why did he do this? What’s wrong with me?? My head spun with questions. I felt weak and broken. But I couldn’t let go. There was something there that was so special I couldn’t ignore it or let him end it. I had to find out why he stood me up!!
    On that tenth day, I ran into his roommate at the bar, who greeted me very warmly and asked where I’d been?? I was pretty surprised at his question and told him how I’d been stood up and then ignored. “Oh no!! He fell asleep that night, and when he woke up the next day he hated himself for it and figured you must hate him.”
    So why didn’t he reply to me or call?
    “Look, he’s never had a real long-term girlfriend before. His longest relatonship lasted only 8 months and she cheated on him. He’s pretty hard on himself and feels like he’s already ruined it with you.”
    … Well where is he tonight?
    “He’s at home, sleeping” we laughed… “You should come over, he’ll be so thrilled to see you.”
    So I went. He was extremely shocked and happy to see me… but I was giving him a cold shoulder. I sat there and all of my questions and anger and sadness began to flow out! He listened closely and apologized genuinely but I felt hurt. I left after reeming him out for half an hour, and the next day he called me. He asked me to meet up for pizza in the park and we did. He kept thanking me for coming back to him, and apologizing for having hurt me.
    We spent that summer together inseperable after that. At the end of the summer he told me he loves me. In that moment I truly forgave him and saw that he had made the mistake out of fear, and open wounds from his last (and only) real relationship… I realized the poor guy had never even experienced true partnership and love… I was excited to show him how a real partnership can be, and how lovable he is.

    Now it is just about two years later. We are happily in love, lI’ve together and have never had a fight or argument. We’ve had disagreements, naturally, but we work through them effortlessly. He is an amazing and loving partner. He holds me if I cry, and supports me following my dreams. He’s there for me everyday and never leaves me wondering or waiting. He now knows what a real relationship is, and actively shows me all of the love I could have ever asked for. He talks about marriage and kids all the time, and we’re so happy.

    Long story short, if I had taken the advice of this article, he may have never cone back to me. When he was weak and kicking himself for messing up, he pulled back. Pulled back so far that he couldn’t see the potential that I did for us. I was able to be strong and fight for what I wanted, and show him that there are other kinds of women out there who won’t “hate him” for accidentally falling asleep and missing our date. I’ve shown him what true love is, and now that he sees he can be loved, he has given his full heart to me.
    Don’t lay down and let them pull away. If you want them, and know there is something good there, help them see it. Don’t be afraid to “chase” a man. I did, and have never regretted it since.
    It’s like they say, “You’ll just know when he’s the one” and I’ve always been in relationships wondering, is this it? is this me ‘just knowing’? But the fact that I had to question it is exactly the opposite of what that saying is eluding to.
    With him, there was no question. I just knew. …and now he knows it too.

    • Sonya April 7, 2017, 2:56 am

      WOW, this is an amazing Story. I have met this guy two months ago. We had two amazing Dates and went on a weekendtrip. Im Feeling some connecting to him but since a few weeks hes pulling away and Im so terified about it. I dont know how to act, or how to convince him of me. I really see Long term potencial in us.

  • DL November 30, 2016, 5:24 am

    I think I am dealing with the same thing right now.
    My so called boyfriend lived away from his home for 15 years. Since September he decided to come back home and create a new life here, which i get it’s not easy at all. Meanwhile we met 1 month ago and everything was going perfect we met every day and talked all the time when we weren’t together he even told me that I was helping him not to give up and get back where he used to live.
    Last week he had to go back there for work and the plan was to stay there for 5 days, but today os the day 8 and he keeps making excuses for not coming back every day he keeps pushing away the coming back day!
    First days he went he kept texting and calling me all the time and everything was perfect. But these 2-3 days i feel that he keeps calling cause he thinks he should and keeps the conversation short and dry. I didn’t change my behavior I keep acting the same like everything is ok. But I feel he is different,distant.

  • Lopez November 27, 2016, 11:58 pm

    Hi, I’m dealing with this kind of situation at the moment.
    My boyfriend is dealing with some stress from work, new project and the ex wife.

    Right now, his ex wants to move back to they moved from (I guess she expects him to follow her and kids like it used to happen when he moved here because of that reason years ago)

    8 months now, we normally live together but he’s away sometimes to take care of the kids for like a week every month which no problem for me. He agreed that moving back to that location is good for the kids education but for her he’s not sure. However, my concern is that he now has to be away to that new location that his ex and kids will move to (it’s also his hometown), to help on finding the apartment and prepare for schooling.

    Been a week that he’s away and he is so distant to me, we used to talk everyday even though we live together we were talking to each a lot more and he shared me more on what it’s going on with him.
    He talks to me less and less sweet, it’s painful. I’m reading all these helpful articles to help me not to think too much and do my best to handle this situation. I’m trying to be busy and reply his message as short but most supportive as I can. I’m trying to overcome the fear not having him back.

    Last message I told him that I’ll let him having time there to get things done after he told me that he’s not struggling with everything. (he has lots of extra expenses for this move too) He said he has anxiety about kids moving away (where we are now and new location is about 13 hours fly) but anyway he will prepare everything for them to move smoothly.

    At some moments I’m scared that he will get too emotional and wants to move back there to be near the kids (kids are now 14), I asked him before and he emphasized that he won’t go back to his ex.
    I’m doing my best to stay calm, keep busy with my things and be supportive. I hope this will be over soon.

  • star November 25, 2016, 5:15 am

    This is rubbish because that’s basically allowing a guy to walk On you. The women has feelings and a life too. If he loves her he should communicate his needs
    She needs to feel secure with him
    As long as he makes her feel secure safe with his love she will give the worlds space etc lol
    It’s a two way thing not a one way and depends on circumstances
    And because of shitty advice such as this you get your daughters/sisters hearts broken by guys playing them.

    • Maryk April 22, 2017, 11:29 pm

      I agree with you! It’s ok if they need space, but I am done putting my life on hold wating for him to see if he wants me. Life is too damn short to be miserable. This article gives you the reasons he’s pulling away. What ya need to say when you see him again is…ive been out enjoying myself. While you were needing your space…I’ve met someone who actually wants to spend time with me. Hope you find someone who will put up with your disappearing act. In the meantime I have a life.

  • Mary October 28, 2016, 4:16 pm

    And I didn’t say it was going to be easy. Today sucks!!!!

  • Mary October 28, 2016, 2:34 am

    Thank you, Ray. I needed a male’s perspective, I’m hurt & all my girl friends are angry, so I can relate to almost all of these posts. I have been with a man that “needs his space” & needs a woman to be understanding about it. It’s hard for me because although we have been in a relationship for just a week over a year, I’ve been in love with him for 20. We had a 2 year off & on thing back then & I was very young & I did not understand him back then. Although I understand him now, it still hurts, & the fear is always there, nagging at me, bringing up thoughts like, is he wanting to see someone else? Am I the one pushing him away with my feelings? Why does he not love me the way I love him? Always wondering if there is someone else, but never really believing it. He told me from day one (a year ago) how he was, & I guess I decided back then I loved him enough I could handle his occasional distance & that I had enough love to push through it.

    Some times I want to take this manly-man, guys-guy & shake him & say what the hell is wrong with you?!! (Many people want to do that for me right now.) but instead, I rush to tell him I love him & smother him with kind words & gushy love stuff. And he pulls away even further. Now, I am reminded of how in the beginning I gave this man his space & his time whenever I sensed he needed it, I had no control over it or him anyway, why fight it & push him farther away? I remember a day when he grabbed, pulled me close, kissed me, & thanked me for understanding & giving him his time. I would give anything for that moment to happen again, because it was real, & genuine. He was really happy at that moment & wanted me to know it.

    Long story short, this article helped put things in perspective again. I’m going to try my Damndest to give him space when he seems to pull away, play the cool understanding girl a little while longer, & endure. I do love him with every ounce of my heart & soul. I have always been a very confident person & have NEVER let anyone “treat me” this way. But, I’ve also never loved someone so deeply nor with this personality type before.

    Yes, girls, I am a highly intelligent woman, & quite attractive, but I am slowly figuring out, this is not about me. If you truly love someone, (& I truly do want to love this man for the rest of my life) you must respect them for whom they really are. But not be a doormat. Just seeing it through.

    I’ll take all the prayers & positive energy anyone wants to send to Mary & Drew. I always pray God warms his heart & sends him back to me, God hasn’t failed me yet. Patience & perseverance a while longer. I’ll let you know.

    Thank you for this article.

    • JoAnne January 20, 2017, 1:44 am

      Mary, your comment really resonates with me. I’ve loved someone for over 20 years myself and was in a two-year relationship with him “back in the day.” We’ve been a couple again for the last three years, and unfortunately depression has caused major issues for us in our long-distance relationship.
      I find, too, that his best buddy influences my man quite often. It’s so frustrating to know that he tells this guy everything about our relationship, and often bases his treatment of me on advice he gets from his friend. I sometimes feel there are three of us in this relationship.
      I’m trying to be patient when I feel distance from him. I try not to always be “the fixer,” because I know that pushes him further away. It’s so frustrating to know, however, that alot of times it’s his depression that causes him to push me away. I wish he would care enough about me to get help for the depression.

  • Soven October 11, 2016, 2:59 am

    Great article . Men deal with emotions differently , they also truly want to be in charge and for this they need to withdraw in order to think . For women its an opportunity to cool down and figure what they truly need from their men . And when he comes back be busy , be sweet ,understanding . Men dont change their mind that easily , the live they have for their women dont fade . Keep calm

  • Layla September 21, 2016, 11:22 am

    I hope that women or men in the world don’t apply this article to their relationship. If someone distances themselves from you then they just don’t want to put effort into it. Therefore, it’s best to get away from that person as soon as possible. There are many others that will show 10 times the effort. Don’t fall into this social construction that, if your partner distances themselves, just act like everything is okay and force yourself to be happy with them.

    Life is too important to waste your time on immature relationships. Whether it be as lovers, friends or family.

    • Michelle November 12, 2016, 8:56 pm

      Absolutely. Why would u even bother with somebody like that. Everybody needs space and that applies to women also but that doesnt mean that u have to distance urself from each other to an extreme where u feel unloved and insecure in the relationship and why should any woman accept that its ok for a man to do this. Imagine if the woman did it…….different story then.

  • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:45 pm

    This is immature, selfish behavior that has NO PLACE is the REAL world.
    Maybe in some fake internet land you can just ‘pull away’ from people and expect them to lap it up when you come back.
    But this is REALITY, if someone does not value you or your time enough to tell you how they are feeling then you don’t need them.
    These are not men we are speaking about, they are BOYS and they should be left to play with the little GIRLS who actually have time for this CRAP.
    This guy is not marriage material nor will he ever be marrying you.
    MOVE ON and COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS you just escaped a narcissistic psycho.

    • Juanita Juniper October 24, 2016, 10:56 am

      true, narcissistic.

  • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:31 pm

    Total immature, emotionally stunted BS.
    Take all the ‘time’ you need but if you think for 1 second I will be ‘waiting with open arms’ you are sadly mistaken.
    NO GROWN MAN plays these STUPID GAMES.
    These are childish, immature, stupid GAMES.
    Can’t tell someone you love them or don’t want to be with them then STOP DATING.
    I hate immature men and I will not coddle nor condone their behavior.
    Boys like this are a dime a dozen.

  • Audrey September 19, 2016, 4:20 am

    This article really helped me. My (ex) boyfriend of almost three years (in about a week from now) has recently broken up with me. 4 days ago to be exact. It hurts, I’ve been in a lot of pain. But for some reason I’ve been really good at not bothering him.

    We broke up so sudden. I said one thing he didn’t like and it was like a switch. He had flipped just like that. Then all of a sudden all these problems he’s been thinking about has came up. I’m still trying to understand them. I’m still trying to understand which reasonings he said are actually true and which aren’t. It’s been 4 days, ive texted him once. No reply. I havent tried again, and I refuse to. I would hate to push him away further.

    I really love him. I just want to hear from him. Some of the reasonings we broke up include he felt unappreciated, he wasn’t “getting” happy, he’s bored with the relationship because all we do is sit around, which I immediately told him that’s not fair and I always try to get him to do things and said I know. But a few more reasons he’s told me, he wants to be around someone positive, and I’ll admit I haven’t been in the best shape lately. I lost my job, I’ve been going through family issues, and friend issues. I always am first to tell him everything. I can understand why this is what could push him away. He is a very easy go free kind of guy. He also told me “I’m not what he wants in a girlfriend” of course all these words hurt. I think about everything he’s said and it hurts. Do I believe them? Slightly.
    I say that because we’ve been together for three years. I just feel like he would’ve figured out sooner than later if I was what he wanted in a girlfriend. Our relationship is/was so great. We talked everyday, some days less than others but at the beginning and end of the day we always made contact. We hung out mostly 4out of 7 days a week. We’ve always made enough time for eachother, and what we want to do ourselves. We hardly ever fought. Of course we’ve had our few disputes, but nothing we couldn’t work through.

    We’ve broken up once before about four months ago, it was different. But I guess I’ll admit overall the same thing. Except it was for TWO DAYS. and even within those two days we still talked slightly. I can’t tell you exactly what it was about. But long story short, I wasn’t being the more positive. I wasn’t treating him the way he should have been treated. I wasn’t treating him badly, but I wasn’t fully aware of everything he was doing for me. I was negative. Always complaining about my home life, friends, job, blahnlah. But very soon I realized how I was acting wasn’t going to get me or him anywhere for awhile. Then we talked. We were happy. We were together. He had planned to be with me the whole time. Just wanted me to realize some things. Boom. Happy.

    I didn’t realize it then, but I don’t think I should’ve jumped back into the relationship so quickly. Because very soon afterwards, I started to fall into another slump after I lost two jobs within two months. I was stressed again, and started to feel depressed without realizing how much I put on his shoulders. He never complained. He was there for me. I feel like I took it for granted a little bit.

    So, when we just recently broke up, we talked about a lot. He was bawling his eyes out the entire time. I could clearly see how much this was tearing him up. He’s explaining to me all these reasons that just don’t add up with how the actual relationship was. We were happy. We were best friends. we were so in love. We talked about out future together, moving out, getting married, careers. I have a connection with him who I don’t have with anyone else and its impossible for me to see me having that with anyone else. I could go on and on and on.
    I miss him like crazy. But I love him so deeply that I’m willing to hurt while giving him his space. In hopes he will find his way back to me.

    • Beth December 2, 2016, 12:30 pm

      Hi Audrey. While I was reading your post I kind of thought it was me that was writing it for a moment! LOL I was just wondering how everything is? Did your ex boyfriend come back and if he did, how did he seem to you? Hope all is well and everything is the way you want it to be..

  • Stacy September 13, 2016, 11:06 am

    I reconnected with my ex after four years had gone by we been together now for 6 months the relationship has its ups and downs mostly downs we fight a lot but I love him very much and I want it to work between us he has been pulling back to the point were I’m afraid I’m losing him at first he was with me everyday now I barely see him he doesn’t call when he says he will he doesn’t keep his word it hurts so much so at first I poured my heart out to him over n over again trying to get him to see how much I cared and needed him that made it worse the past few days I’m trying to give him his space keep my mouth shut but it’s so hard I feel so neglected !!!!!!! How long should I give him his space before I confront him ???? This is not ok you can’t be so close to someone then suddenly pull away from them leaving them feelings horrible and rejected!!!!

  • Lost September 10, 2016, 11:18 pm

    I spent 6 years with my ex. We were young when we got together and we weren’t good at resolving conflict. But I truly believe we loved each other and that he is the right person for me. We both had a habit of ‘pulling away’. Push, pull, if it wasn’t him, it was me. By the end of it, it was dramatic. It was traumatic for me and him too because we didn’t know how to work it out. Since then we’ve both tried seeing other people. But somehow after 9 months we ended up back spending time together. Getting to know each other again. We started to get close… I never pressured him to be with me but I do love him. I’ve tried to be a lot more understanding of his space. Even his friends have said – ‘this is the best you guys have ever been’… But then shortly after he told me his friend had commented on our ‘changed friendship’ and how close we were getting, he attacked me saying I was getting too comfortable. I was so confused because he had been asking me to stay over and he said he was enjoying his time hanging out. That’s what we established it was. We’ve never put a label on anything and have been free to live our separate lives because of what we have been through there was no use rushing anything even a friendship. I was happy with that and I thought he was too.

    But now, he is pulling away. Slowly but surely. I’m so lost. I’m trying to give him space but I’m scared he will go away forever. I don’t want that so I’m keeping my shut but I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. I love him dearly so much still (I have not expressed that as I’m conscious of the consequences of these things especially with an ex and what we went through).

    Do I give up? Is he pulling away because he is scared? Or he just doesn’t feel the same? I don’t know :(

  • Morgan September 6, 2016, 5:41 am

    “I feel great that I’m hearing from you again”…is that a joke? You DON’T feel great that they treat you like that. Don’t be a doormat, it’s NOT OK to leave someone hanging, & saying that just allows them to get away with that kind of behaviour and think shelving you like a toy til they feel like playing with you again is OK. You’re better off acting disinterested & telling them flat out sorry but I’m not into that kinda thing, so you’ll have to put more effort in if you want me to stick around or I’m just going to assume you’re not interested and move on with my life. Do not allow people to treat you that way and reward bad behaviour by getting excited & happy they suddenly decide to return. Be true to yourself.

    • Ray September 8, 2016, 2:38 pm

      Wow, the anger. No wonder you may be having relationship issues. It has nothing to do with lying or hiding true feelings. It’s about letting a guy have his space. If you come after me saying how horrible I am etc. etc. I will NEVER want to see you again. Nobody likes that kind of women, and no man wants to date his mother. Also pulling away is not “bad behavior.” Would you rather he spend time with you but verbally and physically abuse you? Bad behavior is if the guy is rude and abusive and mean, etc. Pulling away is a man’s way of saying “Look, I like you a lot, but I really need some time and space to sort things out.” If you can’t accept that not everything is rosy and happy all the time, and that if the man you “love” needs to pull away and you just bark and say “you’re behaving badly,” then you have no reason to be in a relationship.

      • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:35 pm

        @Ray it’s called COMMUNICATION, try it or lose a REAL woman.
        No GROWN WOMAN is going to play this NONSENSE.
        Then I’m supposed to act all happy when you ‘come back’?
        Is that a joke?
        I think you need mental help.

        • Michelle November 12, 2016, 9:28 pm

          I agree with Melissa. Relationships need work and good communication is the key. If ur man goes into his cave and shuts himself away from u then hes not worth it. Why would anybody want to be treated like that…….

      • Juanita Juniper October 17, 2016, 9:13 am

        Hey, how about TELL the girl that instead of just disappearing?

      • Maryk April 22, 2017, 11:39 pm

        Then he needs to be mature…and say, I need some time to myself to sort out this relationship. Just ignoring someone you supposedly care for is RUDE! Immaturity at its finest. For goodness sake grow a pair…be a man, say what ya feel. I’m so sick of men using wussie excuses.

    • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:33 pm

      @Morgan CORRECT. Maybe if more people acted like adults less people would be miserable and divorced.
      These are not men, they are children.

    • Juanita Juniper October 17, 2016, 9:12 am

      Great response!! “you teach people how to treat you”. Yes, make them put in some effort, and if they DON’T, THEN you can really know they don’t care, as opposed to spending all your time trying to figure out why they are pulling away.

      • Michelle November 12, 2016, 9:15 pm

        Men dont just get it Melissa and i agree with u its all about communication. Thats the key. Life is too short to be wasting time with somebody who has issues and keeps running away giving no thought or rspect to the person he is with and expecting everyrhing to be ok when he decides to come out of his cave.

  • Maggie September 4, 2016, 2:49 pm

    This article is referring to the avoidant and insecure attachment style. It is a relationship full of difficulty unless the two seek to become more of a secure attachment style. Pulling away and chasing are not what people who are secure do in their relationships.

    • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:35 pm

      @Maggie AMEN.

      • Claire January 11, 2018, 10:49 pm

        I get that regardless of the genre, we all go through difficult times and some of of Us need some time alone or space to clear our minds and regroup. However, i find really diaconsidered and selfish to vanish with no explanation. If you really care about the other person, you value their presence and the energy they put into you. Many paople take other for granted ans think they deserve understanding for this erratic behavior. I can assure you that a real grown up man or woman will take the time and effort to let you at least know that they are going through challenging times and they need to take some time off the normal rhythm of the relationship so you dont go through unnecessary pain and anxiety. Yes! Life is too short to waste it near unkind selfish people. There is no need for drama, that is why there will never be ok with people who dissapear and expect you to act real cool at anytime they want to come back! And yes! I can wait for someone who takes the time to tell me with honesty what is going !!!! The rest is total BS

  • Noleen August 31, 2016, 8:39 pm

    This article help me a lot I have dealt with the situation totally wrong I will try the advice and see what happens

  • Kelsey August 19, 2016, 1:17 pm

    So, get this. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 3 months now, so not long. We have taken things pretty casually, I don’t know his past & haven’t asked. When it comes to ‘feelings’ I can tell he is not safe talking about it. We are completely compatible, and honestly I feel as if he’s my person. When we first started talking, we discussed about meeting the parents in general, and he expressed how he doesn’t bring just anyone home to his family & he wants to be sure they will be around for a while before doing so. So, I let him make the call as to when that would happen, if it would. A few weeks ago, he told me to reserve a specific date open for going home to meet his family. Which was just a week ago. Of course, it was the perfect weekend. Introduced me to his whole family, classmates, and family friends, and stayed an extra day than planned. 3 days later, I sent him a nice text- did not say the L word, but was pretty strong feeling. He replied with not feeling the same as me, and didn’t want to waste my time. I have tried calling him one time to get an explanation and he has not responded. Haven’t bugged him since the phone call. It’s so frustrating where 48 hrs prior to the text I was with him at his parents and seen absolutely no red flags. What should I do? What does this mean? I have never had a guy ‘pull away’ before.

    • Ray September 8, 2016, 2:40 pm

      Let him go for the time being. If he really likes you, he will come back. Meanwhile, focus on yourself — exercise, go out with your friends, see your family, have a hobby etc. It takes your mind away from this guy and also strengthens you as a person. If he doesn’t come back, you just move on and become a better version of yourself. If he comes back, then you can re-evaluate if you actually want to be with this guy. The “pull away” downtime is good for both of you.

      • Mary October 28, 2016, 2:23 am

        Thank you for a male’s perspective, Ray. Exactly what I needed.

  • carol August 19, 2016, 6:40 am

    I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?

    • Ray September 8, 2016, 2:34 pm

      It has NOTHING to do with lying about your feelings, but about not chasing the other person when they need time and space, and TRUSTING the other person. When you chase, it basically signals him that you don’t trust him. Believe it, I know it’s counter-intuitive and for women, it’s a mystery, but it is TRUE. You want to date a guy, right? Then PLEASE understand it is natural for guys to want to find the balance between intimacy and independence, vulnerability and strength, relationship and freedom. If he need space, GIVE HIM SPACE. It says NOTHING about lying — it’s just it’s not the right time to discuss your feelings. Pick another time, like when you two are ready to have a talk — when he is feeling closer to you. Choose the right time and the right words. That’s all. No one says you should be lying about how you feel; and trust me, if you really are not happy to hear from him, then maybe you should just call it quits because that “love” is not real. I mean, if a child runs away and then comes back, would you ever feel and say “I don’t want to see you?” That’s just selfish, and love. Trust me, and this from a guy who has been on that side of the fence.

      • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:36 pm

        GROW UP RAY!!!!!!!! You ‘advice’ is nothing but cheap cop out for IMMATURE BOYS WHO PLAY GAMES!!!!
        Guys like you should just date each other.
        Bunch of losers.

        • Layla September 21, 2016, 11:19 am

          I hope that women or men in the world don’t apply this article to their relationship. If someone distances themselves from you then they just don’t want to put effort into it. Therefore, it’s best to get away from that person as soon as possible. There are many others that will show 10 times the effort. Don’t fall into this social construction that, if your partner distances themselves, just act like everything is okay and force yourself to be happy with them.

          Life is too important to waste your time on immature relationships. Whether it be as lovers, friends or family.

      • Juanita Juniper October 24, 2016, 11:00 am

        um, you just said it there: if a child runs away, would you say you didn’t want to see them? Ummm. no but we’re not talking about our CHILDREN, Ray, we’re talking about a supposed grown man.

      • Michelle November 12, 2016, 9:41 pm

        Its all about what the man wants with u Ray. Typical.

      • Julie April 26, 2017, 5:17 pm

        Hi Ray! Thank you very much for the male perspective. I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space. When he’s a weekend with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roomate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?

  • lady G August 18, 2016, 10:43 am

    thanks alot. I hope your recommendation works for me. I’ll definitely give it a trial and it’s starts now.

  • Michelle July 11, 2016, 2:51 pm

    I have been with my bf for just over a year lived with him for just over 6 of those, it’s been great he’s really been open and honest about his feelings but for the past month or so I have noticed how much he has thrown himself into work (self employed so can do as little or much as he pleases) and so our time together has dwindled? I challenged him over this as I wanted to spend time with him doing nice things all the time getting “as soon as much jobs are all done” which could be anytime! I truly believe he was now starting his pulling away stage, I am now worried that I have ‘ran’ after him too much and made things much much worse by delaying his pulling away possibly even ensuring he has had enough and is ready to call it a day! Hes working away at the moment and before he went we had another petty argument in which I stupidly told him that we should have some space with no communication whilst hes away (I felt like I couldn’t do right for doing wrong) I’m scared I have ruined it completely now! I self blame quite a lot (past relationship issues) since away he has texted me and told me he is also to blame for these issues and that with time he’s sure we will be alright, Please help what should I do, what actions should I take? If this is pulling away, will he be able to return still or has this gone too far? He’s due home on Thursday, how do I allow him time in his man cave when we live together?

    • Deedee August 23, 2016, 6:20 pm

      Hi Michelle

      Did your boyfriend make contact?

    • Ray September 8, 2016, 2:45 pm

      “How do I allow him in his man cave when we live together?”

      Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.

  • Nicole July 9, 2016, 2:25 am

    in long distance relationship or friendship
    for 11 months now we both in our forty
    he used call three times day.. now it one time
    day. I got gut feeling he pulling away,
    and it scared me bcuz I love him.
    one minute he act like he into me next he
    acting like he just want to be friends.
    I don’t say anything about this to him
    I don’t want sound needy.
    I don’t chase mens and don’t wait around to long, see what they going do becuz you
    don’t know if they have met someone eles
    or what. I’m going start going to skating rink
    Or bowling.
    That’s my of moving on.

    • Ray September 8, 2016, 2:49 pm

      Instead of focusing on how much time he calls, spends time with you etc. Pay more attention at the QUALITY of your phone calls or time together. Is it good? Or are you in a rut? Or is he losing interest because you have nothing to talk about? When a relationship is in trouble, the first sign is the quality of the friendship and connection. Pay more attention to that, instead of the numbers. Trust me, if the connection is strong and the love is there, he will bounce back. But if the connection is lost over time, you need to figure out how to get it back instead of just “moving on” — that is YOU pulling away from this, too. Oh yeah, women can pull away too, basically by shunning the guy.

      • Sonya April 7, 2017, 3:22 am

        When the Connection is lost, what are good ways to get that back?

  • Michelle July 7, 2016, 10:49 pm

    I so needed your article today. Thank you.
    I googled in hopes to find answrrs to my confussion in his now pulling away.

    He lives 4hrs away.
    When we first started talking online I simply payed him a compliment and he asked me to stick around to chat with him.

    He was so into me always calling throughout the day at work. He even told me he got off work early just to be able to spend quality time talking. He told me, it’s been such a long time he’s felt this way. I could tell he’s scared of feelings because he told me he has to make me laugh to feel comfortable and calls me weirdo when I talk sappy. lol
    He on a quick whim planned a weekend visit out here and even surprised me by showing up a day early.

    Was like a sceen out of an awkward love story. lol
    He was so sweet, romantic, a gentleman, fun, funny. He made my heart flutter. He tried to recreate my pose in the photo of me he had made his desk top photo. (I had made his photo my screen saver on my cell too. lol) He was doing things to keep my comfortable and told me he didn’t come all this way for sex and proved he wanted more. We were like best friends. So compatible.
    I have never felt this way about any man before.

    I am getting teary eyed just thinking about the hurt I’m trying hard not to feel.

    He had to leave to go back to work, but hadn’t told me when he was leaving till the morning of. He can tell I was hurt, even though I tried not to be and hide it. On our drive to go back to my place before his trek home he passed by the turn off.
    I was like, You missed the turn.
    He said, yah, I know.
    and spent a few more hours with me.

    He reassured me he didn’t want to leave, and asked to come back the next weekend.
    To which I said yes.

    He started pushing away that same night. Not even letting me know he made it home ok.
    I had sent him the two pics taken of us both and one of scenery and a sexy pic so not to freak him out with “couple” looking photos.
    I’m regretting sending them, and feel now I should have waited. He did compliment them by text. … … He hasn’t called me since before he left. :(
    He told me he wouldn’t be coming out the following weekend and sounded upset he was behind in work.

    He has now completly stopped communicating with me. :(

    I had stupidly send a text sad face… With no response. It’s been over 24 hrs now since I sent it, and going on 5 days since I heard anything from him.

    I tried not to but tears fell last night.

    I before reading your article sent him a offline Skype message telling him I hope work is going good ect., thanked him for the nice weekend, and put to him I’m doing my own thing (obviously with him still on my mind) and ended with a, I’m going to relax and watch a movie. :P

    I am so scared this man who has me falling for him .. That I will never see him again.
    I already am starting the grieving process.

    I did as your article outlined did think, I wasn’t good enough. .. He’s not as attracted to me now that the fire of first meeting is behind us.

    Hard not to when you just can’t, and maybe never will understand – What he’s feeling to make him completely pull away.

    • Deedee August 23, 2016, 6:23 pm

      Hi Michelle

      Did your boyfriend make contact?

    • Melody August 31, 2016, 12:41 am

      Im also experiencing this right now. I’ve been talking to this guy for a month. He texts and calls me everyday and after two weeks he said that he is falling in love with me. I told him that if I want to commit it should be with someone who is serious and for long term. He said he’s looking for the same too. And so we decided to meet and spend the day together. We were so happy and compatible. I felt safe and comfortable with him so I decided to get steady with him. Even it was time for me to go he’s still the same. Sweet and caring he even said that he wants to come and visit my home. Few more days and texting and nothing is changed he’s still the same guy I met so I was really worried when suddenly he stopped communicating with me. I let the 4 days passed without asking him what’s the problem. As I was so worried and confused I texted him like this ” I’m afraid my bf has been abducted by Pokemons. Do you know anything about this?” Just to make the convo light. Then he replied ” who are you?”. That moment I felt like my heart was torn into pieces. Here I was, so worried but then he just don’t care. I’ve waited a few days more and I asked him what’s the problem? He said that he’s been thinking if he’s the right guy for me cuz he has no direction. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and asked me if he is someone that I would like to spend my life with. He said that he love me but he’s too scared. I told him that love is a gamble. And I gambled for him and that I was really hurt by his actions. I even said that I thought we could achieve what we want together, but he didn’t say anything. I ended up the convo by saying that I will always pray for him and I wish that someday he would find what he wants in life and I hope he could find someone who would make him happy. He did not reply . So I guess that’s it. He pulled back and im not sure if I did the right thing. I think that he doesn’t want me anymore but I still love him and would be willing to figure out things together but it was him who gave up. I asked myself if I want someone like that I think I don’t. So yeah we broke up.

    • alex October 4, 2016, 2:04 pm

      Hi michelle,
      i’m currently experiencing this and i don’t know what to do :( did he ever bounce back to you? did he ever contact you? the last thing that he told me was he really likes me. so im really confused because why would he tell me that and vanish? hes been going MIA for 5 days now and it kills me :(

  • Kelly July 5, 2016, 5:49 pm

    I believe a week or maximum of two weeks in the first 6 months or so of getting to know each other is okay – for him to retreat into his man cave. If he’s going for longer than that after the first 6 months of the relationship or continuing to pull away altogether, you’re wasting your time on him. He’s not ready to settle down or simply just not into you, period. Walk away, girlfriend.

  • Ann June 25, 2016, 10:07 pm

    This article is completely speaking to my current situation. It definitely seems like my guy is pulling away a little bit, still answering texts and things but very barely, not making plans to see me this weekend, etc., but all of the signs up until this point were that he was very into me. I tried reaching out to him a little more than I usually have been in response, but I’m going to pull back a little bit and give him the space he needs and let him come to me as this article says.

    Does anyone have any reports of how long it’s been before a guy typically comes back?

  • Tracy June 24, 2016, 9:24 pm

    Ok firstly all the hormone talk is true and your man goes through a 30 day cycle just like our 28 day cycle but opposite hormones. If your man is constantly pulling away not answering messages etc he is not finding himself he is rude, inconsiderate and needs to get his act together cause these ones head for divorce number 4 before the end of their lives. A man wanting time to himself is fine, go to the man cave but you have responsibilities here at home, don’t forget those or you’re in the doghouse. You pull away expect your woman to pull away right back, were not your Mummas be a man, a man never makes his woman Chase him. A man loves the Chase. Raise your son’s to have respect for women. Because going into their mancaves for days or weeks says these things: 1. You’re a control freak narcissist, 2. You have no love or respect or hmbleness in your heart, 3. Your woman is now available! ye! That’s right ladies say bye! You deserve better. Good luck.
    I’ve been married for almost 25 years, raised two sons that would never make excuses for this behaviour and if my husband acts this way he is in the Doghouse!

    • Mary Jo June 26, 2016, 9:16 am

      You absolutely missed the point of the article AND it’s not talking about MARRIED men.

      If you are in real life how you portrayed yourself here then your husband is a SAINT!

      • guestg July 30, 2016, 8:16 pm

        It’s not that different with a boyfriend. At least it should not.These articles only help the players the psychopaths and the freaks to get away with ..tty behavior.

        • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:38 pm


        • Victoria October 30, 2016, 5:27 am

          My thoughts exactly. This advice is a get out of jail free card for narcissists and psychopaths. Some of the relationships described in the comments fit that bill to a tee, it is very sad that advice like this will be doing more harm than good.

    • Geoff Chalmers August 13, 2016, 1:51 am

      I see some interesting points here re men withdrawing from relationship at times. It’s what we do. On occasion we need “me” time for simple reason we just do. Too many women see this as rejection when, in reality, we are just doing or evaluating our situation and who we are with. All perfectly normal behaviour. We will surprise you, if you let us. We also desire our mates time together so we can bond. It’s what Men do. I believe in any relationship both parties should be with their friends only not as a couple. It makes the relationship stronger. For sure Men as a collective WILL look at other Women and comment on them. Again it’s what we do. If any partner says he doesn’t do this then he is a liar. Looking is fine. Touching isn’t. Please avoid planning “our” week without checking with me first otherwise resentment will present itself. I see some comments on “he is in the Doghouse” and I’ve brought my boys up to respect women blah blah blah. All very well and nice in right context but reading between lines I sense control and “I’m the Boss” in the relationship. Dangerous ground. He will suffer it in silence but over time he will resent you for it a very fine line to balance on. In short men expect Women to be soul mates but there are simple things too he will appreciate.

      • Ray September 8, 2016, 2:54 pm

        Right on from the man’s perspective. The kind of things like “you’re in the doghouse” is exactly what drives men away. Respect goes both ways in a relationship, and it’s not a battle of the sexes. When women see it as “men vs. women” it’s half over already. It’s not to say men are not jerks — many are. But if the love and connection are strong, then be respectful. If we guys want to have me time or gain some perspectives by retreating, please let us do so instead of making us feel even worse, like we’re scum…. and we will respect more of you, as we also know you need your space too from time to time. A relationship is a fluid thing and we need to adjust and adapt. Mostly, we need to respect each other.

        • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:39 pm

          By doing immature shit like this all is shows is a LACK OF RESPECT and that is what you will get back.

    • Juanita Juniper October 17, 2016, 9:30 am

      thanks for being a good mom and raising your boys right. I agree with everything you say. “a man never makes his woman chase him”. I wish women would stop letting men drag their hearts around. Its so sad.

  • Mo June 23, 2016, 10:55 pm

    Happened to me 6 weeks ago … I barely get a reply …via text ..he doesn’t pick up the phone … Nor call me back … I got so frustrated last week and said some really bad things … Being ignored is a nightmare … I truly believe I pushed him away further … Maybe now forever … It sucks !!!

    • Ray September 8, 2016, 2:55 pm

      Yup… you did. You should have just let it go and see if he comes back to you. Instead, you made him feel even more certain that he doesn’t want to be with you — who wants someone who makes them feel bad?

      • Juanita Juniper October 24, 2016, 11:04 am

        don’t you understand, HE made HER feel bad! It’s misery to sit around and wait when you feel your love slipping away. :(

      • Amy Ingram January 6, 2018, 3:28 pm

        Ray, I want to thank you for all your input in this thread. I caught myself skipping over all the others to get to yours. It’s not very common for a guy to just level with the female species and to do so in such a non judgmental way. Your insight has really helped me and I’m sure will serve me for years to come.

  • Gina June 8, 2016, 9:04 am

    So basically a successful relationship means you hide all your feelings.

    • Melissa September 19, 2016, 6:40 pm

      @gina… of course cuz god forbid a man is inconvenienced by ‘feelings’ DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF THIS ‘ADVICE’ walk, I mean RUN from ‘boys’like this

  • Erika June 3, 2016, 7:14 pm

    I’ve been “hanging out” with this guy off and on for two years. Before meeting him I read books on this exact subject. I’ve been married and divorced twice so I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing if I got involved with a man again. I’m very opened about my feels I always have been. I like that about myself but in the past I’ve also been pushy wanting things to happen right away. Now with this guy I’m “hanging out” with has pulled away a lot in the 2 yrs I’ve been seeing him, but he had always come back. I think it’s because I always gave him his space. Since being married and divorced twice taking things slow was fine with me. Just recently though, I couldn’t help myself and I told him that I loved him. I thought for sure he was going to pull away, but he didn’t not right away anyways. In fact, we talked about making it exclusive. I was so happy because it’s what I had been waiting patiently for two years for. Recently, we had a two year anniversary of when we met so being the person I am I gave him a card. I said a paragraph of very heartfelt things. I knew this would definitely make him pull away from me and I was right. Even though I know when it’s going to happen it still doesn’t make it easy to deal with. I love him and I want him to know this. I want him to know that I accept him for who he is. I feel the only way I’m going to get him to trust me is by letting him have his time away from me. When he comes back he’s different, for instance, he more loving sweeter. I believe him when he says he’s happy with me. He too has been in difficult relationships in the past that broke his heart. Love isn’t meant to go fast. Love takes time. I’m glad it’s going this way even though it’s hard because I came from abusive background and it’s why my marriages ended. This guy inspires me to grow and find myself. I’ve started back to school at 43 yrs old because of his encouragement. I don’t feel I have to be someone I’m not when I’m with him. I feel safe when I’m with him. I want him to feel the same when he’s with me. I feel that’s what true love is all about. I may love him but he’s not my whole world, he’s only part of it.

    • Amber March 20, 2017, 12:03 pm

      Erika, thank you for that. After a 13 year horrible marriage and another 2 year relationship, I felt broken. I am seeing a guy who has been through something similar. He has told me he has a hard time expressing feelings. Now, he is pulling a way a little. I feel depressed, as if I am not good enough. But your response, helps me to realize: Slow is good and he and I both need time. When we are together, things are fantastic. I will give it time and see what happens.

  • Duffi L Frazier May 16, 2016, 3:06 am

    I honestly think that it’s Bill to say its natural for a man to pull away. Ladies if this is a continuing behavior, pout your foot down, thou don’t deserve to be treated like a doormat for him to wipe his get on when he feels comfortable. This way of thinking is saying that its acceptable behavior and we should coddle tnen when they decide to cone around… This is ridiculous and we’re living in a new she of sissyfied men. If I want to coddle something I’ll grab my cat. Step into this mellinium please and stop making men the victims of their selfish behaviors its sickening! Men aren’t children and shouldn’t be treated as such. If they want the relationship they’re in, if not pack sand, have a great life and good luck finding a woman who will out up with that behavior these days.

    • Melissa June 23, 2016, 3:55 pm

      I have been dealing with a man who has been doing this exact thing and it has been driving me crazy. honestly, I’m sick of dealing with it. I want to spend my time on someone who has time for me & makes me a priority. I want to say something but at the same time I love him and am scared of losing him.

      • Juanita Juniper October 17, 2016, 9:31 am

        I think the best thing to do is to say “look, I can’t deal with ups and downs, I need a steady, secure relationship. If ours isn’t working like that, then we need to part ways.” and seriously never look back!

  • Pita Beck May 5, 2016, 9:06 pm

    Some statements in this article are right some are not really applicable in my situation. I have two potential lover in the future trying to get me but I haven’t decided which one because thet need to show me something first and of course I don’t give those things they want. Suddenly both of them were pulling away and not gave much attention as before, that time I waited and even no clue at all what have had happened. I tried not to put any assumption and put blame on myself, tried to relax and had fun with friends. Two months, then I just shoot the questions to both. I don’t care, if they’re not interested please don’t block my door. “You okay? Are you not interested in me anymore? You mad at me or something?”.. One got angry and said that I am the one who becomes distant and not talking to him, in fact I was just giving him space. We had argument and he left. The other guy said sorry, he didn’t give any reason, he just said sorry and but coming back more to me, giving more attention bigger and sweeter than before. He said he feels wanted by me, and now I know which one to choose. So the point is just speak up and see his reaction. Let it naturally, if you mad and become uncomfortable just say it. Plenty fishes in the sea, with patients you will know that he’s the one. A feeling without pressure or hideous love game. Goodluck!

  • Andtea April 28, 2016, 7:05 pm

    I met my BF six months ago. I thought things were going great. If he needs me to do things for him I do if I can. Usually because of our work schedules we only see each other on the weekends so I am not crowding him. We have never had a bad argument although he has made me mad before I get over things quickly. Then out of the blue he stopped calling and returning my calls. Was he hurt or dead? I drove to his house and knocked. No answer although his truck was there. I left a note but haven’t heard back. It’s been two weeks. I’m very hurt and confused. I feel like I could be okay with giving him space if he had said he needed space. At least then I wouldn’t have to speculate. I had told him I loved him and maybe he freaked out. But I believe if you feel it. Should say it because tomorrow is not promised and I don’t want to regret not saying it. FYI my BF is twice divorced. Maybe that’s why he’s freaked.

    • Melissa June 23, 2016, 4:08 pm

      First off… Why are you starting off your conversation by saying if he needs me to do things for him. You do them? It should be the other way around. A man should cherish you and should chase you. You shouldn’t be chasing him. A real man would never let a woman chase him. We are good at letting men chase us before we get attached. Once we become attached we become pathetic little puppies. You need to unattach yourself from him. Show him you don’t need him to live your life. Before you met him you were perfectly fine. Also if someone cares about you they would not leave you high and dry like that and drop off the face of the earth.

  • Helen April 22, 2016, 3:13 am

    Before reading this article, if a guy pulled away I would have automatically assumed he was no longer interested, had met someone else or I’d done something to upset him. In addition, I most certainly wouldn’t have been happy to welcome him back with open arms. On the other hand, IF the need for space was communicated beforehand-though I’d still be wondering- then I’d have no problem with this at all.

    • Melissa June 23, 2016, 3:59 pm

      I feel the same way. If a man pulls away it feels like they’re losing interest and makes you think and ask yourself what happened or what you did. We cannot think this way. Most times it is nothing that we did wrong etc. That is insecure. There are probably things going on that we don’t even know about. Maybe family or personal issues that don’t involve us or if the person is damaged and needs space because they feel they are getting to close. If a man truly loves you and wants you in his life. Men love independent women and don’t want a woman who their whole lives revolve around them.

  • Kellie January 19, 2016, 10:00 pm

    I am dealing with this very same issue right now.
    My boyfriend, whom I’ve only been in a “committed relationship “with since January 1st, is severely depressed! I have been his friend for almost a year now and I know his issues and it has been a continuous roller-coaster ride!!!
    We just went away for the weekend…everything was perfect; he made me breakfast, I rented a beautiful cabin for the 2 of us, we went fishing, and our last night away, he freaked out on me!
    I don’t know what was going on in his head??
    I remained calm for the most part while he ranted and raved about things I can’t even remember. So, I’m giving him his space. He either has texted me every day or called me, but it’s not the same.
    I am trying to focus on nursing school and establishing a new career in my 40’s..he knows how important this is to my future, possibly even his, so I don’t know???
    All I can say is, depression, alcohol, and low self-esteem from my partner is very difficult to handle. Had I not been friends with him first, I don’t know if I would’ve decided to be in this relationship. But I love him
    Anyone else dealing with something like this?
    Sorry for the long post, but I’m trying to paint an accurate picture here of what I’ve been experiencing.

    • Juanita Juniper October 24, 2016, 11:07 am

      Narcissistic rage, research it.

  • Jodee Washington January 14, 2016, 9:19 pm

    Mental health is very hard to deal with and many places just do not treat it well.

  • Dolores Williams January 14, 2016, 9:08 pm

    What am I supposed to do when I communicate my feelings, but that seemed to push him away even further?

  • Mary Guy January 12, 2016, 5:52 pm

    There are a lot of things that can cause a person to pull away from normal life. Tread lightly and make sure you are only trying to find out in the best interest of the person.

  • Jeanette Davidson January 11, 2016, 9:43 pm

    This is a very important post. There is not enough attention on things like this and what causes them.

  • Dawn Terrill January 8, 2016, 1:40 pm

    This would be a bad situation to be in. I hope it does not happen to me cause I can barely deal with my own problems.

    • Mary Dixon January 12, 2016, 5:59 pm

      This happened to my dad when I was young. I never knew what was going on at the time.

  • Lindsay Tinsley January 8, 2016, 1:29 pm

    Depression can affect even the strongest man. None of us are immune to it and when it comes on you have hope that you have a great support group.

    • Barbara Deherrera January 11, 2016, 9:52 pm

      It is one thing that I hope I do not have to deal with in my own family.

  • Barbara Hopper January 7, 2016, 10:41 pm

    There are many love style songs that would relate to this situation.

  • Karie Wilmes January 7, 2016, 10:29 pm

    I am sure that each guy, or person for that matter, has their own reason for pulling away from someone.

  • Rita Freeman January 6, 2016, 2:55 pm

    Very good theories here!

  • Denise Vanbrunt January 4, 2016, 9:32 pm

    I think in most cases you could really get him to come back into you if you wait a bit and then try to create that desire again.

  • Julie Pullum January 1, 2016, 10:13 am

    Its not really fun to sit around and wait for the guy to come back on his own. I mean, I want to help him and wish I could show him that he can trust me.

  • Karen Pittman December 31, 2015, 8:59 am

    Depression is not good, even for men. It is important that you understand why he is pulling away before try to reel him back in.

    • Amy Sutter January 6, 2016, 3:23 pm

      No it is not. It can lead to very bad things, so if you see your man pulling away, it would be wise to make sure you can touch base with the root cause.

  • Aisha Walsh December 31, 2015, 8:49 am

    Some men just need to have their alone time. If the relationship is getting to hot and heavy, they might pull away a little to remember who they really are.

    • Marjorie Kemp January 4, 2016, 9:40 pm

      So do woman, don’t you think?

  • Julia Cyphers December 30, 2015, 9:35 am

    There are a lot of reasons that a person would pull away. The key is to be sensitive about it and try to find out what they are.

  • Susan Strong December 29, 2015, 8:39 am

    Very good tips. The key to get this taken care of right away, before things escalate.

    • Penelope Carson January 1, 2016, 10:27 am

      I feel the same way. My b/f pulled away one time in the beginning and I was not sure how to handle it. I have never dealt with something like that before.

      • Johanna February 23, 2016, 4:05 pm

        What did you end up doing?

  • Marvin Bowen December 28, 2015, 1:09 pm

    It would be nice to know why men do something like this. Right now my g/f is freaking out because she thinks I am pulling away, even though I told her I am not. I wish she would just trust me.

  • Eileen Robinson December 27, 2015, 9:29 am

    My brother has dealt with depression for many years and because of that, he has pulled himself out of relationships. Withdrawing was something he knew how to do and thought it fixed things, but that was not the case.

  • Araceli Enriquez December 26, 2015, 12:33 pm

    There is nothing wrong with a man pulling away. Whether or not he tries to get help that he needs is another story. That can be very bad for him if he is dealing with things like this on his own.

    • Jenna Doyle December 30, 2015, 9:43 am

      Nobody is saying it is wrong. They are just suggesting that you need to make sure you can find out why so you can help bring them back.

  • Elise Minton December 24, 2015, 12:22 pm

    This can be the start of other issues with him. It is very important to make sure that he is not going into a depressive state.

    • Pamela Bentley December 28, 2015, 1:22 pm

      Yes, a depressive state would not be a good thing.

  • Janice Sanchez December 23, 2015, 10:01 am

    When it comes to either partner pulling away, it can be a very slippery slope to walk on.

    • Ruth Barnes December 27, 2015, 9:40 am

      Yes it can. But that does not mean you shouldn’t try and find out why they are pulling away.

  • Sherry Dugan December 23, 2015, 9:52 am

    The waiting game, I mean the wait for him to come back, is so painful. What if it does not happen?

    • Sara Tyler December 29, 2015, 8:47 am

      Well, then you should take it as a sign and get a new man. You should not wait forever.

  • Christopher Francois December 22, 2015, 12:47 pm

    I have never been one to pull away from a relationship, however, after reading this I can see how it would happen. In my mind, if the guy is pulling away, he might not be interested anymore.

  • Odell Wynkoop December 19, 2015, 8:39 am

    So what you are saying is that if I were to pull away from my wife, I would not expect her to ask me what is wrong and just let me float away with issues on my mind?

  • April Wood December 19, 2015, 8:30 am

    I am fine that pulling away might be something natural to do, but what if I do not have a clue as to why it is happening? Can I ask? Should I push to get an answer so I can maybe help?

  • Carolyn Morgan August 20, 2015, 9:50 pm

    Any man that is pulling away will have a reason and it is your job to figure out why. However, that can be thin ice to walk on so you must take it easy and be careful!

  • Guadalupe Sanchez August 20, 2015, 9:40 pm

    You have to lure him back with some treats and not make any sudden movements :)

    • Janet Webb December 17, 2015, 4:34 pm

      This made me laugh. However, it is a good point.

    • Juanita Juniper October 24, 2016, 11:11 am

      good advice. :)

  • Lucia Martinez August 19, 2015, 8:39 am

    Depression can take down the toughest man that you ever knew.

  • Jasmine Pierce August 18, 2015, 5:01 pm

    Weird, I never would have thought I would see a guy pull back. I just figured that was a woman thing they do when they feel like things are going too fast or something like that.

    • Victoria Barnett December 22, 2015, 12:58 pm

      Do you think that all men would normally do this but pride gets into the way?

  • Kristin   August 18, 2015, 4:50 pm

    Because men can be so stubborn, it would be a benefit to do what you can to make him realize he needs to come back. Not just pull him back, but make him realize that he belongs back with you.

    • May Maldonado August 19, 2015, 8:55 am

      I am guessing that is part of the problem. Men are stubborn and might not admit to anything.

  • Jeanette Hicks August 17, 2015, 9:26 am

    I have a man that does this every once in a while. I am not sure why it is and I have tried to ask him about the problem, but have not had any success. A friend mentioned that he could have depression, is this possible?

  • Kathleen Peterson August 17, 2015, 9:12 am

    This is very good advice. Regardless of his reason to glide away from you, bringing him back is going to be a better solution compared to “PULLING” him back.

    • Catherine Bermudez January 5, 2016, 10:00 pm

      This is true. I do not think you could force a guy back into a situation like this without bad things coming with.

  • Cheryl Wood August 13, 2015, 5:47 pm

    I am going to admit that it might not be normal for the guy to pull away, but it does happen. These are great tips! They worked for me.

    • Martha Williams December 18, 2015, 5:36 pm

      I have seen it myself. It is something that you must be prepared for when you love a person!

  • Alma Arnold August 13, 2015, 4:42 pm

    I think you are right. Just like when a woman needs space, a guy will go through that trouble as well.

    • Dana Tolbert December 17, 2015, 4:50 pm

      Makes sense to me. Some men are actually more human than we think!

  • Debra Brown August 12, 2015, 9:38 am

    Your saying that if my guy is pulling away, which is easy for me to notice, that is a natural thing? I am not really buying that. My b/f has been distant for a good part of the last month and I have been trying like hell to figure it out, but cannot.

    • Cesar Bryan December 24, 2015, 12:32 pm

      Well, it could be. People tend to pull away to do their own thing at some point. That does not mean he is not loving you anymore. You have to understand where he is coming from.

  • Maryann Tucker August 11, 2015, 9:21 am

    I always felt that I would not try to push when this happens, but I did. I wish I would have read these tips about 4 months ago. Thanks for posting!

    • Jonathan Carbone December 18, 2015, 5:25 pm

      It was not your fault. you are only knowing now what you could have done then. better luck next time.

    • Lin October 30, 2018, 7:26 am

      Pushing is probably what you’d consider the normal response. Since learning this.info I will try to recognise when it happens.

  • Frances Jones August 10, 2015, 7:26 pm

    I have never experienced a guy that slipped away. I usually see that it the woman’s thing after a while. Almost like they are not sure about what they are doing. I guess if it were a man, getting him back would be the same as the woman doing it to a man, right?

    • Rebecca Sanchez August 14, 2015, 11:49 am

      You are right.

    • Violet August 1, 2016, 7:58 am

      I was in a relationship with I guy where I pulled away because I fell in love with him and I needed time to process it. I didnt tell him how I felt. I still texted a little, maybe every second/third day just a bit over two weeks, but by the time I came back, he was moody, and started drifting a little from me. He then wanted time apart because he couldn’t deal with my emotional boundary I put up before. So I told him the issues I had and that I fell in love with him. So while we gave each other space, we missed each other. I was happy to see him when I cane back but he begged me to fall right back into the relationship too fast and it was all a very confusing mix of blaming and missing me and I found myself backing away again. Thats when I decided to stopped seeing him, even though I loved him.
      Funny thing is that years later I find myself in the same situation with my current boyfriend. I love him. I know he loves me. I havent had the chance to process this, and now Im the one feeling like my ex did those years ago. I’ll give him space, but Im not going to grovel, attack or blame him, because I’ve been there.

      Similarly, Ive seen my brother go through something similar. He did the exact thing with his current girlfriend, he moved out for a week to retreat after a minor conflict, and she was so upset, leaving presents at the door and calling me to find out if he was ok etc. I had to tell her to stop and give him space. He came around, I didnt pressure him and didnt go into it much. But the up side is that he’s still with her now.

      I think its also a vulnerability issue, also if you are angry or upset it is sometimes easier to deal with the situation after calming down.
      I think of it also as any other conflict you had in your life, if you are disagreeing with someone its better to walk away before it becomes emotionally too much, and regret your actions. Its worse when someone is adding fuel to the fire, pestering you to continue, you start to run away further just to find the calm.

      • Violet August 2, 2016, 9:50 am

        So an update, my boyfriend came back. It was a mix of everything that had piled up slowly in the last 6months that he didn’t deal with effectively. This isn’t such a surprise as he spoke about it a week before such as physical and mental long work hours, debts and family issues which he felt affected the quality of our relationship. He retreated to become calm and gain clarity. Mind you, this was a 2 week retreat with only 2 ‘I’ll contact you soon’ texts so I kept my distance. When he came back I was supportive and he opened up to me. So now he just needs some support and a clear path. The last thing I’d ever do is blame him for his absence while he is going through a vulnerable time.

  • Mariella Lehoux   August 7, 2015, 9:26 pm

    Great advice that actually works! Thank you for posting this. Most woman would keep pushing because they are not able to figure out what is wrong with the guy.

    • Marjorie Houston August 11, 2015, 9:30 am

      Yes it does! I followed the same tips and before you know it, things were getting back to normal.

    • Elizabeth Clark January 5, 2016, 10:10 pm

      Totally, I was not thinking about things like this until I had a guy look the other way and almost drop into a deep depression if it was not for the help we gave him.

  • Juanita   August 7, 2015, 8:12 am

    Pushing away a guy has happened to me. The bad news is that before I could realize it, he was too far gone and that broke my heart. I learned a tough lesson that day.

    • Lela Sanders August 10, 2015, 7:37 pm

      This is too bad. You should have realized your mistakes and fixed them sooner so the guy was nowhere to be found before it was too late.

    • Lin October 30, 2018, 7:24 am

      Found this article on Google.Com and haven’t related to so many comments. So true.

  • Juanita   August 6, 2015, 9:25 pm

    I didn’t think that getting that desire for me back into him would be that tough, but I am not having much luck. Ever since I told him I was pregnant, he has been distant. Is this normal?

    • Lynell   August 7, 2015, 8:27 am

      Maybe at first. He could be in shock thinking it might not have happened that way. Or maybe he might even feel that the kid is not his. You have to talk to him, if he is any type of real man, he will come around.

  • Lolita Domenech   August 5, 2015, 12:12 pm

    These are great tips! You do not want to push too hard at points like this, however, there are ways to reel him back in from the edge if you know what I mean.

    • Jennifer November 7, 2015, 11:44 am

      Suggestions on reeling?
      Just met a guy. He pursued me. I went with it and maybe seemed too enthusiastic? We had 2 dates, we were very attracted to each other. Maybe went a little fast?? And now he had stopped texting. He has checked out.
      I sent 2 texts this week (wanna get together again and how’s it goin) and he has not

  • Irena   August 5, 2015, 11:59 am

    I feel like my b/f is doing this to me. We have been together for like 3 years now and should be talking about our future, but it seems like whenever that comes up, he tries to avoid the talk and change the subject. Is that right?

    • Lauren Williams December 26, 2015, 12:16 pm

      That is too bad. If you feel that this is happening to you, see if you can get help as soon as possible.

  • Desirae   August 3, 2015, 10:26 am

    Very good points. And for woman, it might be hard at first, but you have to understand that it is natural. Just take your time and things will get back to normal.

    • Lynell   August 6, 2015, 9:36 pm

      Yes they are and as a therapist, these are some good slices of advice for getting them back from what seems like the brink of leaving you forever.

    • Joann Padilla August 14, 2015, 12:08 pm

      It sounds like you are thinking the same way that I do. Taking your time is key.

  • Latanya   August 3, 2015, 10:14 am

    I think this is common for both people in a relationship at some point. You have been spending a lot of time together, right? A little time away is no big deal.

    • Ernestine Mann August 12, 2015, 9:51 am

      I thought this one time. Boy, I could have not been more wrong. My man was pulling away and I was not sure why, but it did not get better regardless of what I did. I am just saying that it might not be as easy as changing the ways you look at him.

      • Ash July 16, 2016, 7:44 am

        Agreed. Same for me.

        • Ash July 16, 2016, 7:44 am

          I was looking at other.info on google and it seems common tbh

  • Maire Rodden   August 1, 2015, 12:31 pm

    It might not be something you want to admit, but when it happens, you have to be ready for it. I thought I was, but it hit me so hard and I was not sure what to do about it. My friends are great and they helped me through it!

    • Amy Paige August 7, 2015, 9:38 pm

      It is hard to admit that it is happening and the first thing you might do is blame yourself, but you have to ask to really find out what the deal is.

  • Renee Six   August 1, 2015, 12:20 pm

    Great tips! I can certainly attest to the first one. At some point, even though you spend every single minute together, there will be “away from me” time needed. Just give it, it will be ok.

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